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  1. If you can swing it, take your kids on as similar an outing as possible to the one your inlaws just took your nephew on.

  2. Call your husband in and tell him his mother has something to tell him and it seems RRREEAAALLLLYYYY important, because she brought it up to you and you want his input while it's already up in topic.

  3. This. Every single time. Make the consequences more unpleasant for her than just sucking it up and telling him herself.

  4. Imho, it really comes down to your SO. What your SO allows/puts up with/minimizes/justifies/asks you to just tolerate (even if SO says it's temporary) is what will continue. If they put their foot down at the first instance of mistreatment or unkindness, and continue to do so, then you have a good chance of having a good relationship long term. If they say, "oh ignore X, that's just how s/he is", then realize that that is how your SO is, and take a good look at what that means for the future if you stay.

  5. This. Ask the lawyer if you should file a police report about this incident.

  6. You need to back up your DH 1000%. Your mom is still the same person, trying to control and manipulate you. She just now realizes that this is impossible to accomplish with your husband's influence with you being at odds with her influence over you.

  7. you will have to live with the fact that your husband and your mom will never get along.

  8. Sounds like the OP is living with it just fine--it's mom that's going to have to accept it.

  9. "That's ok, I'm sure you'll be lousy, not great."

  10. NTA. OP, I'm sorry your friend is doing this to you. Please believe me when I tell you that you cannot go on this trip now. Either the BF is going to show up even though she swears that he canceled his ticket, OR your friend is going to piss and moan about his absence the entire time and ruin it for you. Your best bet is to either stay home or find another friend to go with you instead (not as a group of four!)

  11. NTA. Good lord. I suspect that her divorce will not be as civil as yours. Hang in there!

  12. My dad took care of everything financially. From my tuition, my allowance, basically everything. Mom didn’t pay for anything.

  13. NTA. What is your relationship with your dad like now? Is he fully aware of these shenanigans your mother has been pulling your whole life? If not, you might want to take him out for coffee and have a heart to heart with him, so he knows he has your blessing to tell your mother to go pound sand if/when she hits him up again. Best of luck and stay strong with your other relatives.

  14. NTA. There's a type of loan for this very situation: a bridge loan. Why aren't they getting one of those? Either they're too dumb to pay for real estate expertise or their finances are just whacked. Either way, stay far, far away from this train wreck!

  15. No more Easter visits with them, for at least the next several years. If they want to fafo, you can go for a Christmas boycott as well.

  16. I'd be tempted to reply with "well, wish in one hand and sh!t in the other....."

  17. Do not allow her to leave her stuff there. Take her and all her crap to a storage place. Pay for ONE month, but make HER fill out and sign the rental agreement. (No, you shouldn't have to do that, but getting her shit out of your house asap is your #1 priority and if her shit doesn't leave when she does, it will be there forever.) Best of luck with the exorcism, er, I mean eviction--may it happen sooner than later and may the rest of your pregnancy be joyful and peaceful.

  18. I am her emergency contact and i am also on record to share her information with.

  19. What would happen if you said "I never agreed to be an emergency contact. Please remove me from the patient's record. I am her former daughter in law and I have no desire to be responsible for her care in any way."

  20. Give them the option of saying no. Start out proposing a hypothetical, and if they're okay with it, then tell them your plans. Something like, "Hey X, we are thinking about making a trip to your area in the next few months and, well, this is a bit awkward, but we won't be making plans to see FIL or MIL and would prefer they not even know we are coming at all. We would love to see you though, but we understand if what we're asking would make you uncomfortable. Please think about it and let us know, okay?"

  21. Have your ex tell his brother about what your daughter reported about MILs abuse if his children.

  22. This, although unless he's willing to move in order to save his relationship with his own children, I doubt that he will stick his neck out for his brother's children.

  23. Ask to transfer buildings with the leasing company. Stay out of this battle of wills between the grandparents in law and MIL.

  24. This. Find someone sympathetic and tell them your story. Do not give MIL your forwarding address!

  25. Seriously, I would threaten to elope if she doesn't knock it off. Or maybe I'd get fake wedding bands and tell her you did elope. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, but it sounds like you're going to have to get really mad and yell before she stops. Best wishes, and best of luck with your mom!

  26. This is going to sound really harsh, and I'm sorry for that, but your boyfriend is just not that into you. He likes you, and you are convenient, but if you were to leave, he'd get over you in a few weeks because you are not his main priority/focus like his family is. To him, you are replaceable and they are not. I have been there, and it sucks. I stayed longer than I should have, also because of real estate.

  27. What stood out for me from your fiancé’s remarks is he’s telling you how you feel, ie that you feel insecure about your age. He’s ignoring the fact his mother is the one who keeps bringing up age, dismissing it as harmless and she “doesn’t mean it”. Instead he’s making it a YOU problem.

  28. Yeah. You know, just throw the whole man away and start over. This one wants a modern woman with a developed mind and high earning potential with the old world mentality of devotion and obedience. Fuck that. Fuck that right in the ear.

  29. I wanted to offer that the reason she isn't thrilled about you as a daughter in law is because you are mature and accomplished and see her for what she is. She wants a young immature and preferably not educated woman because she wants someone she can bully and feel superior to. She knows you are too smart and mature for that. She's AFRAID of you.

  30. This. And it's worth discussing with your fiance, because if she runs you off, this problem will come up again and again for him. He should be telling his mother to leave you alone, and to be kind to you, and to treat you and your time with the same respect that she treats him. If she can't do that, there should be consequence for her from him. This should not be your problem.

  31. First off OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how rough this must be. Personally, and this is just my opinion, I wouldn't show him the videos. In my experience it tends to come off in a way that makes men less interested and more like they're feeling attacked.

  32. Agree that videos are not the way to go here. The reason they spoke to you is probably because they confirm what you already suspect. They might not/probably won't work the same way with your BF.

  33. NTA. In case you were wondering, if you dump your gif, you still aren't the AH. If you consider acquiescing to these ridiculous and childish demands of hers, you would be. Set yourself free from this heartless grinch!

  34. Get a door stop, the kind that is just a plastic wedge. In addition to keeping doors open, they can also be used to keep a door shut. Keep it in your pocket unless you are using it. If/when he moves out, have your locks re-keyed.

  35. Get a roommate and send your BF back home to his parents for now. Tell him that you and he are not ready to live together, and his parents don't seem to be ready either. Once he's out, you can reassess if this is really the right relationship for you. I suspect that it's not. He might be two years older than you, but you are light years ahead of him in maturity. He will probably never catch up to you.

  36. NTA, but please read the writing on the wall: your boyfriend has checked out of your relationship. You've been apart for two months and he's already lost enthusiasm for your company. It's better to just rip the bandage off now than make yourself crazy wondering why he's being such an ass.

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