I was a MB who had this happen to me. We hired someone, she signed the contract, and immediately wanted to renegotiate. A $5 per hour raise is just over $10k per year. Your family likely doesn't have that in their budget. Even if they do, they'll likely be put off that you didn't withdraw your other applications when you accepted their job.
One thing to think of is many parents with high income don't actually have as high of pay as you may think. A lot of them have a lot of pre-tax and post tax savings accounts (401k, HSA, 529). I know I have about $40k taken out for these accounts. And then 40% in various taxes and my family's health insurance. So while I have the money, it's not actually accessible and I forget about it.
Mine closed at 2 weeks for Christmas and a week in the summer, but not the same week. And then good Friday to Easter Monday, 3 days at Thanksgiving, and all federal holidays. My husband and I had zero PTO left
I've gotten promoted while pregnant or with a newborn three times. We joke that having a baby is the best thing for my career. My advice is to go for it. Everyone knows about the baby and what having a newborn is like. You'll be tired. It'll be hard. But you'll find your way.
My husband always planned to split his leave because he wasn't particularly helpful in the newborn phase. Without fail, life happened and he never got experience being the primary caregiver. I think it really hurt his relationship with the kids. I could see doing a 3-4 split so he's watching the baby while you go back to work, but insist that he fully takes it.
Congratulations! I honestly have mixed feelings on this. I'm going to be honest, I'd be a little taken aback because I would think by that point you'd have told all of your family and friends and I might hear through the grapevine. It just seems late. You don't need to tell them sooner, but it's generally frowned upon to wait too late.
The line I started using was "I'm so sorry you're feeling sick.i completely understand if you need to take the day off. That's why we have sick days! Just let me know if you need to take one". So yep, I'm understanding. But it's also not a free day, but one of the sick days outlined in the contract.
Ok so if my nanny uses up all her paid sick days, and then is ACTUALLY sick like contagious with the flu…obviously we don’t want her coming here and getting us all sick…how to handle?
I let her go negative.or use PTO. My former nanny abused their sick leave and used it for days they weren't sick. They got caught that they were lying (got a DUI when they "had the flu"). Before I had to fire them, we talked about how reliability is important. I understand the need for mental health days and sick leave, but when you call out frequently and are negative, then it makes them look unreliable.
It’s also really rare for a two-year-old (or child under three or four) to get strep. I know because I recently had it and was concerned about being around my nieces.
Not this new strain. 28 out of 30 kids in my kid's preschool tested positive, including the 22 month olds and 2-4s. Only the 2 5 year olds were spared. And all the younger siblings got it too. It's brutal
I honestly wouldn't. As a MB, Kids songs are incredibly annoying and hard to tune out. That's different from calling you irritating or your childcare irritating. To put it in a different context, I'm having my kitchen demoed. The sound is irritating. That doesn't mean the contractors are doing anything wrong or that I'm irritated at them. I'm irritated at the situation.
As a MB, my former nanny once made me a meal when life was crazy. She was cooking something for the kids and made a grown up version for me because I hadn't really eaten in a few days. I snacked, but I wasn't going to order takeout for just me and a bunch of other excuses that sound lame now.
Kids don’t need to hear a new word repeatedly to parrot it back. If your employers have been good to you for so long, I would give them the benefit of the doubt but still ask for an explanation.
Just chiming in because I think your email is great and disability language is my expertise (I can't say more without doxing myself). A lot of these terms have actually changed and are no longer the preferred version. The problem is that the "polite" term changes frequently and often creates more confusion because no one really knows what the euphemism means. The example I use is autistic. If I say my kid is autistic, you'll have an image in your mind of a child who might be nonverbal and needs lots of support. You're not thinking of the condition formerly known as Asperger's where he appears "normal" to everyone because he masks. To help distinguish between the two you might say "high functioning", but that's now outdated because it minimizes the need for support. So you use the new correct term (level 1) and no one (teachers, pediatricians, grandma, nanny) knows what you mean. It's a huge challenge to communicate.
I hope you're feeling better! I think it's important to own it. I'd say something like "I'm so sorry I'm sick again. I realize this makes me look unreliable, but this is really out of character for me. I hope that once the weather gets better there will be less sickness going around!"
Depending on her professionalism, she might be really upset and storm out. At least that's how my former nanny reacted. I would offer her the opportunity to say goodbye at a later date when her emotions aren't running so strong.
That sounds right. Part of the problem is that kids are constantly contagious. For example, my middle is fighting strep. He doesn't have a fever or sore throat, so he isn't sick. I only know he has it because his entire class tested positive. He's allowed at school and the pediatrician won't test him because he's not sick. He seems fine, just a bit congested. But he can still get the entire class sick
We both actually do instacart. Unfortunately since after Christmas it’s been so slow I have no idea why😭will definitely look into other things. Maybe he can do dog walking or something to bring in a little extra cash
At least for me (a MB), delivery fees have gotten way more expensive. It almost doubles the price and it's rarely worth it for us to get grocery delivery or Uber eats anymore
Are you planning on having her long term? Are you okay with her going negative on her sick time? I'd say fever free and 5 days + 5 days masking at all times. She can eat and drink outside. I'm a MB and that's how our jobs handled it when we had covid. We were in between nannies, but we would have had her go negative on sick
As a MB, I wouldn't expect you to work then back, but over the next few months you'll accrue the time back because you won't be sick. So for example, I was negative 100 hours when I had my second kid. I earn 4 hours per pay period. After almost a year I was back in the black.
It sounds like she's not a great fit. Change is hard, but having a nanny is a luxury. The luxury is having someone care for your child the way you want them to in your absence. It doesn't sound like she's been doing that
Would you expect the family to pay for the flights? My big hesitation would be the added cost, the potential disruption of schedule due to flight delays and cancelation, and logistics around sick or emergency time. If you got sick on Monday, you might be out the whole week if you couldn't rebook, but if you were local you'd be back on Wednesday.
Well yeah I am very lost. I guess we will deplete our emergency fund then ... I dont even know what ot do anymore, for health reasons son cannot go to daycare and needs personal care, but I am just an average employee making a rather smaller salary, all I can do is to go into debts and deplete emergency funds. It's a shame gov makes families do this and give no subsidies for childcare, insanity
If it's a cost issue, look at home daycares. My daughter is at one with one to two other kids. She's never gotten sick from school and got better care there than she did from our (not very good) nanny
I have mix and match. Only the Samsung fridge would fit, we wanted the Frigidaire stove (only one with the features we wanted that would fit), Bosch washer, and GE microwave. I'd rather get the features and size I need instead of a perfect match. Cost wise, it was far less because I could get each appliance from a different store with the best sale. And I could go with a cheaper microwave, because it wasn't a priority
Talk to them. I'm a MB sitting at work sick. (My kids are fine). I would rather you work sick if you can. I get it's hard and miserable, but it's also life? (Maybe I'm unreasonable, but that's how I was raised). If you're too sick to work and it's getting to the point that you're considered unreliable, I'd want to have a conversation. I'd ask to sit down and talk about how you want to be more reliable and ask about their views on working sick.
I mean, I'm not just being weak-willed or anything. It's just that I'm blowing my nose about every 60 seconds and it's not really possible to do the childcare that the family will expect from me if I have to blow my nose every minute, you know? And I walk and take busses to work, so when I call off because I have a stomach illness, I physically can't be away from a bathroom long enough to get to their house. If I can go, I do. But these are the sorts of illnesses that have been going around lately.
That sounds like you've been really sick. It might be worth talking to them, owning it, and just assuring them that you're hoping your immune system kicks into gear soon
I was a MB who had this happen to me. We hired someone, she signed the contract, and immediately wanted to renegotiate. A $5 per hour raise is just over $10k per year. Your family likely doesn't have that in their budget. Even if they do, they'll likely be put off that you didn't withdraw your other applications when you accepted their job.
One thing to think of is many parents with high income don't actually have as high of pay as you may think. A lot of them have a lot of pre-tax and post tax savings accounts (401k, HSA, 529). I know I have about $40k taken out for these accounts. And then 40% in various taxes and my family's health insurance. So while I have the money, it's not actually accessible and I forget about it.
Mine closed at 2 weeks for Christmas and a week in the summer, but not the same week. And then good Friday to Easter Monday, 3 days at Thanksgiving, and all federal holidays. My husband and I had zero PTO left
I've gotten promoted while pregnant or with a newborn three times. We joke that having a baby is the best thing for my career. My advice is to go for it. Everyone knows about the baby and what having a newborn is like. You'll be tired. It'll be hard. But you'll find your way.
My husband always planned to split his leave because he wasn't particularly helpful in the newborn phase. Without fail, life happened and he never got experience being the primary caregiver. I think it really hurt his relationship with the kids. I could see doing a 3-4 split so he's watching the baby while you go back to work, but insist that he fully takes it.
I'm a MB and my house is no where near as clean as I'd like. There's a few reasons why:
Congratulations! I honestly have mixed feelings on this. I'm going to be honest, I'd be a little taken aback because I would think by that point you'd have told all of your family and friends and I might hear through the grapevine. It just seems late. You don't need to tell them sooner, but it's generally frowned upon to wait too late.
Baby #1, about 4 days.
The line I started using was "I'm so sorry you're feeling sick.i completely understand if you need to take the day off. That's why we have sick days! Just let me know if you need to take one". So yep, I'm understanding. But it's also not a free day, but one of the sick days outlined in the contract.
Ok so if my nanny uses up all her paid sick days, and then is ACTUALLY sick like contagious with the flu…obviously we don’t want her coming here and getting us all sick…how to handle?
I let her go negative.or use PTO. My former nanny abused their sick leave and used it for days they weren't sick. They got caught that they were lying (got a DUI when they "had the flu"). Before I had to fire them, we talked about how reliability is important. I understand the need for mental health days and sick leave, but when you call out frequently and are negative, then it makes them look unreliable.
It’s also really rare for a two-year-old (or child under three or four) to get strep. I know because I recently had it and was concerned about being around my nieces.
Not this new strain. 28 out of 30 kids in my kid's preschool tested positive, including the 22 month olds and 2-4s. Only the 2 5 year olds were spared. And all the younger siblings got it too. It's brutal
I honestly wouldn't. As a MB, Kids songs are incredibly annoying and hard to tune out. That's different from calling you irritating or your childcare irritating. To put it in a different context, I'm having my kitchen demoed. The sound is irritating. That doesn't mean the contractors are doing anything wrong or that I'm irritated at them. I'm irritated at the situation.
As a MB, my former nanny once made me a meal when life was crazy. She was cooking something for the kids and made a grown up version for me because I hadn't really eaten in a few days. I snacked, but I wasn't going to order takeout for just me and a bunch of other excuses that sound lame now.
What "old" terms do hearing impared and visually impared replace?
Blind
Kids don’t need to hear a new word repeatedly to parrot it back. If your employers have been good to you for so long, I would give them the benefit of the doubt but still ask for an explanation.
Just chiming in because I think your email is great and disability language is my expertise (I can't say more without doxing myself). A lot of these terms have actually changed and are no longer the preferred version. The problem is that the "polite" term changes frequently and often creates more confusion because no one really knows what the euphemism means. The example I use is autistic. If I say my kid is autistic, you'll have an image in your mind of a child who might be nonverbal and needs lots of support. You're not thinking of the condition formerly known as Asperger's where he appears "normal" to everyone because he masks. To help distinguish between the two you might say "high functioning", but that's now outdated because it minimizes the need for support. So you use the new correct term (level 1) and no one (teachers, pediatricians, grandma, nanny) knows what you mean. It's a huge challenge to communicate.
I hope you're feeling better! I think it's important to own it. I'd say something like "I'm so sorry I'm sick again. I realize this makes me look unreliable, but this is really out of character for me. I hope that once the weather gets better there will be less sickness going around!"
Well I will do it on a Thursday and pay her for the Friday is my thought… plus 2 weeks severance… Should I let her say “bye” to the kids?
Depending on her professionalism, she might be really upset and storm out. At least that's how my former nanny reacted. I would offer her the opportunity to say goodbye at a later date when her emotions aren't running so strong.
That sounds right. Part of the problem is that kids are constantly contagious. For example, my middle is fighting strep. He doesn't have a fever or sore throat, so he isn't sick. I only know he has it because his entire class tested positive. He's allowed at school and the pediatrician won't test him because he's not sick. He seems fine, just a bit congested. But he can still get the entire class sick
We both actually do instacart. Unfortunately since after Christmas it’s been so slow I have no idea why😭will definitely look into other things. Maybe he can do dog walking or something to bring in a little extra cash
At least for me (a MB), delivery fees have gotten way more expensive. It almost doubles the price and it's rarely worth it for us to get grocery delivery or Uber eats anymore
Are you planning on having her long term? Are you okay with her going negative on her sick time? I'd say fever free and 5 days + 5 days masking at all times. She can eat and drink outside. I'm a MB and that's how our jobs handled it when we had covid. We were in between nannies, but we would have had her go negative on sick
Sage? Lavender?
As a MB, I wouldn't expect you to work then back, but over the next few months you'll accrue the time back because you won't be sick. So for example, I was negative 100 hours when I had my second kid. I earn 4 hours per pay period. After almost a year I was back in the black.
It sounds like she's not a great fit. Change is hard, but having a nanny is a luxury. The luxury is having someone care for your child the way you want them to in your absence. It doesn't sound like she's been doing that
Would you expect the family to pay for the flights? My big hesitation would be the added cost, the potential disruption of schedule due to flight delays and cancelation, and logistics around sick or emergency time. If you got sick on Monday, you might be out the whole week if you couldn't rebook, but if you were local you'd be back on Wednesday.
Well yeah I am very lost. I guess we will deplete our emergency fund then ... I dont even know what ot do anymore, for health reasons son cannot go to daycare and needs personal care, but I am just an average employee making a rather smaller salary, all I can do is to go into debts and deplete emergency funds. It's a shame gov makes families do this and give no subsidies for childcare, insanity
If it's a cost issue, look at home daycares. My daughter is at one with one to two other kids. She's never gotten sick from school and got better care there than she did from our (not very good) nanny
I have mix and match. Only the Samsung fridge would fit, we wanted the Frigidaire stove (only one with the features we wanted that would fit), Bosch washer, and GE microwave. I'd rather get the features and size I need instead of a perfect match. Cost wise, it was far less because I could get each appliance from a different store with the best sale. And I could go with a cheaper microwave, because it wasn't a priority
Talk to them. I'm a MB sitting at work sick. (My kids are fine). I would rather you work sick if you can. I get it's hard and miserable, but it's also life? (Maybe I'm unreasonable, but that's how I was raised). If you're too sick to work and it's getting to the point that you're considered unreliable, I'd want to have a conversation. I'd ask to sit down and talk about how you want to be more reliable and ask about their views on working sick.
I mean, I'm not just being weak-willed or anything. It's just that I'm blowing my nose about every 60 seconds and it's not really possible to do the childcare that the family will expect from me if I have to blow my nose every minute, you know? And I walk and take busses to work, so when I call off because I have a stomach illness, I physically can't be away from a bathroom long enough to get to their house. If I can go, I do. But these are the sorts of illnesses that have been going around lately.
That sounds like you've been really sick. It might be worth talking to them, owning it, and just assuring them that you're hoping your immune system kicks into gear soon