News from Reliant20

  1. She can't push Larry around for his choice of bride the way she can Gladys for a husband. Marion has a good background, a Livingston by birth, related to the Van Rhijns by marriage, the Brooks are an old Pennsylvania family, so it's only her mom, and she was probably from a respectable family. No money, but Larry doesn't need it.

  2. One nitpick: we know that Marian's father is considered to have married beneath himself, as Agnes notes Marian's lineage is "not impeccable" (I think she put it) owing to her mother. Of course, with Agnes's standards, who knows what that means, but I assumed we were supposed to take it to mean her mother's roots were humble.

  3. Not wrong. Having her be your realtor would not just be bad for you because of her lack of experience, proximity, and connections, it could also be a blow to your already rocky relationship. Mixing business with family/friends is iffy.

  4. I think your instincts are correct. What she has done is outrageous, both in and of itself and the manipulativeness of it. It's important to make a stand here, both regarding MIL and getting your husband on the same page. He's minimizing this issue, and it seems clear MIL thinks she can act this way because he gives her reason to think she can.

  5. It's not a boomer thing. FDR's mother was the same way. It's a dynamic that's always existed and always will exist. We'll see it in turn when millenials and gen Z'ers are 60, and psychologists -- and daughters-in-law -- will be trying to understand it then.

  6. Actually good point. I know one gen x boy mom who will definitely be awful. Already announced no woman will be good enough for her sons— they are 7 and 5!! Lol

  7. Yikes! Already planning to make it so they lead lonely lives with no successful relatonships.

  8. My apologies not my relatives they’re willing to have them removed immediately and encourage me to separate myself. It’s more his family such as his siblings. Which his mom was the cause that two of his brothers got divorced from their partners.

  9. Oops. Actually, it should have been clear to me from your wording. Welp, same logic applies. Your relationship with MIL is your relationship; their relationship with her is theirs.

  10. Nah. If my parents ever maintained a relationship with my abuser ITS CURTAINS FOR THEM AND ME/MY FAMILY.

  11. No, I meant the siblings-in-law’s relationship with their mother, the people OP was talking about.

  12. It's dismaying that, in addition to stealing the chance to give your daughter a meaningful gift, she had already been caught lying, and yet it's her feelings your wife is concerned about.

  13. “I’m not shopping for opinions on decisions regarding my child, thanks.”

  14. Your MIL stuck you with the bill for a bunch of stuff you told her you didn’t want AND landed you a bunch of work into the bargain, and your husband — the one who wasn’t 38 weeks pregnant at the time — thinks you’re the brat for minding??? I can believe he’s a great guy in general, but on this issue he’s got his head up his ass and is being a crap partner.

  15. What a strange, ugly thing for her to do. By strange, I mean bizarre and unhealthy, but not uncommon -- this desire to steal meaningful times from parents is all too common among JNs. I'm so glad she's facing consquences and that your husband is supportive this time.

  16. I’ve read both your posts, and you are being extremely generous allowing this emotionally abusive, unstable person to be in your life at all. What jumps out at me about her antics over the years is this woman wants to hate you. She thrives on conflict, and I think maybe you should check out books on guilt to try to understand what it is about you that makes the idea of making an asshole unhappy so upsetting to you. You’d be entitled to take a petty pleasure in making her lose it.

  17. All of this is infuriating, but that your husband is so easily worked on by her is perhaps the most worrying aspect.

  18. Given this woman’s past, I would want nothing to do with her, and her “generosity” in selling you that car will be part of her victim narrative long after the car’s gone to the scrapyard. However, it’s hard to tell you what to do without knowing your exact situation and how much the money saved will make a difference in your life.

  19. The thing about these subs is they only give us who the person is in context of the issue. So while I take your point that she's a good person overall, she comes across as a massive jerk who very much belongs in JN.

  20. One thing that can help you handle the guilt is to realize that this person doesn't care about your feelings or happiness, so don't feel obligated to worry about hers. There might be books in this sub's reading list that can help. Perhaps search out some books on guilt here or elsewhere.

  21. Ahh it's tough because I have really worked on being more assertive for myself the last few years, but when I'm around her I revert back to my pushover ways. Literally when we were introduced, the first thing she said to me was "You have a ton of split ends, you need a hair cut." I remember fiancee's sister being like "mom what the fuck" but I just laughed it off in the moment. I look back and am mad at myself for not speaking up, but then I think if I had, she would've just disliked me from the start. Which is also what's so weird - she says these rude things to me, and has also said I'm the best girl her son has been with and she loves me so much. So I dunno, I think I'm just accepting that these shitty comments are always gonna be made sometimes and I just have to know my limit, and enforce it when it's pushed too far

  22. I hope your sense of what your parents are owed will help you be assertive. She basically declared your parents are forever to be screwed out of spending Christmas with you. That’s unfair and blatantly disrespectful to them.

  23. That lunch detail was disturbing enough, until I looked at the rest of your posts. No amount of info, time, or attention will ever satisfy this psychopath.

  24. A better title for your post would be "Was I wrong to be appropriately assertive with a chronic asshole?"

  25. Your MIL sounds like an objectively stupid person. Many JNs we read about on here are fairly smart manipulators and fairly good at taking control of discussions; she isn't. So it's weird she has so much of the family wrapped around her finger.

  26. I agree with you and not your partner. She's a grown woman who's had the very reasonable rules explained to her multiple times. She chose to take the action; there was nothing "accidental" about it. Unfortunately, it sounds like your partner has been programmed to make excuses for her. It's great that you spoke up in the moment, but this needs to be followed up on with more than just a one-sentence reminder, and it seems he isn't the person to do it.

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