News from Terrible-Detective93

"Ma'am, is there even a slight chance you would go to work if you were shitting yourself?"

"Oh I already Amazoned some adult diapers so it's covered! See you soon!"

Okay seriously… I’m sorry but part of having children is that you may sometimes need to call off work. Sorry you’ve had to do it several days, but you don’t treat your nanny like that as a result 🙄 find some backup care or call a relative, but they cannot expect you to be at their beck and call ESPECIALLY if NKs got you sick. This is a job hazard that they should have prepared for; it’s not your responsibility.

I wonder if the NF told her they were sick or waited till she was there then on the way out 'Oh billy puked a few times last night but he seems fine now, byeeeeee!"

People in this sub are hella cool. Maybe because we have a constant reminder of how you say... don't be an asshole?

Update: just asked the counter install guy how to clean the new WHITE MARBLE counter top if it stains. He replied “in the marble industry, we don’t say ‘STAIN’.” STFU AND TELL ME HOW TO CLEAN IT

That is one officious little fk contractor lol

This reminds me of looking at Victorian mourning jewelry and related with a friend who went through loss many years ago but wants to create something similar (she doesn't have hair, things were different then). Thanks for your post.

You're welcome! Yeah, I've definitely been pondering some of the more bizarre (to modern eyes) Victorian rituals surrounding death lately, and saying to myself "ok, I kinda get this now". And thanks for sharing with your friend! I consider this a fully open-source design :)

Hope you continue with your designs. I really appreciate the Victorians for the simple fact that they acknowledged death and also grief, which is totally antithetical to the American 'sensibility' of 'get over it and get back to work! It's not ok to 'dwell' on sadness' which is such BS because the only way to get to the other side is through it, although we won't be the same on the other side (how grief changes us and how we see the world, other people, etc), we will hopefully still be here. kind regards

[удалено]

Ahh thanks I didn't know about that one!

Hilarrhea

Malaria

That’s the thing, they’re so comfortable saying that stuff in front of a nanny cause we’re just ‘the help’ in their eyes Like nah I’m silently judging you too lmaoooo

It's reallly amazing the stuff we hear, isn't it?

And we just have to have no reaction whatsoever no matter what they say lol

Right, if you frown or show disapproval it's the end of the world and we're not 'in our place' and same if we laugh, we're too cheeky

Did she pass on fetal alcohol sydrone to her child?

She looks like she has it to look at her.

I was thinking 2 Nannie’s each 12 hour shifts, or 24 hr shifts! That is wayy too many hours.

The two nannies would be a better idea perhaps because unless you had someone with a very strong constitution who is not going to bail after a month of this, at least if one nanny has some issue to deal with or an appointment or something, perhaps they could cover for each other and let the two of them make the schedule, as long as they both are reliable.

I think another factor to consider that may make it different than being a SAHP is that this is someone else's child/children, in someone else's house, with someone else's expectations. A lot of whether this job will be great or horrible will probably come from the demeanor and such of the MB.

For this much constantly on the clock there better be like negative degrees kelvin micromanaging

I think what the parents say like 'did you register when you got there?' is anxiety micromanaging OCD crap where they need constant reassurance (and not a reflection on your intelligence) and to feel like they are constantly monitoring and checking and controlling stuff. That's on them. The kids are weird like that no doubt because they are just trying to feel like they are looking out for themselves because they have such controlling anxiety-ridden parents that they likely subconsciously and ironically DON'T feel secure . That's where all that mean-sounding stuff the kids say about stealing and they better not be at our house and that food isn't yours - it's this sense of every dog for himself .super protective and hostile because the parents are so busy being in their own head and alternately panicking and seeking reassurance they aren't providing a space where the kids can feel at peace or secure without constant stress and micromanaging. It's sad but this kind of issues you can really see how it affects the children.

Yeah that's a bad one, not paying on time and/or having to be reminded EVERY FKING WEEK

I read the post of what people have found in a family’s home. I have to remember to make sure my husband puts his weed in a safe place, but other than that I can’t think of anything the nanny might find.

Don't think all nannies are prudes or super judgy about whatever you guys have around, many of us have accidentally happened upon various odd things, when I have I never say anything, or if someone was there, I just laugh it off, really it would take a lot to shock some of us, don't worry! Don't micromanage nanny or yourself! Part of having a kid is having to constantly adapt as they change a lot when little, so worrying pointlessly about all the minutia of life is a useless energy waste and stress creator. Use whatever brain power you have with broken sleep for ways to make things easier to deal with. Phone reminders are good for things like taking out the garbage, Wednesday night is grocery shopping. Laundry day is X. Of course you don't even have to stick to these but creating a routine can really help with feeling overwhelmed and freaked out and tired so you don't forget basic stuff..I've made lists for NFs when I have noticed something that needs to be done or overheard them saying whatever. It's not always me that fulfills whatever the task is but hey at least they have the lists and don't forget the important stuff.

Don't freak out, it will all get sorted out-if nanny is good at organizing and willing to help, maybe give her a bonus for helping you get it all together. Nannies know things get crazy with a newborn, don't panic! You will feel a lot better when she's there and everything isn't totally on you. Your well-being and sanity are more important than the boxes getting organized and whatnot. Go have a glass of wine and look forward to nanny coming without being in a rabbit hole of anxiety. That would probably freak out nanny more than stuff to be cleaned up. It will get better , for real.

This. She played you.

and she should pay nanny since she left pulling this BS on nanny

Please text her and give her only enough time to leave her location immediately before you call the cops. This is the way. She played the hell out of you and what’s worse she will do it to others. She must be taught a lesson.

Good old shitty NF social engineering at its worst. What a scammer.

I really disliked her appropriation of the bindi.

I think that was part of the whole I'm the Queen of my tribe nonsense, sort of putting on this new agey wish I was a goddess wish I were taller lol. It would be really be interesting to see what Ashley was up to before the show and before the dude (who I don't feel like giving him more play by mentioning his name) came along. Neither of them is what I would call a class act.

Maybe neither one of them could get anyone else given the press that's out there about them.

Will check it out. Actually unintentionally ran into a movie with LA in it on IFC , movie was meh, kind of lifetime-ish, but not terrible.

Could you do a post on how this is going? I’d also love to hear about your experiences as a nanny in Switzerland!

This would make an interesting podcast, I bet many would listen. I want to hear too!

To me it doesn't sound like a very appealing offer. It doesn't sound like they're offering any more than they'd have to offer here anyway really. Ie the raise would have been a discussion anyway due to year anniversary, plus new baby.

I totally agree with you. 3-year-old AND new baby for you to deal with, new place to adjust to far away from support network, probably a live-in position (is it your own room and bathroom away from the rest of the family or is it like being right next to them all the time?), this just sounds like a LOT for only 9 months worth of work and I'm not seeing the longer-term benefits for you- when you come back you won't have a place. No way to this set up. It's better for them too in the long run though they do not want to deal with their kids adjusting to a new local nanny but that's a NF problem not a nanny problem.

Yeah! I’m working with both 2b and 6g to use kinder versions of their sayings. 6g says “leave me alone!” A loooooooot 😅

So tempting to have them watch a few 'karen' videos where adults act like that and say ' look at these silly people, you don't want to be like that do you?'

Congratulations, you must be doing something right. I've said to NKs, hold on I need a minute to sort myself out, it's good to learn when you just want some low-key time. I still check in on them. We do so many things with NKs, it's truly not a bad thing for everyone to have a break no matter how great the NK is. Hell I feel this way about adults too . If the parent's house has the space, make a little 'kickback area', imagine a cafe/bookstore vibe but for little kids. Most NF are cool with this kind of thing, only a very few are weird about not everchanging anything or everything has to look like one of those minimalist better homes magazine houses.

For your own sake, cut lies. Say for my own mental health and my family I can’t watch your child. I personally had my daughter that screamed for hours and we did everything… it’s close to impossible to listen to. i just can’t imagine leaving a baby that does that in someone else’s care.

These work pretty well, thank god one of my kids 'only' screamed for an hour each day after his nap. For a kid to be screaming for hours on end, something could really be wrong, you didn't mention if said kid is a baby or toddler but still any of these ages, all day long something might be wrong.

It's pretty tough to have a 4-month-old on a rigid schedule or expect you're going to have reliable or consistent whole nights of sleep out of them. What you can do if you're up for it is when you start with a little this age is for around 2 weeks-ish try to get them to either stay up or nap at home, to establish sort of a baseline of when the morning nap is and when the afternoon nap is and activities in between. Sometimes they will sleep more and it doesn't have to do with what you did that day, especially at this age, it may just be they are going through a growth spurt and kids sleep more during these, it happens again when they grow in height as well. Maybe move up the park visit to earlier in the day and for the afternoon if you want to get out just do a walk but not such a long walk that they konk out- I mean kids can be crabby after their afternoon nap but sometimes it can't be avoided depending on temperament. I mean one of my own kids used to cry for a while after they woke up from a nap for no reason, like regularly. Many years later I can still hear it in my head if I think about it lol. Lots of watching kids is almost a kind of mild experimentation, learning what kind of kid you've got to start with, and then the kind of household you have, is it quiet and laid back or are there a lot of people coming and going and noise and pets etc., and then you try to work around all that to create some semblance of order.

Sounds like what in the states we call 'wage theft'- I'm sure there's some rule on it there. After an 8 hour shift I'd be like, OK I'm leaving or OT (I think I'd rather just leave after the 8 hours but whatever). Anyway, pretty sure what they're doing isn't legal .

My advice is to start drafting your resignation letter. I’d even go as far to suggest getting in contact with CPS and/or caseworkers because clearly this person is in no position to be caring for these foster children given her current medical condition. I know it’s hard but you also need to think about YOU and you deserve so much better.

Agreed! No use in staying, this situation is clearly never gonna get better OP!

Not to mention if something really bad every happened, the cops and courts would make nanny's life a living hell by questioning her, making her show up to this and that which would then screw up whatever normal family gig she has going. Not to mention of course how totally f'd it sounds for the kids in this situation.

very astute observations that should have been more obvious to us all.

He kind of looks like one of the stoner dudes from the smoking pit in high school. Kind of a Jeff Spicoli kind of vibe

This triggers me about a previous family. I talk and sing a lot, and I’m always saying what I’m doing with kids and pets. I also play podcasts, songs, other things for baby.

These are people who watched those old black-and white films on you tube 'this is a neglected child from 1942' or some clickbait story on their phone and get all freaked out- they know all these studies but don't know real life. Of course, we talk to the kids, FFS. That's not the same as doing speech therapy or running a classroom. Your baby is going to learn stuff just because that is what they do, they don't need to be into all the trendy nonsense. Hell I remember mom's putting headphones on their stomach during pregnancy because they thought listening to classical in utero would make their child a genius LOL, pretty sure that is not how it works. Part of critical thinking skills is being able to figure some stuff out on your own!

The 5 month old I keep will straight up start screaming at me if I talk to him too much because he's easily overstimulated. I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to talk to a child literally all day.

I mean I would lose my shit if someone was following me around all day and wouldn't shut up lol

So, I’ve been there maybe 3 or 4 times, so I really didn’t know what was going on. I assumed maybe it was the end of the week, and that’s why the fridge was bare.

The fridge shouldn't be bare with kids living there, end of the week or not though