News from baobab77

  1. NTA and please take note of your husband's actions. These are early warning signs of how he'll behave "til death do us part". Regardless of your vows, you are not his priority. He is still an advocate and protector of his family of origin, and you and your boundaries are secondary to theirs.

  2. NTA and if you're under age, and they have access to your account, please keep watch of your transactions. They're not respecting your boundaries regarding how responsible you are with your money, and after how they've reacted, I wouldn't put it past them to go into your account and withdraw whatever they want. If you're over 18, then please restrict they're access to your account and possibly switch banks (without telling them).

  3. Thank you for your comment. I'm 33, and recently had a boost in my savings and asked for advise re: changing banks etc, which is how they know i have some cash, but not the true amount.

  4. You're welcome. Understood re: why they're vaguely informed about your finances. I would just take it as a lesson learned re: who you can talk to about finances, since they seem to now be interested in what you have. In the future, check out FIRE (financial independence retire early) groups (on here or Facebook) for the UK. They typically have posts regarding new bank offers, which would be a more private approach, without risk of anyone in your business.

  5. YTA, at least to yourself. You can't trust him to not cheat on you, and he can't trust you to not go searching for evidence. You don't know what happiness is, if you think it's laying next to a person who you know you can't trust. You're happy because he's kind to you when awake, but when he falls asleep, you get to see how untrustworthy he is? Happiness isn't not being able to trust the person you lay next to and having anxiety because they haven't before and continue to fail to be monogamous.

  6. You're super patient and underreacting. At 27, he knows how to act, and you're allowing him to get away with this. Don't be the cool girl, that he can see whenever is convenient for him. He's created a pattern and expectation, that puts you last and expects for you to jump whenever he beckons. Honestly, these are actions that are vetted out and should be dealbreakers in tbe early dating stage. These aren't features of a good boyfriend, just a guy that wastes your time.

  7. Drop the rope. Looks like you're doing the most in your home, and then you have to manage relationships with your inlaws too? No. I wouldn't even announce it to your SO. Just reclaim your time where you can...beginning with letting your MIL go to voicemail and replying when and if you want. He doesn't make effort with your family, so why should you run yourself ragged appeasing his?

  8. NTA The tables have turned. How he gets to work isn't your problem.

  9. You don't owe him a face to face meetup. Too many people in abusive/toxic relationships are never seen again after an in-person breakup or meetup regarding a breakup. Don't become a stereotype. You are done with him and you've done all you need to do.

  10. NTA for the situation, but you are to yourself. You're not compatible. He's financially unstable and irresponsible. You're providing him with a cushy life, because you're supporting him and coddling him from adult responsibilities. If you don't want a dependent, don't date men that act like children.

  11. NTA and I'd consult with a divorce lawyer soon, to see how to avoid alimony.

  12. You need to work on your self esteem. Your boyfriend cheated on you, instead of telling you he was unhappy or breaking up with you, and you rewarded him by sleeping with him? Were you not at all concerned with your health? He's put you at risk. And on top of that, you had to beg him to stay with you? He should feel remorse for betraying you. He should feel like the scum of the earth. But you placed him on a higher pedestal, and begged him to stay with you. Self reflection and self respect is very much needed here. Your mom is right and you need to take some time to work on you and what's best for you.

  13. Tell your dh in front of her that she has news to share about the house.

  14. At this point we won’t see them for another three weeks or so. Do I sit on this that long?

  15. No, tell him soon and encourage him to react to his mother. I say tell him, because she's putting you in a poor position of being a secret keeper from your husband. Let this be the last time she does that. Whatever his first thoughts are should be communicated to her. He's pissed? She gets his wrath. And perhaps you should both skip the next semi-scheduled visit. You're going there to fix up the house that's apparently going to your SIL. Sweat equity will not pay off in your favor.

  16. I'd do this as well. As soon as the food came off the grill, I'd say "DH, while you were grilling, your mother mentioned ABC. I think it's more appropriate that she discusses it with you, vs. using me as a messenger, as we've requested time and time again. MIL, please continue with what you wnated to discuss." Put her on the spot. If the result is DH not wanting to do as much for his parents, so be it. There's manipulation and favoritism going on, and none of it benefits your DH.

  17. Honestly, I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. He doesn't like the idea of going to therapy, so you know where he stands. You shouldn't have to live in misery because he can't form boundaries with his mother. And your relationship won't survive the way it is, so you're really the one with the ultimatum. Accept things as they are or move on.

  18. NTA. You don't have to go to events that you don't want to go to. Why would they rather you be there, when you'd rather be elsewhere, supporting Elise? Your aunt and father can be mad all they want, but can't dictate how you spend your time. And guilt tripping you, isn't going to make you a better wedding guest.

  19. I typically use Enterprise and have never had an issue with them. Mileage is free, so you're just paying for gas. Check your credit card or personal car insurance for rental coverage. Always be meticulous when reviewing the car for damage. They typically put a hold on your credit card for the rental charge, but only change once you return it. Always return it at the gas level you took it at (or slightly over) - they charge a hefty premium to fill it. If there are toll highways on your journey, pay cash or avoid them. If not, they'll send you a notification once they get charged (approximately a month later), charge your credit card, plus charge you an admin fee of about $30.

  20. NTA. She asked you to stop talking about it, and that's exactly what you should do - put her on an info diet. Do everything you have to do for your apartment and make your moves. When you're ready to move in, inform them of your moving date and proceed. If you think she'll create a bigger stink, move some if your stuff in secret. Be sure to get all your documents ahead of time. If she has your birth certificate, passport, etc., get them NOW.

  21. NTA. I'm so happy/proud of you for not letting him manipulate you into signing on twice. He was not owed anything. He didn't respect you, just hoped to continue to use you/your credit. You are in no way wrong for standing up for yourself. You did the right thing - his personal circumstances were his own to deal with, not to place on you as if they're your burdens as well.

  22. It's disrespectful in more than one way. Either they don't respect your life choices, or they think that because you won't add kids to the family, your relationship won't last and he's going to have offspring via someone else. Either way, I'd spend less time around them.

  23. They're help comes at the cost of their abuse. You need to require less of them and not more. If your daughter is in their care vs. daycare, then you need to reconsider your budget, and put her in daycare. The less you depend on them, the less you'll need to subject yourself to their abuse. Your wife may want them to be involved, but at what cost to your family's mental health?

  24. Just don't respond. You saw it, got busy with life and adult responsibilities, and forgot. If she calls and asks you, you tell her you're not comfortable with using a program like that to track your movements. Practice your speech. Practicing setting boundaries helps, when you have to really set them. I wish I started practicing at your age.

  25. YTA. Was it worth betraying your spouse and the issues that come with that? You were in a tough position because of your own eavesdropping. Then you went and added fuel to the fire, by doing exactly what you were told not to do. Why would you risk your own marriage, when you don't even know the reasons for him being fired? Even if you did know, telling the party beforehand puts your husband/in-laws business at risk, which affects your livelihood. Next time, mind your business.

  26. Honestly, because of the conflict of interest with the pastor, I'd search for other opportunities. They don't respect boundaries and who knows what lengths they'll take to sabotage that job. Look for something else and go on an info diet. They don't need to know what doesn't concern them. Seek out a babysitter, ask a friend, anything but turn to them.

  27. Don't reach out. You're in a healthy relationship now. Appreciate all the aspects of it and don't look back on the toxic one with rose colored glasses. He was not good for you. And whatever closure you're seeking by considering getting back in touch, isn't going to give you what you think it will. Move forward and break the trauma bond. The relationship was a stepping stone to you making better choices for yourself.

  28. NTA. She asked, and it's not viable right now. You don't need to rush to complete anything on someone else's timeline. Whoever told you to have gotten the room done quickly is wrong. People who want to feel like welcome guests, wait to be invited over.

  29. Why do you feel like an unappreciative ass? She's a boundary-stomping bitch who tries to dress you up like a dolly. Yet, you feel guilty for not appreciating being used for dress-up? No. People are who they are. If she doesn't like how you dress, then you can see her less. Also, she rags on your husband because you won't play dress up and he then turns around and guilts you?

  30. Leave in silence. Just ghost him. You've seen and known enough. Give yourself a confidence boost, by just ejecting this fool out your life and washing your hands of him. You ended things once and now end it for good. And block him from contacting you again.

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