News from cat-lover76

  1. I definitely don’t think my stepmom was trying to cause problems, I think it was genuine concern. We’re usually the ones that stay really solid within our means, but the unexpected $1400 plus my check being short really just put things in a bad place. At first I told myself it was just a perfect storm of things going wrong, but the longer ai think about it the worse I feel for our kids. I don’t regret the decision to help SIL out at all, just wish I had done something differently to be better prepared.

  2. You need to consider whether your SIL is in a sustainable situation. It doesn't sound as though that is the case. What are you going to do if she asks for help again next month? And the next?

  3. She is my husband’s sister. I do believe this was a one-off situation for her. She’s a single mother with no child support/help for her kids and owns a small business. My understanding is that the reason she got into the bind she is in is because she has a client that has been promising to “put a check in the mail” for several weeks/months now and hasn’t followed through. She had to make the choice between paying rent & groceries or her car payment, and chose the former as she felt like it was more important. I’m not sure how long the car payment was missed, but I do know she went through one of those “no credit, low credit, we finance them all” type of dealership, so even though her car is not brand new or overly fancy, I think she pays a high interest rate and they don’t give a lot of leeway on missed payments. She doesn’t have a perfect past, but she’s worked very hard to get to where she’s at.

  4. Ah so more context. It's my first time away from family and I'm pretty sheltered but she's been living independently for almost 7 years now

  5. I think you and the other roommates should think long and hard about including her in your arrangements.

  6. I feel like I should clarify - he seems willing to help on weekend nights, it's just the weeknights (work nights) he would prefer not to.

  7. So what is he going to be doing on weekend days?

  8. Not even weekends, weekend nights. How generous of him. /s

  9. Yeah I guess putting them on top of the dryer makes it easier to see, I just don't want anyone's stuff getting knocked off the top and stuck behind the machine or something. And if I literally see/hear the machine turn off while I'm walking to it, I'll wait another 15 minutes or so, but in this case it was already done.

  10. You are NTA; in situations where there are a lot of people needing to use a small number of machines, the responsibility of the clothes owner is to be there to take them out when the washer or dryer stops. It's kind to give them a 5-minute grace period to show up, but any more than that is not required.

  11. You’re right, I wasn’t grocery shopping when I was visiting for the weekends. Now that I’m staying here throughout the week, I have to.

  12. Practice or learning from family. My family never cared to let me in the kitchen, so I never picked up the skill.

  13. For pete's sake, you're 22 years old. Stop making excuses for your refusal to grow up and learn how to adult.

  14. They said it struggled to start earlier in the day and than they couldn’t start it but managed to jump start it to get it to the mechanics.

  15. If the battery is genuinely dead, then it's because they used the vehicle for something dire and ran it down. Tell them that 18-month-old batteries in brand-new vehicles don't die. They're asking you to pay for their damage and screw-up, you were kind enough to lend them your vehicle, and they are responsible for damage they caused to your vehicle while they were using it.

  16. YTA for tying her birthday dessert to a promise for something you want.

  17. I agree. But we weren’t discussing IF she should get divorced. We were talking about how to notify family members and he cut in with—to strangers mind you—that divorce shouldn’t be an option? That feels like a bridge too far. I would have been fine with him asking questions or telling stories, but it just felt very judgmental.

  18. I'm with you and you are NTA, I don't think it's appropriate for a taxi or Uber driver to inject themselves into passengers' conversation unless invited to do so, just as I would expect my server at a restaurant to not weigh in on our conversation as we're dining.

  19. I was always taught to pick my battles in life. I'd almost consider myself a doormat, and let people walk over me to a point, if it means it keeps the peace. I'm also a believer that a bored person will find problems, because they have nothing better to do than look for problems. My wife hasn't worked in almost 5yr, not through any fault of her own, and I agreed to step up and support us financially. What she did/does during the 8-10hrs I'm working, is out of my control, for better or worse. I do love her, and we are working together to raise our child to the best of our abilities. But I don't find it fair to hold on to a grudge, and a refusal to budge without a reason other than "I don't want to" Especially when these people have been there for us after my son was born, and the "disrespect" was never intentional. They never went out of their way to make our lives extra difficult, we just never communicated to them what was bugging us? I can admit IATA in a lot of my life, trust me

  20. I was trying to show that we have a good relationship not try to say they owe me for anything. They pay rent and get to have a nice, safe, stable, warm home, that’s the deal.

  21. Don't just pay to repair the fridge. Find out what's causing these breakdowns. Either your tenants are doing something negligent, or there's an issue with the house's wiring.

  22. Sounds like my toddler. There are cups everywhere. Oh but she’s 2.

  23. I know, right? My first impulse was to ask just how old this guy is, because this is some major childish sh!t, what adult behaves this way?

  24. NTA at all lol. Get revenge.. make batter into muffins and eat all the tops😏

  25. (never mind, I see that someone posted my brilliant idea before I did)

  26. You know what I think that's a big part of it, I live with my GF, I'm nearly 40, it's genuinely a rare treat for me to get away and have a night to myself.

  27. NTA but this is pretty common. You ever hear of Al Bundy?

  28. It doesn't matter how common it is, it's still not okay. This guy is an adult, and he needs to get therapy to learn how to control this urge and behave properly around other people.

  29. Nope, OP should not have to ask them for help. They're all adults, and the roommates aren't pulling their weight.

  30. Why shouldn't OP have to ask? Because they should realize every sign of struggle and help and need? Yeah that sounds like a reasonable outcome (it's not).

  31. Bill is TA for continually complaining to you about something he clearly has no intention of actually doing anything to change.

  32. Don't give them reasons or excuses. Say "Sorry, but that doesn't work for me." and just keep repeating, "No, that doesn't work for me."

  33. The open an investigation or case. That doesn’t always include visiting the home. Sometimes it’s just phone calls or interviews at the site of the mandated reporter such as a school, hospital, etc.

  34. Taking the kids away is not CPS' first act unless the situation is very, very bad -- and in such cases, the kids should be taken away.

  35. That is such a level headed response, thank you. I will do a check in on how she feels about her free time and if she feels she has enough.

  36. And you both really need to work toward getting at least a couple of babysitters you trust in your arsenal, because as the kids get older, things like this are going to come up again and again. I sympathize with your wife's concerns, but she can't expect to go on like this.

  37. I have helped her in the past with loads of small tasks like assembling furniture, painting and so on. I am more than willing to return favors - just in a way that makes sense for me and the people involved.

  38. Consider looking into getting one of those cat watering systems that doesn't require constant refilling. A lot of them hold 1 gallon, but if that's not enough,

  39. It is bizarre as fuck, I know. I wasn't excessively drunk but drink did contribute. Other reasons likely were how they are basically like strangers to me at this point, the idea of them being there at that time being too unreal for my mind to even comprehend and the effort they put into make themselves younger and different.

  40. Do you have problems recognizing other people by their faces when you meet them out-of-context? Because there is such a thing as face blindness. People who have that learn how to recognize others based on hair, posture, gait, voice, etc., and when they meet someone they know in a place they normally wouldn't, they don't recognize that person.

  41. Your disagreement with me is inappropriate. You should be concentrating on the issue.

  42. I am addressing the issue -- whether OP is TA -- because what you said is likely to make OP feel wrong and guilty, and she is neither.

  43. You took a quote out of my post to justify your position. If that isn't a reference to me, what could it be. Maybe you could concentrate on having an idea of your own.

  44. I think you have Main Character Syndrome. It's not a reference to you, it's a reference to what you said (there is a difference), and of course the appropriate place to address what you said is in a comment on your post.

  45. I never did ask, or insist that someone from the outside cleans my apartment. I would prefer to do it on my own, and do clean. It is just not spotless, which is what her standards are. She comes in and deep cleans without asking, she just gets in the car and comes. I also actively helped her with the cleaning, and I would never ever ask her to clean my own personal bedroom in the apartment. In her past visits I have also helped her with my roommate's bedroom, but since she wouldn't tell us what time she was coming over to do it this past visit, I decided not to bother since it is not my space anyways.

  46. This is the part where both you and you roommate make it clear to Grandma:

  47. I know it’s not a normal thing. My family certainly doesn’t do it, and they shouldn’t. Hell, if I had a child I’d tell them it’s their responsibility to keep it clean and that if they leave it a mess, oh well, you’re and adult, live with a messy apartment. I don’t have regular contact with her to tell her to stop it though, which is why I tell my roommate to tell her to stop coming, and we’ll manage.

  48. Yeah, you need to put your foot down with your roommate and tell him that the cleaning visits absolutely have to STOP, he's an adult now, and he has to stop letting his family treat him like a child and start taking care of himself.

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