News from jennyislander

  1. I literally laughed out loud. I know that distance and no history with her makes it easy for me to do so, but WOW, could she be any more transparently obsessed? Either she can't figure out who she is without offspring in her home, or she thinks of her son as her emotional husband (and you as the concubine). In either case, no, you are not overreacting. The sheer chutzpah.

  2. Keep the letter and the video, because I can see a judge's face upon learning that she wrote this about her own son so she could possess his ashes. She just handed you a pie cannon.

  3. He's not supposed to make choices that she did not pre-select for him.

  4. Exactly. She doesn’t want him to actually go anywhere, she just thought the idea of being without her was so awful he’d never consider it and is now livid that he’s decided it’s actually the better option.

  5. "I Want You Gone But How Dare You Leave" is so common among people who think a certain way that I once made it a square on a Bingo card for an online support group.

  6. The thing is, she doesn't want to "resolve this as a family." She wants whatever she thinks she's going to get out of dressing like the bride at somebody else's wedding. Somebody who would even think of doing that is not thinking about how to be decent to other people. And that's a prerequisite for mutually resolving a dispute.

  7. It wouldn’t be enough but honestly now I’m even debating giving her a portion of ashes.

  8. Stick with the original plan and document everything you do. Keep being your normal, rational, well-balanced self. If this eventually goes to court, you will look 100 times better to the judge than somebody who has done the things she has done.

  9. Absolutely not. Even when all adults in the situation are responsible and trustworthy, it is simple good manners to always tell the parents of young children where their children are going and with whom. Especially when away from home!

  10. My advice: They have made their choice, and you should honor it.

  11. Discuss what your therapist meant with your therapist, because I certainly hope they didn't mean this.

  12. Congradolences to both of you. And to your SO: If you did start mourning her before she died, well done. I wouldn't expect to be all done, but IME you'll be better able to deal with it than you would have otherwise.

  13. Thank you! My husband says I’m never firm with my mom, and he’s right. I want to keep the peace. But I agree I need to be firm on this.

  14. When keeping the peace, the question to ask is always: Whose peace? Not yours, as you worry continually about what your mother is going to infect your baby with. Not the baby's--if they get sick, they won't be thinking about anything except how miserable they are. Hers, I guess. Because she doesn't have to do uncomfy things like checks hand consider the needs of the most vulnerable and helpless person in this situation.

  15. It's very sad that they're all either so invested in pretending that she knows all and mistakes nothing, or so afraid of her nasty ways, that they'll refuse to celebrate your happy day with you in order to keep up the illusion. (I mean. You can actually search online for arrest records, you know? Depending on where you are the search might even be free. Did any of them bother to check? And what kind of friends are they if they decided to boycott your wedding because they thought you had messed up?)

  16. They are just afraid of her nasty ways I think. Like when they asked about the “arrest” I didn’t know what they were talking about and were confused why she said something like that. I mean if she can make up rumors about her own daughter what could she do them. I think that’s the case with my “second mom”

  17. They all give her far too much power. Why should anybody give a damn what she will say about them to somebody else? Why is she in the middle of what ought to be a direct conversation?

  18. Once you've passed through the hatred, which is a necessary trip for many, you'll find true freedom in the slow process of forgetting her.

  19. So she finally wrote out a will and made me her exacutor, as petty as it seems I want the house because it feels like the least she could do after all the bull Ive been through with her

  20. Wills can be changed. Don't spend one more second of time than you can stand on her because of a will.

  21. She hasn't actually threatened legal action, but she did use the A-word, and she may gossip. If you're on social media, get ahead of it by posting a funny photo story: "Where we tuck Bub in at bedtime" and "Where we always find him." Caption it something like "When Toddlers Practice Independence, Sometimes It Doesn't Look Like What You'd Expect..." and add lots of happy emojis.

  22. So now you know--if you didn't already--that they just love trying to push you off balance and demean you by using slur words.

  23. Gosh, it's almost as if unconditional love weren't a primary teaching of the founder of her religion.

  24. Unfortunately, some people can't be communicated with, only managed. And this consists mostly of managing your own reactions to them.

  25. This definitely belongs at JustNoSO. The problem isn't her--I mean, she's a problem, because she should have noticed that her son is orbiting her rather closely for a man his age and she either hasn't noticed or likes it that way--but the problem is that he doesn't see anything wrong with what's going on.

  26. lol orbiting that’s an accurate way to put it because he does worship her for reasons I’ll never understand. And she likes it because she’s a narcissist and talks bad about her other children because they don’t worship her.

  27. You may be looking at the child's tendency to believe that the parent is the wonderful, perfect center of their universe. This is a belief that nearly all of us have instinctively. We need it, because we have to feel secure in order to grow up with confidence--even if that security is an illusion. But we outgrow it. Adequate parents actually encourage us to step outward into independence that is suitable for our age and capability, always there to help, but understanding that the purpose of having children is to help them grow and leave us.

  28. Excellent advice in the replies. To sum up the underlying theme:

  29. I thought about doing that but I'm also quite unsure of the privacy laws and whether it would be disclosed that I've called about that

  30. Be honest. Tell DF's parents exactly what has happened--using as few emotion words as possible--and that the wedding will take place regardless.

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