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  1. I think your doing a great job and your bonus in laws need to be sat down and told, quite firmly, that that the girls need right now comes fist and they need to feel stable to feel safe. They are the grandparents and not a third parent and that while you’re trying to integrate them into your household, they need to stay there and sleep there. And they need counseling goes their grief because they’re starting to focus more on what they want rather than what’s good for the children, which is a normal part of the healing process but the emotions of the two children are going to take priority.

  2. Yes, the oldest is in therapy as well as me & my H. I hate that they already have so much trauma. The potluck is a great idea! We'll bring it up with them.

  3. Perhaps having the therapist sit down in an appointment with the grandparents and explain this is what the kid needs will help. They might not pay attention to you though a DOCTOR they’ll listen to (some people love authorities). And it might have more punch from a doc saying “Yes, this is what kids who have gone through this need and if you really love these kids, this is what you’ll do, and here’s a card for someone who does adult grief counseling” will cut the arguments short.

  4. Context: had an awful lunch with my mom and brother a month ago which I posted about. Following that my mom sent me lots of waify messages and even a letter asking to please meet for coffee. She’ll come to a town near me (30 min train ride - my mom NEVER goes anywhere). I eventually agreed and we confirmed we’d meet tomorrow before my hair appointment. Haven’t heard a word off her all week so I sent her the message pictured. Totally as expected she feigned ignorance. Now she’s making me feel guilty asking me a million questions about how she organises a train ticket, what time should she get the train, are the trains regular. I said to her that she is the one who asked to come here, I never expected her to travel. I’m happy to reorganise she just needs to say directly what works best for her. Instead she keeps waifing saying “I will come but are you sure you want to see me? I understand if not”. She’s trying to get me to cancel so she doesn’t have to. Now she’s saying she’s going to get to the train station for 6am so she can get a ticket as doesn’t know how to do it online. I’m so frustrated. What should I do?

  5. You say “Mom, you’re smart and I’m sure you can figure it out. If you need to call the train station I’m sure they can help you better than I can.”

  6. When they take more than they give to your life, and you don’t think they’ll change.

  7. I never understand this, I always see screenshots on here where people have this many texts and I can’t understand how that’s a thing

  8. I signed up for Wish and got 1,000 text alerts in like… three hours. I deleted the app but it was a wild ride.

  9. You go to the IRS and report that you have not gotten any of your stimulus or child tax credits and would like to report that someone else if fraudulently getting them, and request they be reissued if possible. And if you need to file a police report on your mother to make it happen you’re willing to.

  10. I weigh myself before and after I poop because I’m an odd duck. 4 lbs is not unusual.

  11. You would need to file a DBA (doing business as) at your local county to use a name like that legally. The cost varies wildly from $15 to $150. It basically registers the name you want to use like Creative Puzzles and shows you’re not trying to use it to defraud anyone.

  12. Depending on your state, you don’t have have to file a DBA if you have your name in the name of the business. So it could be “Writersanonymouss Creative Puzzles” and no DBA necessary. But that is only if you are establishing a sole proprietorship, if you wish to incorporate, which is recommended for personal protection, then you will have to file the DBA.

  13. In Texas you can do a dba with no intention of incorporating just to register the name- probably why it was $15 when I did it. I’ve seen it a lot more in other states which probably has more protection/ steps towards business formation

  14. Can I send one last email saying that I need space and there has to be some boundaries established? My previous email was trying to claim financial independence.

  15. If it will make you feel better, sure. But she’s not going to understand or respect this email either.

  16. Small air filter with a fan and something carbon in it. Also try using Zoya, it’s almost fume free and it never seems to give me problems when I use it and can’t ventilate!

  17. Will ham radio work for a long distance like thousands of miles?

  18. If you get good you can bounce signals. When we we’re in Texas my wife would chat with other hand in Alaska and Antarctica.

  19. You can always insist as an adult your mom not be in the room during an exam, if that would help stop the icky feels.

  20. You should go to a doctor if they’re that bad. Also sometimes your cramps can get much, much worse if you’re low on magnesium and vitamin c so taking those can help.

  21. Is there any way to move a thousand miles away so they can’t drop in anymore?

  22. I'd do the Christmas Letter some of my friends do. A paragraph about how you care about them and hope they're well, then a paragraph about the accomplishments of each of the people and maybe something about the pets, and then close with a wish for them to have a warm and lovely holiday season.

  23. I found the concept very helpful while I was getting better.

  24. She’s admitted she will use you to control her son so the best thing you can do is block her on everything and never speak to her again. She’s an abuser and will happily emotionally batter you to get her way.

  25. Do you really want to marry into this family? Why hasn't your fiancé shut his mother down? This is what the rest of your life is going to be like.

  26. Fiancé is moving out, from OP’s back posts there’s a disabled younger sibling he was taking care of that kept him at home.

  27. You could do a private reverse mortgage or something- you’ll need a good real estate lawyer involved and possibly an estate attorney and it’ll be easier if your siblings are on board as well.

  28. Abusers tend to get better at abuse in therapy. If that’s a consistent thing for him, start your exit planning.

  29. My great grandmother was big old money (Chicago Gold Coast for those that know) and hated Lois Vutton and said it was tacky and gaudy... I think in the 1920's.

  30. I’m from an old money area and they definitely do not restrict themselves in how they dress or behave. LV, Goyard everywhere.

  31. Mind if I ask where? I know geography has a lot to do with this, and ethnicity can have an impact (my Asian aquaintances would not worry about visible branding at all, where some of the caucasian or fellow white-passing folks of mixed heritage would never).

  32. Yeah he’s an expert that makes his cash siding with abusers. Best to ignore him.

  33. Damn, I wish I had known before I clicked. It fills me with fury. I also saw that he himself was at one point estranged from his kid, which says it all right there.

  34. Yeah. The thing with therapists is they a) tend to attract people with pd’s into the field and b) are usually trying to fix their own trauma. So a person with abandonment trauma will try to keep the family together (even in the case of abuse) and you have to be careful about who you see.

  35. What helped me in this? Go watch the movie Labrynth with David Bowie.

  36. She’s an askhole. She will keep asking the questions until she gets the answer she wants. It’s an attempt to grind you down.

  37. It never made me feel better because there is no magic mix of words to make her understand.

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