AITA for telling my coworker to get over it and do it herself?

  1. NTA. She needs to learn to be a big girl. As someone with social anxiety I get it. Talking to people is tough. But you can’t get through life depending on other people to handle difficult situations.

  2. I stop all communication that is not work related with Lizzy. She endangered your job by reporting you to HR after being kind and helping her. The one time you deny her request, how does she responds? She goes to report you. Be very careful with this girl.

  3. Exactly! As someone with anxiety, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and do it, and when you're finished you're like, "That sucked but wasn't as bad as I thought."

  4. The only way to get over it is to do it and/or get help and do it. It doesn’t get better by having someone do it for you.

  5. Not only is this 100% accurate getting fries is one of those situations where you get to decide if you prioritize letting the anxiety take the win or getting your prize. That struggle is constant and the non-consequential ones are the best to try to expand the comfort zone. OP was doing the girl a solid. NAH though, not like she wanted to abuse him just for the sake of fries...

  6. Same. My sister forced me on stage, (she ran a drama school) to act and made me talked to parents during story time multiple weeks for a few summers. (she was a children’s librarian) It was so difficult, scary, and horrible….and the best thing I ever did. It changed my life for the better. It got a little easier each day, but without her coaxing me, I would never have done it. Thank God for my sister! NTA

  7. You can have social anxiety and not behave like a toddler. In fact, the people I know with anxiety have never cried or whined about it.

  8. I don't know. I have suggested that she doesn't have social anxiety at all before. She's told me that she finds me easy to talk too which is possible but I am not a doctor so I can't be the one to decide if she does or doesn't have a medical problem.

  9. Strange how she doesn't have anxiety around OP but does to a caterer who she will never see or met again when it involves walking away from a social situation.

  10. She has someone driving her to work I know. Her car has been broken down for two months and from what she told me she doesn't want to call for a tow truck to take it to a shop so her mom or dad drive to work. I don't know much of what she does outside of work. She has said she can't go anywhere with her boyfriend.

  11. Yeah when I was that shy, I'd just not eat. I remember as a teen in a group, at a table. Didn't dare ask if someone could pass me the cheese or something. Well then I just ate something nearby. But she goes to the boss to complain about him and demands he brings her food?

  12. NTA. I feel like she’s using her Anxiety here to tailor stuff to her own will. So she had problems with talking to the catering staff but had no problem in asking someone to go and get the things for her.

  13. I swear on my grandmother that is what she said. I am often the one she goes to for favors since I am first floor and she's second floor. She finds it easier to come to my floor to find me for whatever it is she needs. If I am busy then she goes to find someone else. She said there whining and begging for me to get the fries, saying please over and over.

  14. It is her fault if she doesn’t go to the Dr and do whatever she can to fix it. There is medication for that. Enabling it isn’t helping her at all.

  15. NTA, I understand that social anxiety makes a lot of jobs difficult but it doesn't seem like she's even trying. Helping here and there is one thing but you can't do every part of her job that involves other people. It's not about the fries, it's about the statement and you are right for doing what you did.

  16. NTA your the custodian not her personal assistant she needs to learn to do things for herself and actually put the effort in to overcome her anxiety because it’s not fair to expect everyone to put their lives on hold and revolve them around her and her needs. As someone with anxiety issues it only gets better if you actually confront them head on and a good therapist works wonders. We’re you a bit blunt? Yes maybe but were you right as well? Also yes!

  17. I already voted, but wanted to add... as someone who has experienced social anxiety... I wouldn't even ask for extra fries because the ASKING would be the anxiety inducing event. It sounds to me like she enjoys getting others to do things for her.

  18. NTA I have social anxiety too but it's called you slowly do little things of talking to people to get over it. You aren't helping her by not forcing her to do these things. Having good communication skills is valuable in basically every job.

  19. So she has too much social anxiety to go get fries but then goes to talk to the boss and wants to get HR involved?! That doesn't add up to me. People with social anxiety usually do not want ANYTHING to do with drama/stressful situations.

  20. NTA, So lizzy could talk to the boss and the HR but couldn't with the caterer for some fries? Was she ashamed for a second plate??

  21. NTA part of living with anxiety is doing stuff anyway. leaving my house makes me anxious. but i do it because there are things i need to accomplish. talking to people can make me anxious. but i talk to them anyway because i am an adult and it is unreasonable of me to expect others to do things for me that i am perfectly capable of doing.

  22. yes and no ? as someone with severe generalized anxiety i can see where she is coming from however, she needs to learn to overcome some of her fears and work with it. i'm 20 and my job involves talking to people every single day, at this point it doesn't make me nervous it just drains me. she's also slaw as fuck for going to HR about you like i would've just cried in my car and called it a day. moving on to you, i've also been in your position and i understand your frustration and irritation however, there are better ways to say things and diffuse the shenanigans. these damn fries got me bent. i rlly would've said fuck the anxiety and got my own fries. i'm not saying it's your responsibility to be her life coach but instead of being shiesty you could have used some words of encouragement.

  23. NTA for obvious reasons. But she dropped an HR complaint because you didn’t get her fries? What the actual fuck?

  24. AUTOMOD The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read

  25. NTA. I'm sure she was terribly upset, but it's not your fault she has anxiety and she can't expect others to carry her through all her life.

  26. NTA! I have worked with someone like Lizzy before who constantly brought up her social anxiety as to why she couldn’t do something and would push her work off on others. It got to the point she was clocking in and doing next to nothing for 8 hours! If confronted she would say she was going to have a panic attack! She eventually just didn’t show up for work for like a week and got fired!

  27. NTA. I can understand her being anxious, but she needs to stop leaning on other people and start overcoming her anxiety. What if something were to happen to you (aside from losing your patience)? She needs to be able to deal with this herself and start challenging herself in some small ways.

  28. NTA , if she can expend that amount of energy trying to make someone else do it then she is capable of doing it herself. As others have said, with social anxiety it is important to push past the discomfort zone on low stake things like this, otherwise it just feeds the monster.

  29. If her anxiety is so crippling she literally can’t go get herself some more fries because she’s afraid someone will talk to her, she needs medical help. NTA

  30. Honestly, sounds like BS, she has anxiety but she's also quite comfortable harassing you. Sounds like she's just a baby who found someone she could sucker into doing stuff for her

  31. NTA, she's attempting to make YOU or other employees responsible for not only a decent chunk of her job, but also responsible for the social isolation she's working so damn hard to create!

  32. NTA - She has no anxiety related issues talking to HR and your boss (and if she did, she got through it) but she can't say "may I please have some chips"?

  33. She has anxiety, but can talk to you to get you to do things for her just fine. She has anxiety, but when she is told no she is able to speak to your boss to complain you didn't wait on her hand and foot. She had anxiety, but didn't mind making a big scene and crying in public because you told her no. And finally she has anxiety, but going to HR to complain that you don't act like her personal servant doesn't seem to make her anxious. Hmmm. I think someone knows how to play the anxiety card to get extra attention and an easy life. NTA, but your colleague is an a-hole and the ones giving you a hard time are gullible idiots.

  34. NTA. People who actually have anxiety have different ways of dealing with it, but the ONE THING they do not do is use it as an excuse to manipulate people into getting them to do the job for them or gain more sympathy. People with anxiety do not bring up their anxiety that often unless it's for that exact purpose.

  35. If she has the balls to report u than she definitely has the balls to ask for some fries

  36. NTA-You constantly tried getting her to do stuff on her own and even helped her multiple times in work with no real reason or benefit

  37. NTA but I’d avoid her as much as possible and only have work related conversations with her at most if this is how she behaves

  38. Nta, she has anxiety when she wants something and no anxiety when she talked to HR to put op in trouble. Not buying the lies of faker. Op just maintain a distance from this special snowflake.

  39. NTA. You could've been more gentle about it but she needs to be a functional adult like everyone else. Anxiety sucks, I know, I have it, but one can't use it as a way to stay in their comfort zone forever.

  40. NTA definitely sounds like you have worse anxiety than her from this post tbh. to me she sounds like an entitled brat who is lying, why is she getting mad that people treat you better than her? she is looking down on your job and i’m sure there’s a better reason her coworkers get along with you better than her.

  41. I find it interesting that Lizzy's social anxiety makes it difficult for her to do her job but not go to the boss and request HR intervention over you refusing to cater to her anymore.

  42. She’s giving everyone with anxiety issues a bad name. This is why these mental illness stigmas exist. Your coworker is a brat. She could be an anxious brat, but that doesn’t stop you from doing everything for yourself.

  43. NTA. Stop all communication that is not work related! Do nothing else for her that she can’t feasibly do herself. She went nuclear by going to HR over FRIES!

  44. You're her coworker not her parent and hopefully no longer one of her enablers. NTA. Amazing how fast she could go to the boss and HR but couldn't ask for extra fries. Someone has been using her anxiety to become entitled.

  45. NTA. I used to burst into tears during presentations bc of my anxiety. Now I’ve spent the past school year being class president, socializing with everyone. I’ve been in a small local debate contest a few years prior. Sure no one’s anxiety is the same, but she is definitely making it much bigger than she has to.

  46. Nta, I get social anxiety but that's too far, your her coworker, not her friend, not her partner. If anyone took it too far it was her.

  47. NTA- I dont like interacting with people as it make me nervous and stammer and it honestly does scare me but Jesus unless someone offered to get me something I’d do it myself

  48. NTA. Her anxiety is affecting her ability to her job and fend for herself. That is a problem. The fact that she approaches her coworkers to ask things for her because she is unwilling to confront her own fears is a problem, because it’s not just the food. It’s with her job responsibilities too. If she goes to HR, I would make sure that your supervisor knows that she routinely refuses to engage with the people on her floor and asks you guys to go ask about things she should just do as well, so it’s not just this one incident. She allows her anxiety to interfere with very simple functions of her job, and you all have been helping her here, but enough is enough.

  49. This sounds way more than anxiety. Tbh..she may have more in depth things going on than you realize and even if it’s annoying you are her safe person at work. I will go with NTA..but definitely would try to be nicer. Pills suck btw they’re not an end all be all...

  50. I have a few diagnoses. Pills suck but they also save a lot of lives every year. I don’t necessarily think this coworker would benefit from them because I think she’s full of shit and just lazy.

  51. ESH You weren't obligated to get the fries for her but you shouldn't have told her to "get over" herself. Even if you don't believe she has social anxiety, she might, or someone else might be hurt by putting "social anxiety" and "full of yourself" in the same context.

  52. I accept that. I had told her no twice before I snapped at her. She always says she found me easy to talk to. Personally I don't believe she has anxiety but I am not a doctor. I think she just says it to get others to do things for her.

  53. You may not be the asshole but you are insensitive. If she is in a special work program they may make accomodations. Anxiety doesn't just go away.

  54. I have social anxiety, when I was much younger (teenager) and didn't have a handle on it... I have been like her, asking people to do things for me because if I did them I'd full on panic. Her asking you to do these things means she is comfortable with you.

  55. They were not actually working at the time. She was imposing on his lunch. And if you re-read it she asked him and he refused/declined but because she was being selfish she tormented him repeating the question until he reacted badly. But now she wants to get him in trouble with HR! She can’t do her own job (by her own admission) and reply’s on OP to get it done.

  56. I accept that. She has told me she finds me easy to talk to and thats fine but I can't follow her around all day. I got my own stuff to do and I wasn't about to go get more food when I was still eating.

  57. Some people need to be called on their bullshit. Maybe the coworker legit thinks that her behavior is because of her anxiety, when in reality it’s probably mainly because of everyone around her enabling it. Mental illness doesn’t excuse you from being an adult, I know from experience. If you make other people’s lives more difficult because you victimize yourself, you’re the asshole 100% of the time.

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