AITA for telling my BIL that I wouldn’t sleep with him even if my life depended on it in front of his family and friends?

  1. And pissed because you're with his brother, not him. He still wants you and deals with it by being an asshole.

  2. "Of course, I didn't sleep with you all the girls on campus knew you had a really small dick and you didn't know what you were doing."

  3. NTA. But what is your fiancé and the rest of the family doing about the jerk misogynist in their midst? They’ve been waiting on you to say something like that to him for a while?

  4. Exactly!! And wth! How freaking rude to bring this up ever in front of anyone, much less his brother’s fiancé and family! I’m really sorry. And nobody should be calling you any names! Absolutely ridiculous.

  5. I have never understood slut shaming. If she slept with you, you’re a hypocrite . If she slept with everyone BUT you, sit with that and figure out why

  6. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Also known as "fck around and find out." He kept poking, he shouldn't be surprised that he gets bit.

  7. Random dude here. I would NEVER say this to anyone, but if I did - it would have to be because I was out of my mind jealous. But man, making joke like that about your brothers fiancé… I’m surprised big bro hasn’t kicked his ass already!

  8. This is so true. I slept around a fair bit when I was in graduate school. The only people that brought it up after we all graduated were the guys who actively try to get me to sleep with them and I wouldn’t.

  9. NTA - also a whore gets paid for sex, it sounded like she just enjoyed having it with different people. It's not the same thing. And she isn't a bitch because she never once tried to be mean to someone for no reason. She was just honest after someone constantly insulted her.

  10. NTA. He clearly wanted to sleep with you back then and is pissed off that he missed the chance to even try. He just wants to, I don't know, roll the blame over to you? Like "if OP just had realized I'm the perfect guy, we would be together" or something like that. But that is not your problem, it's his. And he has to deal with it.

  11. NTA as you said in your post, you know you didn't do anything wrong. People that insult women for having too many partners are misogynists. His jokes, if you don't find them funny, are misogyny. You are not an AH for responding to that, certainly not how you responded. You could've emptier his beer on his head and not been the AH. Idk why your partner hasn't told him to cut it out, maybe he doesn't want to seem like he has a problem with you having multiple partners in the past, which he shouldn't, but he should have a problem with his bro making jokes you don't like.

  12. NTA. It’s creepy that the brother always brought it up in front of family - or at all. Fuck Jacob’s friends; lashing out at you bc you hurt their friend’s ego is pathetic.

  13. Right like why was everyone okay with this dude bringing up the fact he wanted to fuck his brothers fiancé in front of the family?

  14. Jacob was probably always trying to deal with his hurt little feelings that you didn’t sleep with him in college. The woman who got around skipped right over him and is marrying his brother instead.

  15. I'm honestly surprised the older brother didn't pop him in the mouth. Getting told off is really mild compared to what could've happened.

  16. Pretty sure he is jealous of his brother and wants/ed something from OP. Now he throws a tantrum like: if i cant have her, noone can have her. Or atleast ill do my best to "spoil" her for everyone.

  17. NTA. Your former promiscuity is your business. He was bullying you and got smacked down. All is right with the world. Good luck!

  18. upvoting cos a bot stole and reworded your comment and got waaaay more upvotes. also, youre correct lol

  19. NTA and his “joking” like that is disturbing. To me it shows a complete lack of respect for you and also your fiancé. Your past is where it should be, behind you.

  20. I agree and Even if it's in the present, it doesn't involve him. She could still want to sleep several people and not him.

  21. NTA Jacob has shitty, flying monkey friends. Your future in-laws have his number, and should do a better job shutting him down. He embarrassed himself and thought he could get away with it. Surprise!

  22. NTA - you were single and free to do what you pleased in college, no shame in that so no one should be shaming you. You're fiance can be ok with your past and that's all that matters. Everyone else can fuck off. And this brother is clearly TA because he wont respect your wishes for his to STFU about it.

  23. Absolutely NTA, but look, your fiance and his family really need to do something about this beyond just asking him not to do it.

  24. Me and my fiancé were laughing at this because I made a joke about this when we first got together 😂😂.. His dad is named jaxon tho so the name is passed down

  25. 100% this. Slut shaming aside, Jacob feels entitled to dish it out whenever he feels like, but gets instantly offended when he's on the receiving end of it. We all know people like this, they're called assholes.

  26. NTA. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself! He’s just being a baby with a bruised ego. Plus it was in front of his friends and family and on his birthday. He will get over it. Don’t feel bad for one second. 🙌🙌🙌

  27. INFO: Who is this friend and why are they even implying to you that you could possibly be an asshole for snapping back at someone slut shaming you?

  28. NTA. Honestly, your fiancé should have told him off about that a long time ago. Sounds like he is jealous big brother locked you down and his little ego can't take it.

  29. NTA????? Why tf would you want your brother’s FIANCÉ to sleep you??? And much less ask in the first place? It seems like baby bro is jealous.

  30. NTA and I think your fiancé should have handled this for you by now. My guess is that the fiance low key enjoys these jabs as well because your past makes him uneasy. Messy situation, wouldn't sign any papers

  31. I wouldn't plan a wedding with this person or these people knowing the BIL would make a speech remind everyone including my friends and all relatives about my slut period wtf (if I was OP)

  32. NTA you were just trying to stick up for yourself. Jacob sending flying monkeys shows he wasn't joking, he was deliberetaly trying to be nasty and doesn't like being shut down. Your fiance needs to shut all of this bullying down.

  33. NTA And good for you for doing what you wanted when you were free to do so. I'm in my 40s now and around us people break up because they cheat/want to cheat/insert "I didn't experience life in my (early) 20s and wonder if that has been all life has to offer". I'm not saying it is right but in a lot of cases it's at least understandable. PLUS maybe Jacob is secrety jealous, either he hoped to hook up with you, too, or he hasn't had the same "success rate" as you and now his seemingly fragile male ego lashes out at you??!!? Just ignore him or keep reminding him that even you, a "slut" according to him and his friends, has never felt the need to even bother thinkinhg about him in a sexual way 🙄😈👍

  34. Seems like a commensurate response to me. NTA. Jacob's friends are trash people, I judge them more harshly than I judge Jacob, frankly. He at least had the good sense to shut up about it.

  35. I was friends with some of the girls he was friends with so they had mine and he most likely gave my number to his other friends

  36. He was just begging for it, and you gave it to him. The sound scolding, of course. Maybe he'll learn to keep his [redacted] mouth shut going forward

  37. NTA. Drunk or not he was highly inappropriate on so many previous occasions you snapped. You were blunt but he didn’t know when to shut his mouth.

  38. NTA. Fiancés family was waiting for you to say something? Why didn't they say something first? Jacob embarrassed himself and the only people who care are Jacob's friends. If he's jealous that's his own problem.

  39. NTA Just because you enjoyed being sexually active before doesn't mean you would sleep with every single person you meet in a day. He needs to understand also that people change and he sure seems like he has an unhealthy obsession with you. It's really not his business with how many people you slept and our of respect to his brother and ultimately you he should stop bringing up that theme.

  40. Lmfao it's so wild when men call women whores for not sleeping with them. It's so pathetic and their insecurity/hypocrisy is such a turn off. NTA your BIL shouldn't dish it if he can't take it back.

  41. NTA - and if you feel the need to respond to his gang of trolls, simply tell them any further harassment will be met with legal action. And you should let everyone whose on your side know about the troll situation, so BIL is pressured to leash his mutts.

  42. NTA. He is an incel. He is treating you as if he should be entitled to your body. This is a dangerous warning sign for potential violence against you in the future. Please take this seriously. I would go no contact, honestly.

  43. Women are sluts for sleeping around and for boys it's an unremarkable right of passage into manhood. So many double standards here! And why does Jacob even think about sleeping with his brother's fiancé in some weird bro bonding fantasy? You are most definitely NTA.

  44. The brother and his slut shaming friends are AH. You made choices about partners in college and you didn’t choose him. Toxic male culture. Ignore and block the misogynistic friends of BIL. Also if you can dish it out be prepared to take it. He has been told before. He just got schooled in consequences. NTA

  45. NTA. it’s weird that he keeps talking about your sex life. and he deserved it. it was quiet cocky of him to think you would even want to sleep with him, and by him saying “i’m surprised you didn’t take the chance to sleep with me” proves he thinks you would sleep with him. you were just setting the record straight.

  46. I agree with your first point. Why tf does her sex life matter? And for real... it comes up in front of family? The only people needing to be aware of her sex life are her and her fiancé.

  47. NTA - good for you for enjoying yourself through college. He’s mad you didn’t want him then or now. He and his childish friends don’t get to bully and insult you because you don’t want to jump on his dick. Text them all that if they’re that upset they can fuck him but you’re still not interested even after all these years.

  48. NTA - But Jax needs to step it up. If my brother made repeated jokes about my SO’s sex life that I told him were unwelcome we’d either have a scrap or I’d leave the party. Even if you were not there Jax needs to proactively shut it down and make it clear anyone else who isn’t also proactively shutting down Jacob’s shit will be cut off too. For example if his parents allow the jokes as long as you can’t hear it then his parents can get bent too.

  49. I didn’t even read the text and I already know you are NTA, he is and his friends. What the heck is wrong with some people

  50. Nope NTA, but your fiancé needs to put an end to it. Fact is, Jacob and his peer group think you’re a slut and don’t respect you. Maybe they will one day, but right now they do not and will not stop until he makes them, since they don’t respect you no amount of quips from you will end it. Have him end it so his parents don’t have to be involved.

  51. NTA OP your soon to be BIL was drunk and being a jerk. You defended yourself, end of story. Also take note how his friends were the ONLY ones on his side and ALSO reverted to name calling and insults. Obviously a geese of a feather situation. Pay no heed to him or his friends. And seriously, whoever suggested you needed to get a verdict from AITA kinda sucks too when you were clearly in the right.

  52. NTA I'd've been all "Preach, Sister!" He might have gotten the hint from the very beginning since you did not in fact sleep with him when you had the chance.

  53. NTA the fact that your fiancé and his family had previously told him to stop when made these misogynistic "jokes" but he kept making them, he's lucky that's all you said. It's nice that your fiancé and his family were on your side.

  54. NTA at all, I would of snapped ages ago( and most likely would of punched him haha), sound like someone is jealous and upset you didn't sleep with his pindick and if his mates are saying shit too it's cause they are jealous too especially if they went to the same school as you

  55. I find it kind of nuts that this has been permitted to go on as long as it has. Telling him to stop clearly hasn't worked - his family should have removed him every single time he pulled this crap. Quite shameful that it got to this point, frankly. NTA.

  56. NTA - Also real punk move when someone’s friends get in the middle of shit. Especially family shit. This is none of their business. If I was Jax, I’d be having a real rough conversation with my brother about being a punk.

  57. TBH I'd screenshot those messages and show your in-laws. If his family was waiting for you to clap back, perhaps they should see the company he keeps. NTA

  58. Your fiancé should've talked to his brother about his friend after they called you a ''whore''. If he hadn't said anything about this then he was too passive and you should talk to him about stepping up for a bit when it needed.

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  60. Uhh your fiancé isn’t doing enough honestly. Wtf is this. They all aren’t doing enough to stop him. If anyone made a sexual inappropriate comment to my soon to be spouse, they’d get their teeth knocked in at the dinner table.

  61. NTA. He sounds like a narcissistic misogynistic pig. im glad you stuck up for your self. If my brother said something like that to my wife before or after we were married i would have been furious with him.

  62. NTA. a whore and a bitch? Wow. Just... Wow. That was absolutely inappropriate of him and tbh, he sounds jelly that he didn't have that privilege. And if he gets that hurt over it, he probably gets rejected often. Don't apologise. You didn't do anything wrong.

  63. You may have had fun when you were younger but you still had standards, regardless how low they may have been.

  64. NTA. He’s just bitter and jealous because you never wanted him. Honestly, every time he brings up your college days, you should point out that you still had standards as evidenced by the fact you never got with him.

  65. Definitely NTA. Good on you! Even his family thought it was about time you said something. Brother-in-law needs a shake.

  66. NTA. Aside from his own behavior, Jacob has the kind of friends who will seek you out to call you a “whore” and a “bitch”. Jacob isn’t a nice guy and you and your fiancé should keep that in mind moving forward.

  67. NTA. He got what he deserved. It really pisses me off that men that don't get to sleep with you call you a whore, when all they want is tail. What does that make them?

  68. Block all those woman hating incels, show your fiancée the texts. I hope he stands up for you. Those words are hostile and violent. And please don’t for one moment think you went too far. You didn’t go get enough, fast enough.

  69. NTA And not seeking to slut shame at all, I’m all for having a good time, but this reminds me of the old joke, ‘What’s the difference between a bike and a slut? A bike sleeps with everyone, a slut sleeps with everyone but you’. Language has changed over the years but message holds true, little bro is mad because you didn’t sleep with him. Your message was perfect and should be repeated as often as necessary.

  70. NTA! But more concerning, your fiance and his family are gutless. Hardcore bystander effect going on. They should've pulled up this asshole when he first said it. Amazing the misogyny at play

  71. NTA. Once again a complete AH gets put in their place and plays victim. Jacob needs to learn how to human.

  72. NTA. He keeps bringing up your past either to feel superior or because he secretly has feelings for you. I guarantee that what you said is way nicer than anything I would have said.

  73. Absolutely not the asshole. It sounds like this guy is a jerk and your fiance needs to stand up for you in this situation. If people arent bringing positivity to your life, you don't need them.

  74. NTA, and I don't get why guys feel so entitled to someone's body. I'm happy that your finance AND his family agree with you.

  75. NTA if even his family was WAITING for you to say that then you really have nothing to worry about. Honestly it just sounds like they’re trying to make you seem like you were wrong in your choices in the past. He’s trying to be a victim because he was told no and didn’t get to smash while everyone, and his brother who got lucky enough to be with you did. Ignore them all. The important people think you did nothing wrong.

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