AITA for leaving my boyfriend I’ve been financially supporting after a big argument?

  1. Get that man out of the apartment. YOUR name is on it and clearly he doesn’t give a crap. CALL THE COPS to remove him from YOUR apartment.

  2. This OP. It’s been less than 30 days. Call the cops and tell them he’s threatening you and you are worried for your safety. How he isn’t a tenant and pays nothing and he’s refusing to leave. Have them remove him.

  3. Reading this, I felt horrible for OP. This man is verbally abusive, refuses to look for a job, and sounds like he is just trying to drag OP down with him.

  4. Op NTA but if YOUR name is on the lease and I understand how this works correctly move back in and kick him out call the police bring your dad or whatever. Dude is toxic af you’re young you will find way better than this trash can of a human being. (Please all trash can accept my apology for this comparison) Don’t do anything to anger him further more because sadly he could break things and it’s again your name on the lease just move back to your home and tell this adult person to gtfo again bring someone before being gaslighting into staying with him …

  5. He needs to be cut off like yesterday. Needs out of the place before he starts to squat and she ends up beaten. He's already getting to comfortable being a mouthy AHole to her. He's dating someone young because us older women would of booted him out day one of that attitude.

  6. He’s not on the lease and they have had it less than a week he can’t claim he’s a resident or even a squatter that quick. Have the police removed him as a trespasser and move into the new place alone.

  7. Nta. Can we go back to the part where you consider this man your best friend. If a person really considers you their significant other or they're better half they wouldn't treat you the way they treat you. It's okay to get an argument that's completely normal in a relationship but to belittle you and treat you like you're nothing, that's way too far. You've been carrying this man on your back for months. It's time to live for yourself and not for other people. If he loved you for who you are then he would appreciate the things that you do for him. If he did love you unconditionally then he wouldn't be saying the things that he's saying right now. Good luck honey you're better off without him.

  8. NTA. This really hits close to home for me. This is the same age difference between my ex and myself. I was 25 and he was 40 when I finally left him. Yes, I financially supported him. Yes, he did the name calling and verbal abuse and blaming he for everything that bothered him. And 18 years later he still hasn't improved his life, and still blames he for a lot of his issues. My life, on the other hand, his gotten exponentially better in that time.

  9. NTA - he doesn't sound like a best friend or partner. They are supposed to support the other person. Instead, he is relying on you, treating you terribly, making you feel guilty, and simply being a drain on your life and happiness. Also, he is an adult (a significantly older one than you) - You didn't abandon him. He isn't a puppy or a child. Please for your own sanity, stop paying for this leech. Dont pay for his cruelty, laziness, and mistakes

  10. Can we add in that he got fired in a time when places desperately need employees? Old man had to royally screw up for that! I wonder if he has even been honest with the OP about why he got fired.

  11. Best response so far. Get this man out of your apartment. Also avoid age-gap relationships in the future. Been there, done that.

  12. This guy sounds like the asshole. I’ll gloss over the age difference ( which is also gross), but a middle aged man who can’t control his temper is pathetic. Hopefully you’ll find someone your own age…..

  13. I'd argue that the age difference is key here - very few women in their thirties would tolerate 1% of the shit this man is piling on OP.

  14. NTA for leaving him, but you’ve opened yourself up to further harm by just leaving and not coming back. He was abusive to you and I’m glad you’re somewhere safe, but you need to get him out of that apartment. Depending on where you live he could get squatters rights and it will take forever to get him out, and will cost a ton in legal fees while you pay for him to live in your house. Or ruin your credit/rental history and have the landlord evict him (technically you because you’re on the lease).

  15. NTA! I understand you love him, but love alone is NOT ENOUGH to make a relationship work. Your boyfriend sounds dangerously paranoid and angry. He's emotionally violent, combative with everyone, and verbally abusive.

  16. NTA. OP, You likely dodged a bullet. His comments and actions are not nice: controlling and demanding.

  17. NTA girl RUNNN. he’s THIRTY NINE and relies on his 24 year old gf to bank him. he is a leech and he’s never going to get a job!! most men ik would be embarrassed to let their gfs bank them, especially considering the age difference. no offense but he seems like a lazy and manipulative bum :/

  18. Judging by the timeline she was 21 when they started dating... and he was 36. He was 100% targeting her. I also wouldn't be surprise if he got worse after the move because there weren't witnesses

  19. NTA. This guy has a ton of issues and seemingly NO desire to do anything about them. You can support someone but you can't carry them. I'm not normally one for ultimatums, but this guy needs to get his head fixed before he drags you down too (but it may he too late).

  20. NTA. Girl don't go back. He is 39 and you are 24. There is reason why women of his age Don't date him cause they know their worth. You are young, easy to manipulate i guess. DON'T GO BACK. FUCK HIM.

  21. Why did you leave the apartment the YOU love, which YOU pay for, for which YOU are the only person on the lease?! Grow a spine and get your home back.

  22. He's abusive both verbally and I'm guessing physically (or will be), emotionally manipulative and financial parasite - don't feel guilty at for leaving him and if you do remember he was going to leave you 'because you're a plague' in his words so if anything you've 'freed' him like he wanted. Maybe remind of that when you turn up with the police to have him removed.

  23. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  24. You are NTA and may not fully understand it until you have more distance but you have been in an abusive relationship. This petulant child in a grown man’s body has been taking advantage of you and trying to manipulate you into coming back so that he can continue to do so. Not always but an age gap of that size is often a pretty big red flag- when older men get with women in their early 20’s it is often because younger women are more trusting and easier to control whereas women their age have learned to stand up for themselves and see their bs for what it is. Take it from me as someone who dated an older man in her early 20’s and had to find that out the hard way. Stay strong and never question that you did the right thing. No 39 year old man is a 24 year old’s responsibility

  25. You are absolutely NTA. He’s been treating you terribly for a long time. He threatened you with a break up so he can’t act surprised that you took him up on the offer. You need to have him removed from that apartment, though. If it’s YOUR name on the lease him not paying the rent could lead to an eviction on YOUR record, not his.

  26. Don't just change the locks OP, add extra security, cameras, doorbell cam and extra locks. Make sure your windows are secure because as sure as eggs is eggs, he's gonna come back with promises of being a better person to get his free ride back before reverting. Even your old flatmates knew what he was NTA.

  27. NTA you have nothing to be guilty of. You tried your best and he cussed you. Break the lease so he doesn't stay there at your expense. And yea, a 24 year old woman supporting a 39 year old man is not okay. I think he was using you honestly coz of everything you said plus that age difference..... Yuck.

  28. Yes, THIS. The abuse doesn't stop. Instead, it steadily gets worse. And it WILL get worse, since there are no longer roommates to witness what is happening. It's just you, him, and that magnificent temper of his, free to hurt you however he wishes.

  29. NTA!!! Do not feel guilty!!! Do not feel bad. YOU DODGED A BULLET! Do not go anywhere near him. He's a grown middle aged many preying on a young woman to support him. Find someone who LIFTS YOU UP! Not a boat anchor that drags you down.

  30. NTA. I don’t even need to read the post. You are never obligated to stay with someone in a broken relationship for financial reasons. Especially someone 15 years older who should be mature enough to have savings and a nest egg.

  31. Moreso it sounds like they’ve been dating for a few yrs so they started dating close to when she became a legal adult.

  32. NTA are you kidding me! This man has told you your voice is awful, berated you for things out of your control and made you feel small WHILST you are the one supporting him. He is projecting his insecurities on you so much. His ultimatum was badly thought out and showed him for the weak shit he is. Get him out of YOUR apartment. You will look back on this post in 6 months and think how the fuck did i deal with that and this it is okay.

  33. He's 40, he can find a job. Also, he's not on the lease, so why were you the one who had to leave? NTA. Kick him out.

  34. NTA I don’t even know why I kept reading. You’re taking care of a grown a$$ man and he has the nerve to complain? Jfc

  35. NTA, but don't cut the internet. Call the cops and tell them your ex wont leave your apartment and then live there urself if u love it 😊

  36. Uhmmmm NTA but you would be an AH to yourself if you don’t fully cut him off. He sounds borderline abusive and manipulative and a user he calls you so much shi when you’ve been nothing but supportive. I wouldn’t have any love left for a guy if he did this to me.

  37. You need to put him out NOW before he can establish tenancy (30 days in most places). Are you going to keep the lease or cancel it?

  38. Op, please read this! ^ get that man out right now. Call the police and tell them your ex Boyfriend won’t leave. Tell them he is violent and you left for your own safety but everything is under your name. Cut off the internet, electric, water, gas, everything. Get him out. If the violence escalates, ask for a restraining order. But get him OUT.

  39. Girl. The way he talks to you is unforgivable. This man is a narcissist and obviously sees you as a commodity and a punching bag; you left because he was being abusive and he sends you texts about how HE is gonna LEAVE? HE is giving YOU an ultimatum??? No. Call the cops, thats your house, get him removed and change the locks. Get a friend or family member you trust to be with you for a few days and get therapy if possible, the fact you even consider you might be the asshole in this instance is proof of how much he messed with your self-worth, not shocking seeing as how he treats you. Please take care of yourself and put yourself first, get him out of your house and out of your life

  40. NTA- yes, it sounds like he is having some sort of mental health issue: but it also sounds like you really needed to leave. He wasn’t trying to take responsibility for himself- and you are too young to be in a place financially responsible for him unless you have an amazing job.

  41. NTA!! Good for you that you left. There’s a reason why women his age won’t date him because despite his age, he’s controlling and immature. You deserve so much better

  42. NTA. Not assuming anything, but it honestly sounds like he might be on drugs. You did the right thing. I was in a relationship for years with a narcissist and compulsive liar who I truly believed I loved and loved me, and he had me messed up for close to 2 years after we split, with me thinking he really still cared and would eventually get back together. He's now serving a few years in state prison for dealing meth.

  43. NTA but as he isn't on the lease make him leave. It's your place based on your income and legally he is not a tenant. Go to the place when he isn't there and change the locks.

  44. NTA, you need to get him out of there. Your name is on the lease and anything he does to the apartment will be your responsibility. I’ve had a similar situation before and the apartment management company took me to court to pay the damages ($3k) even though I didn’t cause them.

  45. NTA but please, stop being such a doormat. This is abuse against you in SO many senses, specially in the financial and psychological sense. "I wouldn’t have left him solely because of that"? Yes, You totally should have left him solely because of that. Maybe a therapist can help with the self esteem issue

  46. NTA this man is abusing you. He was a 36 year old who preyed on a young woman and deliberately gave her enough affection and kindness that she would overlook his gradually escalating bad behavior.

  47. OP, he is clearly mentally I’ll but that isn’t your problem. You’ve supported him but he doesn’t want to get better. Leave. Get him out of the apartment. Let him fend for himself. You owe him nothing anymore. NTA.

  48. NTA but you are a mug - sorry if that sounds harsh but you’ve put up with him much longer than you should have. He treats you like utter shit, has no respect for you and, quite frankly, it sounds like he hates you. Go back to YOUR apartment and tell him he needs to find someone else to stay with because it’s over and you deserve better.

  49. NTA. you were 21 being preyed on by a 36 year old who then proceeded to use you as a bank. Let him rot babes.

  50. OP this guy is mean and abusive. He clearly has no intention of getting a job, he just wants to leach off you while attempting to destroy your self esteem in an attempt to make himself feel better about himself. You are not responsible for this middle aged man and enabling him is not helping him at all. You may well feel that you love him but I think you are focused on an image of who he would be if he acted like he does at his best. Anyone can be lovely for a small amount of the time and especially when everything is going their way. You see who they really are when they are not having things their own way. Nasty him is the real him. Cut him loose. Enabling him isn't helping anyone. NTA

  51. NTA. After you get him out of the apartment get the locks changed asap. You’ll need to work with your landlord on it but I definitely think that your bf (hopefully soon to be ex) made a copy of the key so he could still get in.

  52. NTA. He abusive. No one deserves to be treated that way. You don’t owe him anything. A real man handles his responsibilities. You wouldn’t have to apply to jobs for a real man. He will not stand on his own if you continue to prop him up. You gotta let this one go so he can heal himself.

  53. Op, this is emotional and financial abuse. The guilt you're feeling is a trauma bond. This man wasn't your best friend, he was a parasite. Don't go back to him, this will only get worse. The more he thinks he's got you locked down, the more the abuse will escalate.

  54. NTA- tell him he needs to get his things and move. He is not on the lease and the locks will be changed. Let him know that he needs to get some mental health support and you hope his life will get better but it’s just not with you. You got this girls!

  55. I don't know how you could honestly love this man he treats you with nothing but disrespect, is happy for you to pay his way then complains about the home you've found nah I would be going back home packing His shit and telling him to leave no man that loves his spouse would treat them that way

  56. girl you are NTA- you are suffering the effects of a long term abusive relationship. There is no excuse for him to be speaking with you this way- he wants to break you down and make you feel strong, so that way he can feel big and trap you forever. This man is nearly 40- it is time for him to grow the hell up. It's not your duty to support him while he chooses not to further his life or seek independence. He may just be verbal now, but I trust that it won't be long after you two are alone that things will end up violent. Please, leave and never look back. You can and will do so much better- it may be difficult at first, but eventually your rose colored glasses will fade and you will see him for the P.O.S he really is.

  57. NTA and get him out of your house If you don't wanna stay in that house anymore but prefer moving back home Than break the lease since it's in your name alone

  58. Nta but he is showing the signs of a abuser so pls be careful and make sure you let your landlord know that you no longer want him in the apartment and if he doesn't leave you can call the police because your name is on the lease which could put you in trouble if he destroys anything in the apartment.

  59. Nta but he is showing the signs of a abuser so pls be careful and make sure you let your landlord know that you no longer want him in the apartment and if he doesn't leave you can call the police because your name is on the lease which could put you in trouble if he destroys anything in the apartment.

  60. NTA he’s abusive. Get him out of your apartment and then make it yours. He’s not your friend he’s abusing you. This situation will only get worse if you let him stay there

  61. If he hasn’t always been like this, I would wonder whether he has a brain tumor or something changing his personality. If he has always been like this, I wonder what you saw in him for the last several years! He sounds awful!

  62. NTA. Get him evicted and cut out pronto. That home is yours, and he has no entitlement to it. You've saved yourself by leaving him, and I wish you the best in the future OP

  63. NTA Abuse is not always physical. He sounds abusive as hell. And with a temper that mean, what if it did become that way once you started living alone? Cut the Internet off, that leech does not deserve your kindness. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

  64. NTA but you need him to leave that apartment- you owe the rent bc your name is on the lease. Call the cops to remove him and you move in asap (or ask landlord to break the lease and evict the trespasser). Otherwise he’ll be a squatter but you’ll owe the rent.

  65. Nta but he shows signs of abuse. He is yelling at you and balming you for all kinds of thinks, can't keep his life together, and even your roomamtes hate him. Kick him out of your place and block him on everything

  66. NTA. This guy verbally abuses you, doesn’t appreciate you and you will end up with no friends because of him. Get out now before you end up with kids with this loser. And grant his wish to break up by kicking him out of YOUR apartment!

  67. NTA he’s emotionally abusing you. You have every right not to want to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Plus he said he wanted out anyways, sounds like he was the one who initiated the break up. Also the apartment in your name is yours. Kick him out!

  68. NTA. Good for you OP for leaving him! I’m so proud of you. You absolutely did the right thing. Stay strong and don’t back down, even if it feels hard right now. Hang in there. Follow the advice others have posted about getting him out of YOUR apartment. You can do it!

  69. NTA. He is full of red flags and almost 40. This is not how anyone should be behaving, let alone someone his age. This is the kind of behavior you’d expect from someone your age and hope they’d get therapy and grow up. His behavior is abusive and manipulative. You did the right thing by leaving and you will be much happier soon.

  70. You're liable for the apartment if your name is on the lease so if you've really had enough you need to get him evicted before he can claim rights and screw you over!

  71. oh my God, NTA. go there today with others to support and protect you and tell him to get out immediately. Hand him his boxes, get his key and lock it up. block him on all social media and if he harrasses you, then get a restraining order. He's probably going to start crying and begging you for a second chance but he's 39, he won't change unless he wants to. after that doesn't work then the anger will flare up. Have your support, record everything.

  72. Nta but what exactly are you doing with this man? He sounds like he doesn’t bring anything good to the table and he sounds manipulative and abusive. Is this really how you want to spend your life?

  73. You have left an absusive relationship. Make sure you see it for what it was and don't get sucked back in. This man was financially and emotionally abusive to you. Stay out and stay far, far away.

  74. nta, but please get counseling for yourself. he is abusive (even if he is unwell). Your post really does read like a abuse survivor (guilt), so counseling would help to get you on stable ground mentally and emotionally.

  75. NTA. But why did you leave? He isn’t on the lease. I would have called a few friends to come over and then I would have told him to pack his S*** and get.

  76. He found a way to support himself by working before you. He found a way to apply for jobs and succeed at the interviews and get hired and collect a paycheck before you. He can do all that again.

  77. NTA If he’s supportive and your best friend, I’d hate to see your definition of unsupportive and a bad friend. Does he have any redeeming qualities. You’re worth so much more.

  78. NTA He has a temper. He is mean. He is paranoid. He is unemployed. He is verbally abusive to you at a minimum. No one likes him, including prospective employers, yet somehow you write that “ he has been my best friend and the person I love the most in the world.” You are here asking AITA? You have issues that strangers on the internet cannot fix. Seek professional help.

  79. NTA He has a temper. He is mean. He is paranoid. He is unemployed. He is verbally abusive to you at a minimum. No one likes him, including prospective employers, yet somehow you write that “ he has been my best friend and the person I love the most in the world.” You are here asking AITA? You have issues that strangers on the internet cannot fix. Seek professional help.

  80. NTA he is a narcissist he is using you, you are being abused. He is taking advantage of you because you are young. Turn off all of the utilities and have him sent an eviction letter.

  81. NTA! Don't be sucked back into a terrible situation when you have broken free. It will be painful but you do not have a give your life up and subject yourself to misery from any other person. We only have one life and you deserve to be happy. You haven't abandoned him, he is not a baby or a puppy, he's a grown adult and should get in with adulting. Without you being his support crutch/punching bag he can get on with his own life, as can you. Don't take him back, you can see how you life will be and no-one needs that life sentence

  82. NTA. This man sounds like a real arsehole. Nothing worth salvaging in this relationship. I’m going to ignore the age gap, but do you seriously want a partner with anger issues, doesn’t pull his weight financially, is self sabotaging, manipulative, doesn’t act equitably at home, throws tantrums like an immature child and only makes your life difficult every chance he gets and always turn it back on you when HE is the real problem?

  83. NTA You outgrew him. You started recognizing his shitty personality. You matured and he hasnt which is ironic given the age gap. Go on and live your best life and wait for a better partner to find you.

  84. Nta you need to get away cut all ties with this man before thing start to get worse I wish you the best of luck. Nta

  85. NTA. This isn't a healthy relationship, no matter how good the good parts may be. It sounds like a financial and emotional hostage situation where you are expected to baby and provide for a person 15 years older than you. Something is going wrong with him, whether it's a mental health collapse or he's just a permanent ass and mooch, it'd be best for your own well-being to dump him now. Do whatever it takes to separate from him safely and keep away from the inevitable tantrum, begging, threatening, demanding you continue being his keeper. Think of what your future holds if you settle for him: working to death to provide for an ungrateful, bratty partner who tears you down. You can do better. You will do better.

  86. NTA. I’m sorry, but he’s not the man you think he is. You’ve fallen in love, but he thinks he’s got a possession who can pay for all his shit for the rest of his life while he simultaneously treats you like shit.

  87. NTA. He sounds like he has a subscription’s worth of issues. He has a temper and says demeaning things to you, refuses to get a job, and the things he said to you were IMHO unforgivable or pretty close. Don’t take him back, get him out of your place. He’s shown you who he really is, and it’s not the nice person you’ve been led to believe.

  88. NTA Whatever is wring with him doesn't excuse him being abusive. You have no obligation to pay for anything for him. Cut him off 100% and leave it at that. You deserve better

  89. NTA. Also call the police or have a male family member come with you and make him leave. No established tenancy. Good bye. Also he’s to old for you anyways…reason he picked a young 20s to get with vs someone his age. I am sorry hun. Don’t let him drag you down with him.

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