AITA for telling my coworker I will cover up my shoulders when he starts wearing shoes?

  1. Everyone knows the shoulder is the sexiest part of the female body. When I was in high school we were forbidden to show any shoulder at all but the boys basketball uniforms had no sleeves.

  2. Most employers won’t allow no shoes at all because too many hazards, staples, random sharp objects, bodily fluids. If something happens it is then a work comp injury.

  3. to add on: if he starts wearing shoes as if he’s a god for “maliciously complying,” don’t stop wearing tank tops. no shoes and exposed shoulders aren’t even on the same planet of comparability. in fact, you’d be fine asking him to wear shoes around the office, feet stink! shoulders do not!

  4. Ugh. One of my former co-workers would walk around in his socks all the time. This was in a medical office 🤦‍♀️

  5. Also barefoot in an office is a hazard, what if he steps on glass or something? Plus that’s just kind of gross. Shoulders shouldn’t even be an issue here

  6. My coworker. She at least uses socks but she is always walking around without shoes on. Even to the boss's office. But I can't wear slippers when I twisted my ankle without comment😑

  7. I take off my shoes under my desk. Which is covered so no one can see my feet ever. I'm always barefoot under here. But yeah, I wouldn't go walking around the office barefoot. That's just weird.

  8. I once gave in to the peer pressure of having everyone but me walking around without shoes at work. I even kept my socks on, but I got athlete's foot. Never again.

  9. I worked with a guy that was always barefoot. In the office, outside of the office, standing at the urinal. 🤢

  10. I'm barefoot at work all the time. But I'm also not scandalised by a bare shoulder (apart from my own very hairy ones)

  11. I hope he at least has jandals for when he uses the bathroom. The only bathroom I trust myself to be barefoot in is my own.

  12. I'm mostly curious which fucked up religion's purity culture he's trying to force on her. Because it's one of the ones that teaches that women are responsible for every penis whose owner is within eyesight of her.

  13. Tbf, I do lol I'm in a secured office within a building though. But NTA. When I leave my secured office to common areas I have shoes and a cardigan on.

  14. I wish I could go barefoot at work. I hate shoes. But alas, I work in a middle school and the thought kind of grosses me out.

  15. I have never heard of a workplace more in need of a dress code. Going barefoot indoors strikes me as being so unsanitary as to be unhealthy.

  16. I worked for a title company with a whopping 3 employees. We only wore shoes when customers came in or to go to the restroom. Barefoot is amazing. Shoes are evil.

  17. I sure as hell wouldn't want to take standard office 'filth' home on my feet. That's why I take my shoes off when I get home.

  18. I work in an elementary school. I have chronic foot pain, which is made worse by literally any kind of footwear, and pretty much the only way I can mitigate the pain AT ALL is... to be barefoot. Obviously I keep my shoes on in front of the kids, but to have any chance of making it through the day WITHOUT crying in pain, I have to take my shoes off during my lunch break.

  19. Don't forget the short shorts, you don't wear that stuff in the office unless you're coming back from training for cross country or going to the gym later to make people uncomfortable when you stretch 2 feet away from them

  20. It's not how I usually measure professionalism, but one of them would be able to enter a 7-Eleven and the other would be left Slurpee-less with scabies in Daisy Duke shorts.

  21. NTA. Your nasty-ass coworker was barefoot every day at work and he had the gall to complain about your shoulders?? Unreal

  22. If you have clean feet what is wrong with going barefoot? That being said I do wear sandals in the office. Personally I wash my feet three times a day, that is probably freakish though.

  23. I had a manager who wore EXTREMELY short women’s running shorts to work one day (he is a man). He could have easily grabbed some pants from the stock room to wear instead to cover up, as he was the manager, but he just said fuck it.

  24. If you have never seen an entire platoon of Marines doing PT in silkies aka super tiny, super silky looking shorts, oh man are you in for a treat!

  25. It might be a good idea for OP to at least have a conversation with HR about their own choices just to confirm that the tank-top is okay. (If HR is different gender, even say “You can invite a same-gender into this meeting if that seems appropriate.”) Just be chill about it and confirm that it’s cool. A pre-emptive informal meeting would make it hard for Brian to complain down the road. And if he threatens to, OP can say, “Oh I already talked to HR on August 3.”

  26. I had to scroll way too far to find this. His comment was absolutely harassment. There’s no dress code. Even if there were, it’s not his job to enforce said dress code. Lastly, he told her “he thought she was better than that.” Which is misogynistic and disgusting. Document document document.

  27. OP could tell Brain “I know half of you half as well as I would like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

  28. Back in the 14th and 15th century, noble women wore a sideless surcoat or "pellote" over the cotehardie which fit tightly and showed her shape.

  29. I'll admit sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because while I am indignant about the sexualization of shoulders and such, my shoulders neck and decolletage were my favorite part of my body.

  30. Very obviously NTA. Does he have a kink for shoulders or what? If he cannot keep his dong in check that is his problem. He is an adult he should have enough self control to not let some shoulders bother him.🤦‍♀️

  31. NTA. He needs to grow the f up. Showing shoulders isn't a big deal. If there is no dress code, dress appropriately for you. I just can't believe he would be complaining of shoulders. It's not like your boobs are hanging out and your nipples are almost showing, or wearing a short skirt that shows off your woo-hoo. He's totally TA.

  32. "Shows off your woo-hoo." My great granny used to call it Christmas! Like, that girl's skirt is so short, I could almost see Christmas!! Or sometimes she could almost SMELL Christmas!!🤭

  33. OP, does thin straps = no cami or bra? I am wondering if that was his thought …. Did he sit there all day ogling you, inappropriately if true, thinking about your undergarments?

  34. I'm not OP, but I don't think that's what it means. When I wear thin strap tanks (aka spaghetti straps) I still wear a bra.

  35. This is the one. Too frequently women are the ones bending over backwards to have good work relationships. Fuck it. He could have prevented this interaction by just... not doing anything.

  36. One of those religions being Islam, of course. A religion that, iirc, explicitly teaches that, if a man is uncomfortable with a woman's attire, it is HIS responsibility not to look.

  37. Barefoot at work with carpet and I'm just thinking of all the times I've removed a staple from a document and it's flown away to land invisibly in the carpet... would be worse than stepping on legos.

  38. NTA, though even if he does start wearing shoes...you shouldn't have to cover your shoulders there is nothing inappropriate about them.

  39. No NTA. Brian is a misogynistic jerk. Who cares what he says. He’s not deserving of respect anyways. Next time, go in wearing capris and say “Oh I’m sorry Brian, my ankles are showing. My bad. They must be as hot as your feet. At least they don’t smell as bad”

  40. NTA - do you live in the land of 'porn shoulders'? Cause wow. Maybe he took high school dress code too seriously... shoulders being So distracting and all. Your response was very measured.

  41. NTA. You can be professional with arms and shoulders exposed. The first lady, Michelle Obama went to plenty of formal events wearing sleeveless dresses. Shorts and no shoes on the other hand is hardly professional in an office setting.

  42. NTA - he’s walking around rubbing toe gunk and skin flakes into the workplace carpet - just plain nasty ,not to mention picking up whatever everyone else’s shoes tracked in

  43. NTA but I would report him to HR. Your attire is none of his business and certainly not his business to comment on. If he had an issue with it he should have gone to HR (and they would have set him straight) rather than commenting inappropriately to you. You are not his child to whom he can dictate what attire he seems suitable.

  44. Brian thinks it's okay to grind his sweat, bacteria, and foot fungus into the carpets at work while wearing circa 1990 Bill Clinton booty shorts and he has the nerve to chide you about wearing spaghetti straps?!

  45. NTA, excellent come back, but I would speak with HR to give them your side of the story in case he tries to make a case that you're making the office a hostile environment

  46. NTA. One time at work, I bend to the side to look at someone and my shirt slid down one shoulder. It was barely noticeable, but someone grown man noticed and told me to cover up. I stood up, looked him square in the eye and pulled down the other one. He was not happy because he could Checks notes see my shoulders.

  47. I mean, I realize that we all have toes, so there's no shame in seeing them. And we have a right to go au naturale when it comes to levels of hairiness.

  48. NTA This dude is gross, and I’m not talking his feet. The sight of your shoulders is attractive to him, and he’s very inappropriately making that a you problem.

  49. NTA it’s no SHOES no shirt no service for a reason. You’re wearing a shirt- he’s spreading toe jam at the very least. Like that could be a seventy hazard not just for him but for everyone else.

  50. NTA. Was he getting a woody seeing your bare shoulders? That his problem, not yours. Very Victorian of him don't you think?

  51. NTA. I’d be concerned that he’s sexualizing your shoulders and responding with anger, which is a hint at assault, and subsequently file a complaint with HR.

  52. “barely any clothes” is a wild description for a tank top and pants. that’s far more than i can bear to wear just to lay on the floor in my apartment these hot summer days. NTA

  53. NTA. He can have most of his body bare but you can't? Frankly, I'm having trouble imagining a spaghetti strap top is less professional than being barefoot in the workplace which is a hygiene issue. You were as polite as the circumstance warranted. If he pulls this again, suggest he attend to his duties instead of staring at your body.

  54. NTA But all the no-shoes people here are killing me. Put your shoes on, unless you're a lifeguard. You're at work and in public. And, as dumb as it sounds, it's a health and safety call. Act like you have some sense. Meanwhile, shoulders? Especially while his knees are on display? Eff him.

  55. NTA. Going barefoot in the office is far worse than having your shoulders out. Like, health concern levels of bad. I honestly don't understand how he's actually getting away with that.

  56. NTA: Honestly if Brian has fetish for shoulders and have the urges to play pocket tennis, it is not your fault. He should learn to keep your urges in check. I would go and get sun screen and rub it on my shoulders while looking at him.

  57. Why is it always the female coworker who has to work to create the ‘healthy work environment’? You aren’t causing an issue, he is. If he’s going to start shjt because you don’t jump for his approval then that’s his problem and his fault. NTA

  58. How dare you tempt him with your shoulders. You are causing him impure thoughts by wearing “barely any clothes”. He can’t control himself and that’s your fault.

  59. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  60. NTA your coworker sounds like those people that set dress codes for schools saying girls can't show their shoulders because it'll distract boys and teachers

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