AITA for wanting to use my college fund for law school rather than on my step brother?

  1. NTA. Your stepbrother and stepmother are entitled As. I wouldn’t give them any of the money. If your stepmother really wanted your stepbrother to have an “equal” college fund, she should have planned ahead better … she had 19 years to put more money aside, for crying out loud!

  2. She could also have gently suggested he look at the cost of his chosen college vs. the likely income of his chosen profession. I'm absolutely in favor of higher education, but choosing a school that will cost more than you have in your college fund is not a good plan if you don't want to take out loans and don't expect a lot of post-college income to pay loans back.

  3. NTA obviously, but INFO - how in the heck did brother blow through 70k in one year?! Did he not also work to help with living expenses, have roommates, etc? Even out of state that seems like a bit much. If he used all that in one year, he’s going to blow through your money too

  4. Also, her argument that OP will make more money with her education is not valid. There are no garantees. What if SB end up in a manager position in his field? What if he starts his own business and end up really wealthy? What if OP end up working for a charity or start-up with lower pay, or starting in her own? What if she ends up not working due to illness or finding out she doesn't like being a lawyer? Will they then pay back the amount?

  5. It was their choice to choose an expensive school, that doesn't lead to higher paying jobs. ( Which isn't even an absolute, success doesn't depend only on the kind of the degree, but also opportunities, skill and hard work). Their poor planning and entitlement suggest they won't be there to help you if you are in need in the future, so you really need to look after yourself, and not sacrifice your own opportunities.

  6. I wish I had an award to give you. This is definitely what OP should do. Her mother is definitely gonna have her back and get the entitled stepbrother and stepmom out of her business.

  7. Stepbrother needs to change colleges. Too expensive. We can't all live above our means. OP made solid choices. She should be allowed to stick with her plan.

  8. Why didn’t step brother go for scholarships is my question. My son had his heart set on a world renowned college. I couldn’t pay for it. He hustled his butt and got the school to cover his tuition. The other 40% (room, board, books etc) is covered by the other scholarships he religiously applies for each year. College costs $70-75k annually. Total loans to date: $0. 🥳 Happy mumma! Lol (He’s entering senior year this month)

  9. Agreed, $70k in a year seems excessive to me, if you gave your stepB any money now he'd blow through it and then would feel entitled to even more of YOUR money. Don't let anyone guilt you and definitely talk to your Mom about this. "Family is more important" eye roll if the shoe was on the other foot would your stepB give you his money?

  10. This. Where were dad and the stepmom when he was choosing a college. Financing your education should be a part of your decision making process. Nobody did the simply math of annual tuition x 4 years to see if he could afford to go???

  11. We set up a college save account for hubs grandson. If daughters ex tries to convince him to give some of it to a step sibling we would be very upset. If we want to contribute to the step siblings fund, we will. But don’t take money away that we set up for the grandson.

  12. Nta, he can take those loans like the rest of us and suffer. Or he could have chosen a cheaper school since he's not going in a high paying job field. Alternatively he can transfer back in state and go to a cheaper school

  13. Absolutely! Do not give up your fund. If you go for law, a masters or a PhD you’ll need that money for your own future. Otherwise you can use it for a down payment on a house. Your fiscal responsibility should not pay for his irresponsibility.

  14. Oh hell no. That is YOUR money. Use it to follow your dreams. Your stepbrother is already making poor financial decisions and will likely continue to do so. He'll blow through your money too if you let him. NTA

  15. NTA and you shouldn’t give him any of that. It’s YOUR college fund, keyword YOURS not his. Who cares about the salary outlook for your major and his, that shouldn’t matter and same with the school he chose to attend vs the one you chose to attend. It’s your money and you should be able to use it for what you want. Your step brother can also get a part time job while attending school or change his major if he’s so worried about the future.

  16. Exactly this! Your stepmother would be telling YOU tough shit, if the situation was reversed. Don't buy into the BS. Go be the best lawyer you can be. NTA OP!

  17. NTA, best of luck in law school. It’s a lot of hard work and you’ll need every dollar. Especially if you’re going to a prestigious law school. You’ll have many sleepless nights of studying and prep. Don’t get discouraged. The last thing you’re going to want to do is worry about loans. Life can be stressful enough.

  18. NTA you are not responsible to pay your step brothers way. He chose the school and the career not you. If it’s not financially smart he put himself in that position. His father did contribute his life insurance. He has more money than many have and should have looked at cost/gain analysis before you are not their personal piggy bank 🏦

  19. NTA. Your dad and stepmother should have counseled your stepbrother better that going to an expensive school for a low-earning career wasn't a good idea. Why should you have to pay (literally) for their mistake?

  20. Don not give him a single cent! College is expensive, even with scholarships. And law school even more so! Definitely NTA

  21. Outside of like taxes, there are very few situations where I believe people are entitled to someone else’s money. This is no exception. Your stepbrother should have planned better. Surely he knew when he started he didn’t have enough funds to pay for all four years. Was your college fund always the plan. NTA.

  22. Law school is hella expensive. OP is gonna NEED that fund for sure. Her giving any portion to her SB isn’t gonna provide him a route away from loans anyway. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.

  23. NTA it's you fund you chose what you do with it. There were never any rules saying that it's specifically for your undergrad. He should have made better financial decisions if he's already blown thrown 70k. You may end up with a better job that is more capable of paying loans back but if you have a chance to minimize the loans you have- take it. You shouldn't have to pay back debt just so he doesn't have to.

  24. Nta -you made a financial decision to go to a lesser expensive school however he did not you should not be asked to help with anything until he helps himself. He shouldn’t go into a career he can’t afford. Nor is it your problem.

  25. NTA. He’s lucky he had a college fund to draw from in the first place, and could’ve chosen a less expensive school. It’s not like he didn’t know the costs up front. You have plans for your college fund that will be paying for your education, and he’s not entitled to that. Student loans exist and it sucks that he’s going to have to go that route, but he should’ve been more proactive.

  26. NTA: don’t you give him a dime. I’m an attorney, I make good money, but loans still take time to pay off. There’s no guarantee that you’ll land the big law job with massive bonuses. You may realize that you don’t even want that job. He could have chosen a less expensive school. He made a choice for him. Now you have to choose you.

  27. Was leaning towards NTA. Locked into it after Stepmother said Mom could pay back the difference. I would have a conversation with your dad. I don't know if it's fair to you for him to be neutral here...

  28. NTA your step mother and step brother are responsible for their own choices. He made choices based on his available funding. Your money is NOT his available funding. That money was set aside for your future.

  29. nta (your mom has the smartest choice) Your 18 years old now, no one needs to be so involved in spending your finances. You already have a thoughtful goal/plan, he needs to get his own money and not "discuss" yours as if it is his. If you felt like you wanted to help you could buy his books? In most cases no one without money should be pressuring people with money.

  30. I don't think OP should "help" in any way, after the way they are treating her. If she spends even a dollar, they will come back t her every single time the brother needs something - now some books (which are not cheap, btw,) then a laptop, then he needs an ipad, then...

  31. NTA. Don't give it to them. Think about your future first and what's best for you at this moment. It's not selfish if it's to set you up for your future!!! You don't know what could happen in a month or two and suddenly really need that money.

  32. wait. so stepbro and stepmom want to dip into your college fund that had only 2 funders while stepbro blew thru his that had 3 people donating?

  33. NTA. Nope. Why is your mother contributing to your step brothers college fund? Your stepmother hasn’t contributed to yours and you should absolutely go to law school. This is for your future and why would you go into debt when you don’t have to? You’ve made careful choices to avoid this, and your stepbrother chose differently.

  34. Your dad paid into your step brother's account. In theory if stepbrother wasn't around, that money would go to you so you already gave him something. You are also still going to have plenty of expenses even with your tuition covered. There's not much you can even give him. $15K would make you "even" with $85K each but he's blown through most of $70K in one year. In this situation, that might allow him another year that he can't afford.

  35. NTA but have your mom move it to an account that your dad doesn’t have access to (or have him removed from having access to) because it’s sounds like your stepmom is one of those who would just take the money behind your back because “it’s not fair” to her precious baby boy.

  36. NTA Pleeeaaassseeeee do not give him any of your money. I am nosey and want to know how much your dad contributed to his college fund. It doesn’t matter in this situation but like I said I am nosey. His loans aren’t your problem and the way he spent that whatever you give him isn’t going to make a dent.

  37. As a lawyer, law school is VERY expensive. I did exactly what you're doing. I went to a really good state university and then used my college fund towards law school.

  38. NTA. NOPE. He is not your responsibility. Do not let them browbeat you into giving him one damn dime. He can work and get loans. Why should you provide for him?

  39. NTA. There is not a stipulation saying the money is for undergrad only. Law school is very expensive and your entitled step mother and brother will have to deal with loans. A lot of people do!

  40. NTA. Do not do this. You made a smart choice to save the money for law school. Are you supposed to go into debt for law school so he can avoid debt for an undergrad degree he’s already blown 70k toward??

  41. NTA. There's no guarantee that, as a lawyer, you will be a high-earner. This money comes from your family and is meant for your education. Your step-brother's family can help him pay off loans later, if they wish.

  42. Former paralegal married to an attorney here. Definitely DO NOT give a cent to your step brother from the college fund. My husband has been an attorney for almost 20 years and is still paying off his loans. guess why I didn't go to law school?

  43. Nta- your fund your choice. Do not let them bully you. It is bullying and explain it to them and any and all the monkeys that are sent after you. Go be a great student and enjoy every minute of it.

  44. NTA SB has been helped by his father, your father, and his mom. You’re life is yours. It’s certainly not selfish to accept the gift your parents gave you.

  45. NTA and I’m going to agree with others who have said TELL YOUR MUM about this. She will not be happy to hear that they want to scrounge off of you for his education when you’ve made good decisions and he hasn’t.

  46. Commuted to my university (in state) ,lived with my parents,and worked at the same time. It was very affordable and I got a great education. You can make it work if you really want to. Totally NTA it is your money to use for your education.

  47. Now days, the smartest thing kids can do is to do their first two years at a community college and then transfer to a state school. Where I'm from, you can very easily walk with a Bachelor's Degree with less than $60,000 of debt.

  48. Hold on to your college fund for dear life, since it will help you get through law school with a lower debt load. You're not responsible for your step-brother's financial irresponsibility in blowing through his own college money and you should NOT be called on by anyone to make up for his piss-poor bad judgement. Do not sacrifice your education and career goals for him. Because you are the girl in the family know that: No one will be grateful to you for it. No one will reward you for it. No one will come to your side to help you reach your goal. You give your step-brother YOUR money and you will lose out on any opportunity for building your own economic future. NTA

  49. NTA. If you keep getting pressured, go buy a broom and dustpan for your stepbrother. He made the mess and he needs to clean it up.

  50. NTA This is what happens when people don’t think things through. He could’ve gone to a cheaper college since his degree will not garner him a decent income. He’s an idiot. Keep your money.

  51. NTA. Your stepbrother makes poor financial decisions, compounded by the bad decision of choosing a major that doesn’t pay well. He will blow through anything you give him. Law school is expensive and you’ll need the money for that. If he’s 19 and has spent the bulk of his $70,000, I’d never give him a cent.

  52. NTA. If you say yes to this they might expect you to help him out financially once you start earning money as a lawyer and he starts working because it sounds like his job won't be as lucrative as yours.

  53. NTA. Your step brother is not entitled to attend an expensive out of state university at your expense. If he only had 70k for college he should have done CC for 2 years or stayed home and gone to a local college. Your father's line about family being more important than money goes both ways. Step brother is choosing something very expensive that he cannot afford and expecting you to pay for it. That's not choosing family either. He's doing something he wants to do not something he needs to do. Also, your mom is being very kind about this but, I guarantee you she's not actually happy at all about the idea of spending this money on some other kid's over-priced degree.

  54. NTA. Absolutely do not give it to him. They will continue this when you’re in the “higher paying” job too because it’s “fair” in their eyes. Start the boundaries now.

  55. NTA. He and his parents knew what was in the account. They knew how much tuition is at a prestigious school. They chose a prestigious school that they can’t afford. Why is that your problem?

  56. Oh hell no!! Your college fund came from your family and is yours. You never allow anyone to take that from you. You don’t owe him anything. If he has to get a loan then he can pay it back. I have repaid my first loan in full from a non existent degree. Now owe 30,000 for a nursing degree which I love. This is not your responsibility, problem, nor your issue. You ignore them and walk away with your head held high!!!

  57. NTA. No one should be trying to pull trickery over YOUR college fund. It doesn’t matter that it was “intended for undergrad” because your stepbrother knew that before he chose his school, knew the cost per year, and STILL chose it. He knew from the beginning that he wouldn’t have enough money to get him all the way through. Don’t let them scheme and try to take yours because I’d bet that this plan has been in the works between your stepmother and stepbrother for a while now.

  58. NTA. Half of that is your moms money and regardless who contributed it, they aren’t entitled to it as it was set aside for you. It isn’t your fault step mom and step brother didn’t think through his college path and you did. Saying that it was “only meant for undergrad” is bs, implying that if you didn’t go to school period that, what? You forfeit all of it?

  59. Ummm. NTA. It's your money. If you want to buy a pack of alpacas and start a farm and forgo college entirely it's your prerogative. Idk why people are so entitled these days. Either way good luck in law school!!

  60. You intentionally chose a cheaper option for undergrad so you could use that money for post-grad. That was smart. If you'd known whatever you didn't use on undergrad would go to your step sibling, you 100% would have chosen a more expensive school. They're being inconsiderate. You are NTA

  61. I'm always annoyed when some yahoo goes to an expensive college and then complains about the bills. Go to a Jr college and get those core classes out of the way and then go to a local or state college and save a buttload. He didn't do that....he pays the consequences. Not your problem...not the asshole. For that matter, where the hell do they get off telling you what YOUR college fund was for? Entitled as fuck. keep your money, you deserve it. NTA

  62. You MADE A CHOICE to go to a "less prestigious" school for undergrad because it was less expensive, so you could SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR LAW SCHOOL! You and stepbro DID have an "equal" start--he chose to blow through his.

  63. NTA I’m sure your mom didn’t save for your stepbrother. Absolutely say no. Legally and morally it’s yours. Your stepbro made his expensive choice.

  64. Your dad is an AH. The money is for YOUR education. How you choose to spend it on that is up to you. Your step brother knew very well how much he had and could plan accordingly. If dad wants him to have more money then he and stepmom can provide. Putting it on you and playing the emotional blackmail game is an AH move. NTA

  65. NTA. Why would you do this? So he can blow through his money AND yours? He can get a job and work or he can transfer to an in-state school with cheaper tuition. This his responsibility, not yours.

  66. This is for education. Use it for law school. NTA. Please stay strong and don't give in. Hang out with your Mom more. If they get too pushy, ask your Mom if she'll help fend them off.

  67. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  68. No, it's unreasonable for them to expect you to use your educational fund (think of it as that, rather than "college fund") for your stepbrother. Law school is expensive, and how much you make when you get out can vary, depending on the type of law you practice.

  69. NTA...if the situations were reversed, you think your step brother and step mother would be offering you anything? Keep your distance from them, they don't care for you.

  70. NOPE, No, no, no. NTA. That money was saved by your mother, too. He has zero claim to it. He chose this path, so he needs to be responsible for it. Your father is a huge AH for this, by the way.

  71. NTA. You don't need to pay for undergrad because you got good grades and chose to go to a cheap school. He had the same opportunity to do both of those things and did not.

  72. Do you think there is any chance that your step-brother and step-mother would have been willing to give you his college fund if the roles were reversed?

  73. NTA. How dare your father allow you to be put in this situation by your entitled stepmother and stepbrother. He’s the true AH in all of this.

  74. NTA Law school is incredibly expensive, and when your just starting out you typically don’t make amazing money. My best friend is an attorney and it wasn’t until she had been practicing about 5 years that she started to make enough money to pay off her loans. Why should you be in massive debt instead of him? He could very easily have chosen to go to a less expensive school and not have the worry of loans but chose not to. His lack of foresight is not your problem to fix.

  75. NTA. That is your money, for your future. Stepbrother can take out a loan like anyone else. He already has a 70k head start over the vast majority of college students. He will be just fine without your money. I wouldn't give him a dime.

  76. NTA - You are not responsible for him having an equal start to you with undergrad. It sounds like you have talked to your mom and she backs you up. Make sure your father has no access to your college fund or it will have been handed over to your stepbrother if your stepmother won’t stop pressuring your dad.

  77. NTA - PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY!! also, make sure that only you have any contact with your fund as I wouldn't put it past them to dip into it to give to your half-brother. Life sometimes doesn't go to plan and there are times when you don't get what you want and he has to learn that the hard way!

  78. NTA you chose a sensible option when choosing your path, you looked at your available resources & planned accordingly. You need your fund for your own education, it's not like you've decided to use it to travel the world & blow it on designer shoes, you plan to use it for your education which is literally what your parents saved it for. It's not your fault your stepbrother blew through his fund going to an expensive school, it's his problem to fund it not yours, if the roles were reversed would he be happy handing over his fund to you? Pretty sure your stepmother wouldn't be so keen to hand over his fund to you. Your dad is the ah for trying to guilt you with family is more important than money nonsense, will he tell stepmother & stepbrother the same if you say no then make them leave you alone because family is more important than money. Tell them no that money is going to be used for your education just as it was meant to be. That it's wrong to expect you to get into debt when you don't need to or at least have it seriously reduced by using your own college fund & why do stepmother & stepbrother feel entitled to money your mother helped to save, you would never expect him to hand over money from his fathers estate, say subject is closed & it won't be discussed again. Then if it's brought up again then end the conversation, put the phone down, leave the room etc tell your dad he needs to shut them down because they're now starting to harass you.

  79. NTA. Law school will cost you twice the amount that is in your college fund. Tuition alone is likely to be nearly $50,000 a year for 3 years, before you consider the living expenses connected with attending a prestigious law school that is likely out of state. Paying back $100,000 is no joke. Would you willingly hand someone $100,000, even if they told you they would pay you back, when they make $35,000 a year? Even if loaning it, you would never see that money again.

  80. First of all I want to congratulate you for having a plan for your education and career. I certainly didn’t have it figured out at your age. Secondly, I think it is great you have a financial plan for making it happen. Don’t let anyone talk you in to “donating” your education fund to your step brother. You have an education plan and a financial plan. The money for your law school education is an investment in your future and that is how you and the rest of your family should look at it. Don’t enable the poor financial planning of your father, step mom, and step brother by giving them any money. It is not your responsibility to pay for your step brother’s education, that responsibility lies with your father, step mom, and your step brother himself. Don’t give in to a pressure campaign, you deserve better. Starting your career with as little education debt as you can manage is for the best. Good luck.

  81. So you planed ahead, thought things through, made smart choices, and they expect you to throw away all that so the brat who wanted the IV degree can ride on your money, and your father simply seat on the fence??? They sound like trash and you know what you do with trash? You take it out! NTA stepmother and stepbrother are entitled, but your father is weak and a coward! Keep your money, loose the entitled AH!

  82. NTA save it, if you want to do a masters or specialization in the future you'll need it.

  83. Go to school with all your money intact and don't look back. If you don't spend it all on school, save it for other life expenses. Step needs to dig out of his own hole.

  84. NTA; their reasoning is absolute bullshit. law school is crazy expensive and ever dollar helps when it comes to paying for the cost. you don’t owe your stepbrother a single penny from your college fund

  85. your step brother has blown through 70k that quickly? he'll. fucking. no. do not let him have a fucking cent of your money. his irresponsibility is not your concern. NTA

  86. When you pick a college, always consider the starting salary in the field. If you can’t afford to payback the loan, then chose a less prestigious university. Sadly, your stepbrother needs to learn this lesson.

  87. NTA, you said your brother won't be going into a high income line of work after college but what he majored in and wants to do for a living is his choice so that's his responsibility to deal with.

  88. NTA. It’s your money, half of which is from YOUR mom who he has nothing to do with. You have to pay for school too. Your dad should’ve done a better job saving for him.

  89. NTA. Your step brother chose a expensive school and is pursuing a lower paid job. That’s not your problem. Willing to bet that your step mom wants you to hand over the money so she doesn’t have to.

  90. NTA. Please tell your mother about this ASAP. She needs to know so she can put extra precautions on the fund. Please make sure you know who can access it and how and for what and that your dad cannot get to it without your mom’s approval.

  91. NTA. You are budgeting your college fund and have a plan for your future. Your brother has not. That’s a him problem not a you problem. It’s not right for your family to expect you to make up for his poor planning. If the situation were reversed do you think they would give you his money? Don’t let them guilt you into it.

  92. NTA. So he chose a degree he can't afford to get a job that won't even pay for the degree debt? Why would you fund this? Why would anyone fund this? Use yours for law school. That's what your money is for. You have a good financial plan that makes the most of your fund but still no guarantees you will earn anything. When and where you use your money is up to you. That's not their call to make and why should it be evenly used at the same point of further education or education at all? You could use it for a deposit on a home. He was allowed to blow his fund on one year of tuition with no one stepping in. If that's all he wants, then that's all he gets. If he wants more, he needs to look at his resources, not try pilfer someone else's.

  93. NTA. And your plan is solid - loans suck and no one cares about your undergrad college once you graduate law school.

  94. NTA. OP please invest in yourself. If the case were opposite, your stepmother and stepbrother would not help you, and they will not give it back to you either.

  95. NTA - even if you were planning on using the money for something other than college he’d have no right to it. Your stepmom, stepbrother and your dad are TA

  96. What the actual? No, NTA but your step-mother and step-brother certainly are and so is your father. It’s actually unbelievable that they would even suggest this. Do not give them your money!

  97. NTA. Your college fund. You plan to use it for college. You took a responsible path. Your brother didn't. And wasted their fund. They now can pay for their school.

  98. just out of curiosity, what field is he going into? most low income fields dont even require degrees to be successful in, if youre lucky

  99. Don’t do it. He didn’t have to go to a more expensive school. And it’s likely that even with the money in your account you are going to have to take loans too when you go to law school.

  100. HaH! NTA. What a bunch of manipulators. Also, if your mom is the one helping support you in any way, her opinion matters the most because it impacts her too.

  101. Was he forced against his will to attend an expensive school and study a lesser-paying field? If so, inquiries must be made regarding this outrage!

  102. Are you planning to be a charity lawyer or a corporate lawyer? Cause you might need that money in the future. Also it’s not you fault your stepmom and ex didn’t saved enough for her child to go to school. If she worries so much she can take a parents plus loan or sell some of her assets to pay for his college. It not you responsibility and no stepfamily/greedy family are not important so don’t feel bad if you decide to say NO.

  103. They’re all taking advantage of your inexperience and youth. This money is for your future. The consequences of giving it away is bigger than you know. This happened to my brother and now he has hardly anything saved for his kids while distant relatives who never speak to him live well and their kids are better off.

  104. NTA. Do not give away your college fund! Obviously he should have chosen a much cheaper school. Since he didn't, he'd better start hustling for scholarships, grants, and whatever part time work he can find. Better yet, he should move home and go to a cheaper school. Raiding your college fund should not even be a consideration. Don't let them bully you, and make sure they have no way to access it.

  105. NTA but your dad definitely is . You need to talk to your mother to make sure he can't take any of the money from the account . That the next step they're playing nice next they'll just take it if they can so you and your mother need to be prepared for that.

  106. NTA- your dad is being passive aggressive. Do not tell anyone on your dad's side any information about your finances. It's none of their business.

  107. NTA. Use your college fund for your future. You don’t owe him anything. I got through 4 years at a private college, failed two classes, and it didn’t cost 70K…not sure what school he went to or why it was so expensive

  108. Ok but how will you pay for law school. I mean if you will take loans u will also stress on it. I say no because of you are really family they should understand why you are saying no

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