AITA for declining an invitation to my best friend's wedding?

  1. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.

  2. Yeah, time to lose an additional 60 kg or whatever by ditching that AH. She's not your friend, she's always had you around just to make herself feel better. You were nothing more than an accessory.

  3. 100%! I had a college friend/acquaintance who once told me she liked to stand with our other mutual friend because she was shorter and rounder, so made her look good. I was appalled that someone could think that way about a so-called friend! NTA and congrats for losing bonus weight in the form of your fake friend.

  4. The more I read it the more I was like "why would anyone stay friends with this woman" It was near the end I realized OP was referring to her as her best friend poor OP

  5. I also suspect that OP is and always has been the prettier of the two and that's why Anne always threw around the fat jokes, to keep OP in her "place" as the Ugly Best Friend. Anne sounds like she never progressed beyond highschool

  6. I disagree with this armchair analysis. It seems a lot simpler than that. She invited OP because OP was her best friend. However, that friendship came with conditions: her best friend being both less attractive (in her eyes) and a punching bag. Now at least the former has changed, and the latter seems to have too. Both the physical changes and her reactions have revealed an obvious truth: she is ugly... but no best friend.

  7. But then isn't she the ugly best friend... Just ugly on the inside. So OP you are just seeing her true colors, which is very ugly.

  8. High school isn't always the place you find your life long friends. People are still growing, figuring our who they are and making huge mistakes. As painful as it might be to realize this person wasn't really your friend. You will be much happier and better off when that really sets in. Good for you for taking charge of your life. NTA

  9. Exactly. Projection. Every statement she's making is projection. Such a unhealthy person to be honest. That's not a friend. OP is NTA ofc.

  10. I stopped reading the actions OP listed in her edit after #2. It makes me sad and angry because OP had obvious self esteem issues and while this ‘friend’ was regularly insulting her, OP didn’t realize it.

  11. Anne is an insecure and selfish AH who used OP as a tool to look prettier and hoped to do the same at her wedding.

  12. Agreed. She was never her best friend to begin with. A true best friend would support you till the end, would be the one to stop you from jumping off a bridge and smack (figuratively speaking) some love and sense into you. Anne is no best friend, and would most likely push OP off that said figuratively speaking bridge.

  13. This sounds like a friendship that was one sided, and OP needs to drop her like it's a bad habit. The friendship has ran it's course, and it's time to become free from the negativity that is this person.

  14. I lived this sadly myself. It's an ugly truth to realize, but I'm glad you have OP. You deserve amazing friends who lift you up and support you. Congratulations on the weight loss! It is something to be proud of. Also definitely NTA.

  15. I lived this sadly myself. It's an ugly truth to realize, but I'm glad you have OP. You deserve amazing friends who lift you up and support you. Congratulations on the weight loss! It is something to be proud of. Also definitely NTA.

  16. All of this, everything OP listed perfectly exemplifies a toxic friend. She used OP as the person she could project all her insecurities onto, and now she can’t do that so she’s outright cold towards her.

  17. Or if that is her best friend, I'd hate to see what somebody has to do to her for her to call that person an enemy.

  18. Yep. When OP sees this, I hope she reframes the question in her mind to “AITA for not attending my bully’s wedding”, because that has a very different answer

  19. Sure isn't. She basically told OP that she considered her the "ugly/fat friend" who made her look and feel prettier and thinner by comparison. I would drop this toxic person so fast.

  20. Exactly, she was a fake friend all along who used OP, a real friend wouldn’t care about their friends’ appearance and wouldn’t constantly compare themselves to their friends to make them feel better about themselves.

  21. NTA. Cut that dead weight out and go live your best life a happier person. Your "best friend" is a self-centered, shallow, manipulative piece of work who seems to have only kept you around to elevate herself. Walk away.

  22. Seconded! Congratulations on making healthy changes OP, but at any size you were always the star of your own story and not the sidekick in Anne's.

  23. NTA. That girl is not your friend. She wanted you as a bridesmaid to inflate her own ego. You deserve better, congrats on the weight loss!

  24. You did overestimate her friendship. Send her mum your Reddit post. She should know what a shallow self centred creature her idiot daughter is. She doesn’t deserve your friendship. You obviously thought it was real at the time. She just used you to look good. Now you look good she’s jealous and wants you to feel bad.

  25. Ya I’m hoping this post goes exposed on Facebook via Reddit and that fake nasty friend and her mother gets to see this!

  26. In all likelihood she learned this superficial behavior from her mother so I doubt she’ll care. She’s probably upset herself that her daughter won’t have an “ugly best friend” to make her look better.

  27. NTA she's not your friend if she can't be happy with your success. Good for you for sticking with your diet, hope this situation motivates you more!

  28. People who only “befriend” someone to make them feel better about themselves are fake, a person who thinks less of you and doesn’t respect you can never be a real friend. It’s awful how people let insecurity make them lose sight of what’s important.

  29. NTA off course Just a note, 61kg for 5 feet 7 seems a bit low, have you consulted a dietician at any stage? I fear you might be going a bit too far and it might be dangerous losing too much weight

  30. Kept scrolling to find someone asking this. 61kg at 5’7” isn’t necessarily bad, but how rapid the weight loss was it very concerning.

  31. Fudge her. I'd message her and tell her your friendship is in the bin. Tell her not to contact you ever again. Good luck In her life and good bye. Block her on everything.

  32. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  33. NTA, at all. It happens often to have people liking you until you make them feel inferior. You shouldn't feel guilty about this, just take care of your own self and health and let her go.

  34. This person is not OPs friend. She didn’t love OP, she looked down on OP to make herself feel better. Now she can’t do that, she’s unhappy and lashing out because the dynamic has changed.

  35. NTA. Your "friend" has issues with her own body/insecurities, and has used you as a way to make herself feel better. This isn't friend behavior. Don't go to the wedding and don't remain her friend.

  36. NTA - she blatantly accuses and insults you and then goes on that you ( rightfully) not wanting to be in her wedding anymore is stressing HER out and she's feeling guilty...

  37. NTA. She seems like she finally showed you her real face. This is not how a best friend should act, a real friend would be proud of you and your success, encourage you and not bring you down. I wish you all the best and hope you‘re proud of your accomplishments, and I hope you have other, better friends!

  38. NTA -she literally doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid, you have every right not to want to go. why is she even upset at you losing weight?

  39. Omigod. I hope you're asking this because you want to vent and not because you actually believe you might be at fault. Of course you're NTA.

  40. As a 6'1" woman this is so familiar. Please walk away for your own mental health. I went through this with an old ex friend I met when we were kids and it never gets better

  41. NtA! Good for you on the weight loss! Both the kilos and the deadweight friends! She's did not consider you a friend, just a booster to make herself feel and look better. Do not feel bad about cutting off toxic people from your life.

  42. Exactly! I'm a big ("chunktacular") girl and wouldn't put up with that at all......just because you're fat doesn't mean you're a bad/unattractive person, and just because you're thin doesn't mean you're good/pretty.

  43. NTA. I have had several "friends"like this in my life as well. After the last one (over twenty years ago) I decided people like that don't deserve my time and love. It was lonely for a bit but then I realized I was still happier don't than I had ever been being friends with people like this. She did you a favor here, let her go. You deserve people that actually care about you. It's hard to about to yourself that someone you'd been friends with so long is such a bad person. Congrats on getting healthier and getting better about yourself.

  44. Her saying she was going to look like "the ugly best friend" tells you exactly how she's always viewed you. You were in her life to make her look/feel prettier. With your change not just in weight, but in attitude you are no longer playing the role she assigned you, that's why she's angry, because in her mind your entire relationship is pretty friend with ugly friend, and if you're not the ugly friend anymore . . . . NTA

  45. NTA. That's not a friend, that's an insecure loser who can't stand others looking better than her. Something tells me all of her "friends" improved their lives after school and began to "outdo" her in the looks department. So she approached you thinking you could be the one that she could put down to make herself feel better.

  46. I am still trying to figure out where the best friend part is. First if you are her best friend why weren’t you the MOH unless she had a sibling take that spot. In that case it’s cool. But to be honest nothing this girl has said or done anything for her to get “best friend” title. A best friend is your ride or die” they there for the good and bad. They don’t use you to make themselves better. She is not a best friend or a friend for that matter. She just had you around to make herself look better. Wants to pretend she is a good person” See how nice I am I befriended the big fat girl”. Move on from her and find true friends. Oh yeah definitely NTA

  47. Op is NTA. Anne is TA. So is her mom. WTF is Anne’s problem? A best friend would be supportive and happy for you. Her history of insulting you to make herself feel and look better is sad and infuriating, as is her reaction to seeing you. You deserve so much better, OP. Hopefully you can focus on other friendships in your new town and put Ann in your rearview. Sometimes we outgrow childhood friendships for good reason, that certainly seems to be the case here.

  48. Your reason for declining was accurate. This person is not and never has been your friend. NTA and good luck in your journey to health and wellbeing, whatever that looks like for you.

  49. Losing that amount of weight is a huge commitment to yourself and an act of self love. It’s likely required huge changes in your lifestyle, diet, etc. She should be celebrating that and you instead of somehow taking your weight loss personal, making it about something it isn’t (her), and expecting you to make different choices about your health so that she doesn’t have to manage her own insecurities.

  50. NTA Way to go with the weight loss! As everyone has pointed out, this girl is not, nor was she ever, your friend. Drop this girl like the sack of potatoes she is and seek real friendships from people who will support and encourage you.

  51. Op you’re NTA. And good riddance to the 60 kgs additional weight you’ve been carrying since you became friends with this person. Also, you lost 30 kgs in a year??!! Tell me your secret please.

  52. NTA. A true friend wouldn't even think to say those things and would be happy for you and support your journey of becoming happy and healthy. You and your mom should be proud of you - I know I am.

  53. NTA. Friends, and especially best friends, support each other. She clearly enjoyed how she felt you used to make her look better. And now she feels insecure / is saying mean things to keep making herself feel better about herself? That is so immature and is not the basis of a real friendship.

  54. NTA. She is very clearly not your friend. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever be treated that way.

  55. NTA. I had a best friend like this. She would thrust all her insecurities at me until I left. She got in touch with me after a while and I decided to give her another chance. I’d lost a bunch of weight as well at that point and when we met the first thing out of her mouth was “wow I’m not used to being the fat one.” You’re learning now what I did then: you were never valued as a friend by this woman, just as some kind of barometer she could compare herself against favorably. The fact that you do one thing for your own health and that’s enough to toss you aside speaks volumes. Let the trash take itself out and move on!

  56. NTA at all. I am so proud of you, internet stranger, for the brilliant weight loss and keeping it off. It is so hard to do. Kudos to you for making a lifestyle change. Bloody marvellous!

  57. Cut her off, She wanted to look good on her wedding and wanted to make you feel bad. Then she made you a guest. Never talk to her again.

  58. NTA. You can let the goblin’s mother know what she said that made you decline being a guest and let her know that you will be losing their number as part of your health care journey.

  59. NTA. She is not (and was never) a real friend to you. You were playing a role in a sit-com: she was the thin, pretty female lead and you were the chubby sidekick. Then you ruined everything by getting fit, and all of a sudden she couldn't typecast you anymore. It was in her best interest for you to be heavy because it enabled her terrible behaviour. You just don't need this person in your life at all.

  60. NTA She is not your friend. She gravitated towards you because being around you made her feel better about herself. Now that you are becoming more physically attractive, you are seen as competition instead of the charity case she kept around to make herself look better.

  61. Holy shit op. Does mom know what happened? I'd personally respond "okay, and did she tell you that she's upset with me for "not being the fat friend" anymore, called me the ugly friend, wouldn't drop it, and accused me of trying to steal attention at HER wedding. If I'm so heartbreaking, ugly, fat, and attention seeking to the point of removing me as a bride maid, I'd HATE to ruin her wedding, so my decision is final."

  62. I'd go to the wedding... looking f*cking fabulous in a pastel dress in same colour pallet as bridal party... but then I'm as petty as all hell so... 🤷‍♀️

  63. NTA. She is ugly inside and out. I am 5’7 too, and although I am not overweight I am bigger than my friends. I am not a “small” girl. I used to swim and I played sports, so my body was more sporty than skinny.

  64. NTA Reading your list at the end of the post makes me wonder why didn't you see her as the frenemy she so clearly was and is? Hopefully you will cut ties with her and move on to finding real friends that deserve your friendship.

  65. I'm sorry, but she is not your friend. I'd recommend cutting her out of your life completely. Like that is not friendship in any form! NTA, you made the right choice. Surround yourself with friends that make you feel better about yourself, not someone who uses you to make themselves feel better.

  66. NTA, why the hell are you friends with her?? She obviously doesn't consider you one, let alone a BFF. She uses you to make herself feel better.

  67. I literally had to scroll back up to make sure it really said “best friend”. This girl was never your friend. At best you were her buffer to make her feel better prettier etc….I’m sorry you found out in such an ugly way but put her behind you and congrats on the weight loss.

  68. Your said best friend has always made you feel ugly. Just that point alone is enough to say you NTA and you don’t need to be around her let alone go to her wedding.

  69. Woah! NTA She's not really a friend if she treats you like that. She should love and respect you exactly as you are. If she just likes you heavier that suggests she's using you. Well done on the weightloss. I bet you look fab.

  70. NTA. The only thing that makes you a soft-AH is that you tolerated this treatment from her for so long before it came to a head. You deserve better than this from your friendships.

  71. She is not, and I cannot stress this enough, your friend. She is your bully. They way she has treated you is cruel and only served to make her insecure ass feel better about herself, she never cared for you. She honestly sounds like a horrid person that you would do better without.

  72. NTA- she was only “friends” with you b/c she could always compare herself to you and in her mind come out on top. She’s awful and you were right in your response. This woman does not know how to be a friend and I suspect her marriage won’t last long.

  73. Ouch, that's really painful from someone you thought was such a good friend for a very long time. I'm sorry that's happened to you.

  74. NTA. It sounds like she was a fake friend and only using you as a prop to make her feel better about herself. The fact that she is unsupportive because she can’t do “cutesy” things to make fun of your weight is horrifying. And next time her mom messages you, tell her that Anne was concerned that you weren’t “fat” enough to not draw attention from her so you’re not going to attend so she can be the focus.

  75. Nta. I think you just found out you are friends with one of those awful girls who have to be the best looking in their friendships. This isn't a friend. Forget the time you have invested in the friendship. Let her go.

  76. NTA & it's time for you to truly reevaluate your relationship with your best friend. Was she your best friend or were you her best friend? From all you've said it seems like she ONLY keeps you close to her to boost her own ego & treats you and takes you everywhere so she's the 'prettier one' in the group & only she gets the attention. Even when she didn't get the attention she'd fight 'gossip girly' for it! Commenting on your posts? Showing and sending you stuff to imbibe in you that you're 'lower' than her? Saying she'll add weight when you talk about losing weight to discourage you from actually losing weight? And her saying she didn't think you'd actually go thru with losing weight this time because she expects you to fail at it as usual? Her whole world (which she has built that has you as the 'fat' friend and her the 'pretty thin' friend has crashed down with your weight loss! You should really be proud of how this has shown you her real colors! Dump her!! She's not worth it really!

  77. NTA. This girl doesn’t want a best friend, she wants a mascot. You’re not some accessory she can take on and off and you’re sure as shit not going to let yourself be an ugly sweater she can drag around ironically. The audacity.

  78. Your friend hasn't seen you in a while and you lose a ton of weight, if their first reaction isn't oh my God you look great or just happiness to see their friend - they were never your friend. Friends are happy for friends that meet their goals. NTA by a mile!

  79. NTA but friends are supposed to lift you up and not drag you down. This person used you basically only as a tool to make herself feel better. She sounds extremely insecure and very shallow. Find better friends!

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