AITA for denying my mom access to her grandson because she refuses to help me

  1. You're going to have a whole lot of teenagers and libertarians telling you you're TA because your mother isn't legally obliged to help you therefore you're the bad guy. Please ignore them.

  2. Exactly this. My mother made it very clear that she was not gonna be a second mom to my kids and that she expected her boundaries and freedom to be respected.

  3. I whole heartedly agree. My parents were very respectful of my grandma’s time because she wasn’t our parent, but she often helped HER child/my mom by caring for us or fixing us dinner. Grandkids were a bonus, but she knew her daughter needed help sometimes. It’s completely foreign to me that you wouldn’t want to give you own child a SINGLE break because you wanted to go to yoga class. With or without an infant grandchild, my mom would have been at my home helping me bail out water if my house flooded. And if I was struggling with my mental health, she’d be there to support me and try to ease my burdens.

  4. All of this! People on this sub love saying no one owes anyone anything when her own mother literally ignored her when she was having a mental health crisis

  5. I mean, this goes beyond just helping. I cannot imagine a world where my kid was mentally unwell and I’d just be like “nah, I got yoga”. Like, how does that work? Has she been feigning caring about her child at all, all this time? Does she have a magic button she pressed once her kid was grown?

  6. Exactly this! My MIL seldom offers to watch my child. She welcomes us over with open arms, loves my daughter to death but she has raised 4 kids, has 6 grandkids and is enjoying retirement. But I know without any shadow of a doubt if any of those scenarios you listed presented themselves and I needed help she would be in the car before I finish the phone call. All relationships require give and take so stop giving if she won’t take.

  7. I didn’t have much sympathy at first. But a young mother with PPD was begging for help and mom couldn’t be inconvenienced.

  8. Exactly this. OP doesn't have to beg for the crumbs of love from her mother for herself or her child if mom doesn't put any effort in the wellbeing and cry out for help from her very own daughter who suffers depression....

  9. I totally came here expecting OP to be TA but agree with you completely. This isn’t about an entitled daughter expecting mom to be a built in babysitter while she lives her life the same way as before, it’s a daughter looking for support and love from her mother during a difficult time and getting none. I can’t imagine raising my daughter to adulthood and then dusting my hands as if the job is done. You’re a mother for as long as you live and when your kid needs you, you do what you can to make it better. OP is absolutely NTA.

  10. I don't have or want kids and if a friend called and said I was their last hope. I'd do it, no question.

  11. Thank you for your comment! I get so frustrated sometimes with the selfishness of commenters in this thread being so keen on exercising "their rights" and not understanding that as part of a community, couple, family, group you also have obligations and responsibilities (which work both ways).

  12. Incredibly well said. NTA op. She’s declined her daughter even the smallest of sympathies when you need her most. She doesn’t get to remain in your life as and when she decides she wants to be. You have to put yourself and your child first. I really hope you can find somebody to look after Jack and your treatment for the PPD is a success.

  13. This is what I don't get. If I know my kid is suffering through PPD and I give one ounce of care for my child and the safety of my grandchild, and my kid calls me in tears because she's afraid to be alone. . . . Come hell or high water I'm dropping whatever I'm doing to be there and support her. This is insane to me. I get not wanting to be another primary caregiver, but not supporting your kid at all? Wtf

  14. So funny how I consider myself a liberal/leftist and agree with you. Maybe it's got nothing to do with my views and everything to do with my ability recognise empathy as a core principle of relationships.

  15. 100% this omg. I can’t imagine knowing that my daughter is suffering and needs help but choosing yoga over helping her. OP I hope you get the help that you need and I really hope you find a babysitter so you can take some time to have some fun and celebrate your friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this

  16. This! This is a mountain vs molehill issue, where the molehill is babysitting this one weekend and the mountain is their entire relationship. This isn’t about letting grandma see grandchild—this is about OP letting go of the fairy tale of her relationship with her mother. Expecting any kind of relationship with her mother is just asking for disappointment and pain.

  17. Exactly! Both sides need to work on a relationship. My mom works (isn’t retired), but when she’s free, she’s always available to spend time with her granddaughter. If I called her crying, she’d be there in a second. And it’s the other way round, too - we help each other out in this family. Even though, we technically don’t have to.

  18. I don't think I'll ever become a father, but fuck, I'd help out a friend (let alone family) looking after a baby for a while if it allowed them to get out of their own head for a bit.

  19. Completely agree. This mother seems so cold and uncaring so why should she get the photos of her and her grandson to show off to her pals? As I bet that’s the only reason she bothers seeing this child. The op and her son is better off without her.

  20. You hit the nail on the head, every person has the right to set boundaries with their relationship with other people, familial or otherwise. But if some people are cherry picking the part of your life they want to be apart of, than its your righ to say NO thats not going to happen, she has her boundaries but you have yours, and she has no right to be mad because you wont alter your boundaries to conform to hers. NTA

  21. I read that as teenagers and librarians and I was thinking I agree but seems harsh on the library workers for no reason!

  22. I once called my Nanna asking if she would feed my cat if I went to the psych ward. You know her answer? She immediately agreed. Even though it was completely out of her way, she still did it. You don't ignore family members in crisis. Not unless you are prepared to pay for a funeral.

  23. My MIL was like this. We were a mess because my husband, her son had stage 4 cancer. I desperately needed someone to babysit (our sleeping 2yr old) for less than an hour so I could get her very ill son to the hospital (it was an emergency and she lived close by). I didn't want to wake him and the hospital made him go hysterical and she knew this. Well she straight up said no because she was going shopping soon.

  24. I called my dad while I was in labour and asked if he could watch my son (I had asked him about this weeks prior just in case we needed him) and his response was: I have to work.

  25. Sounds like the type of parent that will sit alone in a nursing home wondering why their children never visit them.

  26. I totally agree. OP I understand your anger and loneliness especially with having ppd. I am sorry you have to deal with this alone. NTA.

  27. I dropped dinner plans with my brother, who I very rarely get to hang out with, to go out for drinks with my friend who needed his mind taken off some shit that he was going through. I had no hesitation in doing so. If anyone close to me, God forbid my own flesh and blood, called me and needed me to be there because they were scared to be alone, no commitment on this Earth would take priority over that.

  28. I would drop brunch plans for an acquaintance if they called me in distress like that. To let my own child suffer like that and chose to sip mimosas? Beyond cruel.

  29. For my own story, I only asked my parents to babysit a couple of times before giving up (for clarity - when my son was no longer a baby). The answer (especially from my dad) was "we had our time with you!"

  30. How does helping out her desperate daughter take away from her golden years? I'm sorry but you can't expect to be a low responsibility grandparent, you either act like the kids grandma or you don't, I wouldn't allow my children to have a relationship with someone who puts 0 effort into being there for them.

  31. It would be one thing if OP was constantly ducking out on parenting to hang out and visit friends and dumping the baby on grandma, but she's not. It's not black and white. Having a child is a LIFETIME commitment. Your still supposed to help your kids when they're adults to some degree.

  32. Being a grandparent also requires work and effort. If you dont want to bring that to the table, maybe your children wont consider you a grandparent.

  33. Sure she raised her kids, and you don't think she did it with help? You don't think she had family there to take the kids for sleepovers, and stuff like that?

  34. Gonna to ask you one to see if it changes your mind about the "maybe" an overreaction... If you were at brunch while someone you cared about was having a mental health crisis, could you actually enjoy yourself? That right there was the mom saying her daughter's crisis was less important than her mimosas and overpriced eggs. Wouldn't have blamed OP for cutting her off right then and there, but she still gave her mom another chance.

  35. It’s so weird when people act like parents have put in the work and so they don’t owe their children anything once they’re grown? Was parenting simply a obligation to fulfill or was it a relationship? In a relationship you give and take. The work of maintaining that relationship doesn’t end once legal obligations end, unless of course you have no interest in that relationship, in which case you can let it go. You just don’t get to have dinners and holiday gatherings and phone calls if you literally refuse to do anything to benefit the other person. I’ve had friends ask me to pick up groceries for them and I’m happy to do it because they’re my friends! But somehow asking a parent to run an errand puts someone into entitled territory?

  36. It’s not an overreaction to OP. She’s obviously going through a difficult time and the mother just serves her dust. I get she wanting to live out her life doing whatever she wants, but that’s a sure fire way to find yourself alone. People you care about need their feelings validated and genuine support.

  37. You don’t stop being a parent once your child hits 18. You’re never done. The work is never done. Parents who love their children see it as a privilege when our children see is as such a safe place that they call us for help. Saying NO all the time, or even once during a crisis, is all it takes to ruin that.

  38. Frankly I think the husband needs to find an adult caregiver for his mother or some alternative. No one here has mentioned it, but it’s not ok for him to be gone 2x a week when his wife is in crisis.

  39. NTA. I imagine she'd end up asking, "When are you coming to visit me?" (at your own personal expense) and then guilt trip you when you can't because of all the problems you've described.

  40. If a complete stranger came up to me and told me what OP told her mom, I’d be so concerned that I’d probably start looking for resources for them on the spot regardless of my plans. The fact that she’s this cold-hearted makes me think she didn’t even do her job when it was time for her to be a parent and that she gaslit her kids into thinking it wasn’t as bad as they’re making it out to be. When her body eventually gives up from the yoga, I hope she’s not expecting to be cared for by OP.

  41. NTA - Although she isn't obligated to help, being indifferent to family suffering seems a valid reason not to have her in contact with your son.

  42. She isn't legally obligated to help, but OP also isn't legally obligated to facilitate a relationship between her child and their grandmother. Even in states with grandparents' rights she isn't.

  43. NTA. She's not obligated to help, no. However, she's also demonstrating clearly right now that she simply doesn't care about you. She's treating this whole relationship like a one way street. Unless you have done the same to her in the past, that would be an exception. In that case you could try and talk about it and maybe work past hurt feelings on both sides.

  44. Exactly. And I’m not even sure I agree with the notion that she is not required to help. In my family it is very important that a mother aid her daughter in the first few weeks to months after the birth of her first child. My mom would do this for me with no questions asked even though she is halfway retired. This is just such an important thing for mothers and daughters in my family, idk. I would be so, so lost without my mom and would be absolutely destroyed if she picked things like yoga and brunch despite me begging for her help. I probably would not forgive her for a very long time if ever.

  45. NTA this is one of the worst posts I have ever read. Your mother is things I cannot say here because it will be uncivil. I will say that she didn't just decline to watch your kid or stay with you during the height of your PPD she declined to help you stay alive. The bigger picture here is that she has made perfectly clear to you that your life as a whole does not matter to her if it gets in the way of her plans. Do with that what you will, but someone who does not value your life has no right to your children. Please stay safe op and I'm sorry you have a mother like this.

  46. Completely agree about it being one of the worst. I can’t believe she called her mom crying and said she was afraid to be alone and her mom was like 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

  47. NTA. She exerts no effort in maintaining a relationship with you let alone assisting you in any way with her grandchild- I see no reason why you should provide her with grandparental privileges.

  48. I think this hits the crux for me. OPs mother doesn't have to help out with her grandchild, but she's opted out of any relationship or support for her daughter. If it was a friend you'd call them a fair weather friend, and understand why OP didn't want a relationship with them.

  49. Sweetie, you are NTA. And it's not because of babysitting. I'm no mother but if someone close to me would call sobbing and desperate I would stop what I am doing if it's nothing significant and come to their aid.

  50. It's just basic human decency. I can't imagine doing any of that to my child. It's so heartbreaking. I feel terrible for OP. She's doing the right thing. NTA.

  51. I'm child-free and I'm the first person to decline if someone tries to unload their kids on me. I can't stand kids. However, when I see a loved one at their wit's ends, who can't take it anymore even tho they do their best, but life sucks and loves to stone you while you're down, I'll look after them without making a fuss and I haven't met a kid who hasn't loved me because I do my best to entertain, talk to them, even tho it's not my thing at all.

  52. Shit I have kids, and the last thing I would want to do with my free time is watch another. But I would trip over myself offering to watch op's kid, op is clearly struggling and it's just the decent thing to do.

  53. Also childfree - I don’t enjoy being around kids except for a select few. Those few kids - I would do anything for. Also, if a person, even if I wasn’t close to them or didn’t like their kids, begged if I could help them, I absolutely would. I’ve helped out before when it wasn’t even a desperate situation. OP’s baby is 8 months old. Babies still hardly do anything at that age - you basically have to change them, feed them and make sure they don’t die. It’s the lowest effort to watch them as a baby.

  54. NTA. This no obligation to help is bullshit cop out imo. Yes she doesn't have to help. But you do help family and if you don't help them you don't get to be treated as family. It's the same as rights and bring a responsible citizen. Everyone is always quick to spark up about their rights but complain if they're asked to do something, because they're not obligated. Where the hell is the empathy and the social glue? If my mum refused to help with my child she would not be having the same relationship we do currently. But I know that wouldn't happen. It makes me sad that people have family like this.

  55. NTA - but I wonder why you want a relationship with her in the first place? She doesn't seem interested in you OR your son. I can't believe a person wouldn't cancel brunch plans if another person (let alone their child) called and said they were scared to be alone. I'd view that as an emergency situation and if I couldn't get there (brunch, really?) I'd probably call an ambulance or police. I wouldn't allow someone so unwell to remain in charge of themselves or an infant.

  56. I can't speak for OP on this, but as a someone raised by a mother who perfectly adored being a parent only as long as it was convenient and easy on her, it can be hard to let go of a parent-child relationship even if there's not much to it. A lot of kids -- even the grown-up ones like me and OP -- hold out hope for a long time that something will finally click and everything will change and we'll finally get the love/attention/help we need. That hope is powerful and very difficult to let go of. And it's a fire that only takes a few crumbs of affection thrown in here and there to stay lit.

  57. NTA. Your mum isn't obligated to help, but it sounds like she has her priorities all wrong. Especially taking in consideration you called her crying but her brunch plans were too important.

  58. She is truly heartless. How can you get a phone call from your daughter in such crisis, but decide bunch is more important? How can you enjoy your brunch knowing that your daughter is hanging on by a thread? I wonder what her reaction would have been if she had gotten a call that something horrific happened? "Oh sorry, OP's husband, I can't make it to the hospital rn, I've got yoga in 5 minutes...gotta work off those brunch calories!"

  59. This is probably needlessly pedantic of me, but it seems like you're one of the only people in these top comments who actually read the post fully and realized that yoga was the excuse, and not brunch, haha. I guess it doesn't really matter, but I get so confused when people just switch out the details like that for seemingly no reason.

  60. I was going to suggest the same thing. Even my fairly rural area has a bunch of providers on there. They also do a background check for anyone using the site, so it's less sketchy than a Craigslist ad.

  61. Yes to this!!! Maybe the local folks in city B can also help with the care.com selection by asking around. Depending on the size of the city you might luck out and find someone who used the person and can give an honest review.

  62. Or the local babystting/nannying fb groups. You can get teachers and nurses or career nannies to watch your child.

  63. NTA but you know what it's her loss! Seriously I was never blessed with children but I am there for family and friends.

  64. NTA. I can't stand babies, I hate being around them and wouldn't change a nappy if you paid me, but if even a friend called crying and asking not to be left alone there's no way I'd go to brunch instead.

  65. Yea same. I’m childfree but I’m not a monster; sometimes you need to step up and help a loved one. I’d never NOT cancel minor plans like a yoga class or whatever, to watch my sister’s kids if she literally called me begging! Her mom is super selfish.

  66. Please mind yourself. You're clearly NTA. I played music at a funeral of a mom (36) of two small children. She ended her life with her PPD. Please mind yourself and find a friend that can mind the baby for you even for just two hours a week. You need downtime. You need help. Please reach out. As for your mother, I think going no contact made a lot of sense. You're in a tough spot and she's not helping. I'm so sorry.

  67. I get it. Your mom feels she has done her duty. She has probably spent 25 years always putting herself last. But still. I am probably becoming a grandmother within 5-10 yrs. My grown child is still my child. And I will do anything I can to help my child now and when there are grandkids. I won't be able to always say yes and be there (I will be working full time for the next 25 yrs) but there is not way in Hell I would prioritise a yoga class and in doing so preventing my child from going to her best friend's wedding.

  68. Hubby is officiating the wedding, IDK but I think he’s probably not gonna be able to head out every 2 hours, not to mention that she’s MOH. Both positions kinda require you to be there! Good thinking tho!

  69. This is going to register as a vote for her being TA. You need to put NTA first or put spaces or periods between the letters.

  70. NTA. Her behaviour is really weird. As you said, she is under no obligation to help, but she is literally choosing brunch over her daughter calling upset with ACTUAL mental health problems, no help, and incredibly upset. She is the one declining a relationship with her grandson.

  71. NTA. But I do wonder why this has not been discussed further with your mom? I mean, after 8 months I would have asked my mom what the heck was up and why she was not willing to help?

  72. Cause a lot of people stuggle to ask for help, let one say something when it is refused. People just are too scared to damage relationships.

  73. Here’s the thing. You’re not asking her to be your full-time childcare. You are reaching out for support to someone who is supposed to be there for you.

  74. NTA! I called my dad crying once because our dog went missing. I was probably 30yo. He immediately booked a flight to come 1,000 miles to help me. The dog came home after a few frantic hours and he canceled the flight. But, that’s what a parent was willing to do. Your mom should be ashamed.

  75. I work full time, in a wheelchair, and with chronic pain. And I STILL babysit or juggle hours to see my grandkids - and while I love them, i do this because I adore my daughter and understand she needs time out. And I am closer to the small wonders as a result! Your mother may claim she is finally getting time for her now she has grown kids, but dammit, that’s still possible while helping out here and there. Her own daughter who has PPD - I’m so furious on your behalf, my dear.

  76. I would crawl over hot coals to get to my boys if they needed me, for something even half as serious as PPD. Your Mum does not deserve your baby or you.

  77. Hello OP, I am in a similar situation with my mother atm: she only wants to see me when I'm good, she is busy when I'm asking for help.

  78. Hey OP so “funny” story. My spouse always told me how loving and amazing his parents were. Until we had our twins and then the wall broke of realizing all the ways he had been neglected and abused his entire life. Suddenly he’s telling me all these stories that horrify me of ways he was manipulated and hurt. I thought my mom was loving and devoted, until I had a friend who supported me against her gaslighting and gave me a tether to reality to recognize her toxic behaviors.

  79. Yep. Ex used to talk about how idyllic his childhood was, but every once in awhile there would be a story or explanation for his behavior that made it it clear his childhood was chaotic and he wasn’t well supported. Explains some things about how he functions as an adult.

  80. NTA; whilst no she doesn't have to help, you don't have to allow her access either. You have been through traumatic times and I'm honestly shocked she didn't help. Maybe I'm biased as my mum is my rock and has on occasion left work or cancelled plans to help me (single mum). All in all, don't make a decision in anger and if needed take some time apart before speaking again.

  81. NTA: I don't think she cares, but I support you cutting her off because she's an AH of a person. OP, I can't think of a single person where I would not take their kid for a few hours if they were afraid to be alone with their baby for PPD reasons. Like. People I hate. And your MOTHER went to brunch. That's cold. You don't have time in your life for that. Grieve and move on.

  82. I would babysit for my mortal enemy in this situation, for the sake of the BABY, because I’m a human being with a conscience.

  83. NTA. I had an awful pregnancy and traumatic birth. My mom has been over practically every day. She staid the night to help when my husband had to go away. She’s been there when i call crying and stressed and came over or gave advice. That’s what a mom and grandma do. If you’re calling and you’re crying and I’m distress and your mom can’t be bothered to cancel brunch plans then it’s time to go NC. What about your brother and sister? Do they live close by? Do they have kids? What’s their relationship like with your mom?

  84. If you haven't found a sitter, and your son goes to childcare, maybe you could ask if one of the workers if they would agree to do it for you for cash??? Hope you find a sitter! Edit: missing words

  85. I’m wondering if the only times she’s been offered to spend time with the grandchild is if it comes with duties and responsibilities

  86. NTA - An hour away to help your child, and spend time with your grandson? Seems like a definite case of mixed priorities. Yoga being higher in the list than your grandson? Really? Talk about self centered.

  87. NTA. I’m a random internet stranger who would be more than willing to rearrange things and babysit and your own Mom can’t even? For a YOGA class?

  88. NTA Seriously what would have happened if OP killed herself and her baby because she had no support? I’d help someone out who wasn’t even related if this was happening to them

  89. NTA. The fact that she blew you off when you begged for her help because she had brunch plans is extremely cold. I'm sorry. I don't know how I could have a normal relationship with my parents again if they did that to me.

  90. NTA. There is something wrong with grandmas empathy. She went to brunch while you were having a breakdown. That should have been the moment you went nc.

  91. Oh OP alot of the time people will come across entitled or like an AH when posts about grandparents or childcare come up. You however are NTA at all.

  92. NTA. Yes she has no obligation to help but you thing as a parent and grandparent she would want to get to know her grandson and help her child not only in times of need, but desperate (not referring to the wedding).

  93. NTA Not sure when your mom stopped being a mom as I understand it’s a life time commitment Yes your an adult and responsible for your own choices this doesn’t mean she gets to forget she has adult children in the world which she created brought up and is particularly responsible for, If my future adult children are unwell (PPD is a mental illness and mental illness needs to be treated just as seriously as physical) you will find me supporting them and helping their recovery and I’m sure you will find the same with jack,

  94. NTA. I normally come into these stories thinking the parents are being entitled to expect help but this does not read like that at all.

  95. Typically I am of the stance where someone is not obligated to help regarding childcare if someone is imposing/its not their child. However this is a different case. This is an extreme and you even took steps to reach out to everyone else. If your mother thinks a yoga class is more important than the relationship with her daughter/grandchild then that is on her. NTA

  96. I mean, you're sick and she's not willing to skip one yoga to help you. I feel like she wouldn't care even if you went NC. Could you try other family from both sides? Yours and your partners. Or even your friends family? Reach out to the bride and groom and see if they have someone attending that has a babysitter?

  97. OP, please reach out to the bride and be honest with her, ask if there’s any compromise, where a trusted person she knows could help look after the baby during the important parts of the ceremony. It is truly unfortunate that both you and your husband might not be able to participate in the wedding, and it would be helpful for the bride and groom to understand the situation and find out what the best option going forward is!

  98. Someone also mentioned to reach out to the bride to see if other people attending the wedding had sitters. Maybe someone is watching over some little children in the hotel they’ll already be staying at and can watch another baby.

  99. The part I don't understand is her being a living Sahm to Op and her siblings. So she was a great Mom but not great Grandma? Those 2 things seem strange to me.

  100. NTA. No one is obligated to help anyone but how can you ignore someone you care about crying and begging for help?

  101. NTA. I mean, she’s your mom. This is an emergency and you tried every other alternative. Who does this to their daughter?

  102. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  103. NTA. To love a child is to support a child. She’d be crying a different tune if you were on the news for infanticide. No one who disrespects, neglects or harms you in any way loves your child.

  104. Nta. My mom lives 45 minutes away. She came to watch my newborn at least once a week during my maternity leave, so I could try to catch up on sleep. I called her one time crying, just having a hard time. She came right over and gave me a break.

  105. NTA. If she doesn't want to provide any help whatsoever she should not be surprised if you refuse to let her be a part of the child's life. If this were a "normal" situation then the response may be different, but this is clearly not a normal situation. The situation here contains:

  106. Neither my mother nor my father ever babysat for either of my now-grown kids. They were always too busy or ‘not really kid people’ to spend time with them, unless I was there shuttling everyone around to “ fun” events or shopping. They did buy the kids presents on holidays and would celebrate at my house, where I did all the preparations and cooking.

  107. NTA. Technically she might not be legally obligated to do anything. But the role of "grandma" is not a one way thing. She hasn't filled the obligations of it, she doesn't get the perks.

  108. NTA she is your mom and that doesn't stop when you get children. She sounds very heartless. You didn't just ask for a free babysitter, you needed help as you faced PPD.

  109. NTA. Wow. Simply wow. Im speechless. You need to be a mom first in order to become a grandma, and your mom opted out of being a mom - therefore she opted out of being a grandma. I am so sorry. Abandonment by a parent is hard at any age. Focus on you and do not be concerned with guilt over someone else's heartlessness.

  110. NTA. Normal people would rush to the side of someone who was in crisis and was sobbing on the phone. I can't imagine not doing the same if my daughter called me. Bet your ass i'd drop everything and run. That would be the normal response. I can't help wondering if there's more to the story. Why is your mother so disinterested in helping you out if she was such a loving, caring mother whilst you were young? Does she not like your husband? Did she dissaprove of the marriage? I genuinely can't wrap my mind around it.

  111. NTA. I'm glad she was at least available to you as a child, because your mother sounds sociopathic. Unfortunately I don't expect your restrictions against your mother will last. But I sincerely hope that they do. Remember that forgiveness is earned.

  112. NTA. it sounds like she doesn't WANT to help or be associated with or form any relationship with your child in any capacity. And why would you want to leave your child under the care of someone who has proven to not want to extend any sort of said care to you (her own child) or your child? There's a reason why multiple communities around the world used to come together to support new mothers.

  113. NTA, but if she's not making an effort now to spend time with you and her new grandchild, she may not take your NC seriously. She may only realize the extend of her actions when she needs you, and you say sorry, I have plans for brunch/yoga/picking the lint off my 2nd favorite sweater.

  114. I (34F) am estranged from my mom. When I began my wife (28F) my in laws sort of considered me their third daughter. In that time, my now in laws have rescued me when my car broke down in another city, took me to an emergency clinic to get stitches on a camping trip, brought us meals when we had Covid, when I had the flu, drove me home and to work when I broke my toe and couldn’t drive and my wife couldn’t take me, and now that my wife is battling MS, told me if she…and this is important…or I needed anything, there isn’t a traffic law they’d obey to get to us. I’ve relearned what parents are like in the last almost five years. I get your mom wanting her own life but the fact that she wouldn’t drop everything to help her daughter when she truly needed speaks volumes about her. NTA at all.

  115. NTA - relationships are a two way street and if she cannot be bothered to put effort in for you then why would you put effort in for her

  116. NTA - you are not entitled to her help, but this seems to be a very one-sided relationship. She doesn't seem to be willing to show you any empathy, emotional care or help you in emergencies. You're struggling with your depression and she doesn't even seem to care. It's very healthy to be picky about which relationships you wish to maintain and which you don't. If this relationship only drains you emotionally, it's the best decision to cut contact.

  117. NTA- When I was struggling after my second was born I called my mom crying because I couldn't handle it and she drove over a 2 hour drive in half the time because she was closer than my husband. I wasn't diagnosed with ppd but I was having a rough day. It's not the fact that you ask her to do things. It's that when you really need her she's not there and only wants a relationship on her terms and on her schedule. You can't do that. It sounds like a one sided relationship and I don't blame you.

  118. NTA you have every right to decide who is in your life and your child's life. I would say have you asked your mother why she refuses to help you at all? I would have asked her why she refuses to do anything to help her struggling daughter. I would call the Bride and tell her what is going on and see if she can offer any suggestions. As for your Mother, She needs to explain her absenteeism because her Constant NO is highly odd in my opinion.

  119. You’re NTA, but it doesn’t sound like you’re actually denying your mother of anything— she doesn’t really care if she doesn’t see her grandchild. I know that hurts to realize, but this isn’t the punishment you think it is. I doubt your mother will even notice, to be quite honest.

  120. TBH it doesn’t even sound like your mom would be bothered so I question whether you got much out of it, however she may well regret it in future. I guess NTA, just not the winner either.

  121. Something tells me they’ve either passed away or are completely out of the picture. Neither are mentioned so I think this is a pretty safe assumption.

  122. This is different than “My mom isn’t willing to help babysit my kid so I’m not gonna let her see the baby”. This is “My mom refuses to help when I desperately need it and only wants to be around me and my kid when it’s convenient for her”. That’s a big difference. NTA, and I hope you are able to find a community with other moms to help give you some relief. Is there anyway your husband can find some social services to help with his mother? Because it isn’t fair to you to be taking care of the baby every single night.

  123. Nta at all. Your mum isn’t obligated to babysit but it’s very odd that she doesn’t want to be there for you when you are low. Is it possible she has some medical issues that she doesn’t want to worry you with? Can’t see why she is being so off if you usually had a good relationship. I think getting some space from her is a good idea even if it hurts.

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