AITA for not telling someone I was the co-author on the research paper they mansplained to me?

  1. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.

  2. I work in a university and this happens to me all the time, but mostly with undergrads. I’m also the only indigenous woman in my department and I absolutely know what OP was referring to with fighting for a seat at the table.

  3. I’m a family medicine resident and I was recently having a conversation with a friend who recently had a baby about pregnancy. She was telling me how terrified she was because she had some pretty serious complications and had to be induced early. Her brother interrupts to say something like 100% wrong and I started to correct him. He goes “how would you know, are you a doctor?” And when I said that I was in fact a doctor and I even deliver babies, he accused me of rubbing my occupation in his face.

  4. A few weeks ago I watched a random man (not a lawyer) start mansplaining to a group of lawyers how federal criminal law works. A couple of people interrupted to say, that's not actually the law, but he just bulldozed through everyone because he obviously knew better. He was going on and on about what a lawyer had argued in a big appellate case just handed down.

  5. Right?? I hope these same people are texting that dude and saying "It was so rude of you to quiz OP all night on her profession."

  6. I have a master's in history with a specialization in an area of history which typically attracts cis white men. My fucking therapist started quizzing me on basic facts during a therapy session one day. Look dude, I thought we were here to talk about my sexual assault. You want my expertise, you pay me, not the other way around.

  7. I recently graduated from grad school and I wish I had a nickel for every time a barely undergrad boy would try to mansplain the lesson I would be teaching/researching. It’s bad enough that male professors don’t take us seriously but when it’s people who have no experience in the subject, it’s even worse.

  8. I’m a female IT Project Manager. People often direct their questions to a male in the room. Usually my scheduler or accountant. It’s quite interesting to watch them backpedal that

  9. Yup. Another man know it all. SMH. Well at least he had the grace to be embarrassed. I've heard stories where dudes will try and continue to argue even after finding out to try and save face...NTA

  10. What she did wasn’t important, until it was. What did her friends expect her to do, discreetly pass him a business card? Why did they not inform him when he first started pontificating?

  11. This was my take as well. Asking probing questions at first introduction could have saved so much of his own embarrassment, if he had actually listened.

  12. NTA. Whether the paper was yours or not, he should know better than to mansplain things. "You just don't get it" speaks of entitlement and a sense of superiority. In a way, your friends' insistence that you should have told him plays into this idea. Like the problem was just that he didn't know it was your paper. It wasn't. It was that he was being a jerk. That's on him.Edit: "You should have told him your credentials." No. He shouldn't need to know your credentials to not be an ah. You are NTA, but your friends are.

  13. You are right. He could have avoided embarrassment if he had asked her if she had read it, what did she think of this part or this thought, etc. Basically if he had asked her for her thoughts at any point rather than just telling her about it.

  14. I agree with this. I've got a master's in education but when my students talk and try to give opinions on education (other than this is stupid), I listen. People deserve respect, period. Not because their credentials say so. Whether she was an expert or not, his attitude was the problem. They're more upset that he's embarrassed than that he was rude. Sounds like people to cut out.

  15. "You emasculated him in front of evreone" is what I found happens .... I changed a tire for a guy once apparently that is like, the worst offense. We should have waited for the toetruck. Q above.

  16. NTA, OP. But I'm curious about these "friends" of yours who line up to defend the fragility of a mediocre, arrogant man against the mere revelation of accomplishments of a woman of color. Especially when that defense consists of literally telling you that you should have proven your credentials in order to disprove this man's assumptions about you based on how you look.

  17. This is it! OP—your knowledge is sufficient in and of itself. The fact that these “friends” reprimanded you for not letting them know how educated you were is a huge red flag. Who cares how educated you are? They should respect your voice if they respect you as a friend at all!

  18. He also needs better friends. His seem to only want to inflate his butt. Not put him out when he sets himself on fire. Who said "dude it's her paper" and what are they saying now?

  19. NTA. If this came as a shock to him, either he didn’t read it closely enough to be trying to explain it to anyone, or he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention when you were introduced so he maybe could’ve put two and two together himself. (Or, y’know, he could’ve just asked “Have you read it?” before launching ahead on the assumption you hadn’t.)

  20. Not that it justifies any of the rest of this, but with many social introductions being just first name and papers generally talked about based off of last name (and sometimes not even including first names), the one bit of his actions that is defensible would be not realizing that the person he was talking to was a coauthor on that paper on the basis of names given.

  21. NTA - So in the natural course of conversation he didn’t bother to ask your credentials? Just presumed to be the big brain of the group.

  22. NTA - You didn't do anything at all except write an apparently influential article. It isn't your fault that this guy made a fool of himself. It's not your responsibility to constantly assert your credentials to ensure your juniors don't get embarrassed. In fact, if it was me, I would have done the exact same thing you did for the lulz.

  23. NTA. You don’t owe anyone a copy of your CV to get respect. The dude was a jerk, and he proved it. Upon finding out you study the same field, he could have asked you how far along you were, or some other version of that. Instead, he assumed you were below him. You don’t owe jerks a pass.

  24. Wait. He didn't recognize your name?? His mansplaining credentials are seriously questionable. Did he even read the paper? 🧐 I'm wishing your friend hadn't intervened now!

  25. If you ask students who wrote the textbook they use all year many can’t tell you, but a middle author? I can’t tell you the middle authors on some of my papers. Journals don’t even always print them all. Wish I was kidding.

  26. A good portion of social introductions that take place are by first name, and those are often not used academically (certainly not in citations routinely, depends on the journal if they even print them)

  27. NTA. If he found the paper so interesting, he could have bothered to note the authors' names. And then during introductions, check your last name. But him feeling hurt because good one-upmanship failed isn't your problem. I'm curious how many of your friends telling you to apologize are women.

  28. Nobody reads the names of the authors of the papers they read, especially when there are multiple authors. It is essentially useless. The only name worth knowing is usually the last name, who is the professor supervising the paper.

  29. NTA. Keep letting those men embarrass themselves. I’m a woman in IT, the mansplaining feels never ending some days. It warms my heart to know there are women like you out there allowing them to make fools of themselves.

  30. Also, made me wonder- OP picked up that this guy was a master's student, but I wonder if he ever bothered to ask her what her background was or what she was even currently doing in their shared field. Even asking some basic, courtesy questions could've signaled to this doofus OP's qualifications before he insisted on inserting his foot in his own mouth.

  31. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  32. Nta....you don't need to explain yourself to anyone....you politely tried to communicate an explanation and he shut you down...he is embarrassed because he basically got his ass handed to him in front of the writer of the interesting paper

  33. NTA, unless he asked if you'd heard of it and you said no. But if he just assumed you hadn't heard of it or read it (much less written it) then he got what he deserved, IMO.

  34. NTA. He made the assumption that due to you being both a woman and a woman of color that you have no idea what you're talking about.

  35. NTA - If he wasn’t being a patronising AH, then it wouldn’t have been an issue. And he’d still have been incorrect about the meaning of the paper even if you HADN’T have written it.

  36. LMAO! NTA, he dug his hole. At best you could have smiled & said you wanted to see how 'interesting' he found your paper.

  37. NTA. You have a PhD and are teaching and doing research. He knew that much and that was enough. He doesn't even have a masters and was man-splaining to you. He deserves every bit of embassment he felt.

  38. Sure, he was rude and disrespectful to you all night because you don't have a penis, but now that his bad behavior has resulted in mild embarrassment on his part, you should totally be responsible for managing his feels. Snort.

  39. NTA! He dug that hole he got buried. Not your fault he made ass out of himself. And there was no reason for you to have state your credentials.

  40. You’re NTA but your friend who thinks you should have handed over your resume at the start of the night is just as much of an ass as the dude mansplaining.

  41. NTA.. As a black woman academic in a mainly white male field.... I get it. ... You shouldn't have to explain your creditals in order to get respect.

  42. NTA. Tell your friend it was kinda rude for him to mansplain a field you both specialize in to you…especially when you have a PHD.

  43. Because it happens all the time!! There hundreds of Twitter threads by women giving their experiences with this and then told to coddle the man's fragile ego.

  44. Oh absofuckinglutely not. There would have been no need for you to lay out your credentials for him if he had bothered to listen to you. He went into that conversation with no intention of hearing anything you had to say. Your friends are not being very good friends to you right now.

  45. You have a PhD, and he's not even done with his master's yet. He's totally full of himself. I work in academia too and I've met grad students like him. They love to show off and act like they know more than they actually do. Do not apologize. He owes you an apology. NTA

  46. No. He was being a stuck up snob assuming you don't know anything even though you are in the same field. If it was so important for your friend to have the guy know he could have told him.

  47. NTA. I mean come on, you don't even really have to ask this. No ambiguity here. But damn, awesome story, so I'm glad you asked anyway. Please please please please keep doing this in the future.

  48. Wow, even when you're not on the job you still find it in your heart to provide teaching moments. NTA you should bill him for the free lesson.

  49. NTA. you correcting him would have prevented him from making an ass of himself. he deserves to be made an ass of. let people expose themselves.

  50. Lolllll NTA and good for you. You did not embarrass him, he embarrassed himself by being that way. Oh man, the look on his face must have looked priceless telling you that you are not getting it. It's a good lesson for him to lose some of that arrogance.

  51. NTA. The thing about sharing that you have a PhD or do research in a specific area is that some people will say that you're too proud or flaunting. So either you don't say anything and let people embarrass themself by describing your research back to you or you say something and people accuse you of bragging. It's really a no win, so you just have to decide which one you're more comfortable with.

  52. All I can think of is OP walking up to everyone she meets and saying "Hi I am Dr OP, I have written and co-written x papers on x subject. Nice to meet you."

  53. NTA. It doesn’t have to be your paper for him to be wrong and you to be right. And that was the dynamic in the conversation at that time. He was just wrong, full stop.

  54. NTA. He is the AH to 1. Assume you aren’t really in the same field by testing you, f-ing annoying and 2. Telling you you are wrong about a paper (regardless of whether you are the author or not.) It sounds like he didn’t even ask you about credentials; he jumped to a conclusion about them. You clearly found out his. He suffered embarrassment due to his assumption and not listening. Mansplainers generally get upset and shift blame…because they don’t like to listen and only enjoy hearing themselves.

  55. Nta. Cherish this mansplainers worst nightmare come to life. He'll either do one of two things, either have a cone to Jesus moment & change his attitude for the better or he will stay that ignorant guy that he is. Neither of those decisions impact your life so its no great loss. He f**ked around then he found out, not your fault he was acting a fool. Don't you dare apologize for such a condescending interaction, you rock.

  56. NTA, doesn't sound like there was an opportunity for you to say anything lol. Tell him you'd be happy to tutor him lol

  57. NTA because it wouldn't have even worked. One time a dude started to mansplain my book to me at a conference and when I stopped him to tell him it was my book he did. not. believe. me. Only when another man confirmed it did he believe it was true (I have a gender neutral name, but damn).

  58. NTA and I suspect that if you started the conversation with your credentials (which should be totally unnecessary!), you would be considered an asshole for showing off or something. Hopefully this dude has learned a lesson.

  59. Guessing there was no point where he said, "have you seen the paper?" Or maybe stopped to breathe long enough for you to interject that it was your paper.

  60. NTA maybe (but doubtful) he will learn something from this and not be a mansplaining AH next time. (I know. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣)

  61. NTA. If you did go around explaining your credentials to people off the bat, that would just make you "bragging" and "pretentious" and "full of yourself". There's no winning with people like him. You know that.

  62. NTA. This is hilarious. And you aren’t the asshole. He was being an asshole and the friend who corrected him was kind of an asshole. You were letting him carry on and not calling him out.

  63. NTA. He's wront and why should you have to explain your credentials rather than him just assuming he was the cleverest person in the room. Like if you went in with 'I have a PhD in bleugh, here is my CV' then you'd have been one of those annoying people that is patronising.

  64. NTA. It’s not your job to help mitigate someone else’s potential for embarrassment when they won’t do the bare minimum to avoid embarrassing themselves. Literally all he had to do was ask what you do for a living and have the brain cells necessary to realize that having more education and job experience meant that you, ya know, had more education and job experience than he did. Instead, he decided that a woman of color would be an easy source for superiority feels.

  65. NTA, sounds like guy was so set on talking about himself and what he knew he didn’t even allow you to the opportunity to introduce yourself and your experience properly. Maybe if he let other talk and listened to what they had to say, he wouldn’t have put his foot in his mouth.

  66. NTA. He could have just as easily asked what your reason for objecting to his commentary was. Instead, he said "you just don't get it"? I really hope he winds up in your class one day....

  67. It was a no-win for you.. say something, and you would be accused of bragging or trying to put him in his place. Say nothing, and you're "rude." Better you should let him reveal who he really is.

  68. NTA at all!! These friends of his couldn’t bear to see him humiliated and want to blame you. He was humiliated because he acted like a know it all a h who wouldn’t let you get a word in edgewise. You should have been acknowledged for your talent for writing that paper, rather than blamed for his broken down poor ego.

  69. NO. Women of colour ARE NOT HERE FOR YOU, dudebros. You don’t owe him anything you don’t want to give. He feels shame because he didn’t act correctly. HIS PROBLEM

  70. NTA. He's embarrassed and that's on him. He could have laughed off the blunder or apologised or something. He doesn't do well with being shown to be wrong.

  71. OMG, so much NTA! I know the kind of grad student you’re describing, OP, and seriously, if he’s going to tell you all the knowledge (mind you, he only read it a couple of days ago), by all means. sit back and let him dig his hole. He’s learned a valuable lesson (and maybe you’ve prevented others from having to experience death my mansplaining.). As for your friends—what are you supposed to do when meeting people? Hand them your CV?

  72. NTA. If someone is going to be explaining a paper they should be prepared to acknowledge the author(s). If he had done that he wouldn't have made this mistake.

  73. NTA. It is not your responsibility to prevent him from making a horse's ass of himself. He could have stopped at any point to ask questions instead of just assuming he knew more than you. He didn't. He set himself up, you do not owe him protection from his own foolishness. He can just d!e mad about it.

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