why are you still alive?

  1. Because of a truck driver sitting on my ass in traffic. I was driving home one afternoon with my two kids in the back who were 5 and 3 at the time. I was approaching an intersection with a massive highway where you have to wait at lights to cross 4 lanes of traffic to get to the side I needed to be on to get home. It’s peak hour. There’s cars everywhere. There was a truck sitting on my ass. The truck driver later told me that just before the intersection I started driving a bit weird, like bumping into the gutter and stuff. At first he thought I was drunk. From his position high up in his cab he could see through my back window and saw that I had two young kids on board. That made him think “nobody is driving around at 5pm, drunk, with their kids in the car…” So when I stopped at a set of lights just before the highway he jumped out of his truck and walked up to my door. He knocked on my window and he said to me later that I turned my head and “looked through him”. Not at him, through him. That’s when he knew for sure something was very wrong. Just then, the lights turned green and I put the car in gear and took off. He grabbed my door handle, jumped on to my sidestep (4WD/SUV) and pulled my door open, turned the ignition off and steered my car into the gutter. My feet slid off the pedals and the car stalled and stopped. Apparently I then had a seizure. I woke up to a strange bloke I’d never met sitting on my passenger seat, holding my phone and asking what my husband’s name was. Next thing I know there’s an ambulance pulling up and I went to hospital. Without that truck driver I have no doubt in my mind that I’d have driven straight into 4 lanes of traffic doing 80km/h and I don’t like thinking about what would have happened to my kids and myself. The dude jumped on to a moving vehicle like he was Bruce Willis or something and saved at least three lives. He’s completely insane, but he’s my hero.

  2. Fear of death. And the unwavering feeling that there’s something I have to do before I die. I don’t know what it is but I think I’ll know once I’ve done it.

  3. When I get depressed to the point of being “suicidal”, it’s not that I want to die, I just don’t want to feel depressed anymore.

  4. Same, idk why, but when I think about it I don't feel at peace with myself, I feel like there is something I need to do, it isn't necessarily important or big, but I feel like I can only die in peace after I do that thing, which I don't even know what it is.

  5. Mine is sort-of this; not fear of the death itself but fear of the unknown for what’s next. Do we just cease to exist and everything just goes black? Does our subconscious just continue to exist in some other medium and we keep reliving the same life over and over again? Are we born again? Like this shit keeps me up at night and not knowing what actually happens is fucking with me head.

  6. Fucking feel that. Every day I struggle to get out of bed. But I love my wife my dogs and I know they would miss me and it will kill her so I haven’t done anything.

  7. It's not that I don't want to kill myself, it's that I haven't wanted to kill myself enough yet. Check in again in a year.

  8. Yep. Every day I feel some sort of casual, background suicidal ideation. Not bad enough to kill myself, but wearing me down.

  9. I hear you. I wish I had the guts to off myself, but I don’t have them, and besides, there’s people that depend on me so I’ve to keep on with the show.

  10. More people die from driving sleepy than driving drunk. I know a few people who had siblings working graveyard and/or were nurses who lost their lives this way.

  11. I fell asleep behind the wheel once. I got lucky but the car was beyond totaled. Be careful parking somewhere to take a nap. You might get accosted by state troopers. The next time I was that tired I pulled over in a rest stop just off the highway at 8pm to catch an hour nap so I could safely drive. The next thing I know there's a cop pounding on my window shining their light right in my eyes just after I fell asleep. They even had two extra cars with four officers. They harassed me and didn't believe I just needed some sleep to safely drive. I even showed them the alarm I had set for 70 minutes. I even mentioned the signs that say don't drive tired, pull over and rest. That just pissed them off I think. "Why are your eyes glossy?" They knew it was because they had just woken me up while shining flashlights in my face but they still had to mess with me. It's called a "REST STOP" for a reason.

  12. Spite, first off. Second, after spitefully living, I've found my calling and found purpose in life. So I'm gonna hang around a little bit longer

  13. You are the only other person that I have ever heard say spite was the reason they kept living. I have told people that spite was my reason at one point and they always look at me like I'm crazy.

  14. You get enough spite and you can pull a 180. Like hell no the world is shit but i’m not gonna let it make ME feel like shit! Fuck you I’m gonna have fun and be a nice person AND YOU CANT STOP ME!

  15. I refuse to die before the people who made my early life total shit. I am going to wait these assholes out, not going to their funerals then stand over their graves and say "Fuck you." Hell maybe I will get a chance to say it on their death beds. But pure spite is a hell of a motivator. In the mean time I am going to make a shit ton of money, do all the shit they say they "wish they could" and make sure they all know about it.

  16. This is the way. We can at least stick around until our little furballs take their long sleep. Goofballs wouldn't know what to do without us

  17. Same except dog and kid. Life is never perfect but I hug both of them every day and tell them that I love them- if that aint worth living for then nothing is.

  18. This is the reason. I have been in very bad mental health a few times, but knowing my puppy would never understand if I was gone got me through it.

  19. My dog got a small grey beard after I was in the hospital for covid for two weeks. I saw my step dad's dog go grey after he went in for cancer and never came home.

  20. I have always told my partners that if I die, they need to show my dogs my body. I need them to know I didn’t abandon them.

  21. I worked OT today. At the time I should have gotten off, I felt like like an asshole realizing my weens would be wondering where I was.

  22. Same. I inherited my good boy after my grandma passed. We took him to the hospital after she was declared brain dead but he still has to investigate every old lady we walk past. I can't do that to him again.

  23. A few years ago I was going through some serious things in my life and I opened my window a lot of times and seriously considered jumping out but I kept making some kind of event a few days later to have something to look upto. I guess that worked pretty well since now I'm living a happy life even if I don't have anything special going on.

  24. During my darkest moments, there always seemed to be a recent or upcoming event/birthday/holiday and my brain always pictured my wife and kids associating that event with my death. So, i'd put it off a bit longer.

  25. Full face motorcycle helmets. Me and two of my friends have each had wrecks that could of killed us but didn’t. The helmets in 2/3 crashes took a ton of damage but no injuries to the head. I truly don’t get why so many people hate to wear a helmet….

  26. If I could, I’d wear a helmet 90% of the time, and I don’t even ride a motorcycle. I just think I’d look cooler in a helmet.

  27. I once just moved my motorcycle from one part of my complex parking lot to another stall without the helmet and at 10-15mph, I thought my eyeballs were gonna dry into raisins. I don’t know how people ride without them.

  28. Get life insurance. Planning my mom's funeral was so much harder while trying to balance my budget. Last thing you want to think about when you're grieving.

  29. Yep, when I’m at my lowest depressive episodes I just want to die, but it breaks my heart to imagine my kids reaction to my death. We are very very close and even when I’m convinced I’m the worst mom in the world I know they need me. They’ve saved my life so many times and don’t even know it.

  30. Your child is very lucky to have you. My mom ended her life when I was a teenager. She took a part of me with her that I'll never get back.

  31. As someone who believes in reincarnation, I understand that right now, I live as a privileged person, in a privileged country, in the most privileged time in human history, as the most privileged species, and it would be a waste throwing that away. If I get reincarnated, it's statistically likely that my next life would be magnitudes worse than the one I have now. And I wouldn't want to rush into that.

  32. My ex saved my life. I OD’d on heroin and she found me on the floor. She was supposed to be with her sister but she was nervous when she hadn’t heard from me in a few hours. She came over and my lips were blue, dead on the floor.

  33. As someone who has suffered depression her entire life... I feel this. When I think of reasons to keep going, this is legitimately on my list.

  34. It's the hat of everyone else who found it. The last image will be Luffy walking out of there after leaving his straw hat on the pile.

  35. I drove into a tree, and had to be airlifted to a hospital. Id probably be dead if it wasn’t for the seatbelt, and airbag.

  36. Wild that there are thousands of nihilistic replies on here and only 2/3 years ago that would have been unheard of. It would have been suicide hotline this and antidepressants/counselors that. It’s refreshing everyone knows it’s just a running out the clock type of scenario and that far from things getting better or having “Hope” they’ll only get worse until they thankfully end.

  37. Felt this. I think the only reason I havent hurt myself or tried to commit suicide is because I was scared it would go wrong or hurt lol

  38. Detective Rust Cohle : I tell myself I bear witness. But the real answer is that it's obviously my programming. And I lack the constitution for suicide.

  39. There’s a Netflix movie from a few years back called The Discovery. The premise is that it’s scientifically proven that there’s an afterlife and the result of this discovery is mass suicide across the globe. It’s kind of a bad movie from what I understand but I still routinely think about that premise and if that’s actually what would happen if such a discovery were real.

  40. Probably not a healthy reason but my bird. I own a almost 5yr old male cockatiel and he has become my motivation to get up and out of bed every morning. He is a bit of a jerk and doesn't accept pets but I know he would be extremely impacted if I suddenly dissapeared. I've put a lot of work into building a trust bond with him and if I dissapeared it would ruin all that work I put into him as cockatiels can sometimes be a one person/or bird that they bond the most with. When I first got him he was an empty shell of a bird because his sibling that he was kept with got adopted very early on and I can't bear the thought of him reverting back to that sad and dull shell of a bird.

  41. Long term commitment as well. If you need a responsibility to keep on, you could do worse than a rude bird! And thank you for taking care of him so well, birds are sadly rehomed or undercared for often.

  42. Same. My bird is the reason I’m alive today. When I was at my worst, nothing mattered at all. Except for one thing. I knew that he would never understand why I had left him, and I couldn’t do that to him.

  43. My husband, stepson and dog. At my most depressed there were days my husband just pulled me in and wouldn't let go. And days where my stepson just grabbed my hand and told me he loved me. And then days the dog just kissed me or snuggled up next to me.

  44. I was about to put this. I have a cat with seperation anxiety and she yells if I leave her in my room to go downstairs. She would be lost without me.

  45. Considering I am dealing with covid right now: I am vaccinated and boostered. I dont use social media as a source of medical advise and news. That is why I am alive.

  46. Damn. I’m sorry that happened. I hope you’re better. Safe distance hug of friendly warmth coming at you.

  47. I'm glad you made it and are still with us. Unfortunately here in the U.S. the rapist lobby has finagled a big win to promote their genes.

  48. Because my vows hold me hostage. I swore before witnesses…that has to count for something? I just love him so much I couldn’t do it…he struggles as well so no need to play tit for tat cuz…how will we know? Weird but I gotta find some humor somewhere.

  49. Unironically the 2016 election. I was an actively suicidal 15 year old at the time but then I got sucked into the whole election thing, and since there was a scandal every few days it was a very good distraction and I really wanted to know the outcome. By the time it was over my suicidal thoughts had calmed down.

  50. i want to take college art classes. even if they’re useless in the real world or whatever people keep telling me, i just want to live and breathe art for four years. i can’t do that if i’m not alive to apply.

  51. I beat stage 4 cancer and want to experience life to the fullest. The amount of gratitude I carry with me allows me to enjoy most moments of life, or at least appreciate them.

  52. After Roe v Wade is done? I don’t know anymore since me as a person no longer exists except as a vessel any time one man at one time determines it so. Fuck all of you supporting this modern slavery.

  53. A lot of reasons if I think about it, my biggest one is weed for sure though, since most other medications don't work or makes me worse. Or the feeling you get when looking at the stars while walking around town at 3 am. The fact anyone can create things whether they have purpose or not, and cats. Just cats in general I go absolutely feral they are so cute :)

  54. One Piece manga is still running and I refuse to die before I see the ending, even if I have to crawl back out of the underworld for it!

  55. After this week, as an USian? I really don't know. "It's a boring dystopia" keeps running through my head. I suppose I'm still alive mostly because of my dogs and my husband, but I'm not going to lie. I would really love to be quit of this life where I no longer have autonomy. I hate it so much, I break down screaming and crying at times. My dog comforts me. My husband is a good man, but he is at work most of the time (I wfh) and it doesn't really affect him so I assume he thinks "meh. It'll pass".

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