ladies of reddit: what’s an instant “deal breaker” in a man for you?

  1. Starts asking sexual questions during our first conversation. Makes me feel a bit objectified. I'd like to be valued for who I am and not talk to a guy who seems like he only wants to get into my pants... >_<

  2. If he has a visibly bad hygiene. I once had to sit next to someone who smelled like poo and I couldn't concentrate on the conversation at all...

  3. it’s honestly really interesting and helpful to see what everyone has to say because usually everyone has their own opinions

  4. when his whole demeanor changes when he's with his friends. i used to hang out w my bf and his friend group. on a couple occasions, him and his girl bsf (I'll call sam) would get really touchy and it ruined the whole mood. the last straw was when we were all at a party. i get kind of anxiois at big occasions, i thought abt not going bc of how nervous i already was. but the thought of having my bf there eased me over so i thought I'd stick it out. the second we got into the building, though, his entire demeanor changed. like i wasn't even there. he ran up to sam and hugged her and swung her around. i felt really awkward just standing there next to his friends as they had their moment. we played a couple rounds of lazer tag and bowling. while we were bowling, we decided to go take pictures in the picture booth. we were trying to find a seating arrangement to try and fit all 5 of us in there. my bf and his friend (we'll call dan) sat down first. my bf pulled sam into his lap, i just stood off to the side bc I didnt feel comfortable sitting in dan's lap or confronting them. we went back a couple more times through out the night, every time we went back, sam was in my bfs lap. i felt really embarassed. the last straw that really embarassed me had me go home. we were bowling, we were all just playing when we felt like playing no matter whos turn. my bf and dan thought it'd be funny to role bowling balls at the same time. after getting a couple balls stuck in the gutter, sam went up and took a turn. after she rolled, my bf went up behind her and gave her a big hug and swung her around. she fumbled out of his arms and turned around to square up, but he bent down and threw her over his shoulder, and pranced around. seeing them laugh and giggle the way me and my bf do all night really hurt. i went to the bathroom and to get myself together and called my mom to come take me home. i was tempted to make him find his own ride since he hadn't seemed to mind acting like i wasnt there anyway. he saw me walking out and stopped me. it was a school night, i had told him previously before we left that i didn't want to stay too late, and that i already called my mom to come get me. he was hesitant to leave with me, which I wasn't going to make him come with me at this point. if he wanted to stay, that's fine. i was done watching him and sam be all over each other. he said bye to his friends and we got in my mom's car. my mom immediately knew something was wrong and asked what was up. "are you okay? did you have fun?" i told her I didn't and I felt left out. we got home and i didnt say much to my bf till he went home. he tried asking about why I didn't have fun. i just shrugged bc i was so embrassed and i don't know how to express big emotions. he went home and i thought about how I'd confront him about his actions. i know it's not efficient, but we did end up discussing it over text. i knew if i talked to him in person about it I'd choke up and not speak. to sum it up i told him that this isn't the first time he's crossed boundaries and made me feel embarrassed. and that if it happens, even in the slightest again, I'm not dealing with it. we're over. that was enough for him to realise how much hurt he's put me through. over the past several months, sam and my bf haven't really talked. these encounterments still mess with me to this day. i can say i lost some trust in him after it. i can also say he's changed and we communicate better when we're out. we've agreed that him and sam would only hang out in school and when their friend group was out and it wasn't just him and sam. and that i wont be hanging out with his friend group until i feel secure to. he's very understanding about my worries, and doesnt make me feel bad. im more confrontational and comfortable with him when something comes up. we don't argue. we talk it out then move on.

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