Ladies of Reddit, what's something all men should know before talking to women?

  1. this!!! Ok great you've seen me at the bar and walked over to tell me you think I'm attractive. Either strike up a proper conversation or continue on with your night. Don't stare at me with a creepy smile and glassy eyes

  2. When I was dating my husband, he talked non-stop about himself. He had great stories, and I was a great listener, but I eventually reached my limit.

  3. I have this problem, i do try to listen i really do but after i hear something i completely forget about it right after no matter how much i pay attention, so usually i pick out whatever i hadnt managed to forget (usually in the very start of the conversation or story) and comment on it. And then forget i said whatever i said. Sometimes id make plans woth someone write it down completely forget about it until the day of the plan. Most of the time i forget entire ocnversations so someone would tell me the story again and listen and halfway through i remember oh i heard this. It gets really hard to have proper conversations with people and my friends. And i always feel horrible.

  4. I can listen all day long but cant talk for shit unless its something that really interrests me.

  5. Do not brush more than 3 times a day or for too long (over two minutes) each time. You will damage the enamel on your teeth. You also should not brush your teeth after eating for the same reason.

  6. ... the advice above yours says bad breath ruins everything. I thjnm thats some solid advice right there.

  7. Honestly, I don’t want anyones advice anymore. The more advice I get the more hopeless I feel when it comes to trying to meet someone. One person says to never do one thing, the next person says it’s fine. It’s all a mess!

  8. You don't have to mention looks/sex to show interest. Some of us find it a turn off if you're quick to do this before putting in effort to get to know us and form a bond.

  9. I’ll just see it as more of a hook up approach than a date attempt. So yeah, that would turn me off and then move on.

  10. Especially on an app - like, I know you think I’m pretty, you wouldn’t have swiped if you didn’t. Treat me like a person you want to get to know if you don’t want to be immediately unmatched.

  11. If she says she's married, you don't ask things like happily? or is it serious? Realize you're now looking for someone willing to cheat on their spouse, and they will cheat on you too. Edit: grammar

  12. Christ. I will never understand this. Had a friend pursue a woman who had an admittedly abusive long distance boyfriend. He believed he was better for her, they moved in together, she never broke things off with the other guy, and then he was utterly shocked when she ignored him and moved in with the other guy.

  13. Bruh… some guy said this to a good friend of mine recently verbatim like literally asked “happily?” After she said she was married. It gave us all the heebie jeebies.

  14. I'll never forget the slime ball that replied to me " He doesn't have to know." And just winked at me. Do men really think this works???

  15. I used to work with a bunch of idiots and they always had a saying a ring doesn't block a hold and I'd tell them to go stick their dick in the ring then they were quite stupid and I'm not much for sugar coating unless it's on food

  16. Relate to this a little too much lol found of my husband was cheating on me with another girl and as soon as I confronted him he tried to make himself seem innocent by saying "I was just venting!!" Like, bro last time I checked, nudes, video chatting and super cute sweet messages (that I never get), isn't venting lmfao

  17. At the bar my friends run, the amount of people who say “well, give me a call if it doesn’t work out!” and even “I hope it doesn’t work out!” when I say I have a boyfriend is ridiculous.

  18. Seriously you’d think this was just common sense. there was a relationship advice post last week where a woman was upset that men stopped pursuing her once they found out she was married. The woman was poly and in an open marriage, but she didn’t understand why she has to make that differentiation . For some reason that would make it too obvious that she’s interested and they’d think she was easy.

  19. Yea, I quite often mistake someone flirting as someone being genuinely nice and someone being genuinely nice to flirting

  20. Especially if she's at work. That waitress or bartender isn't 'totally into you' because she's nice and smiling st you. She's paid to do that.

  21. I do take this to heart in my everyday life. It’s why I don’t even try asking out women anymore. If I talk with a woman I am interested in, I just assume she is just being nice as in friendly nice, and not flirty nice, though deep down I hope she may be interested. But it seems from these replies on this topic and from hearing many women in my life complaining about men being too eager and interested, that this fact is true most of the time.

  22. Addendum. Women... PLEASE do something other than talking to us and being nice if you are flirting with us.

  23. That depends on the person. There are two different conversation preferences: questions and anecdotes. People who prefer anecdotes feel interrogated by excessive questions and people who prefer questions are irritated by anecdotes. Good luck guessing which one!

  24. Trick is, don't clean it 100% perfectly. Just 98%. Leave something on the couch or leave a used cup in the sink.

  25. I think 'be the best version of yourself' might be better, because if the person is abrasive and unpleasant or has nothing to talk about, they may need to work on those things first.

  26. Exactly, I can’t stand these questions because there are billions of women in the world so of course there can’t be any advice that applies to all of them. People just need to use their common fucking sense and social awareness it’s that simple

  27. Not every woman is going to want to speak to you and she doesn't owe you conversation. Don't be overly pushy if she doesn't seem interested or turns down romantic advances.

  28. And if she turns you down, she isn't "ugly", "unfuckable", "lesbian", "whore", "bitch" or other insults i am unable to translate in English.

  29. Men don’t seem to realize this. As a guy, there are women with whom I’m friendly, but just have zero attraction to. Others, much more so. So if a lady isn’t interested, it just means you are not their type.

  30. If she is working and being friendly it’s because it is her job to be friendly, no she doesn’t want to give you her number because she smiled and said have a nice day while giving you your coffee. This is not an invitation to flirt or share your thoughts on how hot she is.

  31. I saw a study once (unfortunately I do not have a link) that suggested something like 10% or so of men are the douchy asshole kinda guy that creeps on women and are the ones that give that danger vibe (not like the "bad boy" archetype but the rapey kind of vibe). Then there is like 10% who are far to shy/scared to ever approach. Including the incel category. So there is roughly 80% of guys who are potentially dateable.

  32. This. It's nothing personal, bro, dont get offended, women just have to be on the defensive for safety reasons. Women can't "predict" or use "intuition" to know friend from foe.

  33. It’s like playing Russian roulette. Yeah most turns probably won’t hurt you, but you should treat every turn like it will.

  34. Not a women but am speaking from experience. They actually don't like it when you borrow their 2010 Kia Soul to haul 600 lbs of pickled trout. Had to find that one out the hard way.

  35. Reminds me of the time I put a deer I hit on the road in the trunk of my ex gfs car and forgot about it because it happened in the beginning of my day 😂

  36. If a woman seems uncomfortable when you approach, leave. Don’t try to convince her that you’re a “nice guy” even if you are.

  37. Don’t just compliment our appearances, we are way more than that. Attempt a conversation over silly pick up lines. Most importantly, treat us like a person not a name on your “to do” list.

  38. Don’t act like she owes you something. She doesn’t owe you anything other than common decency and respect that you also owe her.

  39. I would like to make one amendment to this great comment. Instead of “Did you like”, try “How did you like”

  40. I’ve made that mistake when online dating. I’d get frustrated over no one answering my messages, so I’d start asking girls to tell me either way. I told my brother, and he looked at me like I was crazy. “Dude, they don’t owe you anything!” Yeah, sometimes it takes a simple statement like that to understand you’ve been acting like a jerk

  41. If we say “no”, listen, the first time we say it. We aren’t bitches because we decline what you ask and/or offer.

  42. I hate when I answer “I’m married” and they say “well you can have friends right?” as if they weren’t just trying to flirt and get a date.

  43. Treat everyone the same. Treat the girls you're not attracted to the same way your treat the girls you are attracted to. Treat the fat girls the same way you treat the skinny girls. Treat the short girls the same way you treat the tall girls. I could go on but I think you get the point. We notice that and we talk to each other about it. Also, clean under your nails. It's literally one of the easiest ways you can show you take care of yourself. If your nails aren't clean, you aren't clean. Brushing your teeth also helps.

  44. Yep. I have to agree with this. It's a pretty big red flag when a guy drops everything for a hot girl but treats someone less attractive like garbage. He doesn't have to treat them the same, but he should treat everyone with dignity and respect.

  45. You're absolutely right! One of big red flags to me is when a guy treats a woman who is not interested in like some kind of trash. It's pretty evident.

  46. That's exactly what a lizard person would say to convince you they are a normal real person.... I'm on to your ruse lizardmom0218.

  47. That you will likely be met with apprehension and guarded responses, or maybe even get totally ignored, at first. A lot of us have had numerous awkward and creepy conversations initiated by men, especially when we were younger. We're just trying to keep ourselves safe. Don't take it too personally.

  48. For reals. A few years ago on a bus back to my university apartment a stranger asked me for directions. He was friendly and we said so little about one another in conversation. I had mentioned where I went to school.

  49. This x1million. I HATE when men complain that they didn’t get the response they wanted from a woman even though they were “nice” and were “just trying to say hi”. Like bro, do you know how many times a man approached us doing the exact same things and it went really wrong really fast? Excuse me for not being able to read the mind and intentions of a stranger.

  50. if it's an accidental microsecond glance because I was looking down at my phone and you start talking to me and on the way up from my phone to your eyes I happen to have your chest in my field of view, how often does this get noticed?

  51. The amount of times I've tried to explain to dudes that they're being sexist and asked "would you say/think that about a man? so why is it somehow different saying it about a woman?" and watched them flail internally

  52. I’ve been to the same music festival every year since 2013 where it’s a running thing where at least one random man comes up to me with a variant of the ‘smile’ line. There’s only been one year it hasn’t happened.

  53. That sounds a lot like "I don't like how you look like without a smile, so you have to smile, so I can enjoy looking at you". Like come on. Make the girl smile by saying something funny, or nice, because if you directly tell her to smile, you are most likely going to get the label "creep" and get ignored.

  54. Yep if you can treat her like a person you're trying to get to know and not a reward for being impressive you're way ahead of a lot of other men.

  55. Like a guy seeing another guy talking to you and feeling the need to challenge him (they guy talking to you) to a fight and prove his manliness? That ever happened to you before?

  56. I am kinda guilty of drifting into a mindset of "she's not a prize to win, she's just a regular person so be cool... but wait, does it look like I'm treating her like a prize to win?" I am just so fucking paranoid of coming off like a creeper or one of those guys trying to pick up a girl by all means. I work in fashion retail around some pretty attractive girls so I see guys doing it all the time. I don't personally like seeing it, I've never worked with someone whose said, "This guy was staring at me from behind the rack, whisper to his bros about what he would do to me, then he kept asking pointless question and insisted he leave his phone number. What a sweetheart!" No it pretty much ends the same way from my point of view.

  57. I am not your “angel”. Im a human being. Dont put me on a pedestal i never asked to be on and then shame me when i dont live up to it

  58. Listen to us. Act interetsed and in the moment. We really appreciate when you are engaged in the conversation. And not just for romance, just having a nice conversation like two friends

  59. Speak to us as you would speak to a person. We are people first, our personalities second, our careers, pursuits and interests third, and our gender at best a distant fourth. Aim for the kinds of conversation where, if the transcript were read with our initials, the listeners would be challenged to say who is the guy and who is the girl.

  60. I kind of like this interpretation. Feeling more confident in my conversation skills realizing the if someone read back my transcripts, they would never know I am the guy.

  61. I will NEVER want a picture of your dick. Not in your underwear, or your pants or you touching it - just never. I know what a penis looks like.

  62. It is always more attractive to be yourself than to fail at upholding a persona you created (and us finding out later how you really are)

  63. I'm not a lady but treating them like people generally helps. Even if your intentions are erotic in nature they're still people, they have interests, they have stuff to talk about. If you treat them like humans you'll generally be a more likable person and have a better time with everyone regardless of how it turns out. If you treat them like mystical aliens you're playing 4d chess with and if you win you get sex then you won't have much luck, or fun.

  64. In my personal experience, “being normal” can come across as a bit boring. I’ve had much more success being just that right amount of weird.

  65. Please approach a woman as a fellow human being. No silly 'lines,' no clear ulterior motive, but just as you another person you would like to meet and get to know.

  66. You should avoid "you're not like other girls". You may think you're giving a compliment but really what you're doing is showing despise for women in general. You don't want to get with a woman who hates other women and who needs/likes to be told that she's better than them and not like them, as if it's a good thing. Don't imply that what women do and how they are in general is something you despise.

  67. I’ve heard this simple phrase and it definitely helps out in all conversations with people you are just starting to know socially. ( Ex. Dating, coworkers, friends).

  68. Don’t be sexual immediately after meeting a woman, it’s disgusting and it makes it seem like you only wanted to talk to get laid

  69. Nowadays, we're more cautious than ever. That isn't because we don't trust you personally, but because many of us have been scammed, cheated on, deceived about the beliefs and true identities of men we thought we knew, etc. I have known many women to get hurt by men who make themselves seem to be what they are not authentically. I've also experienced that pain, which has made me more cautious than I am already.

  70. Please don’t approach women when they are alone. If you see a woman faaaar away from everyone else/minding her business, it’s intentional & she more than likely wants to enjoy her solitude. Don’t see it as an opportunity to approach her and don’t get snippy if she lets it be known that she wants to be left alone lol

  71. That we don't owe you a reply, or our time, or even kindness. I know it can sting to be ignored/rejected but sometimes it's the safest option for us. We've all been in situations where we've given men an inch and they've taken a mile. Sometimes it's safer to not even consider it.

  72. Okay, so some girl I have been talking to isn't giving me my vacuum tubes. Yet she hasn't replied on that. What do I do

  73. We're people. Don't view it as "men" and "women," view it as "a person and another person." Treat us like a person, and not a goal.

  74. When women talk about their problems, they just want to be heard. So don’t interrupt mid rant or give advice. Just say it sucks and you understand

  75. Be yourself. Don’t try to sell yourself too hard. Remember to ask her about herself instead of talking about you the whole time. I suppose this is true for anyone talking to anyone.

  76. Not a lady but I am married to one. We were good friends for years before we dated. I can’t tell you how many people I know who just settled with someone. Just date until you find a friend and don’t settle because you think you’ll be forever alone. Now that I know the fun of being married to my friend, I would rather die before being married to someone I don’t even like.

  77. They are just as human as you. They are not some mysterious other. They are just like you but missing a cock and getting better tits than you

  78. If you wouldn't compliment a family friend that way dont compliment a stranger that way; dont substitute compliments for conversation.

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