what phrase do you absolutely hate?

  1. Hopefully this isn't too off-topic, but Dua Lipa actually has an amazing song at the end of Future Nostalgia called "Boys Will Be Boys" and the chorus follows that up with "and girls will be women" that's about this very thing- how society excuses so much unsavory male behavior and puts the onus on young ladies to "just deal with it" because "boys will be boys." It's honestly pretty iconic and I wish more people heard it- one of the best lines is "if you're offended by this song, you're probably doing something wrong" (I'm going from memory, so I might have the wording wrong)

  2. “Boys will be boys” should be reserved for stuff like two boys breaking a window because they were chugging sausages at each other, not acts of assault

  3. Actually lost a friend over this one. My ex best friend's boyfriend said some unpleasant things about me, which I ended up hearing from someone else. When I asked her about why he would say that (it was to do with something I told her in confidence), she replied "boys will be boys" and we never spoke again after that.

  4. My husband just passed and it’s infuriating how often I hear this or “he’s in a better place”. I just want to give everyone the bird

  5. Spot on. Every time I hear it, it triggers memories of early childhood trauma and loss. It's upsetting. People should only say this to themselves if it brings them comfort

  6. Came here to say this. I went through a lot of stuff in childhood that messed me up for life – I don't care if it happened for a reason, and as far as I'm concerned, there will never be a good enough reason for it, ever. It just feels so... dismissive.

  7. "What doesn't kill you makes you ugly" -- lyrics in some song I've heard. It's true, our rough lives and suffering leave ugly marks on our faces.

  8. Yoo this annoys the sh* out of me. Most of the time it's my auntie that says it to me because I'm sitting with my legs open, swearing, or not doing something in a particular way 🙄 I'm female, doing these things, so yes, it is 'lady-like'

  9. Omg. I constantly heard this from my 6th grade teacher, whose worldview just could not handle a tomboyish 11 year old, so she constantly came down on me like a ton of bricks. She was like my own personal Aunt Lydia.

  10. Also, as someone who has a medically complex “not healthy” baby, I deeply resent that. 🥴 it’s not the only thing that matters.

  11. Yeah, that is appalling. I don't know if I've ever heard someone use it in that way, usually I hear it in response to questions about the gender or other over steps regarding parenting decisions or living situations so I've always thought it was quite a diplomatic way to end a conversation. You're absolutely right that mum's overall health is equally important and it should never be said in regards to her sacrifice!

  12. Now that I think about it, that could be why a lot of women stay in abusive relationships, and don't fully understand they're being abused

  13. My mom said this a lot... we don't talk anymore. A well adjusted adult expresses their thoughts without being hurtful.

  14. Uugh, I feel you, there's also "Yeah, well someone always has it worse than you", which is just so helpful to hear and totally doesn't invalidate my feelings, at ALL. I don't think people realise just how dangerous this is to say to someone who is already struggling.

  15. After my cancer surgery I was visited by the hospital chaplain. I politely told her thank you but I’m an atheist..

  16. If God's plan was for millions of people to die from incurable cancer then why the fuck would you worship him.

  17. “If you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best” okay but if your worst is abusive behavior then please walk away forever

  18. People who use the phrase "handle me" are just awful. I want to hang out as equals, you make it sound like you need to be endured.

  19. My mom used to say “just sit there and look pretty” when I would disagree with her. She said it to my stepdad and brother too, so thought it was okay, but I went off on her about what it implies when she says it to me, a woman (and PhD), that it doesn’t when she says it to them. She doesn’t say it to me anymore and has almost completely stopped saying it at all

  20. I get told you look good 👍 when you're quiet 🤫 but when I'm quiet 🤫 I get asked what's wrong or what's stressing you. You have a roof over your head and whatnot 🤨😑😏 as if a person can't be quiet without stressing

  21. I was looking for this one. This and every white fragility tactic used to shut down poc. Oh and “I just don’t see color.”

  22. Asking respectfully, why do you hate this? Do you think everything is about race, or do you think people use this phrase when it's not warranted, or some other reason?

  23. Yes, I hate this. Like thank you, I'm not fucking 5 years old. I know how shit works, I know that things sometimes suck ass, fuck off.

  24. Oh dear this reminds me that in Finnish, husbands/boyfriends have a habit of callong their partner "hallitus" which literally means "government"... As if they have to ask permission or are taxed by them. When I need to consider, discuss or ask something from my partner I do it because I appreciate her input and at all points want to do what is best for us - because they're my partner, not my overseeing governing committee!

  25. Yes I hate it! Also, when people go oh, guess we know who wears the pants in the relationship with a knowing smirk on their face.

  26. I hate the cold one. Related to that, I also hate hearing “you just need more meet on your bones” (said to me when I’m cold.)

  27. "You'll change your mind!" Well it's also possible that you'll eventually change YOUR mind and regret having children, but for some reason bringing that up is "rude" while the original bingo...isn't?

  28. When I was a teen and said I wasn't interested in having kids, adults would usually chuckle and say "You'll change your mind when you get older." Well, here I am, 59 and childless; when, exactly, was that supposed to kick in?

  29. Reminds me of when Ruth Porat, arguably one of the most powerful and influential business people in the world, got referred to as the "Lady CFO" on an analyst call shortly after she became CFO of Google. Her response was just withering, and rightly so.

  30. I hate the term Girl Dad!!! Wtf is that? Why do you think you're special because you actually want to parent your daughter? So many celebrities are like yeah I'm such a girl dad and I'm just like why can't you just be a good parent regardless of your child's gender?!

  31. I'm autistic, and have a history of being on the receiving end of abuse, but my job involves dealing with customer complaints. My boss is always going on about how empathic I am and how good I am at sympathising with customers. I keep trying to point out that I'm not remotely empathic and don't honestly give a damn, and my skills are a fun combo of years of masking and learning to placate my abusers. Like I appreciate that whatever I'm doing works but it does not come naturally! It's exhausting!

  32. When teachers do this. I had a professor who loved to call people out individually and it pissed me off, especially since the class was 4 hours and started in the morning.

  33. (Proceeds to either say something that wasn’t offensive and the “no offence but” wasn’t important, or they say something very, very offensive)

  34. I've started telling people that the devil has enough advocates whenever "playing devils advocate" ends up being code for "I want to see how much bigotry I can get away with"

  35. When I am moody or somewhat off, there is always one person who asks something like "aRe YoU oN yOuR pErIoD?!" Or "hOw ArE tHe HoRmOnEs ToDaY?!"

  36. No matter how hard girls try, they always become their mothers. No one thinks about how unfunny that is to daughters of abusive mothers. We are not doomed to become them, it balls down to choice.

  37. One of my main goals in life has always been to not be like my horribly abusive mother. If I can accomplish that, it is breaking multiple generations of the abuse cycle. So far, so good!

  38. “Wife material” or “husband material.” I know people have different interpretations, but to me it sounds like “responsible, stable person to pay the bills/ raise the kids/ maintain the household when I’m done having fun with more attractive partners.”

  39. "Thank God" for the work someone else did (like doctors) or "It's God's will" as an excuse for something good/not planned but not for something bad (be consistent). I feel it keeps others from thinking critically when they throw these phrases a million times a day.

  40. “The proof is in the pudding.” No, fool. No it is not. My dead pal William Camden did NOT write anything like that in 1605; instead he wrote “All the proofe of a pudding, is in the eating.”

  41. I haaaaate when a parent doesn’t want their kid doing something and they say, “No thank you, (insert name). No thank you!” Barf!

  42. "Littles" is the absolute W O R S T. I throw up a little in my spirit any time I read it (have been lucky enough to not have to hear it in person yet, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually).

  43. legit same energy as “if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best” - which is one i hate a LOT

  44. When Woman say, I had a ‘natural’ birth, or I went through 21 hours of ‘natural’ labor. As opposed to what, an ‘un natural’ birth!?. I find that most of my friends that say this didn’t have an epidural and feel somewhat superior. It’s painful as hell and choosing to use medication does not make the experience any less natural

  45. Just the terms fur baby/pawrent. Not saying you can't love your animal like your own child, but those terms usually just come from people whose only personality trait IS their "fur baby." Ick.

  46. Anytime some dude says a woman was/is "crazy". Very likely they are just a moron who deserved to be flipped out on

  47. “Well, what can you do?” Usually with a stupid shrug. A lot, there’s usually a lot you can do…or at bare minimum SOMETHING.

  48. Gaslighting - everyone got a shiny new word and won’t stop using it. “I seen” - you don’t seen things, you saw them. Speak correctly. Literally- please please stop. It is ALL literal, you don’t need to say that. Narrative - overused

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