People who label others as 'low value'

  1. I'm so glad that I could help, I know what it feels like to feel like this and it's something that nobody should ever feel. I too have felt as if I don't have value for much of my life because I'm disabled and find it hard to connect with others due to trauma. I know that there are so many people out there though that see us as valuable and important, which is what we are. It's really only people who lack empathy who place value on people based on disability, illness etc

  2. You should do inner child healing friend. It sounds like you have a harsh inner critic like me and we both could use some REAL self-love. I mean like actually taking time out of your day to give yourself conscious self love. Look into it. Because we are not aware or mindful most of the time, we are not aware of the horrible negative shit we are saying to ourselves and the long term damage it is doing. For all the things you consider yourself "low" for, I bet there are 10x more qualities that make you a beautiful and loving person. I know it. Just start focusing on those. And for the things you don't like, give yourself compassion and love and just accept yourself. Even when you're not at your best. I think Jordan Peterson put it best, he said something along the lines of 'treat yourself like you are someone responsible for helping'. So basically take care of yourself like you would for your fiance when they are not feeling their best. I've just over the last few months starting to realize how much hate and anger I've been giving myself in the depths of my mind. Resistance and resentment for the person I've become due to my trauma. And then it dawned on me how ridiculous it was that I was not loving the person who needed it the most - ME! I was doing all this other work to 'cure' and 'heal' but I was missing the biggest part. LOVE. Without it, there is no road to happiness. Purge the hatred and cultivate the love. Good luck friend.

  3. all you have written is how i feel about myself. i go out of my way to be there for those i love, i show them i put them first. some of them have acknowledged this in me and respect me for it. but others don't, they treat me like a people-pleaser and dismiss me as if i'm doing all this to curry their favour - this makes me very sad and angry - and also makes me feel low value since i don't know how to project myself in a way that commands respect. (though i don't believe in respect that stems from when someone does something for someone else and believe everyone deserves baseline respect)

  4. I've come across this kind of thing irl unfortunately. I've been treated as lower value and called a bad person because of my mental health, I'm realizing now it's not that black and white. Fundamentally good people can make mistakes and it doesn't make them bad. You don't have less value than everyone else just because you do/don't do certain things.

  5. Making others feel bad is the whole point. This is how emotional abuse manifests in between the family level and the societal level, the group level. These are the people driving emotional abuse in our homes, our schools, our jobs, our churches, our media, our governments. They tell us exactly who they are. All we have to do is believe them & avoid giving them money, time or attention.

  6. Exactly. It’s all about how you look and your status. Very Dark Triad. Hope he found someone more empathetic.

  7. I understand the thinking behind it as I have my own personal red flags that I keep an eye out for. Some people are just not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. It's just from experience and once you've been exploited or had a really bad time, you do what you can to prevent that from happening again.

  8. IDK though I think there's a difference between saying that someone has red flags or just that they aren't someone you want to associate with, and saying they have "low value." Hell I don't mind just calling someone an asshole or whatever other insult if I feel they have earned it, but I don't see that as part of some implied ranking system of all humans, you know?

  9. Capitalism is the underlying reason for that belief, I think. When humans are only seen as valuable based on their wealth or ability to work, it completely undermines other contributions they make or skills they have.

  10. absolutely. 💯 with you. lots of people are conditioned by Corporate behaviours that treat people like objects with ranks - like performance ranking or giving points while interviewing. now we have algorithms ranking people during interviews. yes you are right it is related to the ability to work, or what influence and power they project which the Corporation can use to get more clients for eg.

  11. But a lot of high value people under a capitalist society are also ... a bit sociopathic. You can't achieve a certain level of value without being a bit ruthless or even unethical.

  12. I think it depends on how they define value. Many people think value is determined by their physical contribution to the world which I don’t agree with. I also don’t believe there’s inherent value to people. Because I think that brings condition no matter what - if that makes sense. Like conditional love. Value implies there are things that aren’t valuable. I think people just are, we exist and that’s okay.

  13. Just for the record, you don't sound like a wack job. You sound like someone who's learned some deep lessons that are really very simple, but also very difficult to explain with words. Our experiences exist with or without language that describes them, and sometimes the right words just don't exist and things seem to get more complicated when you try to explain. Maybe one day we'll have the right words for these experiences, maybe we won't. Either way, the experiences are there, and they're real, and they're important, and it's worth trying to communicate them.

  14. Hey thank you so much for sharing this. It's super helpful, I'm sop happy for you that you were able to access forgiveness. It means a lot to me that you share that you don't regret your anger. This whole reply is so helpful to read <3

  15. Amen to this. The femaledatingstrategy subreddit is one of the most toxic places I've encountered on the internet (and that's saying something). I didn't know there was a female equivalent to incels until encountering that sub.

  16. I think it depends entirely on the context. FDS uses these abbreviations and I find the advice there to be super useful and practical strategies particularly as a person with CPTSD who is having to learn to be self-protective because it was not taught to me.

  17. Exactly this! I was about to say the same. My abusers were definitely low value (by my definition: made life miserable for those around them) and these abbreviations make it easy to spot people like them and avoid them, so that i don't retraumatize myself.

  18. Yes all of their advice has been on par with my traumatic and unhealthy dating/friendship experiences. It seems toxic to outsiders but really it's one of the few safe subreddits for women.

  19. I think labeling someone as "low value" makes the person "low value" themselves. What are these low value labeling people bringing to the table? Likely not much if they have to categorize people like this.

  20. People who are happy and secure with themselves don't view others like that. You must be dealing with a group of emotionally immature people

  21. There's a novel that I read in college called Bastard out of Carolina. One of the recurring lines is "trash rises". My mother did everything to keep me in the white trash bin with her. But trash rises. I am sure that plenty of folks would have deemed me irreversibly worthless, a poor, abused, and neglected kid from a poor, sick community that prides itself on anti-intellectualism. I took their lack of faith as a direct challenge. I could let it get to me, or prove all of those mf'ers wrong. I did well out of spite.

  22. I find that really useful, because it instantly identifies the person who uses the term as someone I don’t want any part of. Like, if you think like that about others, please stay the entire fuck away from me tyvm.

  23. Absolutely! I am exhausted and have so little time and energy to spare. Please if someone’s gonna be the worst, show me fast so I can stop giving them my energy.

  24. I’ve read a lot of comments like this online and it’s really warped my view of myself and the world, especially because much of my family has a similar mindset. My inner critic thrives on this idea, that I’m a worthless waste of space because of the trouble I have with working. It’s not true.. I know my friends cherish me. But I often feel much of society probably wouldn’t and that makes me feel like I don’t belong.

  25. I think this is a prime example of how our society’s obsession with commodifying people (usually tacitly, but possibly with even more impact because it ISN’T said out loud) is affecting all of us. This isn’t new, of course…anyone who has read Jane Austen or heard about dowries/bride prices or (perhaps most obviously) slavery knows humans have a truly shitty tendency to put a point/dollar value on other humans. I 100% agree this is horrible, and the fact that incels, etc. feel empowered to talk about it out loud bodes no good. We as a society absolutely have work to do on this issue. I do think it’s important NOT to personalize it, at least as much as you can manage that. It sucks and it’s horrible, especially when you’re made to feel like YOU are the one who’s “low value.” But, the world is much bigger and more complex than the shitbags who think it’s ok to talk and think that way. And see, look what I did…I called them shitbags because I think their outlook and behavior makes them equivalent in value to bags of shit…but it’s also possible for any of us to change. Not likely, maybe, but possible. ☺️

  26. It does make me sad. Dehumanizing people or discussing others like they are objects with agreed upon values messes me up.

  27. I don’t get why people do this. I think it just makes everyone’s situation worse. Maybe I’m just dumb. But I personally can’t label people like that without getting to know them.

  28. This sounds like a really utilitarianistic view and it's a slippery slope into eugenics. It's not just discouraging, it's actively harmful fo disabled folks, including us since our disability isn't always apparent.

  29. Value, like meaning, is an abstract, transient and subjective construct that has no tangible or quantifiable conditions.

  30. My brother picked a specific college becayee he wanted to meet “high quality people”. Considering he’s a human who has a score system for the struggles and lives of others…. Anyone who knows him is operating on the deficit he creates by being in their lives. Anyone who designates the worth or intrinsic value of others based on anything other than their actions, sucks.

  31. It goes both ways. Nothing wrong with wanting to date or friend "up" but you have to make sure you're worth knowing in some way. If he just uses them, one day, he'll be the one who is deemed "low value". By "up" and "worth" I don't JUST mean money, although money is a useful thing to have. That being said, there are some millionaires I wouldn't give the time of day. It can be skills, shared interests, someone who understands what you've been through, etc.

  32. It's a form of objectification/dehumanization and it gets me down too. Everyone has value and there's something to learn from every person you meet. People who assign a "value" to others aren't empathetic and I think they're pretty close-minded. Variety is the spice of life and they're missing out by living in such a small world. It sucks to hear because I don't have many friends and I'm disabled, but I know that I have a lot to offer. People with such crappy attitudes will never know what I (and others they label as "low value") have to offer.

  33. Yep, it's very dejecting. Makes you second guess how many of the human race thinks this crap. Also makes me just want to not deal with people at all.

  34. I was seriously just thinking about this the other day. It’s amazing how this subreddit voices everything that I want to say, yet most times cannot articulate. It’s comforting to see that there are others that see the same things I do. Thank you for this post OP.

  35. Ironic this should come up now, I have had it in my head a lot recently. Yes, it's very prominent on this site. It's sad and sickening and says a lot about humanity.

  36. I think it’s trying to put words into dating so there can be safe/healthy because of lot of people have had bad experiences. I think there are always exceptions and rules do vary depending on the person and situation. Like if there is health issues, physical or mental, it’s to be discussed and find your own meaning. Everyone is still an individual.

  37. When I hear someone talk like this, it makes me think that they see other people merely as tools for their use and exploitation. Nobody exists to bring value to you, just like you don't exist to bring value to them.

  38. Yes it does! My roommates think of me in a low value term. They tell my friend that I should be working while they slave away at their jobs. I feel bad that they're in their 50s working while I'm 39 and dont. It makes me feel worthless. They also say I should be the one doing the cleaning in the house since they work. Its frustrating and sad!

  39. Yeah it gets me down when I see people telling a guy/girl to dump or run from some who has a mental illness. They've had experience with an abusive person who has mental illness and we all are fucked by default especially as women. Men tell other guys to just fuck and chuck girls with mental illnesses because we're only "good for the bedroom". I've seen bullshit in women-only subs also about dumping men with mental illnesses, it's so fucking offensive and I'll be honest THOSE women are low value who talk like that as well as men are low value who talk that shit. I've stopped reading those subreddits or posts immediately once I see what direction it's going. I used to torture myself with that shit, even though I'm tempted to read these fucked up peoples shitty ass advice I click out.

  40. It kind of is an "epitaph" though, that's why these terms are used; they're meant to categorize and box people in. When someone calls you low value they mean you're unlovable, done, over for you.

  41. It’s incel terminology, whose ideology has its roots in Objectivism, Nazism, social Darwinism, and other morally repugnant (and scientifically disproven) modes of thought that have led to really extreme social ills like genocides, slavery, child brides, female genital mutilation. The commoditization of human beings. In my opinion it’s evil, the root cause of man’s inhumanity to man.

  42. I'm so glad this BS is called out so often on this sub. It's transparently toxic and even potentially abusive, and has no place in a healthy relationship or dating life.

  43. I had a friend who saw people like this, tbh we still talk but I have withdrawn from her a lot. Rating people as to having value or not is disgusting to me.

  44. those people that are always deeming people high/low/no value are so gross. I hate the way they view people and relationships.

  45. My anxiety about this, and the whole framework of society that leads to it, is a constant problem for me. I fear being judged, even by people whose opinions don't matter. Maybe I'm afraid that if someone believes something negative about me there's a chance that they're right and I'm wrong? Bleh. Need to bring that up in therapy, I guess.

  46. Someone told my wife, to her face, that I was freeloading... I just can't work a scheduled shift type job... Which is why I opened my own business selling my art. It's going kinda okay too, I've made 5 sales within a month of opening. It's not great, we're not bathing in money, but it's better than I thought it'd be going right now.

  47. That sounds kind of fascist to me. Very gross. Also very arrogant, like how great do you think you are if you can go around assigning "value" to other people?

  48. I have primarily seen the term promoted more because of the overwhelming prevalence of women that are so kind and understanding that they do not make discerning choices in partners, and it gets them burned badly. The idea is to determine how much value a partner is going to add to your life instead of just loving them for who they are and providing all of the value yourself, in a totally one sided selfless relationship. Obviously anything can be said or taken in a mean way but that is the reason the term exists afaik.

  49. I’ve interpreted this term completely different. I’ve only seen it in a dating sub but I don’t think that’s what they mean.

  50. I could be wrong, but I think that's a very charitable take. Whenever I stumble across someone talking "low value, high value" it's almost always loaded and said in bad faith just to be inflammatory

  51. I've seen it in incel/femcel groups I've accidentally come across. That's not to say it's only people like that that use it. But yeah I see it sometimes and its depressing.

  52. If anyone is using those terms I automatically don't care what they think about anything anyway, much less how they'd look at me. It's not about my value as a person, it's about how much I'm worth to their genitals usually

  53. I've only seen it on YouTube and find it so ridiculous I don't get the least bit offended. I don't need feminine energy. I don't need a high value man. I can tell they're not looking for what I'm looking for.

  54. I think in my heart it is really important to understand the level of cruelty that people are sometimes capable of comes because they really believe things like what you have expressed. In order to advocate for yourself and others you have to know internally that you have value *inside* of this context. Because in a realistic day to day way, people literally actually believe this. So what are we going to do about it? Are we going to join them? Absolutely NOT. I'm not sure how they got there tbh - I'm not sure that I want to know. But people, particularly cruel people absolutely believe that idea. It's something I watch for at all times. I'm not going to lie I even test for it. If you pay attention to a lot of the complaints in this subreddit, it's full of people reacting to this idea.

  55. I think the people who think this way are "low value" people, lmao wow what a way to view human life itself through a capitalistic lens. At least if someone thinks this way and is loud about it, I can avoid them quickly. I don't have time for people with low empathy.

  56. I agree. I posted about love troubles and someone suggested a sub (I’m sure you all are aware of a few) and it was all about low and high value dating and it made me personally, feel like shit. It also made me feel bad for any of the dating prospects because they are being judged so unfairly.

  57. Someone who uses terms like “low value” for other people is an out of touch, self centered asshole. Relationships are about human connection and caring, NOT what the other person can do for you from a selfish or purely material standpoint.

  58. Yes. I have seen this kind of language and it horrifies me. It definitely seems abusive and like a form of indoctrination. It seems like people who actually believe this stuff try to trigger a sense of inadequacy in readers to pressure them into adopting toxic group mentalities and behaviors.

  59. Brought tears to my eyes my dude, I feel people have an idea of who I could be but my trauma holds me back from being who they expect me to be and I feel insufficient because I'm not meeting expectations. I'm just doing my best with what I have.

  60. oh I hate it so much. a certain group talks about low value in regards to gender and relationships and it makes me SO MAD. it’s 2021. we’ve been through a collective trauma. why are we not dating/partnering/connecting in a trauma-informed manner?!? how are we labeling people as “low value”!!! who decides what is valuable about you and what isn’t?!? thank you for posting about this because it really grinds my gears to a pulp.

  61. :'( I heard someone call potential housemates this and I honestly would've preferred he just say shitty, it seems less judgemental even.

  62. The female dating strategy sub can be very judgemental & toxic. It's also got some great advice but they are always categorising people in way that frankly just seem bitter & judgemental.

  63. That’s life unfortunately. Guys consider me attractive and want short term flings with me but because I’m autistic and have all this depression and past trauma then I am not seen as long term worthy to them.

  64. R/raisedbynarcicists is a great space for survivors, but it kinda pisses me off that they assume anyone with narcissistic personality disorder is incapable of being nice and thus sub human. Everyone of every mental capacity is as capable of evil as they are good.

  65. I was abused by narcissistic persons but I was in one post "defending" them there, I don't like black or white thinking and pointing with a finger.

  66. Yeah, I get why RBN is a good resource for people, but I think demonizing narcissism prevents us from seeing it in ourselves when it inevitably crops up.

  67. I don't think that this term is used for people with mental illnesses. The way it is used someone with a mental illness can be of high value.

  68. You see the same mentality talking about broader issues like immigration and human rights, though. Like the decisions officials make about who gets to enter a country, who gets an organ transplant, etc.

  69. The only people who use that kind of language regularly are either incels or femcels, people who derive their sense of self-worth from their relationship status. The only difference I've seen between incels and "femcels" is that "femcels" aren't necessarily celibate, they just have a hard time finding a fulfulling relationship, and incels are on-average more deranged

  70. No agree, my psychopath ex bf has no human values he has done to the other humans unspeakable horror (not only to me). Some people are really low (as humans).

  71. I think you're most likely talking about the Female Dating Strategy sub. As a female who was nearly lured into that hornet nest simply because a popular post came up in my feed and I felt qualified to comment on that post specifically, but quickly backpedaled the hell outta there stat after I read their mission statement/rules/lingo/wtf ever.......😱.....PLEASE, please know that that entire sub is garbage, and I would say a minority of females have the toxic mindset that they do thank goodness. I can't imagine how they can feel that way knowing that one day many of them will have male children themselves only to be judged, used and discarded by toxic turbocunts the likes of them. The mental gymnastics it must take to reconcile that with their beliefs really blows my mind.

  72. Sometimes we judge someone just because of everything we don’t know about them. I’ve done it too, even though I’m an empath. Maybe it’s because we’re dealing with strangers all the time in a big city? But if you were to sit down with someone and hear their life story you’d probably let go of your judgment about them. I think you can see it as just ‘ignorance’. People don’t know all the details but they judge anyway, the truth is that they don’t have enough information about what they’re judging so their judgment is completely flawed and really incomplete.

  73. I hate it as well, I hate referring to other people as trash, I hate the general lack of nuance and I hate that Reddit's admins still will leave hate speech up.

  74. I personally think pretending like people don't agree or disagree to spend time, energy, personal resources or whatever it is that's important to them is not utilizing a form of value is immature and naive. If I show up off the street and beg for money and a place to stay suddenly people will begin judging that I don't add value to their lives and want to be rid of me. I think it's disgusting how people use the word value based off of capitalist judgement, but to pretend that we don't all measure people as valued to us or invaluable to us is to be willingly obtuse and coming from a privileged place.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may have missed