1. This is a great concept and I think you've delivered it fairly well in your poem. I find the thoughts you're espousing to be all-too-relatable, "this feeling will be trapped in time forever" — there is something fascinating (and scary) about the fact that we all feel this feeling collectively as being sentient creatures aware of the implications of our own morality, but we can only deal will the feeling ourselves, it is an individual existential plight. I find it super difficult to write about this stuff, so kudos to you. If i had any suggestions it would be to either stick to some kind of more formal rhyme scheme or do away with it, as you jump in and out of it throughout the poem in a slightly unstructured way (I tend to do the same, so can't blame you). Still, this is very well written and moving. Keen to see more of your work :)

  2. Im not old either, im only 17. I just have too much time on my hands haha. Im glad it helped you in a way :) i never expected my writing to do that ❤️❤️

  3. The repetition fits the tone quite well. Someone spiralling and worrying too much. I have a very minor nitpick, being the inconsistency in capitalization. I’m not sure if it was a stylistic choice. Could make the argument that it is. Fits well enough with the kind of panicked tone. Well done. I look forward to reading more from you in the future

  4. Thank you so much ❤️❤️ ill be sure to post more like this in the future depending on when my next “oh fuck. time is happening” crisis comes by haha

  5. Wow this is exceptional! The way that this all flows together. The repetition helps with the flow quite a bit. The amount of detail as well *Chef kiss*.

  6. my favorite line was “existential crisis yeah yeah!” for some reason i read it in dababy’s voice. but for real good and relatable poem.

  7. the use of repetition was awesome. also i thought putting time as the first word alone was a nice touch. very clear motivation and theme. also i enjoyed the pull at the end with the line "But God, do i wish i was too." nice work

  8. Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

  9. Holy hell man! This one was just wow! Thank you for expressing your thoughts <3 things will be a-okay!

  10. Ooooo I loved this one!! Perfect use of repetition without overdoing it. Just a thought, on the second half, instead of “I’m so scared that I’ll blink” what if you repeat the “I’m so scared that I’m going to blink” So that it matches the first part? Just to keep in line with the repetitions that you have throughout? Regardless, this was great!

  11. I feel this to an extent as it’s something I ponder on quite a bit, how fast does time really go? All these elderly people telling me how fast their life has gone by wondering if it’ll feel the same for me, Amazing Poem! Made me really think.

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