My partner is addicted to weed and I hate it

  1. As an ex weed smoker, i can clearly tell you that you are absolutely right. All about weed addiction is true and it will be a hard time trying to get rid of it. What i do not understand is what you are doing with a stoner if you hate that? You should have left a long time ago or even not start such relationship. All in all, go get yourself a new life.

  2. I agree with you. This is a lifestyle choice. He wants to smoke, and she is not okay with it. It’s absolutely silly to believe it’s going to change.

  3. Why do people try to control other people? If you can't accept him for who he is then leave, otherwise accept it. It really isn't that complicated.

  4. Im a smoker and its definitely psychologically addictive. Im not going to suck someones dick for it, but i notice it when its gone, and get irritable as a result of not using that crutch.

  5. Oof yeah nobody talks about the irritability. I quit a few years ago due to intense paranoia and I was a bitch for about a month straight. Everything pissed me off

  6. I was wondering about people calling it a lifestyle choice, as 3-4 bowls a day seems more than just lifestyle to me. I used to smoke every evening, and that was already a dependency after a while. So 3-4 bowls everyday seems more than a lifestyle to me.

  7. I was absolutely dependent on it to feel “ok” for 15 years. I tried to quit many times and couldn’t stop, even though it was making me stupid, poor and depressed. I’m in a recovery program now to get it out of my life. I feel sharper, happier and more energetic every day i go without it.

  8. I was there too. Smoking before going to work and class and that shit just decreased my ability to function. I mean cannabanoids literally block receptors. I currently smoke only as a wind down at night when I have no more responsibilities and I think its made me better in social situations for sure

  9. I am currently in a pretty rough spot with weed. I don't need to be high for every day activities, but my enjoyment of things I used to love depends on being high. I used to love playing games and coding, now I can't find enjoyment in any of my hobbies without weed. I hate myself for it, but when I haven't got any weed, I find it very hard to enjoy myself in any way.

  10. I know people who aren't able to go a single day without weed, and they will kill others if necessary in order to obtain it. It's extremely addictive to people who have no other reason to exist.

  11. i think you wanting whats best for him is a really nice thing of you to do and encourage! However, it seems to be a compatibility issue rather than an issue of addiction/dependency. It seems like neither of you are willing to budge on your beliefs, not that either of you are wrong, but you’re sticking to your guns. And its possible that in the long term this will cause resentment in your relationship, so its a good idea to have a real conversation about how each of you feel about him smoking weed often. You can come to a compromise/better understanding, or you can end the relationship. Or you can hold onto this resentment forever and never solve anything, but that will be very exhausting for you.

  12. This is spot on except for one part: this isn't going to cause resentment in the relationship long-term, that resentment is already there.

  13. Only part I would disagree with is dependency. If someone is prioritizing using a drug 3-4 times per day (any drug, including alcohol) over relationships and other things, that’s textbook addiction/dependency behavior. Same as someone who has to drink a six pack every day just to feel “normal”.

  14. When he smokes, is he doing nothing all day? I’ve had friends who smoke constantly, and are very active. But others will smoke and disappear into a void it seems. Lazing about is the worst, and I can see how it can put a wrench in the relationship. It sounds like you guys aren’t able to mesh because of the weed. Neither of you are wrong, I just don’t know if either of you can compromise and be happy.

  15. Even if he was doing nothing all day... some people just want to chill out sometimes. This seems to be am issue of serious incompatibility. I don't smoke much but I like to drink, and my girl doesn't drink much but likes to smoke. If she has a day off I know she's just vegetating and making me some wild dinner lol

  16. Coming from a family of stoners (I am the only one not one) the answer to all your questions is yes he will get high and be high a lot during your life. If he’s not wanting to cut back now he certainly won’t later. You have to either accept his lifestyle or move on.

  17. I used to be a very heavy smoker and would only not be high while at work. Any other time it was guaranteed that I would be high.

  18. You knew who he was when you met him and when you moved in with him yet you're planning a wedding. 🤔 Now's the time to walk away if you hate it so much.

  19. I had a girl like that. She knew i was a cig smoker and told me it didnt matter to her. Somehow she was always complaining about my cig breath or the fact my clothing smell. Like wtf, if you dont like it why date me

  20. I'm sorry but it kinda sounds like you thought you could "fix" him and now he's not interested, and it's a problem. If you hate it so much, that's cool, it's not for everyone, but why tf does he need to change his lifestyle to suit you? He didn't lie to you, he didn't hide it from you, doesn't sound like it's ruining his life... He never said he wanted to quit. If it genuinely becomes a problem (costs him his job, eats into your living finances or rent etc.) then sure, you have a reason to be upset, but you knew about it from the beginning and still chose to pursue the relationship and he even cut down his usage. At most you can ask him to cut down more, you can ask him to not use at your wedding or in front of kids. Or you can leave

  21. Exactly. OP knew he smoked, and knew how much he smoked. Honestly if it doesn’t change him as a person, there are compromises that can be made such as edibles or vape pens which smell significantly less than flower. Weed isn’t for everyone, but smoking weed isn’t necessarily a character flaw (for me anyways). Weed has helped me in ways I never would have imagined and I was raised on weed being the devils lettuce.

  22. So why don’t you leave. It’s something he did before he new you. It’s clearly part of his lifestyle. Sounds like your just trying to change him and make him something he’s not. Like you truly just don’t like him for who he is. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. You just hate what he does but that seems to be who he is.

  23. I quit for a partner for a loooong time. Happy to now be with a partner that doesn't judge me for occasional use. It's a huge help for chronic pain and way better than booze or opiates!

  24. Strait up bruh, sorry but im the same way i love fucking weed and i aint changing that for no one that shit part of me now if you cant handle that then ✌

  25. I agree. My first husband smoked and I did not and I hated that he did. I did not know he smoked when I married him. It was many years later when I finally smoked and then I realized he was just high all the time and didn't want to do anything. By then I had left him. I learned during that marriage that you shouldn't try to change people into what you want and I never did again or nag some guy, which men hate for women to do.

  26. Exactly this person already exclaimed they hated weed not that their partner made them hate it and he clearly used it before the person..they need to leave because it’s like they need to change him and trying to find the most extreme cases to justify it..if he’s an adult I’m sure he’d know not to get high at his own wedding until maybe after..

  27. My ex hated it while he smoked cigarettes and lied about it. My wife now goes, “did you smoke?” before we leave for anywhere 😂 and she isn’t a stoner!

  28. facts. if you want the person you are with to change, you never loved them and you are a dick for not letting them move on.

  29. Yeah if you feel that strongly about it , you should leave. There’s nothing inherently wrong with smoking weed. I’m personally prescribed MJ for anxiety, PTSD, it helps with my eating habits, and it helps control my mood swings because I have bipolar type 2. I’m stoned literally all of time and so is my fiancé and It works for us.

  30. You’re saying everything is right but this one thing. You didn’t give any example about how it impedes your relationship other than the fact that you hate it, and hate how often he uses it. I’m not saying that weed can’t hinder certain aspects of your life, but there are outliers.

  31. You two are fundamentally incompatible. He doesn't need to be fixed, but you are trying to fix him because his daily habits don't align with yours. It's really unfair to both of you to stay in this relationship.

  32. I was going to say just this. Differences like this lead to one person feeling constant pressure to change themselves and the other feeling let down when the changes never happen. Always a conflict and an illogical one because you are asking someone to be a person you have never known them to be and then getting upset they aren’t changing something about themselves that they don’t consider to be a problem.

  33. Stoner the majority of my adult life, married to someone like you. I respect my partner’s opinion and stand up for my right to make my own choices. We’ve found a way to compromise, to compartmentalize, to play blind (or nose blind). Not perfect, but after 25 years I can definitely say I am still in love and feel loved. That’s the best you can hope for. You either find a path forward together or give up. Truly wish you well.

  34. I've been a heavy user and I know how regular usage alters perception and the way you deal with life. I mean it maybe not true for everyone, but from op's comments below, I understood that he's using weed as a way to deal with or rather avoid stressful situations. It's just as bad as taking any other drug to deal with day-to-day tasks. Sure if he has a medical condition which needs him to take it, he should. Looks like he doesn't. The main thing is, if he's able to do anything with his life while he's smoking or is he just going on about with his life, smoking weed to get things done and doing things to smoke weed.

  35. I was a heavy user for about 8 years, I still smoke but much less frequently and the only conclusion I’ve come to is that it effects everyone differently. Personally, I lose way too much functionality when I’m high to maintain, or want to maintain, heavy usage. But, I know many people who are very heavy users that are not held back by it and are doing quite well for themselves, their tolerances are so high they can smoke 10x as much as I do and I’m still way higher than them. So imo it really depends on how it effects OP’s partner.

  36. Is weed perhaps safer and healthier than other activities? Yes.. But can you make it into an unhealthy life choice by overusing and making it your coping mechanism for everything? Absolutely.

  37. So I am a weed addict. Started smoking when I was about 15 y/o and was high everyday all day throughout my 20s. This brought on some health issues lately so I had to quit, which was nearly impossible. Turns out I had been self medicating with it. A shrink put me on some pretty mild meds and I have been able to quit thanks to them.

  38. It took me six years of straight 24/7 smoking before I realized I had an unhealthy relationship with weed. Heavy stoners all share this sort of defensive denial where weed can never be the problem, it's always this magical solution. In reality it's just a coping mechanism to not have to change, at least from my experience.

  39. Yeah I have a friend who used to spend pretty much his entire pay check on weed. It got to the point where he was in so much debt because he’d borrow money from those shady companies with high interest rates.

  40. Thank you. It is an addiction and it’s become such a “cool” mainstream thing to do, everyone that smokes constantly is just so proud of it and it replaces a huge part of who they are.

  41. Just curious….if you hate it so much, why did you get with him in the first place? Weed smokers don’t hide it.

  42. From a lifelong smoker, (1 month sober right now.) THC is ABSOLUTELY addictive, not in the physical sense, but in the mental sense, I was addicted to the relief it brought from regular life problems, which is not a healthy way to handle things,

  43. It is mentally addictive. I smoke daily now but an old boyfriend was so mentally addicted it repulsed me and I never smoked when I dated him. It impeded his day to day if he couldn’t have it. Hit his bong in the middle of the night. I’ll smoke to relax or at a concert- like one would have a glass of wine or beer after a long day.

  44. Only a fucking idiot would say this dude or any other is not addicted, and judging by this thread, it is filled with stoners in denial or something. Just replace weed with alcohol in the discussion and think about it.

  45. Here's the thing about any habit/addiction/abuse or overuse, if they don't want to change, don't acknowledge it as an issue, it's not going to happen.

  46. I used to row the exact same boat you're in right now. My husband is a weed smoker, and I used to HATE it. But I came around, and here's why/how:

  47. I will neverrr understand why some people are so adamant about emphasising certain things aren’t addictive. Literally ANYTHING can be addictive. It’s got almost 100% to do with your brain wiring and habit formation. Yes, your body technically won’t be addicted to thc and dependant on it the same way it would be on heroin. But being an addict has almost nothing to do with the substance and everything to do with control and dependence.

  48. "Literally ANYTHING can be addictive. It’s got almost 100% to do with your brain wiring and habit formation."

  49. Maybe you don’t need to roll one and chill out but you definitely need to roll out of that relationship. You both have better matches out there. Save your money and your mental health and move on. You can’t change someone and you shouldnt have to/want to if you truly loved them. You’ll end up resenting and hating each other. Good luck (saying this as a 34 year old divorcee and single mom)

  50. Your edit seems kind of strange considering it’s recently been made legal? Also if you don’t want to smoke it you don’t have to, edibles work way better (for me at least, I nearly vomit when I try to smoke weed) with that said I’m not entirely sure if you have already been stoned with him once but it sounds like you haven’t, and if you refuse to get high with him to understand what he feels throughout most of the days, no one can really help you with this.

  51. Don’t try to change someone for your own desires. If you can’t come to terms with him using a now legal plant, that’s on you. You both deserve to be happy but not at the cost of cutting out something that either of you enjoy. The use you stated is very light honestly and a lot of people would be ecstatic to have that. Honestly getting High with him would be a good way to understand if it weren’t for the losing your job part.

  52. Its not ’standard’ and ’normal’ to smoke weed. It might seem so if a lot of people do that around you, but its not. You have right to ’hate it’. If the relationship is not working, you might need to re-evaluate if its the right for you

  53. I have been on both side. Smoked for 13 years straight, it affected everything in my life at the end. Stopped, had a wonderful 30 years sober, had a wonderful career, wife, kids, etc. Now retired for 3 years, started vaping about 1 ounce a month, doesn't affect my life at all. My wife is ok with it, don't have a boss, and I have time to spare. Life is good.

  54. I’ve asked him to take a day off occasionally or maybe a longer (couple weeks) break and I just get defensive anger in response. As soon we are both tired of fighting, he goes to light up

  55. Phew I thought it was my wife. But it isn't. We are married and we have two kids. I only smoke when they're both asleep but my wife doesn't approve.

  56. Hell yes weed is addictive. I smoke everyday and is fully aware of that. Anything that makes you forget about your current problems is potentially addictive. Netflix, video games, eating fast food, etc…

  57. So what's the actual problem you seem to have skipped that part? Is this actually causing issues in some tangible way or are you just so caught up in your own biases you're making it a problem. Genuine question, I know some people take things way to far or can't manage themselves well but you never mentioned any of that being the case.

  58. Honestly 3-4 bowls a day is not a lot. And it sounds like he was compromising by switching to the vaporizer or whatever. Just let him go and find some stoner chick and be happy instead of getting him to stop something he likes to do

  59. As a weed smoker, I can’t even imagine not being able to celebrate with my friends at my own wedding. I’ve dated many non-smokers, and while we did have a balance (I don’t drink), I would never be in a relationship with someone who didn’t accept me as I am. Yes, relationships are about growing together…. But only if you accept and love them for who they are. Not who you want them to be.

  60. i like weed, i like edibles. i don’t do them at the moment because i have kids and it is illegal where i am at but i do enjoy weed . I have a minor in neuroscience. it’s only a BA but still from my studies weed can addictive like you said anything can become addictive ie gambling, sex etc.

  61. If this is such a big part of his life that he won’t give up to be with you and you absolutely hate it… end the relationship. You don’t have to stay with someone just because you love them. Y’all can be in love and still incompatible. Find people better suited for your lifestyles.

  62. Geez these comments are terrible. I dont know that there is a more defensive group than marijuana smokers on Reddit.

  63. As a weed smoker, I know it can be problematic but people will get so defensive over it like if you insulted their mother lol.

  64. Indeed, i smoked vaporizer daily for around 2 years and i know that the only reason i did it was to get high and wasted. If this was alcohol there wouldnt be defenders.

  65. You signed up for it. I've had girls do this to me when I use to drink. I made it clear right from the start that I drank daily and in the beginning they would be fine with it because they drank too, but not daily. Then their drinking would taper off, and I, as I never lied about, continued to drink, daily, every day after work, as I had been doing for years. I don't have kids. I don't get violent. I could function, hold a good job, pay all of my bills, ect.. It was part of my routine as much as a cup of coffee in the morning.

  66. Dude, totally get what you're saying. Had a couple of exes try and "fix" me as well, that shit was so frustrating. Because like you, I didn't hide my weed smoking, I didn't lie about it, fuckall. Best one was this single mom I dated for a couple of weeks , we met in a bar parking lot where I was sparking up a bowl and she asked for a light for her cigarette. We got to talking and eventually started seeing each other, one night we were having the "what is this" talk and she asked if I was cool with meeting her kid, i was, she asked me to not be high, I said sure, not a big deal. I meet her son, cute kid, it goes well. A week or so later she deadass tells me that she doesn't want a stoner in her kid's life, and that i needed to quit. I was so goddamn confused, couldn't understand why she didn't mention anything before introducing me to him

  67. It's a bit of a cop-out to say that 'they knew all along who i was' -- the depth/existence of an addiction isn't always obvious upfront. It sounds like the women you mentioned cared about you a great deal. I think OP cares about her partner also. Otherwise, why bother? I'm glad you were able to quit.

  68. If he could hide it so easily from you for that long, it must have not really caused any problems. I promise you he was likely stoned a lot of the time you hangout before you realized how much he smokes. If his behavior then was enough for you to love and fall for, then it should be the same now. The only thing that has changed is your realization of how much he smokes.

  69. Are you annoyed with the idea of him being a stoner, or does his behavior suffer from it? The only criticism I read was you don’t like weed. Nothing about how it affects his behavior. But yeah, it seems if you don’t like weed you shouldn’t date him because you’re too fixated on controlling his habit

  70. I’ve read around in the thread a little bit. It appears he uses it for anxiety and depression but she’s frustrated with the fact that he just buries those issues with weed instead of addressing the root cause. Like I guess he really hates his job and things like that.

  71. I will probably get downvoted for this but honestly I’m so shocked by the comments. It’s seems like there are a lot of heavy smokers getting defensive. From OP’s comment it states that their partner lied about how much they smoke. I would be annoyed too. I don’t think OP was trying to change them from the beginning, they were lied to. Plus being so deep into a relationship of course it’s going to be harder to let go.

  72. This is a pretty common trend on reddit. If your views/opinions on weed are negative, you'll be judged and regardless of the context be told you're wrong.

  73. House, two kids, three cars I blame the success on Mary Jane. Started 4 years ago and will never quit. If it makes you lazy your abusing it and setting a bad example of what it can do.

  74. This sounds like a compatibility issue that won’t change. He needs to be with another stoner. I give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re probably not angsty about it because he’s a high-functioning casual weed smoker and this has never negatively impacted your lives in any way. At the end of the day, being a non-substance user with a devoted substance user is usually a no-go. Additionally, weed is truly a lifestyle for some people. They take it very seriously and it sounds like he’s one of them. It’s not going to work. It’s right up there imo with differing religious beliefs, etc.

  75. Lots of people self medicate with weed. Does he have any (potential) medical conditions? I have Fibromyalgia and ADHD and I know a lot of sufferers self medicate with it. Same with anxiety and depression.

  76. Here's my parents story. My dad was a huge pothead before they met. But hes also a dumb stoner (gets high and can't function even slightly) He started going to work at his city job high and (was obviously high) and they'd fight about him possibly losing his job over it(especially in the 90s) my parents decided to start a family and he had quit for my mom because of him being a not well functioning stoner and adding babies to the mix. He lied and was getting stoned and leaving me alone as a new baby and they almost broke up but my mom was pregnant with my brother and her last parent was dying she had no money or support. My dad did stop for a long time and occasionally later admitted to smoking as we got older when he'd be with new friends and later hid it from my mom and started smoking and putting his state job at jeopardy. My dads a shitty partner and dad in general but point is if you try to make him stop there's a good chance he'll just end up lying to you and continue to do so at some point. Also if youre not financially doing well as a couple and a partner can't stop drinking or smoking to save money as its not necessary (ofc pain management is different) then it can become a huge problem. Break up and find someone like yourself when it comes to substance use.

  77. You knew before you got with him he did this? Can’t try changing someone to what you want. If he’s not right for you then moving on is best. Maybe he smokes to try masking his feelings or sadness or even depression. See if he is willing to talk to someone why he uses “so much”

  78. If it's not affecting his life and your life then you csnt force him to stop and either you accept him as he is (that's love) or you can't accept him and you should leave. Trying to force someone to change is toxic and controlling. Also you getting angry on him for this is very bad for relationship. Imagine if you had some habit and he would try to force you to quit it.

  79. I always get confused for BOTH individuals when they get into a relationship, but not with the person as they are, but with a future, promised version. Then they act all surprised that the person they're with didn't change who they are to be what you wanted.

  80. Wild to me how people are kind of making you seem like a bitch and saying that smoking weed is considered a “lifestyle choice.” You need to leave for a number of reasons but also because weed as a life’s focus is pathetic. It’s one thing to occasionally smoke or get high like every other day. It’s another thing when someone smokes, what, three bowls a day?? And wants more??? The fact he can’t stop is not only alarming but should also be incredibly embarrassing for him. Choosing weed over a partner is clownshit. Not “shit clowns do”, but shit from a clown. Dump him.

  81. It sounds like you are not compatible. Stop complaining and trying to change him and go find someone else.

  82. As someone who is also a heavy weed smoker (up to 8-10 bowls a day) I can confirm that it can become basically “addictive”. I find myself, even when wanting to quit on my own terms, struggling and craving it every second. It isn’t going to be easy for him to cut back, especially if he’s been smoking this way for a while. If you aren’t okay with smoking, your best bet is to leave. If you’re okay with waiting it out and helping him work through it (if he is also willing) then that’s great and you guys should come up with a plan to help each other through the situation. But I have found in past relationships with others who also didn’t smoke, it doesn’t work out in most cases because of the differences in opinion on the matter. (Not saying it couldn’t ever work out, but it definitely takes the two right kind of people).

  83. I smoke and try to be aware of my partner, i make sure not to smoke until we are in for the night that way if we have to drive i can or anything like that. A lot of stoners out there can't make responsible decisions or form a good relationship with weed.

  84. Yea. I'd say reevaluate your relationship, because it won't get better because you are wishing it will and marriage definitely won't fix it. Hard conversations will need to be had. Just a friendly opinion.

  85. So let me get this straight. You met a stoner , Moved in with a stoner, Going to marry a stoner but now your upset he’s a stoner? This is peak Reddit posting.

  86. If it was alcohol he'd be an alcoholic. If he doesn't want to change, he won't. It's a shame, I was the same for a few years but didn't see it as addiction, my life, mind and body are much healthier since stopping. But if he won't see that and you can't live like that it's not going to work. I hope you guys can figure it out but he's going to have to want to do it.

  87. Im sure you can work things out, I'm not sure how, but I'm certain its better to talk things out then to leave him straight up.

  88. I ended a past relationship because my partner wouldn’t stop smoking…. He was always broke and I wasn’t trying to get kicked out of our apartment I paid for…. Then it hit me one day and thought what if I got pregnant ? Would things change or would I put up with the this…. Then gave him 2 weeks to get out never regretted it since and he apologized years later surprisingly.

  89. All these people acting like it's just a personality trait to be smoking weed every day and like you're a bad person for trying to change that.

  90. I’m sorry but this is literally a deal breaker especially if you can’t even deal with the smell, planning a wedding is well..

  91. He's not going to change. You need to face that fact. He started to then didn't. He has shown you who he is. Now it's up to you wether or not you can still love and respect him. (If you go ahead with the wedding he will absolutely get high, because that's who he is and what he does.)

  92. why are you in this relationship? your head is in planning ahead and building a family, his is in the oven getting baked.

  93. Read the responses from guys here. Whatever you think, whatever you try to argue or communicate, the attitude will always be "you knew i was like this", "you signed up for this". Are you ready for 5 years of this? 10? Having to be the one to remember everything for two adults instead of just yourself? Having "I'm too high" as a response when you need help with anything? Getting accused of nagging or "trying to change him" if you need him sober for anything important?

  94. "Having to be the one to remember everything for two adults instead of just yourself? Having "I'm too high" as a response when you need help with anything?" Have you just... Never been around a person who smokes weed? This is a hilariously false representation of even the average heavy user. Most hold down full time jobs WITH social obligations.

  95. Weed is 100% habit forming, anything that causes an altered state of mind is. I get so annoyed with people that insist it’s not possible to get “addicted” to weed. No, you won’t get the shakes or anything from quitting but there are absolutely people that depend on it. Some people do just enjoy it recreationally and it’s not a problem at all, maybe even most people that smoke it. Funny enough I don’t think they’re the ones denying it can be habit forming. It seems like every time someone pushes back really hard on me for saying that its someone I know smokes every day, or “can’t sleep without it”. Sure, it’s better than sleeping pills, but that’s still a habit.

  96. It very much can be an addiction. Mental, and to some small degree even chemical. If 3-4 bowls is "cutting back", hes got a long hard road to breaking the habit, which he may realistically never do. It may be hard, but you should move on.

  97. This isn’t a him problem, it’s a you problem. You really don’t like something about him that he seems to enjoy doing. If you don’t like it, then leave. Or get over it, but I doubt you are gonna do that. Best of luck

  98. It's more complicated than that. All forms of addiction involve a disturbed "reward" relationship and all drugs can lead to a "physical" withdrawal issue.

  99. Vegans should never adopt obligate omnivores or carnivores if they don't want to feed their pets meat, and people who dislike weed should never start relationships with stoners if all they want to do is stonewall them into changing. There are plenty of guys available who don't get high, find a better match and cut your partner loose to do the same.

  100. As a weed smoker I’d never be with someone who wasn’t okay with my use. It’s not that I care if they use or not, but I am not going to be shamed for it. I’m also not blaming you for having your opinion, you are allowed to feel that way and you are allowed to not want a partner that is high all the time. He is going to be high at your wedding and probably when he has children. Especially if his “compromise” is smoking 3-4 bowls a day.

  101. My cousin and her baby daddy are HUGE stoners. Recently they both got into trouble with family members because they were both high and left their baby unattended. They found the baby girl suffocating under a pile of blankets in the other room.

  102. It sounds like you have a real issue against weed. Which is fine, that's your decision. But just like you're making a decision to not smoke it, he's allowed to make the decision to smoke if he wants. Just like it's any adult's decision to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or whatever legal vice they enjoy. I didn't see anything in your post that would indicate that there were any issues arising from his marijuana use other than "I don't like it". So if that's where you stand, maybe it would be better for the both of you if you were to dissolve the relationship.

  103. My girlfriend and I had the exact relationship. We’ve been together for 6 years. I was a casual weed smoker when we met. I had fell to peer pressure from a friend who got me to smoke daily with him. My addiction continuously had gotten worse. At one point I had a delivery job just to support my growing habit.

  104. I went through this once with a significant other. I had been supporting him, my son, my sister, my sister's son and myself for a long time. He wasn't any help at all financially and barely any help domestically. I told him if he wanted money for his habit he'd have to find ways to support it. He would find ways only to purchase the things he wanted. That is when I started to realize just how selfish he was.

  105. Probably someone mentioned it already, and you might already know, but weed is definitely addictive. It's not a physical dependant like with other drugs, it's psychological. He's got a reason for smoking this much, even if he hasn't thought about it or he is too afraid or embarrassed to admit it.

  106. This isn't that much different than one person is religious and the other isn't, or one wants kids and the other doesn't. If it's a big deal to you and you're on opposite sides, it's going to be very tough to make it work and it's probably best to move along.

  107. It sounds like you two have some mixed values and need to reconsider the direction of your relationship. Realistically, are you going to be able to do this forever?

  108. So leave your partner. Why stay with someone is absolutely will not change? Why force yourself to be miserable and agonize with someone who will not make a different life? If it isn't compatible, have them find someone who loves weed and you find someone else.

  109. This is not the person for you. They are addicted to being stoned. All the reasons you listed are valid.

  110. Weed is addictive. I had to go to rehab because my alcohol withdrawals almost killed me. Weed won’t kill you, but the chill sweats, nausea, and insomnia don’t lie. Smoke enough, you’ll have withdrawals, just like any other addiction

  111. The answer to all your questions at the end are yes and if you are not ok with that do not marry him and find someone else. My question is if he was have 3-4 beers a day after work would you feel the same way?

  112. "3-4 bowl user" lol He smokes to help his anxiety and it helps with the stress of his job. Who is to say that if he quit smoke thT he would get a better job? From all that I have read you are just biased and I'm sure he is just as annoyed with you as you are with him.

  113. Glad to know there's someone out there that hates weed like I do. I had the same problem with my ex. He never quit and we are not together anymore. Now we share custody of our 2 children. If I could do it all over again I would have broken up with him from the moment I realized that he was addicted to it.

  114. As part of the "invisible rules of Reddit", you must know that you can't talk about addiction (or anything remotely bad) regarding marihuana because all the druggies will come to hunt you. It is not worth your effort, just ignore them.

  115. As an addict myself, the only time he will change is when he wants to. Unfortunately there's nothing you or anyone could do to make that change happen. The question is how much of that are you willing to put up with? To be completely honest, staying in the relationship is going to do more harm than good to you. The thing about being an addict is that you become this suck hole of a person to everyone around you. You have the opportunity to walk away and be happy with your life. He does too but he's not ready to get sober and have the awakening he needs to take those steps. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you. In the end, you need to do what's best for you even if you have to break his heart in the process.

  116. Of course it's addictive. People who smoke do it everyday just to "feel normal". That's addiction. And smoke in your lungs will give you cancer in the long run no matter what the source is.

  117. Listen to those advising you leave, and leave. It doesn’t matter what others consider heavy or not, the fact of a matter is, it’s getting between you two big time. And he’ll always side with it if confronted, be sure of that.

  118. Don't be ignorant weed is just as addictive as any other substance if you think otherwise, you are most likely a stupid ass stoner.

  119. My ex was addicted to weed. He was on probation and was given so many chances, but would just not stop smoking weed. I couldn’t understand it because I would do anything to not go to jail.

  120. I understand completely how you feel. My partner doesn't do anything particularly wrong when he's high but I can't help being upset by how often he does it. He's not himself when he's high and it's incredibly unattractive

  121. If you really want him to quit, tell him to move to cbd. I was a daily weed smoker for 7 years and now I never get high— but I still sometimes smoke hemp for the smallest possible buzz, it still tastes like weed, and kills any craving I had.

  122. As someone who is a responsible stoner, aka I don't drive on it and I get all my duties done before I smoke, I smoke anywhere from 3-10 bowls a night. I'm gonna be honest with you, it did affect my last relationship, not in exactly in the traditional way, in where she was dependant on me for driving everywhere so whenever I smoked I didn't drive, but in any case, if he doesn't see a good enough reason to stop he won't. Just like me. In my case, I kinda wanna tone it down already, I definitely would if I had a higher grade job and family responsibilities, so it's up to you to judge if you think it's irresponsible or annoying enough or not.

  123. That is who he is. Maybe instead of nagging him and trying to change him as a person to fit the lifestyle you’re looking for, you should just leave and find someone who aligns with what you want. I also was reading the comments and say you mentioned he hated his job and he uses it to try to avoid that stress. Why is that a problem? I fail to see it. Would you have an issue with someone getting on antidepressants to try to feel better about their situation? It’s not like he’s a bum! It sounds like he’s working and holding down a job and smoking because let’s be honest, life in this day and age really sucks and almost every single person i know has some form of mental illness. Do the guy a favor, and either accept him for the person that he is if you TRULY love him, or let someone else.

  124. If you're worried about their health, you could suggest a vaporizer. Smoking weed doesn't do nearly as much damage to the lungs, it just decreases the amount of oxygen intake. It's actually a great medicine. You should really talk to your partner about why they use and why they need it, it could actually help them. Also, 3-4 bowls a day is not very excessive, if it was all day everyday then it would be a real problem.

  125. You stress him out he's going to smoke more. And you're worried about him high at the reception or wedding? Will you be serving alcohol? They're one and the same.

  126. Are you unhappy with how much/often they smoke or are high or does the weed control every aspect of thier life like take bill money or stops them from doing things you know they want to do?

  127. I would leave you cannot change him. People are who they are. Seriously I stayed with a guy who drank too much. He told me straight up he would never quit drinking and he didn’t. Find someone who shares your lifestyle. I smoke weed not as much as before. I smoked all day every day. It’s wicked addictive if you smoke a lot. I tried to quit and I couldn’t do it. I felt sick I made it 10 days and I couldn’t take it. I have slowed way down mainly because of money. But it’s love weed.

  128. Leave then, it’s clearly a part of his lifestyle, it’s not hurting him or you so since you don’t like it just break up with him

  129. You shouldn't even be in a relationship. You both have very different ideas/morals so it's never going to work. You will just keep being stressed and arguing. Not worth it. It's best for both of you to move on and find someone who fits better.

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