Update: I hate that my boyfriends a gamer

  1. Good on you leaving after he threw things at you while drunkingly insulting you. Tomorrow (or whenever you are ready) go back there and collect all your stuff and leave. Bring your parents or friends with you to help pack. This ain't a healthy place for you anymore

  2. I asked my friends to go with me tomorrow while he’s at work to get my things. I haven’t told them all the whole story but they’re down to go with me no questions asked so that was nice

  3. So he thought saying sorry and Mexican food would get him the freedom to do whatever he wants?! This kinda man only settles later for something horrible, who'll boss around and never let them do anything they want. You deserve better,way better. Just never look back.

  4. When i was a lot younger and dumber i ruined a relationship with my gaming. The first half of what you wrote sounded similar to how i behaved, up until the throwing of the keyboard. I deserved to get dumped, your dude deserves to never hear or see you again.

  5. This!!! There’s a difference between bad habits and violence. It sounds like OP subconsciously knew that he was capable of lying and manipulation beforehand. Considering his level of maturity just before/ during the stress of a new baby, it sounds like it would’ve only escalated from there. Always better safe than sorry. Once boundaries are broken it takes a mature person with integrity to possibly go back into those boundaries. That guy doesn’t sound like that type.

  6. Whoa , this is the first time some one acknowledged this . 10 years ago I had a bf who used to play video games day and night to the point where I used to visit him at 1 pm he was still asleep bc he played all night til morning . He drank , smoke , had no job, no friends . His “friends “ left him bc he had nothing no money for weekend booze . Absolutely no goals , he used to say, I’ll get a job when I want to, you can’t tell me what to do. Last straw he pushed me bc he thought I laughed at himI dumped him and his family flipped on me bc I left him. Either way, some people will not change or the person was not meant to be.

  7. I’m so so so proud of you for leaving. Don’t give him any more of your attention, because you know he’s going to be trying HARD to get you back. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, trust me when I say I know how bad it hurts to leave when you don’t reeeallyyy want to, but you know you should. You deserve so much more and I am so excited for you that you get to go find that now!! Sending you many good vibes!

  8. Thank you! Yeah he’s been blowing up my phone to the point where I just had to put his notifications on silence. I know he’s going to try to apologize and act like nothing happened

  9. I just left my ex recently who tried to baby trap me because he was an absolute narcissist. Make sure he’s not there when you get your stuff, that’s how my ex tried to lure me back in. He’s also still spreading rumors about me so just block him on everything now. I’m also pregnant myself, 22 weeks. It’s hard but it’s easier when you have someone that’s there for you.

  10. The moment he threw the keyboard at you, DV. Domestic violence. Walked from an ex when I was 18 over this (am 27), never looked back. Know your self worth. I advise you do not stand for neglect (which is abuse) and DV. That thrown keyboard could one day become a black eye.

  11. Yeah it was really scary, I didn’t think he would ever do something like that. Looking back I feel kinda dumb for thinking that

  12. Adding to this, my dad would throw shit at my mom when I was a kid, often. Bottles, books, game controllers, pans, my sister's and my toys, anything within reach. And it was terrifying. I have PTSD from that and several other things he's done, loud noises give me panic attacks, I have to stop what im doing and listen if there's any yelling going on anywhere just to make sure nobody is about to get murdered, I'm nervous riding in cars. This is the type of "father" that will make your child feel the same way, OP.

  13. as a gamer myself, this is not acceptable, games are fun, games can sometimes be difficult to pause, but they are something that is secondary to a lot of parts of life, i don't have the personal energy to put into a relationship again so i don't, but i maintain a job, i have a couple friends i sometimes hang with, and when something needs doing in the house i get up and get it done.

  14. I dont even get out how someone can be THIS invested in video games. Like bro how important can your rank be that you are willing to neglect so much.

  15. When I was a child/teen, I lived and breathed online competitive StarCraft and Unreal Tournament 2004 (among a few others), however I didn't have any responsibilities to speak of at that time. These days, I don't really play games online, aside from Minecraft. Single player games are my preference; I can pause and do whatever, whenever.

  16. The difference between gaming as a hobby and as an addiction is simply whether you can put it down at realistically any time.

  17. I don't think the issue is the fact he is a gamer, I think it is more that he isn't contributing around the house.

  18. Exactly. I've been married 5 years. We have a 4 year old. I almost never play when my sons awake and even after he's asleep I'm not jumping on to play every night. Sometimes we watch a movie together, get a babysitter and go on a date, etc. This guy doesn't understand that games CANNOT be a priority in life. Family > Work > Hobbies IMO. If he wants to game that much then he needs to find someone who will game with him and that be PART of their time together.

  19. Agreed. And not just selfish and immature, but violent. He threw a key board at her for christ’s sake. Doesn’t matter what hobby this guy was obsessed with, he was gonna be a mess regardless.

  20. He threw something not only at his girlfriend, but his PREGNANT girlfriend? Mamas, he is actual garbage. I’ve known some shitty men, but none of them have acted like a little boy. He has the emotional maturity of a child and his MOTHER needs to take responsibility for the mess she raised.

  21. You need to file a police report for domestic violence. He straight up physically abused you. Take pictures of any marks you have and file that report.

  22. I don’t have any marks, he did hit me thankfully. I am going to contact a lawyer and have friends go with me to get my stuff tomorrow. There some things around the house he’s broken that I can take pictures of and texts he’s sent me but I’m definitely going to try to get full custody. I don’t trust him to be around a baby unsupervised at all

  23. That's a scary update. Please be safe. Listen to the advice of people who have been through similar. Dote on that little baby. I'm hopeful for your future.

  24. I understand that it's easy to sort of blame the games, but the real issue is that he is an asshole. And probably an asshole with some unresolved mental health problems.

  25. As someone who is a female gamer - the way he’s treating you is completely unacceptable. Games are not meant to take priority over people in your life. It’s meant to be a way to have fun for a SMALL amount of time. I’m happy you got out of there, but I’m sorry that you’re in the situation to begin with. I agree with everyone else here, take what you can and freaking RUN, and don’t look back. This jerk isn’t worth the time or energy.

  26. Same. I game when the chores are done and my kid is asleep. And after checking on with my husband to see if he wants alone time or if it is couple time. I can't believe this behavior is acceptable to some people

  27. And if it wasn't games, it would be something else. He's just a terrible person and gaming happens to be his conduit for his awfulness.

  28. Yep. You did the right thing. You gave him too many opportunities. Sooner or later, love is irrelevant, you've gotta look out for yourself and cut your losses. Hope that guy grows up.

  29. I mean, a game is a person who plays video games so no changing the definition. He is one but just an asshole who doesn't deserve what he has

  30. As a girl that is also dating a gamer. I understand it’s really a hobby for them and something to enjoy. I happened to get into gaming more once I met my boyfriend and it’s a great way to decompress and shut my mind off. HOWEVER Doesn’t mean a gamer should let that be his/her lifestyle. That he/she should shuffle everything under the rug for a game. My boyfriend has been able to manage time with work, spending time with me, and then gaming/hanging with friends. The way your partner has been acting is uncalled for and he’s acting very childish. He’s letting a good thing go over what seems to be more of an obsession now. Unfortunately, it’s gotten to the point of physical abuse with throwing a key board. It sounds like it won’t get better. It sounds like he does care and will try to change for a second. However, he isn’t trying hard enough. You and the baby deserve better. You need a safe and healthy environment. Good luck

  31. Stories like this are a dime a dozen these days and they piss me off. I've always struggled to find companionship and I'm constantly hearing about losers squandering what they have. Good on you for leaving his ass. He deserves to be alone with his games.

  32. Well done to you for leaving. Get your stuff out of there and stay gone. You don't need this nasty, violent and childish man in your life.

  33. Having read and commented on your first post, I'm not surprised of this outcome. It sucks and I'm sorry, but this is for the best. You would have ended up raising the kid on your own even if he was around. I Wish you and your child the best of luck.

  34. Go back to the Mexican restaurant with your family!, bring friends!! Toast freedom from violence ! My glass is already raised ! Ok, it is water, it's been a busy day. Sending hugs from this internet mom.

  35. Wow that's straight addiction. Don't go back to him please and try to not let him get custody. He'll just take it out on the kid. If you have proof of his tantrums and throwing stuff, done deal. He'd never get custody like that

  36. OP you need to file a police report against him ASAP! Throwing a keyboard at a pregnant woman is domestic abuse. If you don’t file then it’s your word against his in the eyes of the law, basically if you don’t file it never happened even though you know it happened. I’m sorry that happened to you & that you’re going thru this but you’re getting out & that’s good. Your boyfriend has an alcohol problem besides the gaming problem. It’s only going to get worse unless he gets help or hits rock bottom. Your leaving may be his wake up call to stop drinking & step back from gaming as much as he does but unless he gets help for his addictions(rehab, counseling ) don’t go back.

  37. WAIT! I just saw some of your replies!! So this grown ass man fully shoved his dick up a coworker and thinks you guys are still fucking together?! As a gamer myself, I would like to apologize on out behalf because we are nothing like that, he is part of the stupid and gross dudes who absolutely devote their life to games. Im very happy you escaped that toxic place before your baby got to experience it, and please op! If you can, fight for full custody and get a restraining order over that man, if he’s as batshit as you say, it’s best to protect yourself with the law

  38. They’re just a normal suburban couple and yes I am. We’ve both never even lived with another person before so this was my first serious relationship too

  39. I hope you know that none of his behavior is a reflection of you. I’m glad you know your worth to leave him.

  40. This is just... Completely awful. Gaming is something i truly love with my whole heart, but abandoning your pregnant girlfriend and staying up late, drinking with a baby on the way... That's just horrendous to me. Hope everything works out for you OP <3

  41. How he feels doesn't exactly matter. He did wrong again. Please look after yourself etc. I'm glad you have people there for you.

  42. Great job, OP. As others have said, keep going in this direction. It's not that people can't change, but someone who already is violent... Terrible red flag. Just get out and find someone who treats you correctly.

  43. I know everyone else is already saying it, but I’m honestly so proud of you too. I know it’s hard to get out of a relationship like that. The way they will switch up, from love bombing straight to abuse. You deserve way better than that, love. And you will find it, and when you do you won’t regret it.

  44. This is just the beginning if you stay. It will get progressively worse and more violent. STAY GONE. People like him do not change.

  45. Please report that he threw the keyboard at you. Whether they actually do anything is irrelevant. This is for documentation of abuse for when, not if, he tries to go for custody. I know it's weird to come from am internet stranger, but im so proud of you for making the leap to leave. So many don't. Sounds like you have a good support system. You got this!!

  46. Congratulations you are free of what is a literal piece of shit! Being a single mother has its challenges but I’m doing it myself and me and my daughter are absolutely thriving! I ditched a gamer too and my life has become so much incredibly easier without him it’s astonishing.

  47. Your boyfriend sounds an awful lot like my brother. He's an abusive demon that no one likes spending time with. His sons are 3 and 12 years of age now. It breaks my heart to see the older one having to realise that his father will lever love him like a father should. Don't put your unborn child through that, they deserve love, and they deserve a life where they don't have to be afraid of making daddy mad. Get out and stay away, let him rot away into nothing, left with only his regrets. Maybe he'll change one day, but you owe it to your child to not sit around waiting for that possibility.

  48. Consult a lawyer immediately! Make sure you and the child are protected. 100% have the internet disconnected if it is under your name. I didn’t and my ex was pirating porn that I had to go to court for because he got caught.

  49. File a police report, also. In case he ever wants shared custody or refuses child support. Fuck this guy.

  50. You need to report it to the police. He threw a key board at you and you’re pregnant. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to be a good and attentive father.

  51. Never go back to him. Like others have said, collect your things with someone else. Friends, family, etc. Never go back. If he can throw things at you, he can hit you. Or worse. Ghost. Him.

  52. I was with a gamer for 2 years. 17-19 yrs old. But he was also a compulsive liar 🤥 and bad in bed/low sex drive. He was nice and his family was amazing (I still miss his family ngl) but I couldn’t take it anymore. I introduced him to WOW because I was a bit interested in it but got over it pretty quickly. He got so into it that he had to be home on certain days on certain hours to make sure he was in his Raids with his other players online.

  53. So you forced your kids to grow up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. Why did you put up with it for 9 years? My mother did the same, and she chose enabling my father over leaving him. I’m 52 and still healing from the damage it caused, and I promise you your kids have suffered emotional damage too.

  54. Jesus what a shit situation all around, especially with that last update. I'm really sorry for what you're going through rn.

  55. Biggest issue here is him cheating. Like gaming in general could have so many causes, sometimes people play games for entertainment, sometimes people have ADHD and/or is addicted af.

  56. Jesus chist, what an absolute asshole. He's not shitty because he's a gamer, he's a shitty boyfriend that happens to be a gamer. I hope you're ok, and honestly, do what you think is best for the baby. Maybe it's not time to have one yet.

  57. Your (probably ex) boyfriend isn't a gamer. He's an asshole. Who the hell lets anything they do interfere with their relationships like that?

  58. I don't think that you hate that he's a gamer, you hate that he's an angry drunk who's addicted to video games.

  59. Him sleeping with a co-worker and being physically violent and abusive is nothing to do with him being a gamer. I am a gamer and I have the most amazing bond with my 5 month old son and partner, we do everything together... Your ex is just a dick.

  60. Oh my goodness I hope you're doing better now, I'm so so sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad are in a safer place

  61. Good on you for leaving. Do not tolerate his abuse. You deserve so much better and this is the first step towards that better life!

  62. Well done. It seems hard now and there will probably be times when you question yourself but you did the best thing, especially if there is going to be a kid involved. Massive high five. All the best to you.

  63. Hope it all works out, I’m sure he will be very persistent in his Pursuit, as all men are, hope you’re able to keep your happy family in tact and work things out rather than wasting all that time you’ve spent.

  64. You can be a gamer and be nice - I think you always should put family/relationships first. Remember who are there for you, and be nice to them and respect each other.

  65. Hey, I am glad you decided to leave that house. Game addiction is a serious problem since the addict can’t/doesn’t want to accept it as a problem.

  66. I’m pretty sure someone else has probably mentioned it but document everything even if it doesn’t seem important. Try and keep all communication in writing such as texts or email unless you are a single party consent place.

  67. I’m glad you’ve been able to realise the truth of your situation and escape. Too often people ignore the red flags; so glad this isn’t the case.

  68. You should be able to file for child support now while pregnant. I would advise you to do so. He’ll probably fight it and you’ll have to get tested…. Better to get that out of the way while you can vs after baby is born and you’ll be tired and in need of aid.

  69. I know it’s scary to leave your comfort zone, even if it’s not a happy place, and to let go of someone you love. But I promise you that you absolutely did the correct thing in leaving. He will try to manipulate you by saying he will change and maybe being really great for a couple weeks, but it will all go away again. Believe me from years of experience. You and that baby will be so much happier away from that toxicity. You are so strong and will be a wonderful mother. It is vital to be around people that love you and support you, and I hope your parents place offers you that. You’re doing the right thing. Great job!!!

  70. The point is you’re away from him now and you’re safe. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, dear. But now you can start over, you can raise your baby in safety and peace

  71. Sounds like my ex, gaming is all he could do. Leave and don’t look back!! You deserve better. They will not change.

  72. You did everything right. You talked to him, you gave him a chance to change and to accept responsibility, and when he was abusive towards you, you left.

  73. I'm so glad you left him. Each time I read a post about an abuser fucking up & bringing his significant other flowers, I go back to this poem I read long ago by Paulette Kelly. It's titled, "He Bought Me Flowers Today."

  74. Take care and please stay safe, it he’s game to get violent with throwing stuff, he’s game to do more. Make sure to keep your doors locked and check for any type of tracking apps or objects on your devices. Block him on every little thing. Talking from experience from my friend, these kind of guys can and will harm. She’s okay now though, and you will be too with time.

  75. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship with gaming. I'm a gamer BUT I'll spend time with loved ones if they ask me too or if they're around, especially if I havent seen them in awhile. I do tend to hyperfocus on games which happens with most of my hobbies but all I need is a reminder of how much time has passed and I'll get off when asked with little to no issues. So I schedule stuff to avoid frustrating myself. I would NEVER throw anything especially a controller or keyboard at someone. That's abusive and not a healthy reaction to frustration.

  76. He sounds like an addict. Claims he will stop and then immediately goes back to it. Glad you are out before things got worse.

  77. People with an obsession like that have a very hard time giving it up, especially if his friends are on there. Good idea to move on and find someone more compatible. Like 2Pac said, shit don’t stop

  78. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what’s best for you AND your baby 💕 I know this is hard, but you are doing great.

  79. Glad you packed up and left. People don’t really change to be honest. They might for a short period of time but never permanent. Now talking about anger and temper, definitely best to get full custody of your child.

  80. OP do everything everyone here is saying. Take everything that YOU bought and owned, have the receipts ready, take pictures of the house before leaving so he can't trash it and blame it on you, and try to get full custody. If he gets annoyed and violent at you asking very reasonable things, what's going to happen if a screaming, crying infant sets him off? He threw something at you to try and hurt you. He could do the same to that baby. So unless you are giving the kid up for adoption, do everything you can to get full custody of your child or at least make sure he only gets supervised visitation at most. That is not someone I'd want around my baby at all. Take every measure you can. Though I really suggest you talk to a good lawyer about this too. They know better what to do on this. Especially ones specializing in this kind of situation.

  81. Good for u for getting out of there immediately after he threw something. He will never change. Just remember that when he starts with the false promises again. U and your baby will be much happier without him!

  82. Be done with him young lady. You have your entire life ahead of you and this abusive loser should not be a part of it. He has serious issues I don’t even know where to begin. He will come crawling back and make every promise in the world. He may even change for a little but. But be assured, his old self will reappear.

  83. You gave him a completely reasonable chance to act like a grown up and he _immediately_ resorted back to being an abusive prick. good for you for standing firm and getting out of there. Don't go back until and unless he can prove that his addiction is done with.

  84. He’s still a child. I’m a 36M I’m married and a gamer but if I’m wife asked me to do something I usually just take a break do whatever she’s asking me to do which is rare tbh and just do it. Happy Wife Happy Life! I’d give him at ultimatum if he fails leave his ass forever. He will never change.

  85. Jesus. Addictions are a bitch, no matter what they are: eating, porn, drugs. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

  86. It's not that he's a gamer that's the issue but the lack of self control and respect. Good on you for making the decision to leave.

  87. OMG THE EDIT. I’m so sorry, not only is he a psycho asshole, he’s a cheater??? You’re so strong, you don’t need him, you’ve been doing it all on your own and you can without him

  88. I'm going to go on a limb and say it's not that he's a gamer, it's that he sounds like a potentially abusive asshole who will never put your needs equal to his.

  89. Since wifi is in your name, drop it when you get your stuff out of there. Don’t keep paying for it for him. He needs wifi, he can pay for it

  90. Your boyfriend is a 28 year old loser. You are going to be raising a child by yourself. He is going to be a piece of shit dad, if he's even in the picture.

  91. At first I thought this was going to be a little nit-picky, but nah, fuck that guy. It sounds like his issue might be more alcohol/substance related than the gaming itself. I'd be done if I were you, I don't know anything about you, but you deserve to be treated with more respect than what you just described.

  92. Pretty soon guys won’t need to be good looking to get girlfriends, they’ll just need a shirt that says “I DON’T PLAY VIDEO GAMES.”

  93. So not only is he useless around the house and hides behind his computer gaming to avoid contributing anything, he’s banging a colleague at work. Do not go back to this fool. He’s useless and a cheater, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

  94. Good for you!!! Please please please don't ever forgive him or go near him again. That is awful. People don't treat people that way if they care.

  95. Ladies once a man lays his hands on you leave and don’t turn back. There are two types of guys ones that hit women and ones that don’t. We also rarely change and switch sides.

  96. I went through a similar experience when I was 3 months pregnant. I got up and left his apartment, moved out back into my parents house and never looked back. The mom switch flipped on me and I thought about my baby, and how my son didn’t deserve to grow up in a home with a father who barely cares and rather play video games. I wanted to find a better father figure for my son. And I wanted to be a happy mother overall, which I knew I wouldn’t be if I had stayed with my ex. It’s been 2 years since I left, and I am so so so happy with my life now. I have an amazing boyfriend who’s a great father figure to my son and he treats me with so much respect. Leaving was the best thing I did for us. You will be okay :)

  97. This has nothing to do with him being a gamer. I’m a 43 year old parent of 2 kids who has been gaming since the 80s. I promise you I have never done any of those things. Please can we stop blaming video games for people’s shitty behavior? Some people are just shit human beings who also happen to play video games.

  98. Sounds like addiction to me. Doesn't excuse the behavior, but I don't think he's entirely in control of his faculties. It's sad, but you can't help him if your health and/or safety is compromised by whatever it is that he has going on.

  99. You hate that your boyfriend is an asshole, not a gamer haha. Something tells me if he suddenly stopped playing games, it wouldnt magically make him a good person… just my 2 cents

  100. Man's not a gamer, he's a narc, and seems like a violent one too. Gaming is his drug, he's addicted to it.

  101. Lets all be clear here, there are people who can handle having fun innocent hobbies that dont fuck their whole day up or they manage them in a way to where there isnt any conflict of interest.

  102. Yeah there's casual gamers and then there's raging gamers - that guy right there is a raging gamer 😄

  103. Your boyfriend is immature he also has an addiction problem, with games but also very likely with alcohol. In fact it seems to me that he is using videogames as an excuse to fuel his alcohol addiction.

  104. Please don't go back to him for your sake! He is in too deep and he has had a violent outbursts towards you. Good for you to go back to your parents. One step at a time and you will build such an amazing life for yourself 👑❤️💪 be strong and wishing you the best of luck

  105. Incredibly proud of you for leaving this situation it can't have been easy! Glad you have your parents to rely on, you 100% made the right decision for you and your child!

  106. This is an abusive addict, not just "a gamer". Thus man needs serious mental help and you need to distance yourself from him if he won't.

  107. This sounds like an addiction. Very good of you to take a stance, and stand for your needs. Best of luck with your situation and the pregnancy💛

  108. Geez, I’m sorry you had to go through that. As a gamer, I still realize I have priorities above games, and if I can’t make those priorities, I should hold off on games. This guy is just outright toxic: physically, verbally and emotionally abusive.

  109. I’m so glad you got out of that situation, I know it’s hard but my hope is that things will gradually get better. Your in my prayers, I wish only the best for you

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