My fiancé basically sexually assaults me and it’s driving me to resent him.

  1. Yeah get the fuck out, imagine how much worse it'll get once you are married, this guy is a rapist and wants his own personal sex slave. Run as fast as you can

  2. I do NOT understand how you can LOVE someone who treats you with such disregard and disrespect? Do you love yourself so little? This is NOT love and never will be: it is abuse. You must leave immediately you are not safe. This is quickly going to escalate to serious injury!

  3. And if you do leave please have someone with you. I don’t want to think about how he could force himself on you because he sees you as his property already

  4. He isn't the love of your life. The love of your life would respect you and not sexually assault you. Dump this piece of shit.

  5. Sometimes I can’t believe this is America. Shit you hear other countries is happening right here in our backyards. Who the fuck says I own your body?

  6. I know you say you don’t want to leave him but please believe me when I say you need to. You think everything else is great because he’s making you believe that so he can keep you under his thumb. He doesn’t “essentially” sexually assault you, he does. He’s abusive. The first time he persisted after you said no was his first instance of abuse against you, and at this point he is literally a serial abuser with no remorse. He sees you as his property. Your body does not belong to him, even if you were married. He thinks it does, and that it gives him the right to LITERALLY use you against your will. PLEASE WAKE UP, he will absolutely rape you if you marry him. Repeatedly. And he won’t even feel bad about it or see a problem with it. At. All. You deserve better than that. Please respect yourself enough to leave this disgusting “man.” You’re only 21, you have so much time to find someone who sees you as a person and not a sex doll. Don’t let love make you ruin your life. I wasted years on a man just because I loved him enough to overlook everything else. Love is not enough when you’re with someone who doesn’t see you as an equal. He has zero respect for you, and even worse he feels validated because of your relationship. Take that relationship away from him, he lost his right to it the moment he assaulted you. And if you still don’t think you should leave him, just ask yourself if you really want to feel this uncomfortable for the rest of your life? Because he won’t get better, he’s already told you that. I can promise you that he’ll get worse though. Please leave before you have the misfortune of experiencing his worst…

  7. Thank you, you’ve really brought some clarity to me. I’m just numb to it right now. I keep hearing what he said to me yesterday replay in my head. “If you’re that serious about this then we need to have a big talk on who is gonna be pissed off all the time” , said in response to me telling him “I don’t think you realize how serious I am right now.”

  8. If your best friend or sister told you this exact story, What would you say to her? Would you tell her to let it go and stay? Would you tell her to leave? Would you want some one you love to stay in a situation like this?

  9. Sounds like you're engaged to the guy who monopolized the "red flag" market... 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

  10. Honey I’m sorry but the love of your life would not sexually assault you on a regular basis. This man already believes that being your fiancé means he has control of your body instead of you. Once you are married he will rape you - I’d bet my life savings on it.

  11. Yes. Prese listen to above. Thank God you are realizing before and have a chance to get out. Please love yourself, turn this resentment into courage to run and start fresh.

  12. If you marry this person, he will only get more aggressive. He’s told you already he sees you as his property instead of his equal.

  13. Honey, this is not love, this is serious sexual assault and you need to leave. A man that treats you like that will never see you as an equal. He told you your body is his because you are engaged. That is fucked up and not true and for your own safety and sanity you need to get out asap. He probably will not stop from harrasing you, so start taking care of yourself.

  14. Oh no. Leave while you can before you go through with marriage. He will never stop the abuse. You are an abuse victim, do you really want to live that way for the rest of your life?

  15. Mate, you're 21. This guy is not the love of your life. You've told him to stop abd he hasn't. He's a scumbag and he will get worse. Get out and find someone who respects you.

  16. I saw you edit and sorry, but you can’t tell us you’re scared of him, that he is sexually assaulting and abusing you, that he has coerced you into staying in a relationship and then tell us that everything about him and you is “perfect”.

  17. She needs to leave and block him from every electronic and social media she has. Make sure he has no idea where she is.

  18. No absolutely not. This is HORRIBLE advice even as a joke. This is how abused women get murdered. This is not something you should encourage. OP is already actively in danger and this is no laughing matter.

  19. He is sexually assaulting you and WILL escalate it rape. Yes, marital rape exists and you are well on your way to becoming a victim of it. He does not love you. If he did he would respect you, your body, and acknowledge your consent or lack there of. He already told you plainly and clearly he does not respect your boundaries and will violate you without your consent because he "owns" you. He does not see you as the love of his life he sees you as property. You deserve so much better and so much more. It will be hard but recovering from a break up is much preferred to attempting to recover from being raped. Leave before you get married. Leave and do not look back.

  20. i’m very, very sorry to say this, but even if he “chooses” to stop doing this to you in your ultimatum, this is not going to stop. he already doesn’t take you seriously. even if he DOES stop groping you (near impossible outcome, but i guess it could happen), he is going to echo this behavior in another way. HE DOESN’T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. he doesn’t think you own your body, he thinks he does. that will never change. i’m very sorry

  21. You’re right. I can only further your point because he’s told me what I’m allowed and not allowed to do with my body. I’m not allowed to tattoo the back of my legs, I’m not allowed to tattoo my neck, my stomach, my back. I tattooed my chest without his permission and that caused some issues. He’s also tried to control how my hair gets cut but I’ve broke him of that recently.

  22. Seeing this post after your edit, and it's even more concerning. If a partner says they will harm themselves if you leave the relationship, LEAVE. That is textbook manipulation and is another way this person is trying to control you. There is no love in threatening to end your life if you get dumped. You are not safe with this person, they know that and they don't care.

  23. How… how can you stay with someone like this?… End things before it’s on paper and your first child’s a r*pe baby…

  24. Hey I understand where this comment is coming from but the things you just said are very harmful and I feel the need to at least try and educate you on what you just said.

  25. Fuck. Yes it is. It always hits home after you see hundreds of people scream the same things at you. I hate that it’s taken me almost a year to see this.

  26. Yeah... that one stuck out to me as well. Dude is not only acting compulsively in private, but doesn't respect even his own grandmother enough to behave in her presence. Sick is right. OP if you're reading this, you can't fix him especially because he's confirmed complete disregard for your humanity.

  27. As someone who's husband sexually assaulted her, I have to say, run now. He was my husband, and sex wasn't ever an issue until he became abusive and forced it. I've been completely messed up since. Having an abusive partner will destroy you, trust me.

  28. “He’s actually told me that because I’m marrying him that I can no longer tell him no” Get out of there asap!

  29. It is horrifying and I am honestly still in disbelief with myself. It’s taken me a year to realize the shit that’s been going on.

  30. No, absolutely not, do NOT agree to marrying him. Don't give him some ultimatum. Tell him if he touches you again without your consent, you're gone. OP, it will only get worse. I'm not shitting you, leave while you can and NEVER look back

  31. Dont marry him if he cant respect your boundaries now, he even said outright you cant say no when married, so expect him to basically rape you if you stay. For you own well being, please leave

  32. Marital rape is a thing. Just because he’s your husband/future husband does NOT mean he can do as he pleases nor doesn’t it mean you can’t say no. Do the right thing. Leave that asshole. Someone who loves you shouldn’t do things that make you uncomfortable or worried.

  33. Please see a therapist. His behavior is not normal, it is abusive and really creepy. Him grabbing your nipples in front of his grandmother is really bizarre. Was he like this when you were dating, or did it start when you moved in with him? Do you feel like you love him because of who he is or because you don’t think anyone else will love you because of your illness. This is not going to get better. It’s going to get worse and worse. Get out now and get therapy.

  34. Someone who loves you won’t go out of their way to tell you they “own” you, they won’t do stuff to bother you and then say he can cause you’re marrying him, reality check is that he doesn’t love you, you’re just an object to him that he can randomly fuck when he wants to, I say it’s time to dump him, punch him, or twist pull his balls, maybe a little bit of his own medicine would be what the doctor ordered

  35. please get out of there! its clearly not healthy and its going to get worse. i recommend you just leave, because he might assault you if you directly say you are breaking up with him. just find someone you can trust and ask them to help you get out of there as soon as possible. you may love him but he's only going to hurt you. if some loves you, they don't try to touch you without consent. simply pack your stuff, leave a note saying you're going, block him and find a place to go when he isnt home.

  36. Fuckin NONE OF THIS IS OKAY. He's not the love of your life, never has been and never will be. The love of your life DOESN'T sexually assault you and treat you like a warm spot to stick his cock and whatever appendages he sees fit.

  37. I only read up to the part where he thinks your body is his, a MASSIVE red flag. Get out as soon as you can and don’t go back to him, your body is YOUR body no one else’s. No one has a right to touch you if you don’t want them too. No is no, consent is important. Please leave him, you deserve to be treated so much better.

  38. Okay.. as soon as I heard were getting married you can't say no my everything went on red alert ... I'm a survivor of SA and DV from multiple partners... I can understand where you are. I'm not a physical person even for my bad expierences. The way you describe him to me reminds me of the scum that did it to me. I'm not saying this to upset or anything it's just from expierence, once they think they own you, run and never look back. I hope your safe, and stay that way. I'm a ear if you need.

  39. My ex constantly told me that he would touch me whenever he wanted and that was “his butt”. Wasn’t long before he started getting physically aggressive, especially when drunk. Find someone mature enough to respect your physical autonomy.

  40. At age 21 what the hell do you know about love of your life. You are almost getting resentful. You are in an abusive relationship, get out now. How many red flags do you need to see.

  41. You need to get the hell away from him. He is going to full blown rape you one day. If he’s already saying you can’t say no BEFORE you’re married, it will only get exponentially worse once you do. You are not safe with him.

  42. i quit reading after you said he stuck his finger in his ass then tried putting the fingers in you ... like i get the weird freaky shit sometime but dude is generally to just make you vile. You need to like flip shit or just dip dude , fuck all that shit. He basically put a ring on you to own you and do as he pleases with you like your some kind of slave of to his childish bullshit. Hes actually disgusting

  43. It’s all dependent on how you react to it. My wife and I are extremely handsy with each other all the time and it’s great. But that’s only because we both want it. You clearly don’t want it and he is not respecting boundaries. I don’t like ultimatums, but this is a scenario of him stopping immediately or you’re done.

  44. Everything is not perfect. At all. The whole manipulation of suicide is you leave it's disgusting. Please get out. Love isn't what yall have. Love doesn't ignore boundaries. Love isn't sexual assault.

  45. Putting his finger in your anus and then your vagina is setting you up for a hellacious bladder infection. Does he know that?

  46. Why are you marrying this man child freak? You’re only 21 you wanna spend your whole life with this bozo?

  47. You say you don’t want to leave him and everything else is perfect, I think you’ve deluded yourself into thinking this man actually loves you? You can’t repeatedly SA someone over and over despite them begging you time and time again to stop, not care that they want you to stop, think that it’s your right.. you’re his property. You should have rang the police on him long ago, when you finally come to your senses and realise that this is just the beginning of your life of hell if you were to stay and you finally leave, he will go on to do this to more women, maybe even worse.

  48. Yeah, he's so great and perfect... the only problem is that he sees you as property and someone worth absolutely no bodily autonomy... /s

  49. If you feel helpless, hint: he is not the love of your life. “No” means “no” even in marriage. It’s not 1950 and you cannot be owned.

  50. Men who don't listen when told no, are not men. You have a child on your hands and you need to give him back to his mamma. Be done with this loser. Everything else is great because that's parts of the abuse. He will probably cheat on you before too long or worse, rape you entirely. Which, if he penetrating you without permission, it's fucking rape.

  51. Walk, Run, Fly away from him. He's forcing to normalise his assaults. And it's only gonna get worse.

  52. He is already a hypersexual and craves it all the time. I have gotten to a point where we rarely have sex and he still asks every day almost.

  53. Ew he sounds like a fucking creep sorry but doing that against your will in itself is a red flag, doing it in front of an elderly family member is just flat out truly disgusting. I’d pack my shit, leave in the middle of the night as he’s sleeping, and change my number. He sounds psychotic.

  54. My jaw actually dropped. Hard truth, nothing you say will get him to listen. You've tried setting boundaries about not wanting to be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED and he continues to do it. Leave, now, before he gets physical as he clearly believes he is entitled to your body whenever he wants it, and i would be concerned if you keep saying no what he would do.

  55. In his mind he already owns you. You are his to do as he feels. This little boy has absolutely no respect or love for you and this situation will become so much worse after you are married. Nothing is going to stop him unless you leave him.

  56. he doesn’t love you. he may think the loves you, but you don’t do that to someone you love. you deserve better

  57. He is absolutely not the love of your life. No one who truly loves you would completely disregard your consent. Get out of this relationship ASAP for your safety. It will only get worse if you go ahead with marrying him.

  58. Girl, these males will end up punching the shit out of you for not letting them do something fucking disgusting and dumb. You’ll be forced into things that you could never imagine, or if you could you’d probably throw the fuck up.

  59. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! You will have a miserable life! And the fact that he thinks as soon as your married that you have no say or control off you body is majors red flag! If you get married he most likely spend your entire miserable life being raped by him.


  61. Everything can’t be perfect besides this. This behavior demonstrates that something is fundamentally wrong with this guy.

  62. I guarantee you not everything else is perfect. This lack of concern for your consent and bodily autonomy are alarming and it will only escalate. You are a PERSON not an object, and marital rape IS a thing.

  63. Telling you he'd kill himself if you left is manipulation 101. Everything he's said and done are just red flags red flags red flags waving all up in your face.

  64. You're making very poor choices that could get you hurt or killed by this man in the future. He views you as his property. This WILL get worse. And " everything else is perfect" is your lala land! He doesn't respect you in any way shape or form! If you don't get out now you may be leaving one day in a body bag! When you say NO and he does it anyway it's sexual assault. Report him! Then GET THE HELL OUT! I'm truly afraid for your life!

  65. Oooooof girl. Reminds me of my ex husband. I was also his 1st everything and the entitlement was astounding. He thought because I had more sexual experience than him that I should be totally fine with threesomes so he can get more experience.

  66. OP. Everything about him and you two, is far from perfect. When you say that you are ignoring that he bullies, sexually abuses you and treats you like a sex toy

  67. Disabled women are the most likely to be sexually abused. It is not a coincidence you’re disabled and your fiancé is sexually abusing you. It’s by his design. I hope you find safety soon.

  68. My question is, what will happen if he manages to get you pregnant and you have a daughter? What’s to say he won’t see her as his property as well and abuse her the same way he is abusing you

  69. Please get the fuck out of there. Hes sexually assaulting you and believes you have no bodily autonomy or right to say no to him. That's deeply concerning.

  70. Please leave now. A co-worker endured this kind of groping and mind fuckery for years and it had a profound effect on her psyche. When she decided to leave he made it as tough as he could because she "belonged" to him. You have a right to body autonomy.

  71. NOTHING about “us” is actually perfect. This guy literally believes he has RIGHTS to your autonomy! Everything about your relationship stems from this asshole belief! No respect, consideration or care about hurting you, violating you and disrespecting you in a very vulgar manner. I can’t wrap my head around you deluding yourself that this is perfect. He’s a pig, you deserve better! Warn him that the next time he molests you there will be huge consequences and follow through. Personally for me, it would be very hard not to physically retaliate against someone being so blatantly rough and violating me! This is not loving at all!

  72. Lol, there is no way a person who disrespects you, crosses your boundaries, sexually assaults you and, basically, tells you that once you're married you're his fucktoy, is "perfect in every other way. There is just no way, i want you to reflect on anytime he has made you sad, angry or hurt and why. There's more.

  73. He is an abuser and it will get worse if you get married. Even the “off himself” comment is him manipulating you. You should not give this person any more chances. Marriages are much harder to leave. Please OP get out while you can. Your love will grow to resentment either way and you deserve someone who respects you. This ain’t him friend.

  74. OP, don't give him an ultimatum. You gave him the first chance to apologize and correct his actions the first time yountold him to stop, and then likely dozens of chances after that when he kept doing it. He has shown that he is manipulative, emotionally abusive threatening to commit if you leave him, and had no regard for you, your feelings, or your boundaries.

  75. That’s a huge red flag. “You can’t say no after marriage” “ you’re mine once were married” no you are still your own person OP. the fact that he keeps doing it after it makes you uncomfortable is terrible. When he does this stuff show to disgust, tell him how unattractive that is. I don’t think you should stay in this relationship especially after reading the part that you’re almost disabled. People who are disabled are more likely to be in a long term sexually abusive relationship simply because they either cannot communicate what’s happening or doesn’t have the means to get away. Op please leave before it gets worse, if he truly loved you he would respect you’re boundaries.

  76. Just say this stuff to him. You’re the love of my life but these actions are intolerable and I will leave you for it plain and simple. I can’t handle being constantly assaulted by a loved one. And then you can give him an example of words don’t work by being physically annoying as fuck to him.

  77. My partner was similar at the beginning of our relationship. He was definitely not as intense but I was starting to resent him. It lead me to shutting down sexually. I froze up whenever he got close enough to do anything. However, I put forward my boundaries and it was difficult, we had yelling matches about it. He felt entitled, I had promised my self to him so I waived my rights to my physical autonomy. I put my foot down. I told him that if he continued to touch me against my consent I'd leave. When I thought he had finally taken me seriously I started letting him get close again. The first time he stepped out of bounds I slept on the couch. I told him the next morning that if he stepped out of line again I'd be packing my things. That did it for him, he understood I was serious and has been incredibly respectful since then. My point is that there is hope. It might take work but you could get there with him. That said, it's entirely possible that your guy won't change. I don't know him or how he'll react so you gotta be prepared to run if you have to.

  78. Hey. I've been you. A lot. And that's why I know you're not gonna hear me. When you hear yourself thinking "But I've put so much time into this" it's time to go. If you think, "But he takes care of me and I don't think anyone else will." you need to leave. I have MS and Graves and a very big tumor and some other stuff. I'm pretty happy because now I don't have a pretty scary dude who started out with some fairly innocent stuff ans ended up treating me like his personal punching bag and that's the only place this is headed. The only person who ends up hurt here is you.

  79. Yeah, it doesn't sound "perfect" to me. This guy doesn't respect boundaries and sees you as an object and his possession. He actually said, "You're going to be my wife and I can do whatever I want with you." We are not living in the era where we are men's possession anymore once we are engaged/married. His mindset is not going to change, he is set in his ways now.

  80. Have you experienced SA or inappropriate touching as a child or teen? Often this make us surround ourselves with people that repeat these actions, in any case ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, it’s something that happens due to the lack of healing and understanding of a terrible event.

  81. our relationship is perfect!! he just sexually assaults me whenever he wants. do you hear yourself?

  82. Girl, you will ruin your life if you marry this guy. Please get away from him ASAP. My heart aches for you. You deserve so much better than this.

  83. Please understand that if u wont leave him for yourself, that you'll leave him for your future child, because with him you will have one whether you'd like to or not. it won't be your choice, and this child will have to grow up around this dangerous and unsafe man who may do the very same things to them.

  84. I’ve always thought about how the way a partner treats you in the bedroom (or rather, sexually as is in this case), it’s a good indicator for how they generally treat you in the relationship. If they are constantly ignoring you or don’t care about your wants/needs, they are self-serving and selfish. Your fiancé is a walking red flag in more ways than one. You’re only 21, you have so much life ahead of you. No one deserves to have their consent constantly tested, you belong to no one but yourself. Please please please. This isn’t love. Don’t stay.

  85. You need to make arrangements to GTFO real fast. He's acting in a very destructive way, it's never ok to touch your SO without their consent, no matter if you're boy-/girlfriend, fiance or married. When you want to initiate "sexytime" you do so with care so you know your partner wants to.

  86. Theres a episode on Svu. Where a guy would SA his wife n his words to her everytime were "theres no such thing as raping your wife" that's gonna become ur reality the minute u married to that really what u want? Is that what u want ur future children to think?/to do to their own spouse?

  87. How could everything else possibly be perfect if he is ignoring your autonomy like this? Please leave. This is not love.

  88. RUN RUN RUN! that was the shit my ex fiancè used to do until one night it became so much more than that. I wish I had ran and I'm now incredibly traumatized. In the beginning of dating my ex he had to be very gentle with me bc of my ex fiancè. I can say with certainty that if you stay with this man things will only get worse. You NEED to leave

  89. Marrying this man would be the biggest mistake of your life. One someone starts talking in terms that suggest ownership of your body, you are no longer dealing with someone with whom you will be entering a partnership.

  90. Jesus christ this man needs to stay the fuck away from women period. Please leave him, he’s going to sexually assault you once you’re married since he “owns” you in his own words and you can no longer say no. Hell he doesn’t even listen to you saying no right now. I’d be doing more then resenting him. He treats you like his personal fleshlight doll.

  91. “I love him so much and everything else is perfect”…..why the fuck would/could you love this person and what other qualities could they possibly have that would make this okay?? Girl, get outta there and let this fool enjoy his hand for eternity. My LORD…..

  92. With all respect you are ONLY 21yo, and your adult life experience is still way too short to call this guy the love of your life. He is an abusive idiot and you are blinded by this so called "love".

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