Oh god, the ammount of times I’ve heard scumbags tell me “I bet I could fix you ;)” is infuriating. Like, my guy, if doing it with someone would magically make me “better”, I’d definitely not choose you.
Legit!! I told my therapist I’m asexual and she said “Was it bc of what happened?” And she was so confused when I told her I’ve identified as ace for more than a year before what happened!!!
I can kind of agree. I didn’t really understand my feelings while I was actively having sex. I just thought that’s how it’s supposed to feel. I actually hated it and that got expressed more and more as my desire to have sex depleted (especially after my birth control). And then the sa happened as well. Then years after I learned about asexual people and everything clicked
tbf I think ace's have a higher chance of SA. Myself, I didn't know there was anything like being Ace so I just went along, even though I really didn't like it and that set a precedent my gf used to continue and I couldn't say no.
This hits so hard, I had the exact same thing happen to me. To this day I can't hear certain songs, smell certain perfumes or be too close to a woman I don't know
I think that the lack of experience in that realm can really create some unseen power dynamics that can make the situations ones where you just go along with it, especially if you’re questioning or haven’t heard of being asexual before
Exactly! I tell people “growing up I only had only 3 options: straight, lesbian, and bi. We were also coming off the era of ‘free love’ so everyone was doing it unless they were, y’a know, ‘mental’ or ‘slow’.”
I was not aware that a lot of aces were SAd. I know there are a lot of flavors of ace, so i am curious how you identify, if you don't mind me asking. Are you completely disinterested in sex? Just sex averse, or needing a personal connection before sex? Are you also aro?
I don't know if a lot of aces were actually SA'd, I just see a lot of aphobes saying stuff like, "Asexual isn't real, its just trauma," and stuff, plus my family members still think it's because of the SA.
It took me a while to realise that it wasn't the SA that caused me to be Ace. I've always been one. It's just diffusa to understand those difference when you're SA'd as a xhild.
I've had this exact exchange with my sister. She cannot seem to trust me when I say being SAd in hs didn't "make me ace." I was already ace, I just didn't know it yet. Yet she insists I'd be "normal" if that had never happened.
Lol my brother acted like this when I came out as bisexual, because I had previously been in an abusive relationship. He really thought I was choosing bisexuality to escape that trauma or something. People are weird. 🤦🏼♀️
My sex repulsion gives me sadness sometimes. Does that count? It makes dating allos difficult cuz I can’t compromise with them and that significantly decreases my options for romantic partners cuz it’s seen as a dealbreaker
One of the first things my mom asked when I came out as ace was the sa question. Thankfully I never have been and I appreciate the concern. I guess a lot of people think the only reason why someone wouldn’t want sex is because they had the worst possible experience involving it… though I’m sorry to anyone who has been they didn’t deserve it and it’s not their fault. I think in the earlier days of the ace community a lot of sa victims coming together and ace people would overlap to find a kind of solidarity.
I'm pan and we get the same shit. The right will say shit like "you sa caused you to act like a slut" and then turn around and say the opposite about aces. The right doesn't have consistency, they just hate anyone that's different to them (either because they're brainwashed or they're lobbied by the rich to detract from economic and environmental politics).
It feels so invalidating, too. “Oh, you where SA’d by a family member when you where a child? That’s no reason to take it out on others by not having sex with them!” jfc.
for me this is kinda related to each other, I was with a guy who didn’t respect at all that i’m asexual + extremely dysphoric about my body and he not stricken sa’d me but pressured and manipulated emotionally a lot to do things I didn’t want to do
I'm asexual and I've been not sa... Or at least I don't think what happened would be considered as such, I was a kid but I don't remember the age, the other one was a kid too, he kissed me without consent and I've got traumatized so bad my brain totally cancelled this memory for years, but I would refuse to kiss anyone without knowing why I was terrified. Some flashbacks started when I was 14/15 and couldn't get through it until last year (21 years old). But it's not because of this I'm asexual, I'm more concerned I could get sa for begin asexual because people have the mindset of "I'll change your mind"
I didn’t know the label until after the SA but as I looked back there was increasing evidence that I was under the Ace umbrella. The SA actually backed that I am indeed sex repulsed.
I often think “did something happen to me and I’m just repressing it? Why am I this way??” Because it’s a trend now to say you don’t remember your childhood because of trauma(which is a real thing and happens, but mostly I think it’s just human to have blurry memories before around 12yrs old). So it just made me anxious but like…imagine telling a gay person they’re only gay because of trauma. It’s offensive. They were just BORN that way. So why can’t that be the same for us?
There are plenty of aces who aren’t SA survivors. There are also just as many aces and allos who are SA survivors. So it has nothing to do with your orientation.
People seem to think their dicks or pussies are magical enough to change a sexuality and then pull a pikachu face when they get accused of rape.
Oh god, the ammount of times I’ve heard scumbags tell me “I bet I could fix you ;)” is infuriating. Like, my guy, if doing it with someone would magically make me “better”, I’d definitely not choose you.
Legit!! I told my therapist I’m asexual and she said “Was it bc of what happened?” And she was so confused when I told her I’ve identified as ace for more than a year before what happened!!!
I identified 3 years before and mine did the same
Same! It's literally something that motivated him more because he didn't believe I could really be Ace
I can kind of agree. I didn’t really understand my feelings while I was actively having sex. I just thought that’s how it’s supposed to feel. I actually hated it and that got expressed more and more as my desire to have sex depleted (especially after my birth control). And then the sa happened as well. Then years after I learned about asexual people and everything clicked
tbf I think ace's have a higher chance of SA. Myself, I didn't know there was anything like being Ace so I just went along, even though I really didn't like it and that set a precedent my gf used to continue and I couldn't say no.
This hits so hard, I had the exact same thing happen to me. To this day I can't hear certain songs, smell certain perfumes or be too close to a woman I don't know
My ex did this to me. I was coerced my first time and the times after that. I didn’t know anything better. He tried to fuck the ace out of me.
I think that the lack of experience in that realm can really create some unseen power dynamics that can make the situations ones where you just go along with it, especially if you’re questioning or haven’t heard of being asexual before
I’ve heard this before too, that aces have a higher chance of it. I wonder why that is.
Exactly! I tell people “growing up I only had only 3 options: straight, lesbian, and bi. We were also coming off the era of ‘free love’ so everyone was doing it unless they were, y’a know, ‘mental’ or ‘slow’.”
LMAO it’s because im Ace that I was SA’d come on people KEEP UP
Preach 😂😂
STOP the fact that this is relatable to anyone makes me sad. Being SA’d was hard and I’m sad others went through it was well. Sending y’all love
I am in this picture and I don't like it
I am not in this picture and I also don't like it
I was not aware that a lot of aces were SAd. I know there are a lot of flavors of ace, so i am curious how you identify, if you don't mind me asking. Are you completely disinterested in sex? Just sex averse, or needing a personal connection before sex? Are you also aro?
I don't know if a lot of aces were actually SA'd, I just see a lot of aphobes saying stuff like, "Asexual isn't real, its just trauma," and stuff, plus my family members still think it's because of the SA.
There's a trauma response pattern there, but it can definitely play out in different ways for folks.
It took me a while to realise that it wasn't the SA that caused me to be Ace. I've always been one. It's just diffusa to understand those difference when you're SA'd as a xhild.
What's being SA'd?
Sexually assaulted
Indeed...
I think I’ve been SAd because I’m ace lmao
Oof this hits hard.
This is so me when I try to tell people why I like rainbows.
I mean, who hasn't been sexually assaulted? I think most Allos have.
I haven't...is it a common experience from you point of view?
yeah why are you being downvoted you are right?? most women have been sa'd at some point and many men
Wait, is it common? That's really bad...
What??? That’s news to me.
most people haven't. if you're going through something please know it's not ''most people'' and you should ask for help if you need it
Can relate
Literally this
Sadly was one of the contributing factors of being ace. Lead to alot of questioning in terms of the whole "broken ace" stigma because of it
I've had this exact exchange with my sister. She cannot seem to trust me when I say being SAd in hs didn't "make me ace." I was already ace, I just didn't know it yet. Yet she insists I'd be "normal" if that had never happened.
Who told you about my past
Your mom ❤️
I think my awful stepdad would have done that anyway, and I was always ace for as long as I can remember, but yeah. Meme hits.
LEGIT
Yeah- I was ace before I remembered I was raped!
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry 😭 that must have been not nice to remember
You're sad ?
same bestie
Lol my brother acted like this when I came out as bisexual, because I had previously been in an abusive relationship. He really thought I was choosing bisexuality to escape that trauma or something. People are weird. 🤦🏼♀️
San Andreas?
Holy shit a lot of people have been raped for being ace
im an amab but if i tell someone im ace and theyre like “i could fix you ;))” im going to slap them
I get that too.
Completely relatable
Been thinking about this again recently :/
My sex repulsion gives me sadness sometimes. Does that count? It makes dating allos difficult cuz I can’t compromise with them and that significantly decreases my options for romantic partners cuz it’s seen as a dealbreaker
One of the first things my mom asked when I came out as ace was the sa question. Thankfully I never have been and I appreciate the concern. I guess a lot of people think the only reason why someone wouldn’t want sex is because they had the worst possible experience involving it… though I’m sorry to anyone who has been they didn’t deserve it and it’s not their fault. I think in the earlier days of the ace community a lot of sa victims coming together and ace people would overlap to find a kind of solidarity.
Unfortunately, I can relate...
Dang I feel called out here
Yeah, I was raped because I was ace, not the other way around.
Oof, same
you were sad? 😟
Oh damn same
What does SA'd mean?
S—xually assaulted.
I'm pan and we get the same shit. The right will say shit like "you sa caused you to act like a slut" and then turn around and say the opposite about aces. The right doesn't have consistency, they just hate anyone that's different to them (either because they're brainwashed or they're lobbied by the rich to detract from economic and environmental politics).
It feels so invalidating, too. “Oh, you where SA’d by a family member when you where a child? That’s no reason to take it out on others by not having sex with them!” jfc.
for me this is kinda related to each other, I was with a guy who didn’t respect at all that i’m asexual + extremely dysphoric about my body and he not stricken sa’d me but pressured and manipulated emotionally a lot to do things I didn’t want to do
I was when I was like six but not fully and I don't remember shit about it
SAME LIKE I WAS ASEXUAL BEFORE THAT HAPPENED WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THAT ITS BECAUSE IVE BEEN SAED
I'm asexual and I've been not sa... Or at least I don't think what happened would be considered as such, I was a kid but I don't remember the age, the other one was a kid too, he kissed me without consent and I've got traumatized so bad my brain totally cancelled this memory for years, but I would refuse to kiss anyone without knowing why I was terrified. Some flashbacks started when I was 14/15 and couldn't get through it until last year (21 years old). But it's not because of this I'm asexual, I'm more concerned I could get sa for begin asexual because people have the mindset of "I'll change your mind"
The heck is SA’d?
Sexually Assaulted/Sexual Assault
I didn’t know the label until after the SA but as I looked back there was increasing evidence that I was under the Ace umbrella. The SA actually backed that I am indeed sex repulsed.
it’s so sad that so many of us can relate to this 😭
I relate but also question if maybe it was the event that caused it for me? I don’t remember:/
I've never been SA'd yet I'm still aroace. Checkmate, atheists?
Lol why checkmate atheists?
I often think “did something happen to me and I’m just repressing it? Why am I this way??” Because it’s a trend now to say you don’t remember your childhood because of trauma(which is a real thing and happens, but mostly I think it’s just human to have blurry memories before around 12yrs old). So it just made me anxious but like…imagine telling a gay person they’re only gay because of trauma. It’s offensive. They were just BORN that way. So why can’t that be the same for us?
There are plenty of aces who aren’t SA survivors. There are also just as many aces and allos who are SA survivors. So it has nothing to do with your orientation.