I don't expect everyone to read these messages, but can someone please tell me what i did wrong? This is usually how our conversations go. I'm truly open to criticism.

  1. Locking this post because the comments are starting to spiral a bit and I'm not sure how much more helpful they will be to the poster.

  2. What im personally seeing is a miserable person who wants you to be stuck in misery with her. It’s all projection and lashing out and frankly she seems like a terrible person, im sorry :/ you sound so kind and patient and communicate great, you deserve better. Listen to your gut sister, you know what’s best for you <3

  3. I hope you get out of this situation soon! You at least realize that EVERYYYTHINGGG is an issue, and even if it’s not one day, it will be the next… and you will drive yourself crazy trying to reason with someone like this.

  4. Please look into BPD and what they do to people, you will be destroyed by this abuse. Out of the FOG dot com is a good site.

  5. My question is there seems to be a time pause between you telling her what will be ready for dinner and her telling you she was pissed off. This text exchange seems really toxic and clearly she seems like the offender. I'm also suspicious of it though because there isn't a whole lot of context. Do you two have an arrangement about who cooks/cleans vs. who works? Who is this person she doesn't like being in her home when she wants to decompress? There's obviously resentment and animosity on her end but why? I hope my questions won't read as victim blaming. I simply want to have more context-- because when someone asks "where did I go wrong?" and provides a text exchange where it seems plausible that several moments/minutes/hours passed between your texts and hers-- I feel manipulated. Regardless, you partner needs to check the way she speaks to you. She projects her feelings about your opinions of her, instead of owning them as her own. She says "you pissed me off" again projecting onto you and blaming you for her emotional state. At the very least she's being bratty/emotionally immature and emotionally manipulative. I withhold more until I know more about how this thread fits into the greater narrative of your relationship. Wishing you the best.

  6. WOW what an asshole!!! You did nothing wrong! He has gaslighted you so much that you’re questioning your own rational thoughts. This is insanely controlling and manipulative🤬 my god please please get out :( this breaks my heart.

  7. The first screenshot had me on edge... like are you her housekeeper? She is literally looking for any excuse to blow up at you, then, even though you've done everything right, she attacks you about something so random... like she kissed you? And then it just spirals. She just sounds so angry and jealous that you had a day off and got to spend it with her best friend.

  8. You are a great communicator, don’t loose that for anyone. I am not defending her, but I know how it feels to be uncomfortable when my bf hangs out alone with another female I don’t know. Have she actually met her and spend time with her as well?

  9. Run for your life. It's probably hard to tell because they might have been nice when you first met but this person is most definitely selfish, inconsiderate, and very abusive. This kind of thing only gets worse as time goes by and you shouldn't have to get used to that. They will grind you down until you are not yourself anymore. Run run run! And don't think that talking to them explaining how bad their behaviour is going to work. You'll just tip them off so they can play nice for a time, until it seems like you're not going to leave, then bam!

  10. I was with my abusive boyfriend for years and this is almost verbatim things he said to me. Leaving was one of the hardest things I did, and I wish I did it sooner. Someone can’t love you unless they first respect you. Please don’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect or value you. You deserve better.

  11. Fuck dude, this sounds terrible. I went through the same exact thing and through the midst of the relationship, I saw absolutely no fault in her behavior and was promptly the one trying to rectify any tumultuous situation that came up. Now that I'm on the other side, I scoff. How tf dare she. This is NOT okay. Fuck her. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is textbook bpd. Hope you get out with your sanity before it's too late.

  12. It sounds to me that she is fed up with several issues you guys have been having (finances, chores, trust issues, you having a very close relationship with her best friend and she is so hurt it comes out as anger. She also sounds frustrated with possible past issues. Texting her all sweet while you are doing something that is clearly bothering her (hanging out all day with her bestie) makes things worse. Trust needs to be re-built for your relationship to work.

  13. which is true. i’m also frustrated with these issues we’ve been having. she doesn’t think i do enough around the house when i think that i do. we share the chores. if one person is working more than the other, the other party picks up the slack.

  14. Legit you did nothing wrong. Your partner needs help, but that's not your responsibility. Get out while you can, if you can. Make a plan, save money, don't combine accounts. She is behaving very possessive and jealous. You deserve someone who respects you. Questioning if you showered? Calling you sweaty? Saying you're not respecting her?? How? She showed 0 respect, not you. You showed her respect and consideration.

  15. idk man i have people in the comments telling me i’m in the wrong and was gaslighting her. it’s making me second guess myself like i DID do something wrong in this conversation.

  16. Man, I read this twice. She’s so high maintenance! I mean she doesn’t seem to care about you having a good life or having fun.

  17. the crazy thing is that i do clean up after myself. it’s just up to her liking apparently. she got home that day and had to go to school. i work full time and i called off one time. i got home before her and cooked dinner. when she got home, we didn’t talk. but i appreciate your response. i’ll do some more self reflecting.

  18. He is just egging you on. He's not actually looking for a solution or answer. Do you have friends and family? Are you allowed to see them? Does he act like this every time you go out or hang out with someone? Bc he sounds super controlling and he doesn't see you as his equal.

  19. i have one other friend from childhood who i speak to about three times of month. the only other friend i’ve made is the one who is being discussed in the messages. she doesn’t like my family and “claims” that she has no issue with me seeing them but whenever i try i’m met with questions like, “how are we we staying and you know i don’t want to be there long. it makes me uncomfortable, etc.” there’s been issues in the past where i would be hanging out with my sister or family and somehow we end up arguing. so i’m spending most of the time on my phone. if i don’t reply, i get message after message about how i would be ignoring or or whatnot. she didn’t want me to go on a trip with my sister for her 21st birthday. she even threatened to break up with me if i did.

  20. I could have sworn these were my own text messages. Jesus Christ, you deserve more OP and I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m also a woman in a relationship with another woman (well, was..) and this looks all too similar. feel free to inbox if you ever want to chat

  21. I will say that if my partner called out of work to hang out alone with someone all day, I would have questions. Especially if I was pulling long hours. It’s mitigated by the fact that you’re apparently contributing to the household labor-wise with the cooking and the chores, which is good. It also depends, I guess, on how much financial stress there is in the relationship. If you’re on a really tight budget or something and you decided to call out of work and play video games and go to a bar all day, that would cause some stress but this isn’t a great way to go about communicating it.

  22. i appreciate you’re response. we aren’t on a budget at. we’ve never discussed having one because we always pay bills on time with no issues. this person is a mutual friend of ours, but i can understand what you mean. she gets like this when she’s upset. it’s never a healthy way. most of the time, this is what comes of a conversation. plus, she never talks to me in person which i’ve told her before is an issue in itself. like conversations like these, most of them happen over text. her telling me how she’s been feeling or whatever. it’s usually over text, there’s not a lot of times when she sits me down and goes “hey i’ve been feeling…” etc. does that make sense?

  23. I agree with all of this. Maybe she wants to keep her best friend and partner a little separate to be able to vent freely and have that be her safe person. I don’t see an issue with that, but she’s communicating it poorly. If it was just hanging out for an hour or so, meh, but all day and evening ? That is a lot.

  24. this other girl is a mutual friend who we’ve been friends with for 2 years now, so i didn’t see how it would’ve been an issue. i’m not dismissing her feelings though

  25. Im so fucked in the head i thought the left was the dude and the right was the chick. Unfortunately I understand this bullshit. Me me me me. Do things for me. Tell her she can have her life alone if she wants it. You are not obligated to anyone in this life. Expect the same energy returned to you that you put out in the world. This is a toxic situation and you deserve better than this. As a man who is being abused right now we gotta stick together on this because the narrative is that men are the controlling ones and the assholes, but i respect this because this is what im dealing with too.

  26. i’m starting to get to that point. i’m tired of feeling worthless. i’m tired of putting my worth in someone else’s hands.

  27. This is awful. Please consider moving on. You deserve so much better. You are a very reasonable, considerate and emotionally stable person. Leave while you can.

  28. I genuinely read these backwards (like my brown flipped who was who) and was like “uhhh if you’re open to criticism …. You’re a terrible toxic asshole”

  29. You are doing everything here, being considerate, offering help and support, trying to have a healthy conversation while still setting boundaries. You are not the problem here.

  30. thank you so much. sometimes i convince myself that i’m not doing enough anymore. i really try to make her happy. i just don’t know anymore

  31. She could have gone to you calmly and explained her discomfort and discussed it like adults. Instead she verbally abuses you and tries to control you while putting you down. She does not have respect for you. You actually did amazing but there was just no winning with her, even if you did everything exactly like she supposedly wants it’s clear she would find something else wrong.

  32. conversations don’t happen like adults in this relationship. like in another comment i address that whenever she’s feeling some type of way about anything, she tells me over text. never tries to ever sit me down and express her feelings. it’s a weird dynamic

  33. Abuse isn't about you doing anything wrong. It's about the abuser being extremely entitled and controlling and willing to hurt you to keep you under their control and blame you for things where no blame actually lies (or where it's actually their fault) to make sure you know your place compared to them, which is to be their willing slave who reads their mind and has no thoughts of your own beyond serving them as they demand.

  34. I only read the first three images. I am just so uncomfortable with this conversation. I don't think you actually did anything to deserve this, and I do not think this is a good situation for you. I'm sorry.

  35. Very Very Toxic.... All your messages make sense, you're very respectful and forthcoming she is a control freak & demanding you to tell her every detail of your convo with your mutual friend wtf.... Idk how long you've been putting up with her ungrateful ass but plz.... You deserve better, relationships should never feel like tug of war all the damn time.

  36. oooof, several large oofs. this is extremely controlling and toxic behavior. it reminds me so much of my ex it makes my skin crawl. why is she so bother with you hanging with her best friend?? with her explanation, it sounds like shes all about appearances and not wanting her friend to know this side of her. man oh man. i’m so sorry you’re going through this!

  37. i have no idea why she’s so bothered that’s the thing, she’s never told me that it’s made her uncomfortable until today, like this.

  38. Agreed. She’s not able to give simple answers to simple questions. Name-calling, playing the victim, belittling. It’s that sitting back and poking until they find a button that makes this so hard to read.

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