1. When my ex broke up with me I just told her, "okay, this isn't what I want but if that's how you feel I understand" a few years later she told me she was pissed because I didn't "fight for her" when she said that I just rolled my eyes and said "I'm an adult, I'm not gonna go fighting for someone to stick around who doesn't want to be here"

  2. And yet at any point in time after realising you weren't going to fight for her she could have simply shown up and said "You know I was wrong, I missed you. Can we give this another shot"

  3. This happened to a friend of mine. His gf broke up with him before they were set to go on holiday and later said it was cause she wanted him to "fight" for her (which all our mutual female friends agreed was shitty and a bullet dodged). Anyway he took one of those said friends on the holiday with him and boom...3 years together

  4. "a few years later" as in she didn't want you then, but realized she in fact couldn't do better and was just mad at the time that you wouldn't grovel for her endlessly and remain her "backup plan"

  5. Romance films and books have really lead to very much insane perceptions of how relationships work, for men as well as women. Good on you for being this level headed.

  6. Many women never grow beyond high school rom com mentality of relationships. You dodged a bullet. Nothing but a lifetime of bullshit.

  7. People love to shit on Freud, but he got a lot about the stupider aspects of human nature pretty much right.

  8. I've known girls like this. "Effort" means taking her on an expensive date or showering her with gifts to make her stay. When she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, what she meant was, there's not enough drama going on, she's not getting enough attention, and she 100% has discussed this to death with her girlfriends, who are encouraging her to set up this relationship test to "make him realize how much he needs you in his life so he'll treat you like the queen that you are."

  9. Literally had already been invested. That’s what happens when you want to play games but you were talking to an adult who values himself and time

  10. Worst part IMO is the often mutually exclusive, contradictory advice / messages you'll get, and then if you happen across a person who takes the opposite position to what you've been taught they think you're an asshole because "obviously" you shouldve done it the other way around.

  11. Years ago when I was a senior in high school I really liked this girl and we went out on a few "not a date" outings. I asked if she wanted to date for real. She said no, and I didn't ask again.

  12. As I look at two friends of mine who do literally everything couples do and then say they don't want to make it serious. I feel like they're gonna move in together, have a kid send out Christmas cards and still say they don't want to make it serious.

  13. I blame romance media. Society tells you that no means no, but basically every romance themed show tells you that no just means "try harder".

  14. 100% true. I dated a girl for a couple of months. Everything great, had lots of fun on dates. One day she calls: "hey, I don't think this going to work".. me: "oh ok, I am sorry to hear that. I had lots of fun, but thank you for this time and wish you the best of luck". .. her: "that's all?"... "Yea "... "Ok" and she hung up. I heard later from a mutual friend that she was disappointed that I didn't try harder to get her to stay. I was like WTF? 🤨

  15. When I was younger and dating I heard the line "I'm not ready for a relationship" multiple times. Occasionally from someone I thought things were fairly serious with.

  16. It seems the 30+ age range has a distinct group of people who just aren’t capable of being in a relationship and is why they are still single. Then there’s those who were thrust back into the dating scene when everyone else is matched up starting families. These two groups aren’t labeled.

  17. I think a lot of these people are just cycled repeatedly on tinder (along with all the other dating apps) and are forever stuck in a toxic loop. Lol, I'm glad my wife and I met right before dating apps took off.

  18. So many things in life are or have become hard and/or complicated enough. That people seem to think making more things complicated is a good idea is beyond me.

  19. Yea, dated a girl who wanted a massage, she was naked but told me not to touch her breast. So i didn't no problem, and next day i heard she was disappointed i didn't touch her.....

  20. So let me get this straight. She was talking to/dating a guy and told him she didn't want a relationship. Then he said goodbye and deleted/blocked her. And now she's devastated? She would need to provide more info about what the problem was with him. Because so far it sounds to me like she wanted to put him on the back burner so she could get the ego boost of having someone chase after her. But he didn't play her game the way she wanted. Kudos to him.

  21. Dated a girl for almost two years, tried to stay friends with benefits for a bit after we broke up. She'd tell me about all these dates she was going on, and then got surprised when I never tried to rekindle the relationship. Turns out she lied to try and make me jealous so I'd want her back, and it went and blew up in her face when I wrote her off as over me and wound up finding a new partner.

  22. Turns out "open and honest communication" is a big turn off for a lot of people. Wish I was joking but I'm really not

  23. I hope every person just respects whats been communicated to them and „leaves“ so this dumb ass logic dies out

  24. Logic like this is why some young men don't understand why no means no. Because they're being told by the young women in their lives that no doesn't mean no.

  25. No, it's better the logic stays around so the dumb motherfuckers who aren't worth your time can out themselves before you're in too deep

  26. This is the same logic they use when they say if you can handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best.. but they’ll leave the guy when he’s at his worst? Double standards are a bitch

  27. Seriously. This one girl I was chatting up was flirting with me, then one day said "can't talk to you anymore", I was like ok. A bunch of time later she's like "why didn't you write me".

  28. People who play dumb games like this are not worth sticking with. The "test" and shit will only get worse as the relationship deepens. Cut your losses and move on, always the right choice with these types.

  29. Before I got married I applied the zero pressure approach. I was on a date and the girl kind of seemed like she just wanted to jump in her car and go home. So I never texted her again. I found another girl that always seemed to find ways to stay in my presence. She never seemed like she wanted to stop hanging out. She always found ways to bump into me or hang out around me.

  30. If she meant it, then she wanted to break it off. A curt "have a nice future, been great with ya" followed by breaking it off? Great way to react imo. He might've been devastated, but crying to her about it isn't gonna do anything positive. A relationship being kept up by pity isn't gonna work.

  31. No loss. If someone’s communication is this topsy turvy in the casual dating phase, imagine the hell he’d have to go through in a committed relationship. 🚩 🚩 🚩

  32. This was never a charming behavior to me. Oh, you're not psychologically prepared for a relationship but would like to enjoy yourself with my aspirations in the meantime? No, I'm OK.

  33. This is a common theme. There's an inability to feel secure in a relationship without testing it constantly to make sure the other person isn't going to abandon them. Which, of course, usually leads to the person being tested eventually leaving.

  34. And if he keeps pressuring her how much you wanna bet she goes to her friends and talks shit about him? "Omg this creep. Keeps texting me even though I told him I'm not interested!"

  35. I went on a date with this girl one time. A few days later she asked me what I was doing, I replied “I’m busy”. She asked if I was on another date, I said “yes”. The she called me a whore and said she never wanted to see me again, I simply said “ok”. Then for a month she would block me and unblock me, yelling at me for my lack of effort and confessing her love for me every other message. She still sends me pictures of herself saying “You could’ve had this, but you’re a stupid man whore”. It’s honestly pretty entertaining lol.

  36. He was probably one of multiple guys she was playing with. I’ve seen attractive girls Tinder apps, there literally isn’t enough time in a day to talk to everyone who tries to initiate something with them.

  37. Yup pretty much. I've been burned twice now by people who played the game, then decided to just roast my ass from existance. Thankfully I was ar to get enough people to listen... though I know a few people who weren't so lucky. So now I just stick to being distrustful and single. Yeah i get lonely.. but I'll take freedom any day.

  38. That's how it should be. The world would be a better place if people would simply be straight up instead of playing deceitful games

  39. In my country is very common for a men to "cook" women in a party. I mean he goes talk to her, she says no, he tries again, she says no again, he insists a bit further, she start talking to him and these kind of stupid games.

  40. See that was the old days where a man relentlessly chases. Now a days with me too and frankly the economy and the stress of it all men go no mo time for that BS. If you down say you down otherwise GTFO and bye ✌🏿

  41. Cant figure what she was expecting when she posted that. The guy already wasted 2 months talking but respectively backed out.

  42. Something is deeply broken in today’s dating culture. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s there.

  43. And then her friends would be "he didn't fight for you obviously he wasn't serious" but also get mad if he didn't listen to your wishes. bitch the one who isn't serious is you if you looking at this relationship like it's a fucking game with you as the prize. if you didn't want to materialize yourself then stop playing these games, and stop complaining when guys actually see you as an object because you did it to yourself.

  44. Hard to play the hard to get play when no means no and go away means go away. When one sex is to afraid to do the courtship dance because it could mean your life gets destroyed many people will end up dissatisfied.

  45. This seems to suggest you think the courtship dance is a good thing. I don’t know but maybe it’s better to naturalise the idea that we say what we mean and mean what we say, without the dumb games.

  46. This shit pisses me off so badly. Im sorry, but a dude respected your thoughts and you think he should have tried harder? I adore women, but fuck you bitch, no means no, not “I just wanted you to work harder, because I wanted you to feel special that I deigned to date you, because your beneath me”

  47. No kidding. That’s fucked dude. Listen, you can’t let her do that to you. You seem to have a level head on your shoulders, but place those boundaries. She’s getting away with being physical and essentially getting all of the perks of being in a relationship with you without actually being in a relationship with you.

  48. That would be trying to convince her to reconsider her decision. Stuff like, "Just let me take you out once and show you how you deserve to be treated" .

  49. This is what I hope for when I end something that isn't working. How are you going to be devastated?? As a culture, we're asking for more honesty from men. He said he doesn't want to be with you. And you're devastated?

  50. She is the kinda attention seeking drama b*tch who would have posted about a creepy dude not getting the message and ‘stalking’ her if the guy had made any efforts to pursue her.

  51. Some people want to be chased. This guy wasn't a chaser type. He wouldn't give her what she wanted anyway, so it's better he blocked her.

  52. I think it’s the difference between new and mature partners. The inexperienced tend to play the “head games” whereas mature folks just frikin’ say it and/or take what’s said at face value. For example, when asked “what’s wrong” the inexperienced may say “oh nothing” and the seasoned partner will say “ok” and not play the “oh come on tell me blah blah blah” game. And, if asked what’s wrong, the experienced partner … tells you exactly what’s wrong.

  53. Any woman that expects to be chased after saying don't chase me has watched too many romcoms and needs to snap back to reality before they're 50 with 10 pets.

  54. I had the exact same thing happened to me and because i didnt chase her after she became a huge asshole because i did this exact thing, i had to block her because she was harassing me saying i was a bitch that gave up easily, im still confused

  55. Why don’t people say what they mean/feel? I can’t understand treating your own life like a game leaving little clues only you know about and expecting others to get it. Just tell the truth

  56. This is called leading someone on, which certain women do routinely. Men have actively complained about this at least since the dawn of spoken language. At least as long as women have complained about men not being able to pick up signals, because they are the mostly the same problem.

  57. He was the adult (handling it politely) and was lucky you didn’t waste more of his time getting into a relationship.

  58. She wasn't ready for HIM. She already had a guy and this one was probably the second choice in the case the first one dump her. He did the right thing.

  59. Funnily enough in my friend group when I was younger, there was this girl who was so up here own arse and clearly thought she was gods given. She would only occasionally be with the friend group when we met but every time she was there she would say men are trash. Also every time I saw her she would have a different boyfriend.

  60. I’m sick of the guy makes the first move. First of all, I’m incapable of such a thing. Second of all, isn’t it safer anyways for the woman to make initial moves?

  61. Advice: if you want to date someone, hang out a few times irl. If you vibe together, break the ice and hope for the best

  62. Guess that must be one of those women who think that if they lie to themselves, noone can hurt their true being. It seems it didn't work out for this one..

  63. They did the right thing, which is respect your decision and not waste their time any further. Because that's what such behaviour does: it wastes time. For everybody.

  64. Reminds me of a friend of mine. They were talking to someone for about three months who they met on a dating app, and my friend also told them straight up that they didn't want to do hookups, but also didn't want something serious etc. They went on a few dates and nothing happened. Eventually that person found someone who was upfront about wanting to be in a relationship and told my friend. My friend proceeded to throw a fit, despite literally being the reason they weren't together.

  65. I have an autistic husband. His biggest complaint about women is that they don’t tend to be direct with what they want. I don’t play coy. I’ve always believed the direct approach is best. It leaves zero room for confusion. There are men out there that can’t handle that though. Just like there are women who think playing emotional guessing games is fun.

  66. This guy has self-respect. He knew he shouldn’t waste his time and effort on a girl who isn’t interested him when he wanted a relationship.

  67. its crazy how common , people like this expect the guy to come back on his knees or be some knight when being told its over. Men are people too and are constantly being talked of as objects(irony) to just be played around with specially their feelings and wonder why men are not dating their toxic asses. Alot of women have incredibly unrealisitic views of what a relationship is and social media made it 1000x worse. Another way of saying this if its too complicated ->PLAY STUPID GAMES WIN STUPID PRIZES

  68. I once went to a bar with a group of friends and one of them had brought a few girls he was long time friends with. Instantly at the bar the girl I thought was really cute comes up to me and says you're the best looking guy here. Blah blah blah, later on we're making out. I get her number, we talk for about another week or 2, she's sending me snaps, etc. Finally that same group goes to the bar again, I pay her cover fee into the bar buy her some drinks, she was cold so I went to my jacket and was walking around with in a t-shirt. 20 minutes later she's at the bar with us all grinding on some other guy dancing with another guy, and dancing with a different guy. I'm not going to leave her stranded there so I drove her home and wanted some closure. I asked her straight up what the fuck was that about. She has a mental breakdown crying about how she wants her ex-boyfriend's Asian babies (her exact words not mine), about how she's not mature enough for a relationship, and just like an actual mind numbing amount of immaturity and narcissism spewed out of her mouth. No problem I drop her off we're cool you do you. When I get home I blocked her on Instagram because why do I want to see this girl on there anymore, and would you believe I woke up to about 18 text messages and five phone calls asking why I removed her on Instagram this and that? So I call her back just to set the record straight, and she saying how we should still be friends and this and that, and I hit her with one of my all-time favorite lines that I've ever said ever... "I'm good I have a lot of friends". She is a friend of a friend though so I decided to try to be cordial and stuff, A week or two goes by and she text me a couple times here and there, so again I asked her what is this? what is going on? Clearly you're not interested in dating so did you just want to like hook up or something? She gets all mad telling me how rude I am and that I'm a pig, but like dude you literally hooked up with me already and clearly you're interested in something here so what the fuck is going on. That was the last conversation I had with that nut job

  69. I've done exactly this. The only difference was that we had been together for years on and off, so of course I was absolutely devastated to get a text at work saying she wasn't ready for a relationship, but I chose to respect it, because I'd rather she be happy. Ended up telling her something along the lines of "if that's how you feel, I'll respect you. But I won't be able to keep myself together if you decide you want us to be together again." After that, told her I would drop contact, and haven't seen her in over a year.

  70. Honestly he might have already had reservations about going forward with a relationship and when she indicated that she was not certain it was the perfect time for a clean break.

  71. I mean, I do sort of question the instant-block (unless this was specifically... tinder?), but then her response here retroactively justifies it =.=

  72. Lmfao this exact thing happened to me same amount of time and this is what I said back to her before I blocked her……wtf……am I reading her own reply to my response hahaha…. I dunno why but this made me feel so much better holy shit

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