Postpartum

  1. I have various reasons for being one and done. But a really hard postpartum recovery has made it even more so for me. I haven’t been formally diagnosed with PPD/PPA, but I suspect I have it and am awaiting an assessment.

  2. I hear you. I had BDD before I was pregnant, and now I'm 21 months PP and the dysmorphia is 100x worse. It sounds extreme, but every day is a struggle for me.

  3. People are so inconsiderate. A relative sent me a text yesterday saying they now knew what it was like to feel like a new mom (due to not sleeping and crying on and off all day) because of surgery their dog had (I LOVE dogs please don’t get me wrong). But this comment was so insensitive. This from the same relative - you need to give “son’s name” a sibling or he’ll turn out weird.

  4. Cool. Which would be aligned with me being suicidal soo that’s the best gift I could give my child??? People say the most ridiculous opinions as truth.

  5. i know tons of people with sibling who are not in each other’s lives or in talking terms.. giving your kid another sibling does not guarantee they will get along in the future.

  6. PPD/PPA is one of the worst things I've ever gone through. It started with a feeling of overwhelm--from the second day we were home from the hospital, I was a teary, emotional mess most of the day. But when the sleep deprivation really kicked in...from about 2 weeks postpartum onward I started having horrible, violent intrusive thoughts throughout the day. Even though I was desperate for rest, I could no longer sleep. I was manic, full of white-hot rage, and filled with a desire to run away or kill myself. Going to therapy, immediately getting on medication, prioritizing sleep, and funny enough, going back to the office, all helped me heal. But those scars are still there, and I'm terrified to ever be in that position again. 18 months postpartum, I'm still having to ask myself when I'm melting down over something, "is this a thing to have a meltdown over or is the PPD/PPA talking?" I also don't have any friends or family who openly admitted having PPD, so I felt entirely alone, and like a terrible mother. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

  7. I could've written your post about postpartum. I remember telling my mum and she absolutely shamed me. Thank god I'm out the other side. It's the main reason I am OAD. That and a few other reasons, one being I did not have a supportive partner and after six weeks I was left to my own devices while trying to survive and keep my baby girl alive. Because someone had to do it.

  8. I see so much of myself in this post. PPD & PPA are reason enough to be OAD, let alone a rough pregnancy and birth. Listen to your mind & your body and both will heal with time. You are strong and have gone through so much, please don't let anyone and their opinions convince you otherwise.

  9. Right there with you. My kid is three months old today and while the cloud of depression is slowly lifting, I’m still deeply mourning my old life and the freedoms I had. Things are better than the first few weeks however I cannot imagine ever going through this again.

  10. I could've written your post about postpartum. I remember telling my mum and she absolutely shamed me. Thank god I'm out the other side. It's the main reason I am OAD. That and a few other reasons, one being I did not have a supportive partner and after six weeks I was left to my own devices while trying to survive and keep my baby girl alive. Because someone had to do it.

  11. Same here. My kid is almost 18 months and I feel like I JUST started to get out of the PPD fog a couple of months ago - and that's after a full year of meds and therapy. I truly don't know if I would survive another pregnancy/birth. I have never been suicidal in my life until I got pregnant and it's scary how fast everything escalated. I don't have thoughts like that anymore and I don't want to ever have them again.

  12. To add to this, it’s also like it’s only ok to talk about PPD/PPA on social media if there’s the “but I wouldn’t change it for the world” caveat. Like you’re only allowed to struggle if you still self-sacrifice. I can love my daughter AND wish things had gone differently.

  13. This is such a great point! I find myself adding caveats to thoughts as well. Struggling is struggling and does not require sugarcoating. As I heard someone say the other day, I’m not Willy Wonka, I don’t sugarcoat.

  14. i hate how ppd is viewed on social media as well. it’s like “oh i was sad for a while but now i’m ok!!!!” with the truth is ppd is so ugly, the intrusive thoughts, the emotions, self sabotage, the mourning, etc. for me ppd is one of the worst things i’ve ever gone through in my life and i have a bipolar disorder

  15. Yes! Very similar story for me. My son is 7 and I have never had any regrets about being committed to only have one.

  16. I so wish more woman were able to talk openly about this without judgememt. Having PPD and my mental health tanking is the exact reason why I will never have another child. The first year of my sons life I was miserable and anxious and the body dismorphia on top of that was just awful. The fact that we have to be so strong and not voice our need for help makes it so much worse.

  17. Thank you so much for posting this. It really helped me because with all the outside pressures to have more I often forget to actually think about what I want. I also struggled with severe PPD. The intrusive thoughts were so heavy. Every moment felt so hopeless. I feel guilt sometimes about being one and done but I think back to that time and it is so triggering. I can’t imagine my daughter seeing that happen to me, how terrifying that would be. I thank god had a supportive partner and a best friend who went through postpartum depression as well. I tell everyone at every opportunity that I struggle with PPD/PPA because it feels like so many are suffering in silence, met with insensitive comments and questions. I’m almost two years postpartum and I feel like a better version of myself now and I’m not willing to let her go.

  18. I'm OAD for medical reasons (different to yours) and so not really by choice imo. People can stfu. It's not their decision, their body, their child. None of it is their business. Your daughter will be absolutely fine, she will thrive being an only. My son is a teen and he's a lovely, happy, well rounded young man. He's gotten to do so much travelling etc as well as we could afford it with just him. Every family situation has pros and cons, but having siblings is not a life requirement. I have siblings, one I like, one I'm indifferent to and one I have no contact with.

  19. Thank you for sharing your story. I struggled similarly to you and even 20 months later I am still trying to deal with the trauma and still in therapy. I just don’t see how martyring myself for another child is healthy for anyone involved. Because that’s what it would be at this point. Giving up myself and my mental health which is unhealthy for my daughter and any future children. Sending you love and understanding.

  20. Thank you for sharing - my LO is 10 days old and I can’t stop crying and just dreaming of when I can sleep again and when it gets better. I love him so much but I can’t ever go through this again. And my birth was horrible - severe preeclampsia and a cesarean because my boy was breech.

  21. i’m 10 weeks in, it’s gotten easier.. more better days than bad ones. we’ll get through this. like my moms told me countless of times “wait until she’s older, you’re gonna look bad at these times & laugh.” i do believe it too, i think that’s why people do this more than once.. just think of the parents with 4+.. i don’t know how they like to do this more than once but they do lol.

  22. I’m also OAD and went through a deep depression, but oddly not when my LO was a newborn. I was exhausted during the newborn phase but for whatever reason the crippling depression hit when he was just entering toddlerhood and started having constant, epic meltdowns my sanity and mental health were in the toilet. I remember telling my MIL that I couldn’t bear my life and being shamed for it. Every night I would dread waking up the next day. Things are way better now but I could never go back to that place.

  23. Both as a OAD mother, a person who had PPA after near death delivery experience AND as a therapist who works with perinatal/postpartum moms…. I feel this!! You are not alone and this is so, so common and so under-discussed among moms both new and old.

  24. The loss of your old life and self—I felt and feel that so hard. Good for you for getting the help that you need and doing what you know is right for you and your family. Keep on reminding yourself that only you are her mother and only you can decide what’s right for you!!

  25. I’m so sorry you went through that, that’s absolutely horrible. Your choices are so valid! It’s your life, your body, your mind, your choice, and only you can make the right decision for your family. I’m glad things are getting better for you.

  26. This is incredibly vulnerable to share but the shame is heavy and shame thrives in secrecy. With my first pregnancy, the depression engulfed me so completely that I ended up terminating. Covid had just shut everything down and my husband and I were completely isolated when my depression hit. After weeks of horrifying depression, my fucked up brain convinced us both that termination was the only way. That experience traumatized us both. We now have a healthy son who we love so much and I survived pregnancy this go around because of medication and counseling. I mourn the loss of our first, it completely tore me apart to go through that experience and to know I did that. It’s like I left myself and depression moved in. I never want to risk becoming that monster again. I am lucky that I survived, my husband loved me enough to stay and that we’ve come out the other side with our beautiful boy. I miss our first little bean so much it makes me ache all through my body. I thank them every day for being the catalyst for getting help for long-standing issues I had not addressed that were exacerbated by the PPD. They gifted me the life I live now and allowed me to be the Mum I am now. One and done is not something bad to do to your child. A mentally unstable mother is, especially when it’s preventable.

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