My Mom (35F) Evicted Me (18F) From Home Because Her Boyfriend (39M) Told Her To

  1. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

  2. This might be better suited for legal advice than for relationship; depending on your state, you might be required to be provided up to 30 days of written notice before you can be evicted. You might even potentially recoup the damages (ie cost of lodging at a hotel) from your former landlord/mother for violating that. I'm not a lawyer, just work for them, but you should look up landlord & tenant law for your state.

  3. Very much this. Do you have an ID with that address in it, or even better a recent piece of mail? Look up tenant rights organizations in your area, as well as women’s shelters (like another poster pointed out, avoid homeless shelters as a young woman). Depending on where you live there could be a plethora of resources to help you get on your feet.

  4. This is called a self help eviction which in most (if not all) states it is illegal with potential fines and jail time. 30 days notice or not, it is a self help eviction if it is done without Tennant agreeing to leave (without threat of arrest) or a judge ordering the eviction. You cannot just toss items out and change the locks.

  5. Wholeheartedly agree with these comments.💯 Do look up the laws surrounding tenancy agreements/contracts/etc, mainly landlord and tenant laws. There are consequences for wrongful evictions, but that depends on where you reside.

  6. Cut off your mum and remember this situation when she asks for your help in the years to come after her bf drops her.

  7. Thanks for the encouraging words!! I get what you mean, but she's my mom after all... I don't have that many people who are so close in my life. I really am lost...

  8. Thanks! My friend's parents have actually suggested the library thing. I'm going there tomorrow morning!

  9. I echo the advice of finding couches, seeking legal aid, etc. I do think a wellness check on your Mom would be wise too. Her well-being is not your responsibility but this sounds like classic isolation behavior from an abuser. Maybe the cops banging on the door will snap her out of it? Sorry youre going through this OP. In the long-run, I hope it’s a good thing.

  10. Have you physically seen your mom since this happened? You said boyfriend went to the door not her, maybe I watch to much true crime but I’d make sure she’s okay even if it takes a wellness check. This is not normal behavior if you and your mom were getting along living together.

  11. Yes! I watched an Unsolved Mysteries episode on Netflix where this happened. The husband killed the mom and kicked her son out.

  12. If this is unusual behavior from her and she always chose you over her boyfriends you may want to call the police and ask for a wellness check on her just to make sure she's okay and her boyfriend isn't forcing her to kick you out, specially if you haven't physically seen her.

  13. So, you haven't spoken to your mom since you were locked out? Are you sure that she is okay? I don't want to sound alarmist but I would worry about your mom's wellbeing if I were you. She may need a wellness check...

  14. I was thinking exactly this. Especially if her mom had always put her first in the past, and she hasn't seen or heard from her, I am concerned about the mother's safety. OP please try to have a wellness check done for your mother.

  15. Maybe the boyfriend is abusive or is controlling. Maybe the mother isn't doing good. It's better to check on her, maybe he wanted to isolate the mom. Get the police and check on the mom.

  16. That was my first thought! I find it very weird that OP hasn’t heard from their mom through all of this. Please contact the local police for a wellness check.

  17. Not a lawyer and maybe wrong but now a days I think they would need to give notice before they evict you. I would contact the authorities. Also make it clear to your mother you will go no contact. So sad and who could do this to their child. Use the time to find a place if you can. Good luck ✌️

  18. I’m sorry this happened to you. Do you have anywhere to stay after your friend’s house? If not, get that in order now. Unfortunately, I don’t think your mom’s gonna come through any time soon. Save up your money.

  19. I hate to suggest it, but I worry about your mom's safety. If you haven't spoken to her and just the BF, there could be a big problem. Call the police and ask them to perform a wellness check or do something to make sure that she's all right. Because there's something very wrong when you don't hear from your own mother and it's the boyfriend forcibly removing you from your own home.

  20. Call in a wellness check on your mom. She might just be an asshole but if this behavior is unusual I'd be worried that her boyfriend is abusing and threatening her.

  21. What a huge betrayal. She would be out of my life from here on out. I’m so sorry Op ❤️ *edit: re-read your post (sorry, I was reading your post in a hurry initially) and I understand that this behavior is not common with your mom? I would suggest calling the cops for them to do a wellness check like others have mentioned here

  22. You need to start looking for another friend who can let you stay for a week. It's hard but you are going to have to couch surf until you can get into a really cheap place. Ask your work about extra hours. Sign up for low income housing. Reach out to extended family and ask for help, but do not contact your mother, she is not worthy of your time.

  23. Check for a youth homeless organization/shelter in your area. They sometimes have hotel vouchers to keep vulnerable teens and young adults off the streets and out of shelters. And yes, for the time being, consider yourself homeless. I know that sucks, and you might not feel homeless, but look for organizations that help the homeless.

  24. Good news! You have tenant rights! This is unlawful eviction! Your mother is required to follow your state laws if she wants to evict you- please consider looking into your state's laws or calling your information hotline.

  25. She doesn't necessarily have tenant's rights. It sounds more like she was a lodger than a tenant, but it varies by state. Lodger's may have similar protection to tenants.

  26. This exact thing happened to me. My mom had kicked me out and wanted my boyfriend to support me instead. (Who didn’t even live on the same island as me.) She kicked me out because she was getting married and wanted the extra space? My entire life the plan was I’d be able to live with her until I at least finish college. I was in the middle of a semester and I wasn’t working due to college full time. After she got engaged the life plan completely changed. He had tried to kick me out when they were dating, but since they were off and on and not serious at the time she hadn’t listened. Once they were engaged he had convinced her that I was old enough (18) and ready to get my own place…. She did other horrible things I won’t get into. I’d say figure out legally what you can do, but also cut your mom off from your life once you are stable. That is so fucked.

  27. my first thought is is your mom in an abusive relationship and this guy is controlling her? the fact that shes refusing to talk to you and wasn’t the one to tell you to leave is sus af

  28. OP, I hate to recommend this but I think your mom is in trouble. Call the non-emergency dispatch and ask them to do a wellness check because you suspect your mom is being abused. Specifically ask them to make sure to talk to HER.

  29. Hey OP you havn't responded to anyone asking about a wellness check, and only to those giving advice on everything else. As horrifying, yet also mundane as it sounds, I really urge you to call any non emergency line and ask for a wellness check and explain the situation. You mom used to put you before her other BFs and if she didn't come to the door or answering any of your calls or texts I really think this needs more attention.

  30. I’m so sorry this is happening. As other people have said, call the police and get a wellness check on your mother. She may be trapped in the hands of an abuser. One of the first things abusers do is isolate their victims from their loved ones. Please check on your mom and if you find out otherwise move on and start a new life without her..

  31. My mother did something similar to me years ago but was unsuccessful in her first attempt as she tried to stupidly involve the police to try to throw me out same day and they saw through her and told her she had to serve an eviction notice before she could remove me. She did and I left 30 days later. Why did she do all this?? Lmaoo her exhusband (who is dead now lol) left her and moved out and she thought kicking me out would fix the relationship. Surprise it didnt. Now he is dead and she doesnt have a relationship with her daughter anymore 🙃

  32. Is your mom usually this cold? If she’s completely avoiding you, I wonder if she’s done this under duress?

  33. Might want to take this to legal advice. Pretty sure most places have to give you at least some notice before evicting you. Also is it possible this BF is abusing her and this is a case of Battered person syndrome hence why she caved to this guy? Find arrangements for the immediate future though before you worry about the larger picture

  34. The legal advice subreddit is toxic. OP needs to speak to their school if they are still a student or to someone from legal aid.

  35. Drop her like I should have dropped my dad in a similar situation when I was about your age. When she cones to her senses, make her grovel to get back into your life.

  36. saw you mentioned grandparents might let you stay with them you could try asking a friend for a place to stay until you save up enough to go move in with your grandparents and get a job over there another alternative would be snap benefits and section 8 housing but don’t go back to your mom’s so easily if it’s offered cause no matter what it’s extremely messed up and just wtf for picking a man over her own flesh and blood but hopefully everything gets figured out soon and wish you the best of luck

  37. If your mom has always put you first over her boyfriends and she’s not the kind of person that wouldn’t at least pick up the phone to explain why you need to move out, I would call the non-emergency phone line and request a welfare check on her. Explain what happened and that this is not characteristic of her and just want them to make sure she is safe and really wants you out versus her boyfriend taking her phone and not letting her come to the door or something.

  38. This is toxic af. I wish you well. Find a place to stay and see if you can consult with a lawyer on next steps.

  39. You need legal advice, forget about your mom, remember she choice dick over her own daughter, cut her off and see that you can legally, do you have any other family? Where is your dad?

  40. In some states US she would owe you child support - in NJ until you are 26 or self-supporting. Other states until you graduate High School.

  41. If you are recently out of high school, the school counselor or school social worker will have contacts that help you. I have gotten information for parents of students who were in abusive situations and needed someplace to go. You don't have to be IN school, the point is they are very knowledgeable about local resources and starting points.

  42. Man her man is a bitch. How tf you listen to some mofo advice over your own daughter. Mofo probably dont even contribute 1 penny. Stay with your grandparents or relative aunt/uncle/cousin if possible. Cut your mom off for having a weak backbone and allowing to be manipulated by her loser bf. Situation is heartless dont be afraid to ask for help and stay safe.

  43. You need to report the illegal eviction to the police and seek legal advice as to the civil suit you can bring against them for the illegal eviction. Whether or not you were paying rent or had a rent contract. You are legally considered a month to month tenant and your mother is required by law to follow tenant laws

  44. I'll never understand how any parent could ever turn their child to the streets, no matter what. OP sounds like a good kid... i.e., no behavioral problems, so I'm befuddled. OP, you asked what changed. I'm guessing mom fell "in love" and was getting pressure from BF to kick you to the curb. There's some great advice in this sub (illegal eviction). You should follow up on that. Best wishes!

  45. Call the police and insist on filing a report about the illegal lockout/eviction. It’ll make it a lot easier to sue your mom.

  46. If you pay rent then what she's doing is illegal. Even if you don't pay rent, you have squatters rights which states you have to allow said squatter some time to figure out what they're gonna do. No one can just get kicked out or evicted, they have to receive a 30 day notice beforehand. I kniw this because im dealing with the same situation. Call the police.

  47. Call the cops. If you are in the US, you can't be evicted without formal notice. Throwing a tenant's stuff out and changing the locks is 100% illegal and can lead to jail time. Even though you are a family member, the law sees you as a tenant.

  48. OP, are you still in high school? If so tell your teachers or guidance counselor. Your friend’s parents are assholes, do you have any other friends or relatives you can reach out to? Your mother is a horrible parent. She’ll probably be posting on Reddit in a few years wondering why her daughter wants nothing to do with her.

  49. I am so sorry you have the mother you do. She tore up her parent card choosing some dude over her kid. You are only 18. Please take care of yourself and do not give that bitch another thought. I am sorry but some women do not deserve the honor of procreating

  50. That type of eviction is illegal. Even if mom owns the home you still have tenant rights and she needs to go through the courts to do it. Go to court and file a complaint. They will force her to give you a key and then go through proper channels which will buy you time at least a few months to stabilize elsewhere. Then you can cut her out if your life

  51. Write her out of your life. If I could do it, you most certainly can ✊ You got this. When this boyfriend abandons her, do not go back. Your future is wide open, and hers is no longer your concern. PS: some of the kindest people I know had problems like this as kids, I wasn't kidding, you got this.

  52. Never forget when your mom chose her BF over you. Never let her forget that she did it, work in bettering your life, becoming successful. When she becomes old and her BF drops her ass, that’s when you make her feel bad for what she did. That’s when you remind her of how much of a pathetic excuse of a mother she is.

  53. Not a great answer, but an option. Go talk to your local Army recruiter. Or if you want, you can ask me, I am a recruiter They can potentially have you shipped too basic in a couple of weeks. Again not for everyone, but it will provide stability for what I would suggest at minimum 3 years. (3 years guarantees education benefits after you get out).

  54. Sounds like an illegal eviction. Your mother is a truly dismal woman for putting dick before her daughter. When you see her with a police escort with you, remind her if this is her choice then you won't be there when the control freak dumps her.

  55. If you have no other options, the military is a very viable option. Rent a small storage place for your stuff, pack a bag and join up. Serve for a year or two, then get your own place.

  56. Tell all her friends that boyfriend kicked you out. Nothing says bad mother than letting someone get between you and your kid. Make sure full story is out before lies about you.

  57. You moms in an abusive relationship. He’s isolating her. The bright side is that it’s not because she doesn’t love you. The shit side is that she’s the target of an abuser and it can get a lot worse before it gets better. He wants you gone so that you can’t be a voice of reason for her. He’s telling her lies and without other perspectives, it’ll be harder and harder for her to realize she’s being lied to. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

  58. Honestly you can tell your mom to not be a little bitch and stand for her family over a piece of (obviously horrible) ass. and from there you gonna have to grind but honestly ditch that woman asap bc this will happen again

  59. They usually have to evict you even if you don’t have a lease. This could be an unlawful lockout. Talk to free legal aide in your area.

  60. I’ve been there. If I could give advice to my past self it would be not to move right in with my boyfriend at the time. Do what you need to but take this experience to develop yourself.

  61. If you find ANYTHING of yours is broken or not there, document it. It was 100% illegal what they did. By law, they need to evict you. And the fact they touched your belongings means that anything that is missing or damaged is their responsibility to replace since they illegally kicked you out.

  62. Maybe look into rent assistance where you live? It might not be available but it's definitely worth looking into for sure.

  63. So, you have lawful residence at that house and a do-it-yourself eviction, even if it's your mom's house, is unlawful. The police will help you get in to get your things and you can press a suit in your local courthouse to cover the sudden expenses of having to scramble to get your life together with nothing and nowhere to go.

  64. What the fuck. Sorry please don’t take that in bad light. This is awful why would your mother do that to you?? I could never dream of doing that to my kids. A discussion yes, a plan and a goal for a date to work towards yes. Why is she ignoring you?? Is she actually safe with this guy?? Who does that to their children… I’m gobsmacked. My door will be open for my babies no matter what age they are. Their mine to care for, as long as I’m on this earth. Im so sorry your experiencing this right now. There is MUCH better ways to navigate our children.. this is not one of them. Could never let a man damage my relationship with my kids. Im sad this man has this much weight.. im wondering if your mothers actually under the thumb?

  65. This may not be correct for where you live but here you have to be served an official legal eviction notice, giving you X amount of time to vacate the premises. They can’t just throw you out in the street like that, family or not.

  66. If u haven't spoken or seen your mom in days and u payed rent I would call the cops for a welfare check. They can't legally kick you out.

  67. That's not an eviction, that's an illegal self help eviction virtually everywhere in the first world. Call a local tenants rights org, legal aid, law school housing clinic, etc. You're potentially able to be awarded damages that'd help finance your next place

  68. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I feel like I understand just a bit of your mothers behavior. I grew up with a mother that had relationship dynamics like this. Her priority might change depending on who she’s seeing…Feel free to correct if I’m off…but ultimately just try to Stay strong. That this action will temporarily affect your life, but has nothing to do with you at all. This is HER baggage and her inability to cope in her relationship, which sounds like it’s probably very controlling. You don’t deserve it, but you will get through it and be stronger in the end. Does your job or county have any resources that can point you in the right direction? I know some places have anonymous help lines you can call and put you in touch with services in your area…?

  69. I’m not sure where you live. But where I live they can’t just kick you out like that. It’s not legal. They have to give you a notice. If you receive mail there that means you live there.

  70. whatever state you live in, there are VERY likely specific programs for homeless youth. contact them. in addition to all the wonderful suggestions everyone has given you. If you need help sorting things, my DMs are open and I can research and give better answers.

  71. This happened to my sister when she was 14yrs. You’re only 4 years older, and still very young and vulnerable. Be careful who you accept help from and who you stay with. See if you can find a housemate situation with some other young women. These are most common near college / university campuses.

  72. Depending on where you live you might have to force your mother to evict you. In the meantime, talk to the police and find out what rights you have.

  73. The problem with Reddit is you're only given a small custom painted picture of the Scenario. Very rarely are we ever given the full story. It's a trait of Humans I suppose, and we all have some form of bias.

  74. Look as much as this sucks this person is grown and the mom can do whatever she wants with her house. You ppl giving this person advice to try to force the issue should stop.

  75. I believe the law in the USA says they have to. Give you 30 days written notice before they can evict you I would call CPS if you are still in school if not where’s your dad if he’s deceased she quit getting money for you from your dad that may be the reason but anyway you still have rights but I would contact the police

  76. Your mom is a very weak and immature woman. You will find your way out of this and thrive— she cannot undo this horrible wrong.

  77. So your mom had you at 17? You are her daughter, she could have given you enough notice to get a place. Do you do drugs? Drink? Are you volatile in some way? Do you leave messes, have parties?

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