Girlfriend drove drunk for fun after my mom died in a car accident

  1. People throw 'don't judge me' around. Certain things I judge hard. Choosing to drive after drinking, doubling down with snarky excuses, and then shaming you for acting like this was about getting your feelings hurt? Yeah, I'd be Judge Judy! You've learned something very important and unattractive about your girlfriend.

  2. I don’t think my opinion on drunk drivers is especially rational, as it’s more emotion driven due to family deaths or serious injuries caused by drunk drivers.

  3. I've never had anyone close to me pass in this manner and I feel exactly like you do about drunk driving. It's rational.

  4. Your feelings are not overblown. I'm sorry for what happened to your mom... even if that hadn't happened, you'd still be 100% in the right for your reaction. Drunk driving isn't funny, it's not a joke, it's not amusing, and it's not something to brush off.

  5. Drunk driving is awful and I almost died because of a drunk driving hit the car I was a passenger in. I was 19 years old and just finished the requirement to graduate culinary school and was on my way home from work.

  6. 100%!! Drunk driving does not just harm YOURSELF, it hurts the people around you, both relationship wise and physically when you’re driving!!

  7. THIS!! My SIL boyfriend drove us home from a golf outing 2-3 months back. He had mentioned bringing a cooler to the golf course but I kind of stupidly didn't think anything of it. We go to get in their car to carpool home and about 20 minutes into the drive, I notice him pick up a can of beer and drink from it and put it back down. While he is driving. With my SIL, my spouse, me, and our UNBORN CHILD. They knew I was pregnant. I was about 5 months or so. I was PISSED. Any sort of positive feelings I had for that guy dissipated instantly. I was so scared we were going to get into an accident. I had no idea how much he'd drank at the course or how buzzed or drunk he was. Thank God nothing happened. I don't think I will ever get in a car with them again, especially not with him driving. He is clearly immature and has zero disregard for the safety and wellbeing of others.

  8. I've been driving for 14 years, one sip of alcohol and I don't get behind a wheel. It takes one mistake to potentially end someone's life. Your girlfriend is immature and feels that she's invincible. You have every right to feel disappointed, I'd be livid too.

  9. Oh, good god almighty, she is behaving like a spoiled brat! Your feelings are not overblown - of course you feel confused and angered about her actions. It is way too close to what happened to your mother.

  10. Your GF seems really immature and takes 0 responsibility for her actions, although she knows what she did was reckless and wrong.

  11. You are likely still grieving the loss of your mom, which is completely reasonable, and she’s blaming your for your reaction to her poor behavior?

  12. This isn’t a lie so Reddit don’t get pissed at me. My friend was killed by a girl and her friends that were driving drunk. Reading this pissed me off. Please break up with her. If she doesn’t have a problem with this where is her line

  13. I got hit by a drunk driver when i was 20…I was making some damn good money…bought a new car and had a new place and I was running my own construction business too… Then one day I’m on my way home around Christmas time and it was snowing and it was really dark.

  14. I don't really care if people think I'm being overly dramatic or overly emotional, drunk drivers are some of the most garbage people on this planet. The fact your girlfriend feels comfortable risking people's safety like this is beyond a red flag.

  15. She’s reckless and she not taking accountability. Shows that she’s not someone you’d want to be with bro, if she doesn’t see how dangerous/wrong her actions then it’ll just keep happening and she’ll not only hurt you more but herself as well

  16. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You probably are traumatised and there could be a PTSD dimension to this, but your reaction is perfectly reasonable and relatable, as you can see from the responses here.

  17. Leave. My bff was ACTUALLY killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago. It’s devastating. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. I wasn’t even in the same state when my bff was killed and now I only drink 1-3 times a YEAR max and I NEVER get in any car drunk. The road didn’t have many people when my friend was killed either. That’s absolutely no excuse. I would never stay friends with anyone who drinks and drive, nonetheless date.

  18. I have no tolerance for drunk driving. But do you know that she was drunk? Your post says she drank one cocktail. I dont know anyone who gets anywhere near impairment with one drink.

  19. Your feelings are absolutely not overblown. I would be done with anyone who drives drunk. It's not funny, it's not fine and no, you are not a better driver drunk. It's something only the most selfish, degenerate assholes do. My best friend in high school was killed by a drunk driver and her boyfriend was left permanently injured. It was heartbreaking. I will never associate or respect anyone who drives drunk.

  20. That would be a relationship ender for me. Drunk driving is super dangerous and she could have killed someone. Anyone who does it is not someone I would trust or want to be around.

  21. Time to find someone that cares about more than herself. You’re not overreacting, her behavior is absolutely that bad.

  22. She doesn’t like being judged for her actions? Well she is just going to love it when she stands in front of an actual judge isn’t she? What an incredibly immature attitude. You are not blowing things out of proportion at all. She thinks it is funny and entertaining to drink drive and no one should judge her because she is free to do whatever she wants. Her parents seriously failed in raising her. I would horrified if either of my kids thought or said anything close to that

  23. You're 100% right and the fact that she doesn't see what's wrong or can't connect the dot is a red flag to me.

  24. I know 2 people who died from drunk driving. One was drunk and drove into a tree. She was 19 and had been at a Christmas party. The other was 20 and was hit by a drunk driver. Your girlfriend is an idiot. She thinks risking her life and other lives is funny.

  25. You're not blowing anything out of proportion. Regardless of what happened to your mother, your GF drove drunk and didn't feel bad about it. I wouldn't date a person who did that.

  26. Her reaction and defensiveness alone is a great reason to break up. Do you really want to spend your precious time here on Earth with someone incapable of admitting fault?

  27. SHE ISNT EVEN SORRY. She apologized for how you feel and not for what she did. She might do it again, it is not your fault, your feelings are valid and you might want to rethink this relationship

  28. Absolutely not, drunk driving is a serious crime. Your gf showed massive immaturity and complete lack of respect for you, and indeed everyone else.

  29. Absolutely not an overreaction at all. What she did was immature, selfish and incredibly dangerous. I'd honestly stay away from a person like that because it's clearly about "them" and not "others"...

  30. What your feeling is one hundred percent valid. Chances are more likely than not she had more then she shared with you. There's a fine line on making a mistake and being dumb. What she's did was both dishonest and dumb. And unfortunately, chances are now that you've called her out on it she will do it more because she feels like you personally attacked her. Someone like her will never accept responsibility and always put people at risk for the sake of her own satisfaction. The best thing you can do is get out of that relationship before things get really out of control

  31. Drunk drivers are irresponsible and selfish. Whether they hit someone or not, they're putting other people at risk when they could just as easily take an uber or call a friend or family member.

  32. Your feelings are valid and your insight is spot on. It isn’t smart or safe to be with careless and thoughtless people. So many people believe think they are 10 feet tall and bullet proof. That is not reality.

  33. I’m am so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are completely legitimate. There are far too many people in this world who are uncaring and would risk other people’s lives just to amuse themselves.

  34. That attitude she showed you where "i can do whatever the fk i want, iM a FrEe pErSoN." Clearly shows she doesn't respect you and has no room in her heart to compromise. People like that will really make your life miserable. They are either not ready for a relationship or just a shitty entitled person in general.

  35. She is ridiculous. Being a free person means freedom of choice, not freedom from consequences of those choices. I can just see her in court, " you can't just e me, I'm a free person!"

  36. Driving after drinking = SELFISH AND CARELESS!!!! I’d be pissed AF and anything you can do Or say ( even if it didn’t involve mom) to stop them could save lives. What happened to your mom just makes it 100x more sensitive and relatable . I’m so sorry for your loss. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. PERIOD!!!

  37. Seems pretty overblown. You’re assuming she was drunk to stoke the flames when she told you she only had one drink, do we even know how long after the drink she got behind the wheel?

  38. How are you going to live with yourself if you stay with her and she does something that reckless again and kills herself or someone else.

  39. Absolutely terrible response on her part. Not just as a shitty partner but as an ignorant, irresponsible, unaccountable human. I know this because I’ve been there, sadly.

  40. Driving while drunk is a hard boundary for me. I don’t date people who drive drunk, and I don’t stay friends with people who drive drunk. I don’t have any trauma related to drunk driving or driving in general, I just vehemently disagree with the choice someone makes when they drive while intoxicated. I have zero respect for them, so there’s no way I could date or be friends with someone like that.

  41. There are reasons why punishment is so hard on drunk drivers. People die every day and that is the worst that can happen but there are also other repercussions such as, damaging your or someone else’s property, being sued, serious physical injury, jail time, fines, not able to get certain jobs, higher insurance bills, loss of license, getting fired, loss of vehicle and I’m sure there’s others. It’s too risky and there’s no benefits of driving impaired. It’s so easy to get a Uber or Lyft that there’s no excuse. If someone is drunk driving they have a problem with making good decisions while drunk and I wouldn’t doubt they do other foolish things. They obviously don’t care about others or there partner because it affects everyone.

  42. People who don't plan for a designated driver or get in a car drunk are "careless": they couldn't care less about other people because they are only thinking of themselves. The bus driver at least needed to drive for his livelihood - your girlfriend had no need to drive at all. She is worse than the bus driver.

  43. Driving drunk is like playing Russian Roulette with other peoples lives. Is is the epitome of selfishness. She can’t even hide behind the fact that she is an alcoholic and couldn’t control her actions… she is just an asshole. Your disappointment is justified to the extent that you should leave her.

  44. Your feelings are completely valid. You're not being irrational. If my partner, whom I have been with for 5 years, drove drunk, and then had no remorse and felt he didn't do anything wrong, I don't think I could stay with him. It's completely unacceptable and you're justified if you no longer want to be with her because of it.

  45. You cannot overreact enough... you hopefully now ex-girlfriend is stupid and immature and reckless and What she did and how she reacted to you talking to her about it is beyond stupid and she apologized for you having feelings about it?

  46. It's okay to break up when you realize your partner has terrible judgement and a very, very different moral compass than you do.

  47. I'm sorry for your loss. Additionally, as someone hit by a drunk driver, the fact your gf is brushing it off is a loud warning. I wouldn't forgive this.

  48. You’re completely in the right, don’t doubt that. This is not behavior to be taken lightly. I stopped dating a guy because he admitted he liked to street race on regular streets, added even curvy ones and said he would frequently go 100 mph and was obsessed with making his car better and faster. I told him to his face I wouldn’t deal with him because of it and he was dumbfounded and asked why. I told him one, I have too much to lose and will never ride with him driving like that, two, he is risking other peoples lives, and three, I don’t want to grieve his death or deal with life altering injuries that he has if I mean when he gets in an accident even if it’s just himself and a tree or ditch. Furthermore, I wouldn’t bail him out of jail either if he ever got arrested for this. He still didn’t understand why I thought it was a big deal so I told him naw I’m good on this and left.

  49. Drunk driving would be a dealbreaker for me. Especially after she tried to rationalize why she did it. I say be done and leave her.

  50. I’m sorry that this happened to you. Had she only had the one cocktail the whole night or was she actually drunk?

  51. No you didn't over react at all. It's illegal for one. And she put everybody in a large radius around her at large risk for some fun. Showing that she is capable of making leathal lapses in her judgement.i for one would find that unacceptable in a gf

  52. When some does something to willfully endanger the safety of others, you can call me Judgie McJudgerson. It’s a one way ticket out of my life. There are no excuses for it.

  53. You are not overreacting. Even if she was not over the limit her lack of experience combined with drinking and her crappy attitude equals a bad situation.

  54. The scariest ride of my life was one where my… uncle in law? Drove drunk. It was only a ten minute drive but he was swerving, texting, and had very weird reaction time. The car was full of drunk adults leaving a party. Me and my partner were the only sober ones. I was terrified but I didn’t know what to do because that car was the only car we could get home in. I can’t ever believe someone would take a risk like that.

  55. If you need this grl you both need some kind of therapy (maybe it is enough to read about how do herapist see thse kinds of deep animosities we all do have...."undconsciously". despite not "knowing" she did dratmatize the "killing" of your mom. She did not know it but she said "I know your mother would never accept me so I will reeenact her murder by careless driving". of course OP himself must see clearly that maybe it is true...mosst of the times boys can find their partner only if the Mother figure retires (or dies). So it is not a simple moral debate. We are very different. the girl maight have her own mom who she hates - it is not infrquent, they are rivals - and it was not about your departed mother....Also I think OP is right - to risk anyone's life with driving intoxicated (just a bit) is unacceptable. Maybe she stops it for a while but what if triggered by some stress...and what if then alreay she has a baby in the car and she just drinks a sip..Of course this is a fantasy of mine and let us hope it will never happen. But how could I trust someone who thinks it is oky and has no willingness to accept a rational taboo---claiming to risk a killing is a "freedom" (as anti-vaxers also feel sometimes).

  56. Certain people deserve to be judged. “Don’t judge me” is dumb as hell. She’s a bad person. Objectively. Don’t drink and drive. It’s not hard.

  57. What your girlfriend did is selfish and highly illegal. Even if it wasn’t because of your mom she still broke laws and was self righteous. That’s enough reason to be very disappointed

  58. Well…. In this case? Judge hard. I agree with you, OP. Disregarding people’s lives isn’t okay. Especially because the drunk driver’s nearly always survive in a crash where everyone else always dies, whether they crash into people or into something, whether they have passengers or not— someone dies so often from drunk drivers where the drunk driver survives. It’s not fair that they get to throw away other people’s lives and not their own. They get to walk away somehow with their life intact. Drunk driving is no joke.

  59. She might not care about her life, but she disregarded the lives of others. That's the bottom line. This translates to she doesn't care about how her behaviour has consequences on others. And this attitude she'll carry into your relationship. You have a right to be disappointed and hurt. Breaking up with her will save you more hurt in the future

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