Jesus does not like yoga

  1. Yes, he said to hate your neighbor...or something like that...i may be remembering incorrectly though

  2. Yeah, remember those sinners and tax collectors in the Bible? When they sat down to sup with Jesus and his disciples, he exploded in rage and yelled, 'Nobody wants your kind here! Stop imposing your way of life on us! I'll judge you, and you'll be ever so sorry!'

  3. Sad part of this is that he was the most accepting and tolerant person, according to the Bible. He dined with lepers and tax collectors, and really cared about outcasts of society. If Jesus were alive today, I think he’d be accepting of LGBT people and rights.

  4. I once pissed off a coworker when the subject of my atheism came up and I said something pretty similar. it was brought up in casual conversation that I was not a believer (I live in the south so it's kind of a rarity).

  5. There is good magic and there is bad magic. Only good guys touch the good magic and Satan touches the bad magic. Didn’t you watch Dr. Strange, he’s literally Satan

  6. My man Jesus turning good ole water into rushing rapids of alcohol. Don’t get it twisted biblical Jesus sounds like he’s fun at parties. Evangelical Jesus though…idk uninvite him or whatever.

  7. The idea that witchcraft mostly deals with supernatural elements to hurt others or enrich the self is a very inaccurate way of thinking about things, and is a more recent invention. At the time the old testament was written, witchcraft mostly had to do with idolatry and the worship of other gods. Through the centuries how we view witchcraft has shifted, and the modern popular view of withcraft has basically no resemblance to the original meaning. Our modern view has also taken on ideas of witchcraft from other non-Western sources, so it hasn't been a static concept at all.

  8. In the context of Protestant sects like Evangelical Christianity, the difference is that miracles come from God and so are good while magic is of the devil and therefor bad

  9. You know, for someone who's entire life was based on loving others as you would yourself and "what you do to the least of these you do to me", right wing Jesus is a judgmental little bitch about everything.

  10. Don't forget hating your family for his sake, selling everything you have to follow him, and the kicker - worshipping him as god or be cast into a lake of fire for eternity.

  11. Doubt it. My wife wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter by her religious parents because it promoted witchcraft and devil-worshipping

  12. Not satire. I recommended yoga to someone who was complaining of not being very flexible and the reply was "I'm Christian and won't do any of those heathen rituals".

  13. Jesus helps you with your form. He knows that it takes a lot of concentration to have every part of your body in the correct alignment at all times.

  14. The religion I was raised in taught that yoga was a sin because it was based on non-Christian religious teachings. Also because the act of quieting your mind allows room for the devil to creep in and corrupt your thoughts. No joke.

  15. Don't quote me on this but it has to do with something about Yoga teaching people how to be their own god and meditate to their inner god, whereas as Christians will see that as idolizing someone other than their true god. I dont know.. something like that. I remember my mom giving me a lesson about it when I was a kid 🙄

  16. So what the fuck does he actually like? Or is he just a negative douce full of anger and rage all the time.

  17. This had to be created as a joke. Wouldn't be surprised if people honestly believed this and blew it out of proportion

  18. This is 100% a joke. I made it for my ex-Christian meme account and this is the second time it was posted here in the span of 2 weeks.

  19. I have a hypothesis about why people spread this kind of messages and condemn others to hell. Either they are jealous that their beliefs don't allow them to have fun and therefore all those people who like fun are condemned to hell, or they themselves are already condemned by their own standards and they feel like they are the only ones going there so they condemn others as well so that they will not be alone in suffering, both here and in the afterlife (if there is any). Essentially saying they are the kind of people to suffer for their beliefs and are angry at the fact that others aren't suffering for what they believe.

  20. I love how they call it accepting others. It's not even called the usual bull about "impure lifestyles" or something, just Jesus truly hates the act of tolerance.

  21. Well, I’m a gay magical yoga instructor and I have yet to see Jesus’s floating, disembodied head give me the stink eye. Also, wasn’t Jesus supposed to be this all-caring, accepting guy? You fucked up your own stories and now the Jesus Head is coming for YOU.

  22. This sub is so fucked. I thought this was for showcasing serious religious fruitcakery and not satire? This is so obviously satire it's just sad.

  23. I just like the idea of Jesus walking around heaven with a permanent scowl on his face because he's simultaneously experiencing 8 billion peoples' bullshit.

  24. I'd assume the only one would actually be pre-martial sex but I think that was more a product of the time not a religious stand point of "his". I do believe Jesus was at least based on real people and their views just got mashed together.

  25. A nun once told me it was a pagan ritual Buddhists use to increase their spiritual connection with their false gods. If only I knew then that Buddhists don't believe in a god.

  26. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day thank you OP. I won’t get semi transparent angry Jesus out of my head for a while.

  27. My friend’s aunt genuinely believes that certain yoga positions, like downward dog, physically opens you up for demonic position. I’m just like, ‘whatever ends this dry spell, tia.’

  28. I remember growing up in the church, when Harry Potter came out, my grandma and youth pastor told us that we weren't allowed to watch Harry Potter because of the mark on his forehead being "the mark of the beast". And of course, all the witchcraft and wizardry.

  29. Yeah, you were definitely in a cult. But yeah as for the Titanic I wonder if you are talking about the music the musicians played because in fact, the last song they played was 'Nearer my God to thee'.

  30. Jesus hates accepting others. Remember how he was always casting aside prostitutes, the sick, and the poor in the Bible?

  31. My very Catholic mom warned me that because yoga has you "clear your mind" (apparently of all beliefs as well, in her view), that allows evil to enter.

  32. I like to think he's watching everyone fuck and critiquing performances. "WHAT ABOUT JULIE'S ORGASM, CECIL? WHAT ABOUT JULIE'S NEEDS?"

  33. Jesus the guy that hung with the criminals and prostitutes was against accepting others.

  34. Thought his super power was loving thy neighbor and forgiving. So if I don't sin he died for nothing. So I have to sin. Otherwise his death would mean nothing

  35. Once again, I made this image with a bunch of spliced Wikihow articles and it is 100% satire. I’m an ex-Christian, and instead of letting my years spent in Christianity go to waste, I decided to make a meme account about 6 months ago, to create content primarily for those of us who have left Christianity behind.

  36. Of course, this is criticism of Christianity as of course conservative Christians don't try to say accepting LGBT is accepting others as they make it more based on the fear they are going to hell so a Christian probably wouldn't make this.

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