TIFU by telling my parents I am going to masturbate

  1. One of my friends walked in on her son jacking off. She explained to him that there there was nothing wrong with it but maybe he could be more private about it In the future. He started announcing "I'm going for some private time!" every time he went for a spank. Edit: I guess I should have mentioned that he was in his bedroom with the door open.

  2. Growing up, I always had to lock my door. Even if I'm just chilling. My one of my parents can't knock, and the other kick the door like it owes him money.

  3. If it makes you feel any better, I use my detachable shower head on my hair instead of the normal shower head. I have thick hair and it makes it easier to get the shampoo out.

  4. I thought that was normal... maybe not if you have seven showers but with one announcing allows people to plan ahead their shower usage.

  5. My husband always announces his showers. He tells us all when he's going to go take a shit too. I've been trying to discourage that habit since 1997, but no luck so far.

  6. I announce my bathroom visits too. It’s left over from when I lived with only 1 bathroom and 5 people. It’s also a way to make sure no one comes looking for me. My husband also announces his bathroom visits with a lot more detail than I do.

  7. I was married for 2-3 years before my wife pointed out that I always told her where I was going when I left the room. It was such a normal part of life that I didn't even realize I was doing it, let alone that it wasn't what everyone did.

  8. My family as well. Could be due to having one bathroom in a household of eight people though, so it was like a warning that it was everyone's last chance for the bathroom for a while.

  9. This is a pretty common habit when you're sharing a bathroom. Especially if you're living in a place with a single one.

  10. Here too sometimes. Not all the time, but usually if I shower in the evening, so my parents don't go using the warm water to wash the pan and make my shower cold.

  11. Same. I think it's normal, especially if you're a close family. Except for us it's a veiled threat not to use water... or else! lol

  12. If it makes you feel better, one time I was in my shower using the detachable shower head and my dad banged on the wall and yelled “HEY YOU’RE WASTING WATER!” right as I was climaxing. It was unfortunate 😂 so embarrassing I still cringe thinking about it

  13. I moved back home after undergrad. It was supposed to be for just a few months to see where I’d be moving for grad school, but then COVID hit and I was there for a year and a half. Anyways, I’m having fun with my vibrator one night after I told my mom that I was going to bed, and this woman bursts into my room without knocking just to tell me that she loves me. She typically always knocked and never bothered me after I went to bed in case I was already asleep, but I was panicking to cover myself and hide my vibrator😅

  14. I have a similar story. I was about 15ish. I thought I was clever and would turn on the cold water of the shower and sit on the toilet and masturbate. You know, to conserve the hot water for when I actually went into the shower. Well one day my step dad decided he needed to use the toilet really bad. He tried to barge in and I stupidly forgot to lock the door. The toilet is close enough to the door that if you were sitting in the toilet, the door would be obstructed by your leg. Dude was drunk when he tried barging in. He slammed into my leg and I was horrified. He was confused at first until he realized what I had been doing. He even was yelling at me threw the crack that I needed to get off the toilet. To make matters worse he would knock on the door every time I went to shower. Mocking me and make crude jokes threw the door. I hated his guts before that incident. Luckily I'm not in communication with him anymore.

  15. I hate it when someone literally bangs the door like it's a fucking house door and say something like "ARE YOU THERE FOR MUCH LONGER??1?1?1?1" while I'm doing my business.

  16. For me it's always one of the damn kids! Why they feel the need to walk into the bathroom while I'm showing I have no idea. They also leave the damn door open letting out the hot air. That sucks even if I'm not fapping.

  17. One of my strategies is to cup water in my hand every so often and drop it so it makes a loud noise and sounds like I’m washing my hair or something. It’s those long gaps of just running water and no splashies that make people on the outside suspicious. 😂

  18. Well you didn't exactly announce what you were masturbating like op....so he probably just thought you were taking a long shower haha

  19. Lol what did you do? And just to make it equal with an embarrassing story haha. One time my mom barged in and started talking to me RIGHT as I was having an orgasm in my bed. Luckily I was under my blanket and had my back turned to her, and I just pretended to be sleeping.

  20. As a dad, I can say I have yelled about lights, doors left open, food containers not closed properly, messes left on every surface, and the famous socks smashed into the couch.

  21. Yeah...this kind if happened to me too. I was on the bathroom floor and my dad banged on it right when I was climaxing. Instantly killed it.

  22. My mom used to walk in on me all the time and I would be in the floor of the shower, she’d ask what I was doing and I said “I like sitting to shave my legs”.. we’re pretty close now so I asked her if she ever figured me out and she really thought I was just a weirdo who sat to shave. Lmao

  23. As a mum, who really enjoys the showerhead, I would also laugh and forget about it instantly. Why do teenagers forget that we do the exact same stuff, also we have way more dirty, adventurous and frequent sex too.

  24. If it makes you feel better I got a strap on and a vibrator delivered to my parents address (because in my neighborhood people steal packages) and my mom opened the box. She laughed and said “reminds me of the old days”.

  25. Reminds me when I was living in dorms at Uni - one of the buddies taught our foreign friend that "to beat one off" was the same as "hitting the sack", i.e. go to bed.

  26. My grad advisor was on sabbatical in England and a non-native English speaker who was a new visiting professor had gone to the curry mile and it didn't sit well with him. For some reason he felt the need to tell people that the curry had given him diarrhea, but when he told my advisor he said "gonorrhea". My advisor DIDN'T CORRECT HIM and this guy went around telling everyone in the department that he "went to the curry mile and got gonorrhea" 🤦‍♀️

  27. I had a friend in college who would routinely announce to the room that he was heading home to "spit one out" before bed. Watching new people slowly realize what he meant was pretty entertaining...also gross.

  28. My mom caught me masturbating and then I get a text a few minutes later “glad to know you’re normal”… I was mortified.

  29. Honestly, I'm a new parent but 100% this is what I would say in those shoes. The kid is 21. We are all human with human urges, you do you boo. Biology should never be taboo.

  30. This reminds me of how my Grandma would say “Don’t get wet” when someone announced they were getting in the shower

  31. If I was you I'd make sure to do it without the shower on, and just loud enough to be heard in the background without making too much noise.

  32. Holy shit that brought back a memory of one of the most Fucked up movies I’ve ever seen. Happiness (1998ish). A list actors on a low budget film, but wow! That end scene tho…

  33. I’m dying!! I f (50) will never forget the day I went to take a shower and realized that my then 15 yr old daughter had left the shower head in “happy” mode.

  34. To be fair I have as a male used every shower head setting there is just because they all feel nice on my head/back during different times.

  35. We had a similar thing with the superintendent at our work, we would joke about how it would be embarrassing to accidentally call him the Super Nintendo. I did exactly that at a safety conference when I introduced him to a whole audience of people. There was laughter, but he was not impressed...

  36. As a parent of 2 kids , I think they would be mortified if they knew that parents know way more than they think. Your parents would have chuckled and thought no more of it.

  37. As a preteen I thought it was the most inconspicuous thing in the world to lock myself in the bathroom for long periods of time without bathing. Now that I'm in my 20s I realize how much stuff you do growing up that you only think you're getting away with.

  38. Your parents already knew. They have sex lives too, and had a lot of years to get comfortable and develop a sense of humor about it.

  39. We once 'inadvertently' received a dildo from Ally Express while our oldest daughter (24) was visiting. After we all had a good laugh, she was the first to say she'd take it off our hands if we didn't want it. So it's hers now 🙃

  40. Well, fuck me. I was like, 12, when my mom found my vibrating PEN that would make squiggly lines. She knocked to tell me some dude was here w a new mattress, ripped the comforter off the bed, found said pen and I about died as they both saw it and I fumbled around.

  41. I know not all familiar are the same but I bet they just found it hilarious and might even tease you about it.

  42. They already knew. The water hitting the floor is going to sound noticeably different compared to normal use.

  43. As a parent, I'd have laughed my ass off and not cared. I have a 13 year old son who takes long showers and has started sleeping with his door closed etc... We all know what he's doing, it's natural and I'm sure your parents know that you, a human being do it too.

  44. Not as bad when my mom cleaned my room as a teen and found my porn printouts I had in a secret folder to look at while doing the deed. That day she found out my kinks and still jokes about it.

  45. This is pretty good. I didn’t know people use it like that. I thought it was just something from the movies.

  46. The detachable shower head has satisfied more men and wemon than anything on the planet. I think we all know that if your spending more than 15 minutes in the shower then something extra curricular is going on in there.

  47. Really. I mean I as depraved as the rest of us. I honestly just sit in there 90% of the time and continually turn the water hotter seeing how much i can take, then let my muscles melt and maybe do some stretches and just relax.

  48. Ever heard the story of the young lad who woke up one morning, realised he had some time before he had to get up for school and decided to have himself a nice wank? So he puts some music on with his headphones and closes his eyes and waxes his dolphin. But when he’s finished and opens his eyes again he sees that there’s now a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit sitting on his bedside table

  49. You know your parents masturbate and have sex right? They will have had a bit of a laugh about it but they love you so it’s not a big deal mate.

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