Long work day, coming home to no dinner

  1. Any chance you both could meal prep some easy dinners on the weekends? Like things that could be thrown in the crockpot?

  2. I was actually expecting it to be free when I got home since it was a fairly full pot. My problem is expecting and assuming things! I actually had made a different lunch

  3. My husband and I struggled with dinner in general after my oldest was born. We started a weekly menu and we grocery shop based off of what is on the menu for that week. We both like to cook and so most nights we cook together, but if one of us will be late, we coordinate - and it's easy knowing what's for dinner that night and knowing that we have the ingredients to make it. I can tell you most things we've had for dinner dating back to 2011 when my daughter was born. Go on the date night tomorrow. Enjoy your kid-free time. Find another time to bring it up maybe as to not ruin date night, especially if you haven't had one in a while. My husband and I don't get many, so we try to talk about fun and not serious stuff on those special nights out. But DO BRING IT UP soon. Maybe next time you're leaving work a little late, say "do you mind starting dinner, I've had a long day" or something like that.

  4. Comes down to planning meals I think. Which will probably be something you'll have to take on, unfortunately. I freaking hate meal planning but it saves me. And as a working mom of a toddler that may be as simple as: Monday, frozen pizza and salad, Tuesday, frozen lasagna, etc. If either of us has an evening appointment or late workday that is factored into the menu. It sucks that he didn't factor in that you would need to eat dinner too though, because it sounds like you would have factored that in if the roles were reversed.

  5. Yes for sure. When I am cooking or making myself tea, I always offer the same to him or just make him coffee if he hasn’t yet. This is kinda my overall concern with this issue

  6. Who would have made dinner for you before kids? Your kids are pretty young and when I was a sahm I would have been upset to have to be expected to take care of you too if there wasn't enough leftovers. I'd say make a weekly meal plan together so there's no surprises but in my opinion as long as kids are alive, healthy and happy he's doing his job!

  7. He probably would have because he finishes work a lot earlier than me and even has been working from home. Yes I’m very thankful he takes care of the family! I guess what I’m a bit stuck on is I wish he would have thought she must be tired after a long day, why don’t I whip her up something quick and easy that’s prepared when she’s home. I prepared my dinner while holding my son or having him on the counter next to me and while my daughter was drawing at the table.

  8. I’m afraid I’m not with you here, I think this is pretty unfair. If I were at home alone with two kids, including an infant, for 11 hours I would be pretty pissed if my spouse got upset with me for not also having dinner waiting - and not even dinner for the household but just for you separately? And I’d be even more unimpressed if I was supposed to magically anticipate this without any discussion in advance.

  9. They all ate dinner without me because I was coming home late. Presumably the leftovers. I see where you’re coming from but it’s hard for me to make dinner or contribute when I’m home basically at bath time and I don’t work from home to be able to help.

  10. Yeah my husband pulled this dinner complaint last week while I'm home with a 4 week old on mat leave and I about lost it. I pumped bottles and left him with the baby on Saturday for 5 hours. He quickly apologized.

  11. Sorry you had a tough day. Be kinder to yourself and your husband. Find some solutions for dinner. Good luck.

  12. We totally gave up and started using a meal service with premade healthy meals. Try that and/or have good frozen options available.

  13. It depends what your husband's day looks like. I generally don't have dinner ready when my spouse gets home even though I come home at 4, because I'm wrangling 2 kids from then until bedtime.

  14. He does have both kids but they do have decent naps. He also has a side business so he takes time to run that. We’re both too busy! When I came home, he was lying on the ground playing with the kids so I don’t think it would have been the toughest thing to throw together what I did for myself (while I was holding my son for the most part)

  15. I took two maternity leaves that were over a year long. I also am a terrible cook. I do many other things to contribute to our home (managing all our finances, cleaning, laundry etc) but cooking is not one of them. My husband would never have expected me to have dinner ready for him when he returned home from work. It’s all about expectations. Sounds like you need to communicate yours.

  16. I meal plan, he does the meals. But on the flip side, I also do slow cooker meals and prep for the days that I can!

  17. I typically cook all the meals (I like cooking, it helps me relax) on days that I'm coming home late, I have to defrost what ever we are eating and send my husband some sort of recipe for him to cook. I will actually schedule the message to time perfectly when I know he will be home because if I do it in the morning it won't get done lol. Usually he will sort of follow the recipe, as long as our son eats it I'm happy.

  18. Would you do it knowing he will react poorly? Because I’ve voiced my opinion enough now that I just don’t think it’s worth it. If he felt it was important to make me dinner, he would have.

  19. Yeah.... You texted that you were coming home not that you wanted a hot dinner on the table. And hes cleaning so hes not being some layabout. Hes not psychic and I can totally see why it would start a fight for you to tell him after the fact what you want.

  20. Not sure why many are not sympathizing with you. I agree with others that you guys should communicate better, you could have sent him a text asking for him to save you some food. I think that women, we are always expected to do a lot more than men. Working a long day and pumping 4x is difficult, I’ve been there! Your husband should have at least left you some leftovers. Next time, just have more frozen food to heat up too, lol!

  21. It’s not like I expect this all the time; sometimes I make us all dinner when I get home! It’s just that this time in particular I was working a lot later than usual and something would have been nice

  22. It drives me crazy when my husband eats all the leftovers as his dinner without realizing it would leave me with nothing. He literally enjoys emptying the fridge lol.

  23. Communicate and check in about dinner plans often, so often that it feels silly, is my advice. My husband works hours like yours out of the house and I WFH full time. When I was on maternity leave with 1 it was a GREAT day if I could manage to throw dinner in the crock pot, but it wasn’t always possible. My husband and I have to discuss dinner plans by the early afternoon every single day. Sometimes one of us plans to cook and then just can’t or doesn’t want to for whatever reason and we just do an easy freezer dinner or takeout. Parenting a baby/toddler/parenting in general is freaking exhausting. My husband actually does more of the cooking than I do, and it’s important to us that we eat together daily, but if he doesn’t want to cook that day I would rather eat PB&J or eggs for dinner than push him past his limit.

  24. Given that you're pumping and providing all that milk even though you work outside of the home, you two as team need to figure out how he can help you get in some of those calories for the pumps. That's a nice way of saying that he needs to help you eat to split that labor, even though it is intense with a SAHP schedule. But hopefully approaching it as a team will give better results

  25. Now, if he were waiting for me to make everyone dinner after work, I’d be pissed. But in your place I would have fried me a couple of eggs (literally 2 minutes) and went on to have bath-time.

  26. We are all out of eggs but good idea! Nice and fast and warm. Breakfast is usually eggs in our household

  27. Dinner is really hard with little ones around. Sometimes I’d cut up meat and veggies when the kids napped, then when my husband got home he’d stir fry them while I was in the middle of bath and bedtime madness. He was gone for 12 hours days with a long commute too.

  28. As a working mother of 3 that has cooked or been responsible for every meal for years I would’ve been upset. Communication aside,It’s just the considerate thing for a partner to do. Most people are hungry for dinner after a long work day - I don’t know that it’s something that needs to be explicitly communicated. My feelings would’ve been hurt over it.

  29. I was a SAHM with 2 kids. That shit is hard. Exhausting and had my husband made an issue of his need for me to cook him dinner we would have been fighting. Meal plan on Sundays and call it a day.

  30. I was bedridden most of my pregnancy after a rescue cerclage ( we already lost two boys prior in second trimester, one very later, almost viable age , so my husband was extra careful) and my husband did everything. He worked ( he is a scientist, doing research in a lab ) , cleaned , made meals, cared for our older daughter etc. He brought me everything to my bed, even shaved my legs, so I’d feel more normal and never called it a favor. The first weeks after my c section he maintained that schedule, because he was home . He is now back in the office but still does so much on the weekends. I stay home and I work from home in my art studio but barely take commissions right now, that our baby is so young. So I clean as good as time permits me to and always have dinner ready for my husband. He is gone for 10 hours and we live rural too, so he depends on me, if he wants a warm meal. A relationship is teamwork. And if he is staying home all day, it is not asking for a favor, that some meal is ready for you.

  31. I’m so happy you have your sweet little baby after your difficult first two pregnancies :( sounds like you have a real, stand up husband!!

  32. Yeah that's a hard no from me. We are all adults. No one should be responsible for meals for another adult unless you have both explicitly agreed to that. I would be pissed as hell if my husband walked into the house during my maternity leave expecting a warm meal to be ready and waiting for him.

  33. I agree with the others here stressing the need for communication, but also get the sense of resentment from you since you know what you’re capable of exceeds that of your husband. I get it, sometimes you just want your spouse to “get on your level,” but unfortunately that’s just not reality. I just wanted to say I understand that frustration, you are so good at anticipating others needs but no one anticipates yours!

  34. I see others have suggested it but a weekly meal plan helps loads. If he can cook then plan it with him and if he can’t plan things that don’t take too much prep when you get home. I also recommend having some easy things in for the nights you just want something quick. We are both at work and I still do all the cooking when I get in but it is easier knowing what I’m going to be preparing and we waste far less food.

  35. My partner and I shop for groceries usually around the weekend, and then decide on what a few of our meals that week will be, and who will 'quarterback' each one, aka take the lead. The other thing we decided a long time ago is that if it's your night to cook and you're not up to it, you're responsible for either communicating (in advance before everyone is hungry) that you need help, or ordering the takeout instead :)

  36. I am the odd one out — SAH or full-time caregivers can curse me, but I think it reasonable for someone looking after 2 kids all day to plan a basic dinner for the family, which include the working wife/mother. Doesn’t have to be gourmet, and even as you said, some days are rough and it may be just remembering to share the left-overs & not eat them all. But leaving the spouse who worked outside the home no options but to cook and shovel in her food during bath time routine, seems a bit thoughtless to me. I would not do that to my spouse and my spouse does not do that to me.

  37. I would have been pissed, too. Why does a man need to be told that he should cook dinner for his wife when he’s been home all day? Stay-at-home-moms cook all the time while taking care of Littles. Society endlessly makes excuses for men when it comes to them not taking care of their partner…

  38. This. I'm in mat leave and try to do most of the cooking. Some days are too crazy with the littles running around so i text my spouse to either figure out supper (take out) or pick up XYZ from the grocery store. I would never leave him without something to eat when coming in late. We are a team. He would (should) do the same for me. I would bring it up.

  39. No. I’m sorry but no I don’t agree with the majority of what people are saying to you. I do agree yes communication is the preferred way but a little thinking on your behalf is not too difficult.

  40. I’m glad my thoughts aren’t totally coming out of left field!! I think if I do ask then I’m asking for too many favours so I try not to ask.

  41. Hi there mama I see you and hear you. I am the bread winner and my husband is a stay at home parent. I live in a rural area myself and the habit I have formed to avoid this situation is I call when I am heading out to ask if I need to pick up anything on the way home. We all have hectic days and every role is important and valued as it what keeps the household in working order. I also do not enjoy fighting so tend to really spend time disecting things. Take note if they didn't sleep well or if they were up and down with the kids that night. Notice when the last time they had anytime to themselves. Remember who each other truly is and sometimes sass comes out or you don't feel like you were thought of. It could be the cause of something else and talking about your stressor together is a good thing but it's not a contest of whose role is harder they are both hard and are both required. Date night will be a nice break for both of you. Remember who you both are and who you fell in live with and get to know this new version of each other as the parent hat really takes over more than I think any of us truly expected.

  42. You know what fuck the haters because he SHOULD be making you dinner! it's not the same if a man comes home and expects that because he's not breast feeding he didn't just grow a baby for 9 months and give birth and survive the fourth trimester and go back to work. Isn't attached at the hip!! Mothers have an incredibly unique experience.

  43. I would be upset too. I work part time and most days LO and I eat or start eating dinner before my husband gets home. But I always make sure there’s enough food for my husband! It’s not necessarily going to be warm anymore, but that’s what microwaves are for.

  44. I would have happily had microwaved crusty peanut noodles that there were plenty of in the morning!

  45. Since your husband is not currently in paid employment, he can take over the mental load of ordering groceries and meal planning.

  46. I think you can introduce it slowly by first praising him that his taking care of kids is a full-time job and how well he is doing it. And then you could say that you need to work out a meal schedule which works for the family. For eg maybe he could just chop the veggies or do some basic noodles and then you could just put it all together when you get home for dinner

  47. I think you should have a quick snack to tide you over, then spend time with kids while husband makes you dinner. If roles were reversed, he would be expecting you to have dinner ready for him, so imo its a reasonable expectation from you. Maybe talk to him about who does what when. And get easy/frozen food you can put in the oven/air frier or pre packaged salads you can assemble with some cannd tuna, etc. Also meal prep just for yourself on weekends would help.

  48. I think the problem is the expectation. He may react poorly if you’re asking him to make you a dinner before you get home, so try bringing it to him as communicating with you. Tell him you understand how hard being with the kids all day is and he works hard. It would have been nice for him to tell you they finished all the leftovers so you could have grabbed food on your way home. The communication is the issue between you, so keep the problem solving to that. It’s easy to get defensive when you think someone is expecting more from you when you feel like you’ve already poured out all you have

  49. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and some of your comments are concerning (hell give the silent treatment, you don’t feel like you can talk about it without him getting angry). Yes, he is definitely working staying home with the kids. My husband and I trade off working and having the kids (I do 3 12 hour days and he does 4 8 hour days). Whoever is home that day has the responsibility for dinner for everyone. Like everyone said, have a talk about division of labor. My husband finds it hard to cook with our son, so I’ll prep double of whatever I’m cooking (chop twice the garlic, onion, etc) to make it easier for him to cook the next day. Sometimes I’ll even make little kits for him so he just has to throw things in a pot in the right order. He hates laundry less than me, so he’ll put away more laundry in return.

  50. I definitely do get concerned about how he responds to me. It’s like any little thing I do or say can make him so incredibly angry at me, out of proportion or over exaggerated. It’s definitely taking a toll on how I feel about him overall and I often tell myself he doesn’t care for me or my emotions (which he often proves to me) so it’s hard to think of him as my best friend when I can’t even open up to him about things that make me upset (or conversely, make me happy or proud)

  51. Enjoy your date then try to start the conversation in a way that shows your open minded and looking to talk about it not fight. But it needs to be talked about or you stay mad and he doesn’t know how to help you. If it really is so bad to the point he just shuts down or gets angry regardless then he should get some therapy because you should at least be able to talk about him making dinner vs cleaning.

  52. I now have two small whiteboards on our fridge - one for grocery lists and the other for our weekly meal plan. Even if we don't stick to it completely, it's easy for me or my husband to see what is planned, including days I won't be home to cook and we need to order out or eat leftovers. Once a week I make the meal plan and grocery shop. It's helped a lot.

  53. I had this go on, but it was with my sister. Do like, we sat down in a Sunday and pulled up good ole Pinterest for slow cooker ideas and assigned who was responsible for dinner what night. With schedule changes, that can be difficult so communication is key and back up frozen meals that can just be tossed in the oven as an “oh crap I’m working late and it’s my night to make food” option.

  54. I am now a single parent, I have flexible hours at my job. Also In school. I use apps to order groceries for curbside pick up. Helps me plan and see what I need, what I have and what I can make. It saves me money too. I do have a pretty good understanding with my co workers that if I need to work late, I need to know in advance if possible so I can throw things in a crockpot or whatnot. I’m lucky that they’re sensitive to my single mom struggles sometimes.

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